***NEWLY EXPANDED, TO BE RELEASED ON AMAZON IN APRIL IN "SANT MAT THROUGH THE HEART'S GAZE"!!***


   From the introduction

   “Once a man registers his name in the hospital, he cannot run away. The doctor will not let him go away unless his illness is completely cured.” - St. John of the Cross

   “I swear that ever since the first day You brought me back to life, the day You became my Friend, I have not slept, and even if you drive me from your door, I swear again that we will never be separated, because you are also in my heart.” - Rabia Basri

   "A man's whole destiny may hang upon one event, one decision, one circumstance. That single cause may be significant for all the years to follow." - Paul Brunton (PB) (1)

   "Are you fleeing from Love because of a single humiliation? What do you know of Love except the name?…Beware! Don’t despair if the Beloved turns you down. If He sends you away today, might He not call you to Himself tomorrow? If He shuts the door on you, wait there and don’t go away. After testing your patience, He will give you the seat of honor...He alone has the right to break, for He alone has the power to mend. He that knows how to sew together, knows how to tear apart; whatever He sells, He buys something better in exchange. He lays the house in ruins; then in a moment He makes it more livable than before." - Rumi

   “How can we refuse to bestow all our love upon God, who first loved us with the tender love of a Father, pitying our frailty, and well knowing the mire from which we have been dragged?” - Fenelon

   “God teaches not with ideas, but by pains and contradictions.” - deCaussade

   "We are people of little faith and fail to recognize and appreciate the hand which guides and which sustains. Hazur (Baba Sawan Singh Ji) used to say that once a saint has taken a soul under his wing, he is keen to compress the progress of twenty births into a single one. And if we desire to pack the accomplishments of twenty lives into a single one, we must pay for it." - Sant Darshan Singh

   “You begin to love your Guru only when that which was given by the Guru is accepted wholly by you.” - Shri Atmananda


   The following is highly personal and unique. That is to say, it is my experience and need not be yours. It was written over the course of several decades, and represents the unfinished story of a soul, and thus is both a confession and prayer in written form. Being written over a long period of time, however, it also reflects points of view not necessarily held today, but are in some instances left in their present form to maintain the accuracy of the story. A key part of the character portrayed here has died, while in other areas there remains a work in progress. Some of this tale may surprise, frighten, or confuse an initiate on the path of Surat Shabd Yoga, the yoga of the 'Celestial Sound Current' (for whom this story may be of particular interest), or alternately arouse pity for my own situation and dilemma. Such in fact has already been the case, but none of these results are intended! For others, satiated by their experience, weary of struggle or burdened with doubt, there may be a gleam of recognition and perhaps the answering of a question or two. Parts of this story may be frightening for some. Essentially, however, whatever one's path, one can take this account as an example of the skillful means of a true Master in the early 1970's adapting his teaching and teaching methods to those who came to Him, and also of how things may work out differently than one expects, and what the meaning of that may be, in the mysterious play of God. In the end it is but one story, written with that of many in mind. It runs fairly long, but hopefully the reader will find it of value. Points of my story are frequently embellished with quotations from many spiritual masters, teachers, and guides, in order to flesh out my own experiences and their meaning and more universal implications as I see them, and in the process making it more useful and instructive for others.

   In this I hope in some small way to tell my tale in the manner of Sufi master Irena Tweedie, who wrote in the introduction to her book, The Chasm of Fire:

   "Keep a diary," said my teacher. "One day it will become a book. But you must write in such a way that it should help others. People say, 'Such-and-such things did happen thousands of years ago because we read in books about them.' This book will be a proof that such things as are related do happen today, as they happened yesterday and will happen tomorrow - to the right people, in the right time and the right place." (2)