by Peter Holleran





   TABLE OF CONTENTS

   Part Three - Self-Knowledge, Progress, and the Ordeal of Purification

       A Fresh Look at Self-Introspection
       When It May Not Look Like Progress But It Is;
         Paradoxical and Unrecognized Progress;
         Different Forms and Stages of Progress
       A Note on "Perfect Masters" and "Perfecting" Oneself
       The Self You Didn’t Want to Realize
       An Astrological Model of Transformation
       The Promised Land and the Desert to be Crossed on the way to It
         are both Within Us
       Non-Dual Awakening does not bypass purification but makes it possible
       ”SCRUBBING” - a Deeper Walk With the Lord
       “Zen Illness”
       The Nuts and Bolts of the Non-Dual View From The Heart's Gaze
       On ‘Stories’ and Suffering
       The “Besetting Sin” or “Chief Feature” - a potential roadblock to
         successful Self-Inquiry and a key finding in self-introspection
       Some related considerations about the ‘I’-thought, the ego, advaita
         and the Soul
       Self-Introspection 2.0
       The Value of Contemplation and Study as a Complement to Meditation
       Journalling and Self-Introspection: Cultivating Two Sides of Our Nature
       On the Subject of Judgementalness
       A Comparative Look at Judgement and the Body in Different Paths
       “TWO SPRITES - HURRY AND WORRY”
       Cultic Speech, Behavior, and Mind-Set: An Essential Consideration
       A Few Juicy Stories and Comments on the Nature of Visions
       Things of True Importance from Ryokan the Great Fool
         and Father Maximos
       Moving Towards An Emergent Global Spirituality
       Optional Considerations Regarding Diet and Ethics


   “Satguru is ever-present, never think He is far away." - Sikh hymn

   “How do you know that you have realized unless you watch your thoughts and feelings, words and actions and wonder at the changes occurring in you without your knowing why and how?” - Sri Nisargadatta

   “And easily recognizing the imperfection that presents itself, they grow conscious of the spiritual light they possess…” - St. John of the Cross

   “Someone ought to do it, so why should I? Someone ought to do it, so why not I?
   Between these two sentences lie whole centuries of moral evolution.” - Annie Besant

   "See all men and women according to the Holy Ghost that is within them; always remember that the outer picture is still being worked on." - Paul Brunton (Notebooks, Vol. 12, Part 2, 3.60)


   Note: As spiritual growth is not an assembly-line or cookie-cutter process, any references to practices and exercises here and elsewhere in this book are only suggestive and need to be considered in the context of ones innate disposition, basic nature, psychological type, developmental background, years spent on inner work and spiritual pursuits, as well as physical age in years. If one is 80 or more years old, for instance, the emphasis will not be on diverse and complex personal disciplines! Rather, the time, now fleeting, has arrived to come home and for a simple surrender Into the heart of the Mystery. For those young in years and just starting out, other considerations, disciplines and such have proven useful and appropriate. This might seem only obvious, but amazingly it is not always so when forms of spiritual cultism creep in! Therefore, let not your heart be troubled, but read on with discrimination and curiosity.


   Talking Turkey: A Fresh Look at Self-Introspection

   This is an area that needs some wisdom. It was written based on the evolving needs and experiences of the writer, as well as concerns and questions from many others over the course of the last forty years or so. If one is satisfied with the way things are and find it working for him or her, well and wonderful. Otherwise, it is hoped that something of benefit to consider may be found herein. No disrespect is meant to anyone, nor is there any intent to sow seeds of confusion. The section on the keeping of a diary pertains mostly to those following the Kirpal-Darshan-Rajinder lineage, as so far as I am aware this requirement is not found on other Sant Mat lineages, such as Charan-Gurinder, or Faqir Chand. Much of the discussion, however, remains pertinent to the important topic of self-introspection.

   As in most traditional paths in their beginning stages, a basic set of rules is in place for general guidance, in the best interests of the disciple. Rules and regulations are foundational in all paths and meant to initially lead one away one's personal will and inclinations towards basic righteous living. Beginners usually want these structures, although some do not. They are not ends in themselves, but guidelines which if followed will eventually lead to an influx of grace, due to a gradual change of heart in the disciple - a metanoia - followed by the gifts of the spirit, such as forbearance, gentleness, faithfulness, goodness, kindness, patience, peace, joy, and love. These follow from obedience to a will greater than oneself. Even blind obedience will eventually bring in grace that will lead one to a higher understanding. The danger of simply relying on rules and regulations forever is that one may not come to rely on himself. And the danger of not relying on rules and regulations is that one will only be relying on himself! There is a fine line between the development of intelligence and self-surrender. As the Dalai Lama once said, "first we learn the rules so we know how to break them wisely."

   Or, as Sri Nisargadatta once said about desire [which historically, on both eastern and western paths, has been something to be simply stamped out or avoided. Done to the extreme, however, or prematurely before a certain amount of life experience has been gained, this may actually damage a person’s development towards self-knowledge]:

   “Increase and widen your desires till nothing but reality can fulfill them. It is not desire that is wrong, but its narrowness and smallness. Desire is devotion. By all means be devoted to the real, the infinite, the eternal heart of being. Transform desire into love. All you want is to be happy. All your desires, whatever they are, are expressions of your longing for happiness. Basically, you wish yourself well. Desire by itself is not wrong. It is life itself, the urge to grow in knowledge and experience.”

   And:

   “Weak desires can be removed by introspection and meditation, but strong desires, deeply-rooted one’s must be fulfilled and their fruits, sweet or bitter, tasted.” (I AM THAT)

   This form of understanding underlies much of the discussion that follows: how to (1) fulfill obedience to the teacher and his wisdom-teaching, (2) lead a righteous life, (3) respect oneself, and (4) avoid a cultic response which has limited value and also turns people away from the path. As always, all opinions are those of the author. Take what is useful for you and leave the rest. It is sincerely hoped that some of this proves useful. The main purpose in this entire series is to offer perspective and save people precious time in coming to a workable understanding of the subjects discussed, instead of meandering in vague doubts and confusion over unanswered questions.

   In the path of Sant Mat, vegetarianism is advocated to reduce karmic accrual from the killing of higher forms of life. Restraint of sex impulses conserves the subtle power of ojas, as well as the spirit current and attention for higher pursuits for both male and female. In addition, a diary form was initiated by Sant Kirpal Singh - after studying the lives of over three hundred saints and great men and finding that invariably they all kept a diary or journal - with columns for daily failures in thought, word, and deed, in the categories of truthfulness, non-violence, selfless service, love for all, and chastity, as well as amount of time put in for meditation. The purpose of the diary was for self-introspection, and, without bewailing oneself as a sinner, recognizing ones faults and 'weeding them out.' Many these days will find this a double-bind to an extent, arguing that there is no 'separate self' to do anything, wherefore the diary will only reinforce that separate self. From one perspective - a relatively advanced one - this is very true, while in a more practical one, it is an invitation for a rude awakening. The problem is that someone may have had a glimpse of no separate self and then imagine he is active at that level. If one is not really there, he must respect the laws of cause and effect. This in fact is necessary for quite some time on the path. For the Tibetans, respect for the 'two laws' - absolute and relative - is essentially just about as long as there is breath.

   While at Sawan Ashram years ago, however, one advanced initiate (who acknowledged in my presence and that of others, at the Master's explicit request, to have been to Sach Khand), told me that the diary form was the first thing she tossed into the garbage can. Another initiate later told me that he was advised by Darshan Singh to forget about the diary. These instances might make one take notice. Bear in mind, that this is not general advice for anybody, just some observation. Obedience to one's Master, once one has staunch faith and trust, has long been a first rule of sadhana. Some have come to feel, however, often over many years, and this is only an opinion, that for them a different approach, perhaps a vipassana style, might be more fruitful and "conscious" than, as one western initiate put it, the "Simran / diary approach":

   "What I like and find myself interested in is the paying attention to one's own responses within to any given situation. For example if I feel myself beginning to get irritated or angry with somebody. I like the idea and hope to employ this method to learn to recognize this arising as it is arising within me. Rather than adopting the simran model of suppressing the anger, of shoving it down or afterwards marking off on a diary that I got angry today...I'd much prefer to just develop that ability to pay greater attention and then find healthier ways by which to defuse any anger...to learn from it and then let it go."

   Again, this is not an attempt to offer my experience or that of others as examples of what any particular person should do, only to point out how some have looked at the matter. My strong sense is that at some point one is supposed to move beyond the state of a beginner and to exercise his native intelligence. As in, "learn the rules so you will know how to break them," said the Dalai Lama. This is also essentially the Dzogchen understanding, which recognizes several natural levels. For instance, Namkhai Norbu writes:

   "In Dzogchen, the way of behaving is the key to the practice, not because there are fixed rules as to what one should and should not do, but because the principle is that one must learn to become responsible for oneself, working with one's own awareness. It is important, in Dzogchen, to know exactly where one is aiming to arrive, but at the same time one must not ignore one's own capacity. If one discovers that one's own capacity is not sufficient to enable one to live with awareness, then it would be better to follow some rules until one's awareness is more developed. If, for example, I like to drink but I know that alcohol is bad for me, then I can simply try to stop drinking. But if, as soon as I see a bottle of alcohol, I experienced such a strong desire to drink that I can't control myself, this means that I need to a precise rule to follow to govern that situation. To recognize this is also part of our awareness. Dzogchen is said to be a teaching for those with a higher level of capacity. This higher capacity means that one has those qualities that are necessary to enable one to understand and apply the teaching." (1)

   He is suggesting then that there are three basic levels of both 'presence' and practice. At first one may need formulaic restrictions to avoid negative karmas or create positive karmas, but the next stage is to allow the cultivation of intuitive wisdom/discrimination, and for that some freedom is required. One may make some mistakes but it is all part of finding oneself and learning how to use ones energy wisely and creatively. The third, most advanced stage is non-dual awareness or rigpa, where intuitive wisdom/discrimination continues to arise but one is no longer identified with it, nor does one perceive it as arising as an expression of our need to improve, fix, or change anything. Yet it still arises. So outwardly we might continue to be perceived by others as engaging in discriminating awareness and choice, and in a certain sense this is true, but to our inner state of realization we no longer perceive it that way. Naturally, this is a very high and difficult stage to integrate.

   Just prior to this level, or while this level of non-judgmental awareness is stabilizing, one exercises what might be termed a 'sattvic' level of judging, in which notions of right and wrong are chiefly supplanted by the consideration of what serves one's practice of transcending binding dualism, i.e., samsara, and/or what serves the greater whole. This is a form of judging, but of the higher type. Most of the time, however, one practices remaining in a state of non-judgmental awareness of all that arises. And if one stops having judgements and opinions of the feelings, images, and thoughts that arise within consciousness, then how also can one keep score of his failures? One remembers Seng T'san's famous poem, "the Perfect way is clear; do not seek after truth, only cease having views." At this stage one realizes that he really is not responsible for every thought that passes through his mind, and he merely witnesses them. This can be a form of meditation (vipassanna), but we are not talking hereabout meditation, rather a disposition in everyday life.

   But there is a stage of practice where noting faults and striving to correct them has its place. In the beginning stages we need to practice becoming more aware of the thoughts and feelings that pass through our consciousness, in order to develop the presence of mind to either ignore or transform the negative, often reactive impulses coming unsought from our own subconscious, and the collective mind around us, and instead learn to emphasize the positive thoughts and feelings of the ideal we are striving for. We must take note of and responsibility for our faults, while also striving towards an ideal. In this way the very 'molecular' structure of our subtle bodies gets changed, with the denser molecules gradually getting filtered out through lack of reinforcement, and supplanted by a higher vibratory type. In this way we grow in consciousness. So self-introspection and self-awareness are very important. It is not that specific forms of practice are wrong, only that they are not supposed to last forever in their initial form, and a time will naturally come when other approaches become necessary. There is also the question of whether the specific diary form is of real use in supporting this essentially moment to moment discipline.

   One thing that is not always kept in mind when filling out this particular diary form is that it is meant to be done without feeling negative or depressed about what is revealed! To a certain degree, and at certain times, this may be nearly impossible, and 'compunction' and a feeling of abjection as it arises is surely an expected part of many spiritual paths. But the negative reactions to it are to be surrendered in the process; that is part of our devotion. Here is what deCaussade wrote about this to one of the nuns under his guidance:

   "When the reproaches of your conscience, however well merited they may be, throw you into a state of trouble and depression; when they discourage and upset you, it is certain that they come from the devil who only fishes in troubled waters, says St. Francis of Sales."

   Madame Guyon similarly wrote

   “But one thing you must be very careful about: Always guard yourself from being anxious because of your faults...Your distress really springs from a secret root of pride. What you are experiencing is, in fact, a love of your own worth. To put it in other words, you are simply hurt and upset at seeing what you really are. If the Lord should be so merciful as to give you a true spirit of His humility, you will not be surprised at your faults, your failures, or even your own basic nature. The more clearly you see your true self, the clearer you also see how miserable your self-nature really is; and the more you will abandon your whole being to God.”

   It must also be considered a really important indicator of 'progress,' in the beginning at least, when we notice our faults more and more acutely. And even greater progress when we are no longer surprised or distressed about it. Sant Kirpal often used to say how the number of faults will appear to be increasing over time; it is very important to note that this does not mean we are getting worse! On the contrary, the light of God is penetrating deeper into our subconscious. It will be uncomfortable for a while - in some cases, for a long while - but eventually it will burn brighter and brighter and more purely. Paradoxically at a later stage of the path one will pay less and less attention to ones thoughts and failings.

   "As you go into it, you will find a greater number of shortcomings, and further, the angle of vision is changed. This causes the shortcomings to become still more numerous. If they grow in number, it means you are progressing." - Kirpal Singh

   St. John of the Cross states this another way, from the point of view of the active purifying Master Power itself:

   “In this same way we have to philosophize with respect to this Divine fire of contemplative love, which, before it unites and transforms the soul in itself, first purges it of all its contrary accidents. It drives out its unsightliness, and makes it black and dark, so that it seems worse than before and more unsightly and abominable than it was wont to be. For this Divine purgation is removing all the evil and vicious humours which the soul has never perceived because they have been so deeply rooted and grounded in it; it has never realized, in fact, that it had so much evil within itself. But now that they are to be driven forth and annihilated, these humours reveal themselves, and become visible to the soul because it is so brightly illumined by this dark light of Divine contemplation (although it is no worse than before, either in itself or in relation to God). (Dark Night of the Soul, Bk II, Chapter X, 2)

   An analogy is sometimes given of the spiritual process, by Sr. John and others, being like the action of fire on a pile of wet wood. At first the fire is used in drying out the wood, which makes a dark, steamy mess, crackling and hissing, giving off smoke, then blackening it, before it penetrates deep enough to cause the wood to burn clean and pure and giving off bright light. deCaussade writes:

   "You seem to me to become ever more deeply convinced of your miseries and imperfections. Now that happens only in proportion to our nearness to God, and to the light in which we live and walk, without any consideration of our own. This divine light as it shines more brightly makes us see better and feel more keenly the abyss of misery and corruption within us, and this knowledge is one of the surest signs of progress in the ways of God and the spiritual life. You ought to think rather more of this, not to pride yourself on it, but to be grateful for it."

   And further, as the general process of self-inspection progresses, he begins to see his entire life in another light:

   “You attribute to your wickedness the recollections of the past which fill you with horror of yourself; but it is as clear as day that this is one if the most salutary impressions that grace can produce in you; there is, in fact, nothing better calculated to sanctify you than this holy hatred of yourself occasioned by these recollections, and the deep humiliation in which they keep you before God. These feelings are given you suddenly when you least expect them or are thinking of them, to make you understand that they are an effect of grace. “But why used you formerly to experience exactly contrary feelings when recalling the past?” It is because formerly you would not have been able to endure the sight of your imperfections without great despondency. It was necessary then that hope should predominate in you, but now you require a holy horror of yourself which is a true change of heart. When God gives you these feelings, receive them quietly and with gratitude and thanksgiving, and allow them to pass away when God pleases, abandoning yourself entirely to all He wishes to effect in you, and do not attach yourself to any of the interior conditions in which He places you, not regret any of which He deprived you.”

   No doubt, it is a real challenge to be able to do this without falling into a pit of despond. Nevertheless, it begins and assists a process of self-purification only the Master can complete. And where is it leading? This is one aspect of this path that, in my humble opinion, gets short shrift in the published and public teachings. Kirpal also said, "the subconscious reservoir of the mind must be entirely drained out before it can be filled with love of the Lord/Master." Do many of us have any real idea what that means and entails? We look for a painless scorching of our binding vasanas through a super-conscious dip in the pool of Manasarovar on the third inner plane, not a difficult sacred ordeal of the heart here in this world. Don't we? Whether that is possible or not, I do not know. But one more quote, from Jean-Pierre deCaussade, to put this in perspective:

   "The extent to which the soul is purified in its most secret recesses, is the measure of its union with the God of all holiness."

   Nothing more - and nothing less. "It is easy to become God, but difficult to become a man," said Kirpal Singh. For the former, "a few minutes of the Master's grace, and then?" may be all that his required; for the latter God knows what one may have to endure.

   And to me, this may be one of the reasons the Sants have generally told their disciples not to reveal their inner experiences to others. For one, they are individual to us and meaningful chiefly to us; and second, someone with a high experience may not be as far along on the path as someone with none at all! This may surprise many initiates but has been recorded many times in the annals of mystical history. Enough said.

   To modify the recommendations of a master, then, is a matter, certainly in the beginning, between the student and his master. Later, if not sooner, it could be said to become more a matter of ones own wisdom and understanding.

   There is one thing else to mention. When there is one to one contact, very often the instruction given a disciple of student will vary. Irena Tweedie writes:

   “No two Shisyas [disciples] are treated alike, human beings are unique, and the Guru, if he is a Sat Guru and knows his job, will treat them according to their possibilities, their character, and past conditioning. The teaching is given according to the time, the place, and the state of evolution of the Shisya...For the Roads to God are as many as human beings, as many as the breathes of the children of men, says a Sufi poet.” (Daugher of Fire, p. 141)

   In the beginning the instruction may be the same, but as one develops it is more and more likely for it to be modified to suit the needs of the student.

   It might also be mentioned that the use of the diary on this branch of Sant Mat is sometimes - but not always - explained today in somewhat softer and psychologically less repressive terms than in previous years, and as something the initiate is supposed to approach intelligently and not to 'beat himself up with'. However, the form is the same as it has been for forty years now, and its very nature with check marks and columns for every flaw of human character almost guarantees that this will happen. Which may still be a learning experience. But for many of us in the West, who have been beating ourselves up so much for so long, and trying so hard to be 'good enough' or 'perfect', exercising extreme willfulness to 'transcend our humanness', the relaxation of such an egoic struggle may be long overdue - and actually an option offered by the masters, if only one would believe or allow it. However, for some, depending on their place on the learning curve, a long battle with the ego may not at the outset be an entirely inappropriate expectation. Although, better than ignoring, feeling guilty over, or struggling against, any failings of character, is to be attentively aware of one's tendencies, which will give strength to act or react differently over time. As for myself, I have a naturally introspective mind, and my 'failings' and thought patterns were always on my mind, so recalling every so-called lacuna at night was more unproductive than not, but I had to learn this the hard way. Others without such introspection, it may be argued, may have to start somewhere, and such a method has some value. For certain, one must start with a commitment to spiritual values, and a rigorous self-examination. Sant Kirpal used to say, again and again, "don't spare yourself", and he is joined by many traditional teachers, including Elder Paissos from Mount Athos:

   "The leader moved in another spiritual world. He judged his own deeds differently than he judged those of others. For everyone else, he would always find extenuating circumstances, but when it came to himself he was quite strict. "It's evidence that a person's spiritual life is genuine, if he's very strict with himself and very lenient with other people...When the saints said they were sinners, they meant it. Their spiritual eyes had turned into microscopes, and they saw even their tiniest errors as great ones." (1a)

   Paul Brunton (PB) spoke more psychologically of the need to be wary of the wiles of the ego as a foundation discipline for the path:

   "He must thrust aside the unsatisfactory common habits - often unconscious but sometimes willful ones - of overlooking mistakes, exaggerating difficulties, evading problems, excusing selfishnesses, explaining away failures, rationalizing evil conduct by shifting responsibility for his own shortcomings through blaming other people." (1b)

   This means confusing Norbu's above-mentioned stage three with stage one, i.e., rationalizing a pseudo-advaita or pseudo-Dzogchen viewpoint such as "there is nothing to do and no one to do it", before such practice and direct contemplation of consciousness is really true of you.

   The reason is that chronic and long-ingrained habits of thought, feeling, and action are largely what constitutes, or are part and parcel of the very identity of, the false self or 'I'. Therefore they must really be seen and undone; simply trying to get at the root through some form of inquiry will often fail because the energy needed for inquiry will be sapped by one's faults.

   Non-reaction, non-dramatization, positive substitution, and self-introspection regarding such complexes and tendencies is generally acknowledged as a major life sadhana that compliments meditative practices. To ignore them solely in favor of meditation leaves the lower nature untransformed when one is out of meditation, not inquiring "who am I?", or whatever, and is a major impediment to real and lasting growth.

   "These thoughts [as well as feelings, actions, and reactions] have become by constant repetition, long-standing and deep-rooted. That is to say, they have become inherent tendencies and governing complexes of the man's character. He himself seldom realizes how much and how often he is at their mercy." (1c)

   So such a practice, at least in the early stages, is inevitable and usually cannot be avoided. The liability with being strict with oneself as an unbending approach, however, can be the activation of the super-ego function, or simply, reinforcement of the ego, however subtle, that can itself be soul-crushing, 'self'-reinforcing, and counter-productive at a certain stage, the timing which of course varies from individual to individual. To some extent humanity is collectively getting more aware and sophisticated psychologically and may find such a methodology problematic. Now, some will not without some justification think that to say "lighten up a bit" is dangerous advice, while others - perhaps those who have struggled with themselves for years - may naturally welcome it as a counter-balance. It does, of course, assume a basic moral sense and discrimination is in place. This cannot be over-emphasized.

   So the attitude of 'don't spare yourself', and an appreciative 'horror at one's sins', comes inevitably, perhaps, at some stage. It is not that one assumes this attitude, but rather that grace may force it upon one, sooner or later when one is able to tolerate it! Fenelon writes:

   "Your attribute to your wickedness the recollections of the past which fill you with horror of yourself, but it is as clear as day that this is one of the most salutary impressions that grace can produce in you. There is, in fact, nothing better calculated to sanctify you than this holy hatred of yourself occasioned by these recollections, and the deep humiliation in which they keep you before God. These feelings are given you suddenly when you least expect them or are thinking of them, to make you understand that they are an effect of grace. "But why used you formerly to experience exactly contrary feelings when recalling the past?" It is because formerly you would not have been able to endure the sight of your imperfections without great despondency. It was necessary then that hope should predominate in you, but now you require a holy horror of yourself which is a true change of heart when God gives you these feelings; receive them quietly and with gratitude and thanksgiving."

   Likewise Brunton writes:

   "The man who has the courage to be his own bitterest critic, who has the balance to do so without falling into paralyzing depression as a result, who uses his self-analysis so constructively that every shortcoming is the object of constant remedial attention -he is the man who is preparing a way for the advent of Grace."


   One can see there is a kind of dance here: for some characters, depending on their background, upbringing and/or adaptation, and particular stage of practise, it may be of more immediate importance to be gentle with themselves than to aggressively 'not spare themselves.' And for most of us, a mixture of the two may at times apply.

   And there is also this to consider, from deCaussade:

  : “Interior reproach about the slightest faults are an evident sign of the especial care taken by the Holy Spirit for your advancement. With certain souls He allows nothing to escape notice, and about them He has a most fastidious jealousy; and it is a sure truth that souls which are the objects of this jealousy, cannot, without infidelity, allow themselves to do what other persons can do without imperfection. The fastidiousness and jealousy of divine love are more or less great according to the degree of its predilection. Consider if you have any occasion to pity yourself about the merciful rigor it uses towards you.”

   A basic awareness of chronic thought patterns is important, but, on the other hand, we do have Sri Ramakrishna once remarking that "it has been said that in the Kali Yuga mental sin is no sin." His words at the time, it is suggested, were directed to young men full of hormones, in the attempt to ease their conscience about the automatic thoughts arising in their minds, somewhat akin to Christ's words about "having lust in one's heart the same as committing fornication itself," and that instead of guilt they should just repeat the name of the Lord and things would eventually even out. Ramana Maharshi expressed a similar attitude when he once said (to someone in particular), "it is better to do it than to always be thinking about it." However, to complete the picture it must be said that they more often expressed quite the opposite, warning about the danger of 'adding fuel to a fire'! Some these days will feel that either of these reflects an antiquated life-negative attitude; this is, of course, an arguable point.

   Kirpal had made the diary form one of negative marking of faults in thought, word, and deed. Obviously, deed is the most important of the three, and one over which we have the most control. For some, it appears, the category of thought can become an excessive worry. We often berate ourselves too much.

   But, the direct feedback mechanism of this particular form of diary and the teacher, moreover, no longer exists for new initiates. Kirpal used to read them every three months, even more frequently in the beginning of his mission, and write back personalized recommendations to each disciple:

   "You should always come to the Master for guidance. Don't look to others. People used to bring their difficulties to me. Now they ask this person and that person. The person who asks another loses and the one who comes between loses. No one should come between you and the Master...You are not saints yet. You are all sick. So you should not seek the help of the other patients. Come to me if you have any life or death problems, or any spiritual difficulty. Are you afraid to come?" (The Ocean of Divine Grace, p. 315-316)

   Due to the hundreds of thousands of initiates today, for better or for worse, this level of intimacy and feedback is no longer possible. So one is more or less forced to become intelligent. In that respect, 'bad' is not always 'bad', and 'good' is not always 'good'. Without our imperfections there would be no chance at perfection. Without darkness, would we ever know light? Ramakrishna, for instance, used to say to his close disciples that if he were to remove their lust "they would find life insipid", and likewise Paramhansa Yogananda said that one "would feel like he was losing his best friend." So real transmutation or transformation of passions is what is desired (no pun intended), and what Nature in fact is now demanding. It is all essentially a matter of growing and learning and evolution out of dualistic suffering. It is true when it has been said that a sign of a wise man is he who can learn from the mistakes of other's, but it does not always work that way. There is a limit on how smart we can become without actually getting in the fray and trying things for ourself. One way of putting this is the following: Socrates is famous for saying, "the unexamined life is not worth living." Yet it can also truly be said that "the unlived life is not worth examining." One can certainly for a time achieve a degree of sublimation through forms of spiritual practice, but that is not the same as real transformation. This doesn't mean to imply blind, or not so blind, indulgence, but rather that 'the inner must become as the outer', or else, outside of contemplation and its support, we are left with nothing but a mass of confusion and craziness. The 'old man' is still there. Put another way, there is an uninspected notion, commonly taught to beginners on this path - and not without a traditional stage-specific logic and justification - that one should and can abandon one's faults (i.e., lust, greed, anger, etc.) by, and only by virtue of, attaching to the inner bliss, a process which appears to work as long as the contact is maintained. But when it fades, which inevitably happens, the untransformed lower nature left behind in an isolated quest for purity begs for attention, often with a vengeance. And then there is a process of fire, or tapas. All may not be called to such a complete transformation in this lifetime, to be so 'doubly purified' - of both worldly and spiritual consolation - some may be content and entirely within their own inherent perfection to remain simple mystics, if that is the divine will for this life. But if one is so called by his own inner need, understand what is occuring. Read Evelyn Underhill's classic work, Mysticism, and "The Deeper Meanings of the Dark Night of the Soul" (The book, or at http://www.mountainrunnerdoc.citymaker.com/page/page/1523597.htm). These will give a broad-based traditional perspective on the oscillations of consciousness clarifying itself. As a fellow seeker once said to me regarding one's approach to discipline and practice, "some people need to get a lot better, and some need to get a lot worse." That is, in essence, some try too hard, use too much self-effort, and do not give the Lord a chance to do some of the difficult work of revealing and healing hidden wounds and deficiencies. Thoreau succinctly said that, 'it was not so much his business to seek the Spirit, but Spirit's business to seek him.' Sri Ramakrishna emphatically stated:

   "He who has faith has everything, and he who lacks faith lacks everything. It is faith in the name of the Lord that works wonders; faith is life and doubt is death...Have faith. Depend on God. Then you will not have to do anything for yourself...God Himself will think about your morrow if you completely surrender yourself to Him. You can exert force on Him." (2)

   Kirpal similarly spoke to this latter point:

   "If you wish to go on a pilgrimage to Mecca, it is best to go through the water and not the dry desert sands. The dry sand is the way of the intellect, while the water is the flow of your tears. That is the best way to meet Him. Through weeping and wailing in the love of God or of your Master, you will meet Him very fast. Without weeping and wailing, no one has met God. God Almighty is controlled by the true devotee." (Sat Sandesh, July 1975, p. 27)

   St. Seraphim of Sarov is said to have sat on a rock and cried bitterly for three years over his sinful nature, imploring God for mercy. This is not just ignorant, self-pity, but true repentance of the broken heart. The Jesus Prayer or Prayer of the Heart ("Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me") has led thousands to freedom; how foolish to call it a silly 'dualistic' practice only used by those 'not intelligent enough to grasp advaita vedanta'! (not real advaita vedanta, of course, but some of its popular modern variants). Perhaps only those who talk like this are those who do not understand the nature of man and the meaning the divine mercy.

   And PB also reminds us about faith:

   "The Overself is with him here and now. It has never left him at anytime. It sits everlastingly in the heart. It is indeed his innermost being, his truest self. Were it something different and apart from him, were it a thing to be gained and added to what he already is or has, he would stand the risk of losing it again. For whatever may be added to him may also be subtracted from him. Therefore, the real task of this quest is less to seek anxiously to possess it than to become aware that it already and always possesses him." (3)

   At the appropriate point it becomes obvious that one can not rush the process towards enlightenment, or else he will prevent the learning of the most important lesson of all, that he needs to forget himself in order to free himself. So one slowly learns non-judgement.

   On the other hand, some have the opposite problem (!), and may need self-introspection and self-effort to a higher degree than others. As Kirpal liked to say, "God helps them who help themselves, and God helps those who do not help themselves." In the final analysis, there simply can be no adequate mass instruction or strict guidelines. As PB also wrote:

   "It is the mark of a well-qualified teacher that he adapts his advice to fit each disciple individually. If everyone is recommended to practice the same method irrespective of competence, his personal history and temperament, his grade of development or capacity, his character-traits and tendencies, in a number of cases it will be largely ineffectual." (reference misplaced)

   Kirpal, my heart master, for instance, was by profession into accounting, and also had a personal preference for the Pythagorean recall method as well as the Pelman Memory system. Combining these three resulted, in his human personality, as a penchant for remembering every thought, word, and deed of the entire day, making lists of figures, as well as meeting constant deadlines, having a rigorous daily schedule, and using tremendous will power. This was his karma and destiny, with little room for the relaxed, more traditional far eastern or Taoist emphasis on simply being and letting nature balance itself. But, the fact that this was his method does not mean that it is, at this late date in particular, and in the exact way he did it, the most fruitful related practice for each one of several hundred thousand disciples of later Masters. That certainly seems unlikely if not impossible. This is not to say Kirpal was wrong in suggesting this diary form. In his own time and place the idea was appropriate, for the people he was initially dealing with, and if they understood it in the most rightful sense. Even so, he gave much personal guidance on a one-to-one basis at times - such guidance which appears no longer possible. So let us think for a moment. How many have time or the exactitude to really do this 'checking off' thoroughly and in a heart-felt way, year after year? Is it in fact supposed to be done like this 'year after year'? Who can really remember all of his thoughts of the day in any case - is it not true that one will of necessity be somewhat selective? Are all the thoughts even 'one's own'? Or do not many others come from 'outside', from the environment?

   Here we face a razor's edge in speaking of this issue. For it is a cardinal maxim of spiritual life according to Masters as well as the church Fathers that one must take full responsibilty for oneself: his thoughts, words, and actions. Subconscious thoughts are seen as a product of one's past, and whether man is seen as 'fallen' or 'evolving', he still must assume responsibility for his situation - if only to make it better for others, who ultimately are not separate from him. This, of course, is the way of the saints. Even if one is in a situation where it appears clear that he is not at fault or responsible, the very fact that one finds himself in such a situation means he is in some way responsible. So, this may be a very useful attitude to take, and offers spiritual protection and also invokes grace. On the other hand, we are softening the usual approach here because so many people these days, especially in the West, are riddled with self-hate from abusive upbringings, and are in need a fair share of self-love. The difficult school of 'hating oneself' that traditionally is a mark of a degree of spiritual maturity may simply be too hard or one-sided for many to deal with all at once. So, while it is very true, as Paul Brunton writes:

   "The ecstasies of the beginner make him feel close to God, while the desolations of the proficient make him despise himself",

   This may yet be a realization far-off for many aspirants.

   What is suggested is, not self-indulgence, but only a modicum of 'mother force' to balance the often excessive 'father force' of spiritual practice.

   Further, what feels right for one person may feel wrong for another, in many instances. Let us then consider - keeping in mind once again that obedience to a divinely appointed and chosen guru is one of the first traditional lessens of spirituality - what are the results of mechanically or even diligently (for it is not supposed to be done mechanically) at the end of the day marking down dozens of faults in any category of the diary as given? This will most likely depend on the basic strengths and weaknesses of the disciple. For the beginner, at best it will serve as remembrance of one's Master and also give insight into character by 'objectifying' the negative side of the self - if one can successfully do it in an objective, neutrally observing and non-judgmental way - but at worst it may strengthen attention on the self in its separateness. The diary, it is suggested - and this was the view of Swami Sivananda, a great saint whom Kirpal respected highly, and who also placed a great emphasis on the keeping of a diary, which he went over over regularly - is to notice weaknesses and mistakes, yes, for which one will pray for help, but also impressions, reactions, and insights, to help one take stock of what one is learning. In other words, it is to be a tool for self-understanding. In this respect only the individual will know if is serving this purpose. We suggest perhaps the keeping of some form of contemplative journal in addition to a diary, or perhaps for a time in place of, or perhaps more efficiently expanding and adapting the concept of a diary to include this broader function, might be useful. More on journalling as an optional practice later on.

   At some point one matures and is intuitively guided. He may find it not to his liking, as the divine instigates a deep purgation of hidden tendencies in response to his devotion. St. John summarizes this point of the soul's extremity as follows:

   "For it will come to pass that God will lead the soul by a most lofty path of dark contemplation and aridity, wherein it seems to be lost, and, being thus full of darkness and trials, constraints and temptations, will meet one who will speak to it like Job's comforters, and say that it is suffering from melancholy, or low spirits, or a morbid disposition, or that it may have some hidden sin, and that it is for this reason that God has forsaken it. Such comforters are wont to declare immediately that that soul must have done very evil, since such things as these are befalling it.

   "And there will likewise be those who tell the soul to retrace its steps, since it is finding no pleasure or consolations in the things of God as it did aforetime. And in this they double the poor soul's trials, for it may well be that the greatest affliction which it is feeling is that of the knowledge of its own miseries, thinking that it sees itself, more clearly than daylight, to be full of evils and sins, for God gives it the light of knowledge in that night of contemplation, as we shall presently show. And, when the soul finds someone whose opinion agrees with its own, and who says that these things must be due to its own fault, its afflictions and trouble increase infinitely and are wont to become more grievous than death. And, not content with this, such confessors, thinking that these things proceed from sin, make these souls go over their lives and cause them to make many general confessions, and crucify them afresh; not understanding that this may quite well not be the time for any of such things, and that their penitents should be left in the state of purgation which God gives them, and to be comforted and encouraged to desire it until God is pleased to dispose otherwise; for until that time, no matter what the souls themselves may do and their confessors may say, there is no remedy for them." (3a)

   And further:

   "And thus it is that contemplation, whereby the understanding has the loftiest knowledge of God, is called mystical theology, which signifies secret wisdom of God; for it is secret even to the understanding that receives it. For that reason Saint Dionysius calls it a ray of darkness. Of this the prophet Baruch says: "There is none that knoweth its way, nor any that can think of its paths." (3b)

   It seems clear that in such a stage one must have some awareness of such a process, through clear and adequate instruction and study by himself and his teachers, in order to have faith in, cooperate with, and endure it. And that there may be new rules to be followed, and one can not go back to the old ways without denying fidelity to the one who has brought him so far already. This point may be considered a fairly advanced one for most people, but one never knows when karma and grace will intersect to re-activate a prior background, or respond to one's yearning. The point to be made here is that the path is not a nice, neat, linear process. There are many twists and turns and vicissitudes, as well as completely mysterious transformations. Too often this is not understood, and many suffer disappointment and stagnation because of it.

   Regardless, sooner or later one will likely find himself in self-introspection confronted not with discrete failures to be dispassionately weeded out, but simply with the sense of his sin 'all in one heap' as the Christian mystics often say. Indeed, not only Christian saints, but Zen masters, too, speak of this need for a deep metanoia, or turn-about of the heart. This is really a rather mature stage, however. Abbot Zenkei Shibayama of the Nanzenji Monastery in Kyoto, Japan, describes the nature of this inner work, which could just as well be speaking about any spiritual path:

   “The first step in pursuing the way to religion is to “empty oneself.” But this “emptying oneself” does not mean, as ordinarily understood, merely to be humble in one’s thinking or to clean out all from the self-deceived mind so that it can accept anything. It has a much deeper and stronger meaning. One has to face the “ugliness and helplessness” of oneself, or of human life itself, and must confront deep contradictions and sufferings, which are called the “inevitable karma.” He has to look deep into his inner self, go beyond the last extremity of himself, and despair of himself as a “self which can by no means be saved.” “Emptying oneself” comes from this bitterest experience, from the abyss of desperation and agony, of throwing oneself down, body and soul, before the Absolute."

   "It is the keenness with which one realizes one’s helplessness and despairs of oneself, in other words, how deeply one plunges into one’s inner self and throws oneself away, which is the key to religion. “To be saved,” “to be enlightened,” or “to get the mind pacified” is not of primary importance. Shinran Shonin, who is respected as one of the greatest religious geniuses in Japan, once deplored, “I am unworthy of any consideration and am surely destined for hell!”....When one goes through this experience, for the first time the words of the great religious teachers are directly accepted with one’s whole heart and soul...” (4)

   Similarly deCaussade wrote:

   “This keen realization of your poverty and darkness gives me pleasure, because I know it is a sure sign that divine light is increasing in you without your knowledge and is forming a sure foundation of true humility. The time will come when the sight of these miseries which now cause you horror, will overwhelm you with joy, and fill you with a profound and delightful peace. It is not till we have reached the bottom of the abyss of our nothingness, and are firmly established there that we can, as Holy Scripture says, “walk before God in justice and truth.” Just as pride, which is founded on a lie, prevents God from bestowing favours on a soul that is otherwise rich in merit, so this happy condition of humiliation willingly accepted, and of annihilation truly appreciated, draws down divine graces on even the most wretched of souls.”

   Contemporary teacher Shaykh Hakim Moinuddin Chisti writes:

   "If we read the testimony of all the greatest people who lived - the prophets (a.s.) - we find that they were the most fearful of what awaited them in the grave and in the next life. These people were the most humble, most righteous and selfless people who lived; and they were all constantly aware of their shortcomings and worried about their ultimate fate before their Lord. How much more ought ordinary people to express such concerns." (4a)

   Saint Silouan of the Orthodox tradition, although considered a perfected human being,

   "would cry and wail on occasion that this was his last night and that his 'miserable soul' was going straight to Hades, away from God." (4b)

   So while one must understand and respect where one stands from a more or less modern psychological point of view, it is well to also bear in mind the confessions of great traditional teachers at a certain stage of their development, and not merely at the outset consider them 'old-fashioned'. Also, one does not need to, nor should he necessarily, 'abandon' the lower stages or practices when he has entered a higher phase; if they are useful for his development he should feel free to use them as needed. Prayer is a good example. One ought never be too proud to pray, it is the salt of life and man can't live without it. St. Silouan cried and wailed, therefore, in what are inevitable moments of forgetfulness in order to remind himself of God. Furthermore, as English mystic William Law wrote:

   "Regeneration or the renewal of our first birth and state is something entirely distinct from this sudden conversion or call to repentance...It is not a thing done in an instant, but is a certain process, a gradual release from our capacity and disorder, consisting of several stages, both of death and life, which the soul must go through before it can have thoroughly put off the old man."

   "Repentance is but a kind of table talk, till we see so much of the deformity of our inward nature as to be in some degree frightened and terrified at the sight of it. There must be some kind of an earthquake within us, something that must rend and shake us to the bottom, before we can be enough sensible either of the state of death we are in or enough desirous of that Savior, who alone can raise us from it." (5)

   Grace steps in sometimes to force change by the path of bitter herbs, so to speak. Again we quote Brunton:

   "The ecstasies of the beginner make him feel close to God, while the desolations of the proficient make him despise himself."

   It is in times like these, one might say, that metanoia comes as a form of radical acceptance.

   This depth of epiphany is necessary and inevitable at some point, if one is indeed fortunate. But it is not to be anticipated, as it is really only one (albeit classic) possibility. Perhaps, then, it may be more useful for many of us on a day-to-day basis to try to introspect and be aware from moment to moment, and to consider that the essence of the diary exercise, and then later write about two or three major findings, without judgement, in the spirit that we are all learning, and simply ask oneself, "what did I do wrong, and how can I make it better?" This may be more meaningful and heart-felt to the individual. And in fact Kirpal suggested that this might be the case, as we shall see. Then, one might couple that with pondering one or two positive actions or traits observed in others and affirm, "I want to be like that." This is not an exercise in futility or neurosis as some neo-advaitins might say. It is real surrender and aspiration for self-knowledge. We observe our faults and also aspire to an ideal. All the saints have done so. Just asking "who am I?" is unlikely to be entirely fruitful for most people. In fact, Swami Sivananda said, "very few can do 'who am I?'" Even the modern exponent of the technique, Ramana Maharshi, said that that was a practice for ripe souls. Which means for comparatively few. The reason is because the so-called 'I'-thought" is really the root of the mind. It is the subconscious causal 'thought' of egoity, and much work is needed to isolate it so it can be slayed through enquiry. So one does the confession and repentance work, forgetting oneself in the process, patient that true awakening will arise of itself. It will be infused in due course. No need to be sold on clever intellectual reasoning that there is no doer; there is a doer, until there isn't. There is effort, until it becomes effortless. One does not usually jump from the ego to the Godhead - God is the way to the Godhead, and that great Power must be supplicated and rendered devotion. All the great ones have done it, it seems part of the plan. But this must be understood in a modern way. First one is humbled to ashes and dust, then he surrenders the 'old man', the worldly 'me', to the Self within, which then leads to the realization that God is in fact all in all and is being that Self and all selves.

   How to do that? Only by, first, and somehow, re-awakening, and accepting, the divine child within, which is none other than the soul, the 'Son', ultimately the Logos, felt first as ones most intimate stirring of life, of innocence, hopefulness, the heart of us all and which we are. Like as that of a five year old child, which, Maharshi said, without which "there is no hope for you in the realm of self-knowledge," and, as Christ advised us, "unless ye become as little children, ye will no wise see the kingdom of God." They meant this literally. This can only come through an acceptance of the deepest, gentle, tender, hopeful, heart yearning within us which we have forgotten. It is home and the way home. We will speak more of this shortly.

   Self-introspection is meant to serve two functions, truly: one, to notice one's faults of character, but also to notice and cultivate one's strengths, natural gifts, and creativity, to give more attention and energy to the development of those positive attributes, rather than merely recognizing the negatives. For if it be true that "the unexamined life is not be worth living," as said Socrates, it must also surely be true that , "the unlived life is not worth examining."

   All these are just suggestions.   Brunton wrote on what could be considered the essence of a diary form of self-confession when he said:

   "To confess sins of conduct and shortcomings of character as a part of regular devotional practices possesses a psychological value quite apart from any other that may be claimed for it. It develops humility, exposes self-deceit, and increases self-knowledge. It decreases vanity every time it forces the penitent to face his faults. It opens a pathway first for the mercy and ultimately for the Grace of the higher Self."

   "He has emotionally to crawl on hands and knees before the higher power in the deepest humility. This kills pride, that terrible obstacle between man and the Soul's presence." (Notebooks) But while it has an important place, no need to overdo the penitence - or hold any preconceived view of how awakening is all supposed to work out. Consciousness can be awakened, or awaken to itself, at any time, so maintaining 'beginner's mind' is all important. Which means no fixed expectations. Expect the unexpected, expect the unexpectable, and the Good.

   One may find, then, as a suggestion, that he must decide for himself how useful it is to merely total up the failure in each category and mark it down. What purpose does it serve for you? “Does it serve you” is the question. There is no blanket right or wrong answer. In solely our opinion, however, one may likely find that he is either under the illusion that if he has a lot of 'failures' he is bad or not 'progressing', or if he has few, perhaps worse, that he is in fact progressing! Or even, if, as is to be expected, that if initially the failures increase, even dramatically, that he is progressing because he is in fact becoming more conscious. In all three cases attention remains self-enclosed and self-obsessed with one's purity or progress. Is this not so, and are not many, many seekers now coming to this realization? If not, and if it helps one remember the Master in a conscious way, well and good. We understand this may appear contrary to what our beloved Kirpal, or his successors, outwardly taught, but if He were teaching today I personally suspect He might have a different approach, with some people anyway. Equally unfruitful, and quite possibly leading to insanity, in our view (forgive us for saying so), are remarks we have heard to the effect that one should meditate "five, ten, fifteen hours a day if possible', and under the category of 'time for meditation' one should 'subtract the time that one is not concentrated fully at the third eye, or has any thoughts going on, from the two and a half hour total." If that were truly adhered to then most disciples would likely have to meditate twenty-four hours a day to reach even their required two and a half hours, what to speak of more! For how many are successful for more than a few minutes in actual one-pointed concentration, and how many struggle with thoughts? That is an inherent part of all forms of meditation, and is to be expected, not felt guilty for, or made to believe he or she is doing something wrong. This path is hard enough without overlaying such burdens. Further, since Kirpal was told by his Master to meditate five, six, or more hours a day, on top of his busy schedule, does that mean it is appropriate advice for all of us? In short, no it isn't. Most are simply not ready for such practice, and to try to take the gates of heaven by storm is to be spiritually greedy and shows both a lack of reliance on the divine Will and an appreciation for the stage one is in. In addition, how fruitful for a truly integrative practice is such excessive introversion-oriented meditation? Does it help one see the manifest world and the soul as one, as non-dual? Or does it in fact contribute to a dualistic split view of the world as separate from oneself and God?

   In truth, not only are most not ready, but only an accomplished saint could do this, if it were even desireable, which is questionable except for delineated periods in his life. All the rest of us, through a form of spiritual arrogance, so to speak, might very well be actually reinforcing an identity and self-image as an isolated, separate, anxious 'mountain climber', instead of affirming our True Identity as always already Self-Awareness without limits. This is not to deny the necessity of the apparent journey through relativity, as some 'absolutist' metaphysicians try to do (saying it is all an illusion, which is only half-right), but only to help seed our intuition of our real nature, from the beginning of the path, and not waiting only until the end. Meditation is a major part of the quest, but not all, and also not generally fruitful without supportive practices and attitudes. We will speak much more of this in a short while.

   Thoughts on "Progress"; Paradoxical and Unrecognized Progress; Different Forms and Stages of Progress

   In terms of self-introspection, in addition, the suggestion that if one dots all of his I's and crosses all of his T's he will enjoy 'steady progress within from day to day' is ludicrous if not harmful. He may in fact be progressing, but not necessarily be enjoying or even noticing it. The path is not so linear; it is full of karmic surprises, challenges, ups and downs, pains and contradictions - all of which is how we are instructed by the universe.

   The same might be said for the category of 'experiences in meditation.' It has been written that "one should not care what one sees, it does not matter if it is the golden light, the moon, Sun, or the vision of this or that Master, just sit and gaze, have no clutching or expectation." But then one is told to write down what one sees on the back of the diary form! What purpose is served by that? Doesn’t the initiate know what he has seen? Does one really need the Master to write back once a year, "yes, the Sun is higher than the stars, you are progressing," or, "your results show a lack of progress" ? Doesn't one know already? One can read all about such basic inner phenomena in the books and not need to take a Master's precious time telling you the same, certainly not in the beginning stages. And how does that show you aren't progressing, anyway? You either had a 'good' meditation' or you didn't. And even that is only apparent. Even one repetition of japa or simran is beneficial and has its cumulative if hidden effects. In addition, master Kirpal clearly wrote:

   "It is not the inner experience that determines the spiritual progress, but the basic personal attitude of serene living of the child disciple, which proves his or her worth." (6)

   This point is so central it cannot be over-emphasized. Steadiness, endurance, equanimity, charity, and patience are of much more importance than inner mystic experiences. It is not that having a vision is of no worth, but that they occur on the way to the goal, and are not the goal itself. Even Ramana, who may seem the last person to have anything positive to say about the subject, said, "having visions is better than no visions, because it is a sign of increased concentration and means one is closer to absorption into the Self." (7)

   However, he also has said that visions, per se, were no signs of progress!

   But the essential 'experience', if it be called so, is much subtler, and easily missed:

   "The most important kind of spiritual development is usually undramatic and unexciting. It is found and felt in deep peace...Learn to be satisfied with this gift, this grace of the Stillness. Do not ask for more or for something more striking and dramatic. This is a common error, and an ungrateful one." (Paul Brunton, Notebooks)

   St. Bernard confessed that in his entire life "he had never had any visions at all, but that many times he could feel God enter his soul." St. John of the Cross wrote, "many souls to whom visions have never come are incomparably more advanced on the way of perfection than others to whom many have been given." The point is that these things, if necessary, come in their own time, and are not the truest gauge of spiritual progress. If one day you have a great meditation, and the next day, week, month, or even year(s) do not, it is a mistake to assume there has been no progress. In truth, most of us really have no way of knowing the stage of our progress, other than how we react amidst circumstances in our daily life, or the unexpected spontaneous peace or joy that arises in the heart when we have contacted the true Self that is our real nature. This can happen as well in the body as without. It is usually missed when our hope is fixed is on spectacular things. But it is the one thing that can never be taken away. We will speak more on this later. Suffice to say for now that much lies hidden behind the scenes, due to our development in past incarnations, that relates to breakthroughs in consciousness. The Masters always say that one of their primary jobs, with our cooperation, is to wrap up the karmic accounts. And of course, this is just one way of looking at things; karma per se is not only something to pay off, which is kind of a negative way of looking at it, but as part of human experience is inseparable from the very process of our liberation. And this in fact, however, may involve our not having much in the way of 'experiences' until we are ready to have them without becoming imbalanced. And this may be hard to take given the carrot of expectation built up in the traditional teachings on this path. But it is simply the case. Sant Darshan Singh gives a glimpse of this:

   "One may seem to suffer, to be in agony on account of separation, but remembrance itself is a form of union, and one would not exchange it for anything else. This remembrance is like the termite which hollows out from within us, all the love and ephemeral attachments of this world. Those who have it are progressively purified of their spiritual weaknesses. Even when we seem to make no progress, continued remembrance is itself a form of progress, for slowly, steadily, and inexorably it is preparing the way for everlasting union. As a great Urdu poet, Asadullah Khan Ghalib, has said, "When pain grows beyond endurance, it becomes its own cure."

   "Once we have glimpsed the ineffable divine beloved, nothing on this earth can satisfy us. Having enticed us and enraptured us, the beloved then disappears. We pine and yearn for him, but he is nowhere to be found. Anyone who reads the writings of the mystics will notice how much they touch upon the torments which the seeker undergoes in his quest for the divine Spouse...[But] even if the Lord seems to withdraw himself from us, we cannot give Him up; we have no choice. We are afflicted with a disease and we can not rest until we are reunited with Him...But even after He has reached out to us, we are still not entirely free from our worldly attachments and desires. It is by withdrawing Himself from us, by moving away, that He compels us to follow Him. As we recognise that nothing compares with the joy of his presence, we disengage from our worldly attachments one by one. The suffering and anguish of separation are processes by which we are purified of all worldly desires. Love burns up everything except the Beloved. And as we restlessly wait for the faintest sound of His incoming footsteps, we are being cleansed and recreated from within." (7a)

   Anandamayi Ma spoke to one disciple:

   "It is not right to compare and reason saying, 'such and such a person has done sadhana for so many years and yet has not got anywhere.' How can you judge what is happening to anyone inwardly? Sometimes it seems that a person who does sadhana seems to have changed for the worse. But how do you know that this tendency has not always been in him and has now come out so that it may be dealt with and purified as a result of his own endeavor? To say: 'I have done so much sadhana but have not become transformed,' is also the wrong attitude. Yours is only to seek God and call out to him unceasingly and not look to the result of what you are doing." (7b)

   In this aspect of relationship with a Guru, Sri Ramakrishna spoke of the process as "lancing the boil."

   It is a plain fact that the revelation of egoism will go on for years. It is to be expected and not taken as a sign that something is wrong with the process itself or with ones conscious efforts and intentions. In his own way even Kirpal paradoxically said that when marking the diary one will find that the number of 'failures' will actually increase as one goes on with the practice (even as one 'weeds out' failures). That, in fact, is part of the 'science' of the spiritual process! It is supposed to happen. One actually 'improves' while seeing how one is a failure.

   From another tradition, the Athonite father Maximos tells us this about the process of prayer itself. One can perhaps only understand this from the perspective of actual experience. If one has been on the path for a long time he will no doubt recognize the signs:

   "Another [illness] is what the elders call hardness or toughness of the heart. A person may fervently desire to listen to the word of God, to desire union with God, to come in contact with wisdom that comes from God, but the heart is impenetrable. The Grace of God cannot enter the essence of that person. The heart does not allow the seed of God's grace to take root. Based on the experience of the saints, this is a given for all of us. If we consider ourselves as a parcel of land that we begin to dig and cultivate with the Prayer [in this tradition, the practice of repetition of the Jesus Prayer, "Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me"] we'll noticed that at first the ground may be soft and relatively easy to plow. But as we continue digging we reach a level full of pebbles. Further down we reach solid rock. It is like sowing on granite. Nothing can penetrate it." Father Maximos looked thoughtful and serious, as if speaking from direct experience.

   "So what happens after that?"

   "The hardness becomes even more impenetrable," he said with a somber tone and remained pensive for a few more seconds. (Kyriakos Markides, The Mountain of Silence, p. 58-59)

   The essence of this experience is that it takes committed practice over time to come anywhere near the revelation that one has a heart of stone, which then makes one available to grace. The Sants talk about this but usually in veiled terms for the beginning student, who has yet to be made strong in his devotion to the path. But having read this far you are not likely a raw beginner, and thus ready to be weaned from mother's milk?..........

   One might, furthermore, consider for himself whether or not one of the most reliable signs of progress is, in a way, to not be concerned with progress. The saints often have said, 'what is the value of 'pulling up the plant and checking its growth each and every day?' Is one so sure he is or is not progressing? It is but natural to be concerned, or to wonder, but it may be useful to know that here is another perspective. Lin Yutang writes, in the perennial book, The Importance of Living, "From the Taoist point of view, an educated man is one who believes he has not succeeded when he has, but is not sure he has failed when he fails."

   If we are so fortunate, we reach a point of letting go of control over the entire process. It is initially scary to hand it over, and may not be done prematurely, but is an option nevertheless given by the Satguru. Kirpal wrote:

   "When a disciple entrusts his all to the Master, he becomes carefree and the Master has of necessity to take over the entire responsibility; just as a mother does for her child who does not know what is good for him. Self-surrender is not an easy task. It comes only when a disciple has complete faith and confidence in the competency of the Master. In it one has to recede back to the position of an innocent child...On the other hand, the path of spiritual discipline...self effort, everyone can try for himself or herself."

   "It is, no doubt, a long and tortuous path, as compared to the former, but one can with confidence in the Master tread it firmly step by step. If, however, a person may be fortunate enough to take to self-surrender, he can have all the Blessings of the Master quickly, for then he goes directly into his lap and has nothing to do by himself for himself...But very rarely even a really blessed soul may be able to acquire this attitude." (8)

   Usually, we must become saturated with experience to reach this stage, where we finally rest in the knowing that it is God that is being the awareness that we are, that it is God who is the ever-faithful one, not us, faithfully in charge of all creation and our very Being. Thus one comes to the confession, "He is me - I am not He," which is a great grace to be so blessed to make. This is a hidden Secret of the path, a divine Mystery, beyond all states. All responsibility rests with God, as one leaves "all his cares among the lilies," divinely Overself-conscious of that which is the support of his own life.

   Yet, despite what the many non-dualists teach, one must live the life, yes acting as if no-separation is true, but not just in belief but through efforts of true and right action, until such time as this is one's spontaneous nature and realization. One may of course have glimpses, often prolonged ones, of truth. But this 'view' will certainly be tested by both the world and God, until one becomes the Reality he knows himself to be in moments of clear seeing. Real-ization. There is really no way around this part of the equation. It need not be prolonged or made difficult any more than is necessary, but we must paradoxically 'try the impossible', at times, in order to see that our trying is useless or insufficient to achieve what we hope for, in order to "surrender in the arms of love." We come to the point where letting go of control is our last option - the only thing left to do. Hubert Benoit writes of this difficulty:

   "Man believes in the utility of his agitation because he does not think that he is anything but that personal 'me' which he perceives in the dualistic manner. He does not know that there is in him something quite different from this visible personal 'me', something invisible which works in his favor in the dark. Identifying himself with his perceptible phenomena, in particular with his imaginative mind, he does not think that he is anything more. Everything happens as though he said to himself: 'Who would work for me except myself?' And not seeing in himself any other self than his imaginative mind, he turns to his mind to rid himself of distress. When one only sees a single means of salvation, one believes in it because necessarily one wishes to believe in it...I do not know that my essential wish - to escape from the dualistic illusion, a generator of anguish - is in process of being realized in me by something other than my personal 'me'; I do not believe that I can count on anyone but myself; I believe myself therefore obliged to do something. I take fright in believing myself alone, abandoned by all; necessarily then I am uneasy and my agitation neutralizes by degrees the beneficial work of my deeper self. Zen expresses that in saying: 'Not knowing how near the Truth is, people look for it far away...what a pity!" (9)

   In short, we do our small part with humility, then, and leave the rest up to Him - God, the Universal Power, Providence, Grace, Truth. Or, as PB expressed it:

   "Such is the strange paradox of the quest that on the one hand he must foster determined self-reliance but on the other yield to a feeling of utter dependence on the higher power." (9a)

   Yes, the dissolution of the mind and ego-centered life is full of mystery and paradox. Real self-honesty is needed to discern both whether one is progressing or not, as well as whether one in fact knows whether he is progressing or not! For much of the time one may be in the dark on this score, which of course is where surrender comes in. For example:

   "When you go beyond progress, you will know what progress is." - Nisargadatta Maharaja.

   "Don't be discouraged by obstacles or the feeling that you are not making any progress. The mind is so enmeshed in illusion it is not capable of determining whether or not it is making any progress along the spiritual path. Just carry on with your meditation. Don't expect immediate results and don't be worried by the lack of them." - Annamalai Swami

   The notion of spiritual 'progress' is an interesting one. Of course we want it, but often we are confused by fixed, preconceived ideas of what that really is. We are reminded, for instance, of the section on Baba Faqir Chand, in Sant Mat: Part One, where he stated that it may not be necessary for one to experience all of the planes in order to know Truth. The final or as far as we know ultimate state, i.e. sahaj samadhi, is said to be not based on seeing anything in the ordinary dualistic sense, but on being the Truth that we are. Then why be 'concerned' with writing down visionary experiences in the diary? That is not the only form of progress to notice. The lessening of egoism is more important. Again, it is supposedly for a beginner to assure him that he is progressing in concentration - certainly nothing wrong with that - but when one comes to the realization (or the so-called 'throwing in of the towel') wherein he realizes that progress lies more in the 'disappearance' or humbling of the one who thinks he is progressing, than something he has achieved, and that no experience per se is unvarnished Truth, then such concern begins to be seen for what it is.

   PB cautions:

   "It is an error, although a reasonable one, to believe that attainment comes only when the whole distance of this path has been travelled. This is to make it depend on measurement, calculation - that is, on the ego's own effort, management, and control. On the contrary, attainment depends on relinquishment of the ego, and hence the idea of progress which accompanies it...As he advances in the idea of being detached from results and possessions, he will inevitably have to advance in the idea of being detached from concern about his own spiritual development. If he is to relinquish the ego, he will also have to relinquish his attempts to improve it. This applies just as much to its character as to its ideas...The usual ways seek personal attainment, achievement, salvation. The aspirant thinks or speaks of "my progress"; hence such ways are self-involved, egoistic. The Short Path [~direct path, or the path of surrender] turns realization over to the Overself so that it is not your concern any longer. That does not mean that you do not care whether you find truth or not, but that whereas ordinary care for it arises out of desire of the ego or anxiety of the ego or egoistic need of comfort, escape or relief, the Short Path care arises out of the stillness of mind, serenity of faith, and the acceptance of the universe...Why create needless frustrations by an overeager attitude, by overdoing spiritual activity? You are in the Overself's hands even now and if the fundamental aspiration is present, your development will go on without your having to be anxious about it. Let the burden go. Do not become victim of creating too much suggestion got from reading too much spiritual literature creating an artificial conception of enlightenment." (Vol. 15)

   and

   "Their greatest advance will be made when they cease holding the wish to make any advance at all, cease their continual looking at themselves, and instead come to a quiet rest in the simple fact that God is, until they live in this fact alone. That will transfer their attention from self to Overself and keep them seeing its presence in everyone's life and its action in every event. The more they succeed in holding to this insight, the less will they even be troubled or afraid or perplexed again; the more they recognize and rest in the divine character, the less will they be feverishly concerned about their own spiritual future."

   True, this may not be the insight of the beginner, but it needs be pointed out. At some point it becomes valuable. Until then we continue to make efforts. Eventually we may be graced to understand words such as the following from a sage like Sri Nisargadatta:

   "Unless you make tremendous efforts, you will not be convinced that effort will take you nowhere. The self is so self-confident, that unless it is totally discouraged, it will not give up."

   Then we find out what effortless effort, or no-effort, is like. That is to say, having become our last resort, we can resort to it. Sri Atmananda Krishna Menon states:

   "In each school one can progress up to the point when all desire for progress must be abandoned to make further progress possible. Then all schools are given up, all effort ceases, in solitude and darkness the last step is made which ends ignorance and fear forever."

   PB further writes:

   "His spiritual progress will be measured not so much by his meditational progress as by his moral awakening...It must [also] be remembered always that mere intellectual study is not so essential as the building of worthwhile character, which is far more important in preparing for the great battle with the ego." (Ibid)

   Sant Kirpal Singh said much the same thing above:

   "It is not the inner experience which determines the spiritual progress, but the basic personal attitude of serene living of the child disciple, which proves his or her worth."

   St. John states:

   “Charity is more precious in God’s sight than all the visions and communications possible - since these imply neither merit or demerit, and...many individuals who have never received these experiences are incomparably more advanced than others who have received many.” (The Ascent of Mount Carmel, 22:19)

   Ramesh Balsekar expresses this point in his iconoclastic advaitic way:

   "...bear in mind that whatever happens is part of the impersonal functioning of Totality. The seeker is merely a body-mind organism in that functioning. "He" does not make any progress because "he" doesn't exist as a doer. The Source starts the seeking and the Source maintains the process of destruction of the ego, the seeker. Only the Source can destroy the ego...There is a penultimate stage prior to enlightenment itself. If you ask me what is indicative of the threshold to the imminent occurrence of enlightenment, I answer that it is the attitude: "Enlightenment? Who cares!" From this stage, enlightenment can occur at any moment...You will know you are making progress if, in daily life, you find yourself more tolerant towards other people's actions. After all, if no action is "your" action, then how can you blame others for theirs? And life becomes simpler - no pride, no guilt, no hate, no envy. With this understanding, you know that the teaching is going deeper." (quoted in The Odyssey of Enlightenment, p. 163-164)

   [Keep in mind that he speaks of a penultimate stage; it is generally inappropriate to entertain an attitude of 'not caring' prematurely].

   Fenelon gives us some more to think about regarding ideas about progress:

   "...The increase of inward light will show our imperfections to be far greater and more deadly at their roots than we had thought them....Nothing so decidedly marks the solid progress of a soul as being able to view its own depravity without being disturbed or discouraged...Let us remember that becoming aware of our disease is the first step in its cure."

   deCaussade in beautiful prose says:

    "My dear Sister, when one loves God, one does not wish to make greater progress than God wills, and one abandons one's spiritual progress to divine Providence, just as wealthy people in the world abandon to Him all the success of their temporal affairs."

   "One does not ever advance in spiritual as one does in visible works. The business of our sanctification and perfection ought to be the work of our whole life-time. I notice your natural vivacity and eagerness intrude into everything, and from this proceed anxieties, discouragement, and troubles which lead you astray in causing you distress. Here is the remedy! As long as you feel a sincere good-will to belong to God, a practical appreciation for everything that leads you to God, and a certain amount of courage to rise after your little falls, you are doing well in the sight of God. [Sawan Singh used to say, "when you fall, fall forward."] Have patience with yourself then; learn to bear with your weaknesses and miseries gently, as you have to put up with those of your neighbor. Be satisfied to humble yourself quietly before God, and do not expect to make any progress except through Him. This hope will not be disappointed, but God will realize probably by a hidden operation which will take place in the centre of your soul, and this will cause you to make considerable progress without your knowledge."

   St. Teresa’s prayer:

   “What my weakness finds impossible, will become easy with the help of the grace of God, and this He will give me in His own good time. For the rest, I desire neither perfection, nor to lead a spiritual life, except as far as it should please God to give them to me and at the time He has appointed to do so.”

   As Kirpal Singh has said, ”but only rarely is a truly blessed soul able to acquire this attitude” and ”A few minutes of the Master’s grace, and then….?”

   This says a great deal in a nutshell, and is likely a secret of Sant Mat, where outwardly so much emphasis seems to be on progress being only the achievement of inner experiences. Whereas herein considered that could be seen as 'one kind of progress' ; i.e., progress in concentration. And Paul Brunton also had a nice thing to say about that:

   "Concentration is often a passport to spiritual attainment, but it needs the visa of Humility to make it an impeccable document." (Notebooks, Category 18, 3,2)

   Or as deCaussade as expressed a similar sentiment:

   “It is not until we have reached the bottom of the abyss of our nothingness, and are firmly established there that we can, as Holy Scripture says, “walk before God in justice and truth.” Just as pride, which is founded in a lie, prevents God from bestowing favours on a soul that is otherwise rich in merit, so this happy condition of humiliation willingly accepted, and of annihilation truly appreciated, draws down divine graces on even the most wretched of souls.”

   As one is not always in meditation, there surely must be a way to measure progress in ordinary life. And of course there is, although it may not appear spectacular. It is simply the decrease in a personal point of view, more humility and less ego.

   Again, from deCaussade:

   “You seem to become ever more deeply convinced of your miseries and imperfections. Now that happens only in proportion to our nearness to God, and to the light in which we live and walk…This divine light as it shines more brightly makes us see better and feel more keenly the abyss of misery and corruption within us, and this knowledge is one of the surest signs of progress in the ways of God and of the spiritual life. You ought to think rather more of this, not to pride yourself on it, but to be grateful for it.”

   "For it is a strange blindness which leads us to aspire after perfection by the way of illuminations, of spiritual joy and consolation, the infallible result of which would be to revive ever more and more our self-love and to enable it to spoil everything...You cannot follow the path to perfection in reality except through losses, abnegation, despoilment, death to all created things, complete annihilation, and unreserved abandonment."

   That is strong language; he also says this regarding such purification:

   "One does not begin to know and feel one's spiritual miseries until they begin to be cured." (a passage from Fenelon that deCassuade often quoted)

   And of periods of rapid progress thereby:

   ”When this storm is past you will...not know how, sufficiently, to thank God for having been so good as to put His own hand to the work, and to operate within your soul in a few months, what with the help of ordinary grace would have taken you, perhaps, twenty years to accomplish, namely, to get rid of a hidden self-love, and of a pride all the more dangerous in being more subtle and more imperceptible. From this poisonous root grows an infinite number of imperfections of which you are scarcely conscious...You would have run a great risk of remaining for a long time subject to these defects, filled, almost without suspecting it, with vanity and self-confidence without either power or will to sound the profound abyss of perversity and natural corruption that you had within your soul...The. Heavenly physician has therefore treated you with the greatest kindness in applying an energetic remedy to your malady, and in opening your eyes to the festering sores which were gradually consuming you, in order that the sight of the matter which ran from them would inspire you with horror. No defect caused by self-love or pride could survive a sight so afflicting and humiliating. I conclude from my knowledge of this merciful design that you ought nether the desire nor to hope for the cessation of the treatment to which you are being subjected until a compete cure has been effected. At present you must brace yourself to receive many cuts with the lancet, to swallow many bitter pills, but go on bravely, and excite yourself to. filial confidence in the fatherly love which administers these remedies.”

   To another of the nuns under his direction he wrote:

   “I greatly approve, my dear Sister, of the patience with which you endure the great emptiness you experience in your soul. By this you will make more progress in one month than you would in several years of sweetness and consolation…It is necessary to traverse this desert to reach during this life the promised land.”

   Real progress, then, is often unrecognized, or even discounted, by a person with various preconceptions as well as an inadequate understanding of how the process often actually works.


   It came to me that this is also a very important point worth considering: deCaussade uncannily seems to point out an important essential purpose of spiritual initiation, which is often lost on the disciple expecting - and sometimes even apparently promised - a never-ending path of star-studded inner experiences from that point on:

   "The ineffable consolations experienced by this good Sister before she fell into this state of obscurity and dryness, was only a merciful kindness of grace, intended to gain the foundation and centre of the soul in which God wished to establish His dwelling and from thence to work insensibly."

   You see? Initiation does formally contact us with the Master, certainly, but - except in the case of rare prepared initiates - are only early graces to capture our attention so that the long process of dismantling the ego can begin. As all the mystics of the Church attest, for instance, these experiences are 'sweets' to entice us to begin spiritual practice and not merely succumb to a gross worldly life of illusion.


   deCaussade explains further:

   "You must remember that in almost everyone there is such a depth of self-love, weakness or misery, that it would be impossible for us to recognize any gift of God in ourselves without being exposed to spoil and corrupt it by imperceptible feelings of self-complacency. In this way we appropriate as our own the graces of God, and are pleased with ourselves for being in such and such a state. We attribute the merit to ourselves, not, perhaps, by distinct and studied thought, but by the secret feeling of the heart. Therefore, God, seeing the innermost recesses of the heart, and being infinitely jealous of His glory, is obliged in order to maintain it, and to protect Himself against these secret thefts, to convince us, by our experience of our utter weakness. It is for this purpose that He conceals from us nearly all His gifts and graces. There are hardly more than two exceptions to this rule; on the one hand beginners who require to be attracted and captured through their sense, and on the other hand great saints who, on account of having been purified of self-love by innumerable interior trials are able to recognize in themselves the gifts of God without the least feeling of self-complacency, nor even a glance at themselves. For my part I can bear witness to this constant action of divine Providence. God has so completely hidden from those who have appealed to me, the gifts and graces which he has loaded them, that they cannot see their own progress, nor their patience, humility and abandonment, nor even their love for God...On this account God withdraws what He has given, but He does not take it away to deprive us of it absolutely. He withdraws it to give it back in better way, after it has been purified from this malicious appropriation made by us without our perceiving it. The loss of the gift prevents the feeling of proprietorship, and this gone, the gift is returned a hundredfold."

   And to another under his guidance, he wrote:

   "I have always thought...that the time would come when God, desiring to be the only support of your soul, would withdraw from you these sensible props without even allowing you to learn in what way He could supply all that of which He had deprived you. This state I must own is terrible to nature, but in this terrible state, one simple "Fiat," uttered very earnestly in spite of the repugnance experienced in the soul, is an assurance of real and solid progress. Then there remains nothing but bare faith in God, that is to say, an obscure faith despoiled of all sensible devotion, and residing in the will, as St. Francis of Sales says. Then it is, also, that are accomplished to their utmost extent the words of St. Paul when he said, "We draw near to God by faith," and, "the just man lives by faith."


   I am happy to say that I have finally found a rare reprinted copy of some of the works by Guillore, a spiritual director highly regarded by deCaussade. Here are some of his thoughts on monitoring progress. I will quote freely as it is in the public domain:

   “There is a great deal of anxiety often felt by holy souls as to their progress. Such persons torment themselves uselessly, and turn the very blessings with which they are endowed into bitterness. There is a remedy for this common malady, and two considerations which will throw light upon the subject. You know that there is a holy impatience for greater nearness to God, greater perfection; the soul languishes under its yearnings, and sighs to be transformed into His Likeness, for whom it craves. This longing is the sole work of the Holy Spirit, and the test thereof is that such a soul is not disquieted or restless…The secret of all these unregulated desires after perfection is that self is at the bottom: these persons would fain be perfect for their own sake, their pride is wounded by the consciousness of their sin and weakness, and thence springs impatience. They want to see an immediate result of their efforts, and will not wait till patience obtains her “perfect work.” They seek to rush headlong into the secrets of the hidden life, and have no notion of waiting meekly in obscurity, till such time as it may please God to give them more light. Then they are disheartened by their falls, and the spectacle of their own faults casts them down, and it is in vain to set before them that this all arises from an unmortified will, and that holy gifts must be sought for in a quiet spirit; nothing calms their restless desire to examine into their own progress.

   But if you would really advance in the spiritual life strive to be at peace notwithstanding your ardent desire after perfection. Leave the whole question of progress to your director. Why should you pervert God’s good seed into thorns and thistles? Why extract trouble and anxiety from the loving grace with which He fills your heart?…God requires of you to labour after spiritual progress, but He never requires that you should know what amount of progress you have made.

   If you neglect this rule, you will have nothing save trouble and perplexity, and probably, if on the other hand you are satisfied that you are making good progress, that very satisfaction will undo the work;—self-esteem is the poison of all holiness. Real detachment will put away all inclination to weigh your own merits, and true humility never perceived its own gifts; it is only alive to its endless imperfections and faults. Be sure that all this restless self-dissection is merely a pretext for indulging pride and self-consciousness, and it can bear no good fruit, for no holy soul ever conceived itself to have made any great strides in goodness.”

   ”God would have the soul He favors unconscious of what He is doing, so that His leadings may be perfectly free…It may be asked whether it is possible for anyone to be led by these extraordinary ways, and not know it? Most possible, and of daily occurrence. Those whom God is leading by special trials and temptations have no idea that they are enduring anything great…Divine simplicity is incapable of perceiving what it really is in itself; and these souls which are most favored of God are farthest from imagining themselves to be in any way different from others.” (Spiritual Guidance, The Substance of Two Or Three of Guillore’s Books, Compiled With an Intr. by T.T. Carter, (London: Rivingtons, 1873), p. 54-57,151)

   Regarding the latter, recall St. Augustine’s words:

   “Brethren, rather than you would think yourself better or even different from other men, I would that you should return to the world.”

   This is likely the hardest thing for many spiritual seekers to do. One could say it takes courage and a rare faith, but it is really simply inevitable at some point. There is obviously a two-edged sword: if we stop caring for our progress, won’t we just be adrift? But if we don’t let the concern go, how will we ever drop anchor or find safe portage in the storm?

   “A loving faith in the inherent goodness of God will lead one to make wonderful progress without much ongoing effort on the part of an aspirant.” - Kirpal Singh (paraphrased from memory)

   “The practice of accepting at each moment the present state in which God places us, can keep us in peace of mind and cause us to make great progress without undue eagerness. Besides this is a very simple practice. We should adhere to it strongly but nevertheless with an entire resignation to whatever God requires about it.” - deCaussade


   These are some possibilities for pondering! If the process described here is not yours at the moment, rest easy, and file this for future reference if and when the need for it arises. For an additional detailed and balanced overview about the idea of progress, the student may also consider the following chapters from The Notebooks of Paul Brunton: "The Measure of Progress” (http://paulbrunton.org/notebooks/2/2) and "Uncertainties of Progress” (http://paulbrunton.org/notebooks/2/3).

   And if the reader is not already overwhelmed with what may be a new way of looking at the subject, we will not leave without presenting what some may feel as another bombshell (or perhaps off-the-wall) quote from Sri Nisargadatta;

   “No ambition is spiritual. All ambitions are for the sake of the ‘I am’. If you want to make real progress you must give up all idea of personal attainment. The ambitions of the so-called Yogis are preposterous. A man’s desire for a woman is innocence itself compared to the lusting for an everlasting personal bliss. The mind is a cheat. The more pious it seems, the worse the betrayal.” (I AM THAT, p. 299)

   This is gyan of course, and not standard Sant Mat. But before casting it aside as rubbish, consider the meaning intended by the sage. This is first of all not a beginner’s teaching. It is founded, moreover, on a deep grasp of the limitations of starting with the assumption of the conventions of ordinary living, such as “there is a body and I am in it” (and therefore must get out of it, to not suffer, to be free, etc.), only to eventually discard them upon full realization at some imagined future date. Rather, it invites one, regardless of the practices he chooses to engage, to also question any and all such assumptions:

   “Begin to question. The most obvious things are the most doubtful. Ask yourself such questions as: ‘Was I really born?’ ‘Am I really so-and-so?’ ‘How do I know that I exist?’ ‘Who are my parents?’ ‘Have they created me, or have I created them?’ ‘Must I believe all I am told about myself?’ ‘Who am I anyway?’” (Ibid, p. 298)

   Inquire thus, at least from time to time - if one is drawn by the inner urge or attraction to do so. It can serve as a complement to meditation, and lead to greater insight overall when not meditating, that is, in becoming more present in daily to the truth of ones being. But of course, it is not required.


   Ishwar Puri remarks that once a soul is initiated by a perfect Master his karmic account is finished, and - I believe Kirpal Singh also agreed with this - unless there is serious backsliding this will be his last life in bondage, regardless of spectacular success in meditation. In essence, as Soamiji said, we are to 'make our faith and love firm and leave all the rest is in the hands of the Master,' who will even accomplish the shabd meditation and everything else for us. But generally it takes a while to acquire the confidence, or be left with the final option, to make this kind of mental surrender.

   A paradox then, isn't it? To be fastidious in noting each and every bit of results and simultaneously being detached and unconcerned with results? Is it even possible? Better then to take to the easy path of surrender that the masters offer. But it seems to be the case that this is only really possible when it becomes the only option one has left. Until then, worry, anxiety and guilt offer a powerful argument for the continuation of struggle. Still, the masters with open arms repeatedly make the 'good news' of this offering available to us all. After all the master at heart "is more of a benevolent philanthropist than a teacher handing out marks at an examination" (PB) - unless we want it otherwise.

   Kirpal once said that for the devotee who follows the commandments there is "continuous upward inner progress from day to day." This may have led some to despair, when the aforesaid progress was not so readily forthcoming. But Kirpal didn't always talk this way, nor do most other gurus, whether in Sant Mat or elsewhere. And, perhaps apart from the terminal stages of the path, such progress is not really possible. So it seems counter-productive to expect it, chart it or constantly grade it. The path is never such a straight line - that is only the dream of the ego - but rather a rhythmic, cyclical and spiral movement, with apparent ascents and descents through a number of stages and levels. It is a difficult and unpredictable process when looked at from the human point of view.

   And we have this recorded experience of one initiate to ponder:

   "At initiation I failed to have any inner experience, and when everyone was gone, I told Surat Singh. Surat Singh encouraged me to bring up the problem with Maharaj Ji [Kirpal Singh]. I told Maharaj Ji, "My friend here assured me that You would give me a glimpse of my Divine Home. But that has not been my experience." "As for taking you up there," He said, "it could be done, but in your present condition you will not be able to stay there; nor when you come back would you be able to carry on with your normal life on earth." I then asked, "But would you indeed take me there at the time of my death?" Maharaja Ji said that assurance he had already given at the initiation. However, I need not wait till then, and He advised me to carry on regularly with my meditations as instructed.

   I returned home and sat down for meditation that evening. I soon entered into a state of samadhi and the Sound Current was so strong and so sweet that the three hours within seemed as three minutes. This went on from day to day, and a month later I visited Maharaj Ji. He asked me what I heard inside, and one by one He Himself mentioned the names of various musical instruments for me to confirm. That evening when I returned home, I could not hear the Sound Current at all; it was the same from thence onwards: It was clear that whatever I had received, came from the Master by His grace, and He knew all that I was going through." (from Sant Kirpal Singh Ji Maharaj:The Ocean of Divine Grace, p. 97-98)

   PB even suggests a well-considered break from certain forms of meditation is possible at times :

   "He should realize the wisdom of setting up for himself the ideal of a balanced, integral development. If he needs to develop along other lines in order to balance up, the abstention from meditation for periods will do him no harm...The difficulty for many aspirants in attaining such an admirably balanced character lies in their tendency to be obsessed by a particular technique which they followed in former births but which cannot by itself meet the very different conditions of today." (Vol. 13, Part 2,, 3.280 )]

   One Radhasoami guru, Gurinder Singh, has said:

   "It is not necessary to keep on trying to measure your progress all the time. The only thing is to keep the right direction. You do what you can, some people more, some less, so let it be like that [the main point]. All these notions of how fast or how slow you're travelling are still a matter of concentrating on the ego and its progress. It may be developing more virtues, improving itself, getting rid of some of its faults. But you never know. In a new situation, you may develop new errors, mistakes. How can you measure?You can't measure accurately. The ego doesn't really know whether it is progressing or regressing, and certainly not whether it's going to attain. You can't get an exact date when you'll be free of all this business which keeps you down here on earth. The best thing is not to worry about it. Let it go. Which means, to let the ego go, and thereby find peace of mind."

   "All the excitement that Ramakrishna had - that he was going to plunge the sword into himself if God didn't give him enlightenment - all unnecessary. He could have gotten it anyway, even if he didn't threaten God. He really didn't get it until he was visited by the monk who told him there was more to do. Then he got enlightenment really. Until then he thought he had found it. He used to practice meditation on Jesus, Mohammed, and others, having union with their Gods. But the final idea is not that. It's not you uniting with God, but forgetting you. God does all the action."

   And ultimately, this 'action' also may means something like the death or outshining of the separate 'ego-and-perhaps-even-soul-identity' itself. Consider, what is the worst thing, in essence, that the usual spiritual seeker or meditator can imagine in the beginning stages of his journey? That which really can't be imagined, but I will tell you what I think. It is to be reduced of all ability to feel any interiority to himself, to be emptied of the capacity to exercise any spiritual exercise of introversive meditation, the complete dispersal of attention without, and maybe not even to just feel a sense of presence, with the latter withdrawn - in short, to be made void. And neither from ignorance or depravity, but just to be tried in the fire, whether or not one believes that is necessary. To really to know his emptiness, not just analytically in a Tibetan Buddhist sense of knowing the 'interdependent origination of all phenomena', or to experience a deep mediative Void, but to be personally emptied of all tangible power of the soul, naked before God with nothing to take credit for, no good works to justify one's salvation. No Master or other person can prevent this rotting out of your own being from happening; indeed, it is the Self within that is doing it. This, no doubt, is a special and extreme situation, but stands as an example of a point where self-introspection is shown at this level for what it is: no longer solely a means to remember the Master and higher power - which in the beginning it well may be - but the last attempt of an ego to save itself. And although one is left for a time feeling without a rudder or guiding light, this harrowing process of inner emptying is actually the best thing that could happen; the void that opens up is in fact ones true Self calling one home or seeking to emerge. This 'death', as all traditions tell us, is in a sense even an illusory one, although it will seem very real when it happens - that is, until one gets used to it and surrenders into the source of one’s true joy.

   The issue of 'progress' is very difficult if one looks at a variety of teachings, and considers a variety of stages of maturity among aspirants in each. For instance, as discussed in "The Depths of This Thing" and "Not a One-Shot" (at www.mountainrunnerdoc.com), one might accept a basic classification of stages for a framework of discussion such as the four Buddhists stages: stream enterer, once-returner, non-returner, and Arhant (with additional, liberated stages beyond these basic four). These could, on a certain manner of understanding, correspond to the 'four lives to enlightenment' doctrine sometimes spoken of in Sant Mat. [This is not so completely unique of a teaching as it may seem at first glance; in the Yoga-Vasishta it is said that those who associate with a jnani will attain mukti in four or five lifetimes. However, having said that, Kirpal said that the four lifetime statement in Sant Mat was actually not accurate but that there four general stages, which could be passed in one life]. These are not arbitrary stages, nevertheless, nor are all required in every life - moreover, it is hard for us to discern what stage one is in - it takes at least a Master to know. But basically they correlate to integration and transcendence of the physical, emotional-psychic, and mental 'hindrances' or karmas, as well as the fundamental root ignorance of egoity. This takes one, in Sant Mat terms, perhaps, to the super-causal level (~Arhat), where the individuated soul is free of birth and death, but not yet non-dually realized as it is in Sach Khand, the first of, in this system, the 'God-realizing' stages. But there are many factors to consider regarding progress. It all take decades and lifetimes for most of us, and it is very hard to look at the average practitioner of a path and evaluate the universal efficacy of the techniques, as we would have to look at many things: (1) how wisely do they practice; (2) how diligent are they; (3) what is their karmic situation; (4) how ‘advanced’ were they when they started; (5) and various other factors, including last but not least, grace. Then we would have to evaluate how they would have progressed on another path with another teacher. Who has the intuition to comprehend all of this? Even great masters often demonstrate an inability to evaluate such things, especially comparing various paths to ascertain their relative strengths and weaknesses.

   Concentrating at the ajna chakra, for instance, can lead to different results for different practitioners of different paths. Chakras are doorways to different dimensions of experience, but what happens when working with a particular chakra depends not only on what chakra is the focus, but also - most importantly - on the understanding, maturity, and quality of awareness of the practitioner. In Sant Mat one is only concerned with one chakra. If one does vipassana, however, in the ajna center, which is certainly an option, then one will have a very different set of experiences than if one is willful, concentration-based, and seeks to ignore the rest of the body and emotions. There is a whole spectrum of possible ways to practice at the ajna or any chakras. We cannot easily make generalizations about the effects of chakra-centered meditations as it much depends on other factors. The nada and gazing meditations as usually taught these days in Sant Mat are a kind of middle path between the attitude of vipassana and the attitude of excessive inversion/concentration such as in the Buddhist jhanas. They are a hybrid path that is supposed to allow withdrawal of sensory currents to take place, but very patiently, without striving or efforting in a goal-oriented, willful fashion - except that leaving the body is still generally considered as the main goal. It is taught that one should focus at the third eye center with complete relaxation, patience, and without agenda (but on the other hand, keep track of all your experiences to see if you are progressing). This will sometimes lead to samadhi solely through technique, but ideally not until the lower chakras are adequately illuminated by the process. Sometimes it is admitted that one should not go up until all karmas are paid off. Kirpal wrote:

   "If a Master were to take a disciple up without his debts being fully paid up, those same debts would become an obstacle to further progression - because the disciple would not then like to remain in the world, but be forever immersed in the inner bliss." (10)

   Note how the above might also be construed as hinting that the final goal is not just to leave the body, as some other Sant Mat teachers have also said - although not usually to beginners. Now, one might fault Sant Mat for under-emphasizing the importance of teaching extensively about the importance of the quality or attitude of the meditator in the practice. There are those that maintain too much of a striving mode, which means some will rise above the body as an expression more of technique, rather than overall ripeness. So when looking at such practitioners, their character may not be very unusual, but they are doing the practice in the wrong spirit, and have risen above the body prematurely. But, statistically speaking, only a fairly small percentage of practitioners get - ripely - to that stage in this lifetime. One need not hurry or worry, however, because in Sant Mat the progression is in the hands of the Master-Power, and one may be permitted to continue on the inner planes, and that or any future rebirth will both be auspicious. In this light one can appreciate that it is really important to get over a concern with the notion of time, which is part of illusion. If in one's life he finds that the concerns, memories, and events are becoming more and more like a passing dream, to that extent he is closer to Reality.

   But not everyone may at all times feel suited to this kind of path, so one may not be able to measure one's stage of development by comparing oneself solely to this model. A 'karma yogi' will not be learning to withdraw from the body (or only eventually, slowly, patiently, for most). And a 'vipassana yogi' will never rise above the body as a rule, unless they switch to inversion practices. It may come as a surprise to a Sant Mat practitioner that every legitimate, authentic path has not had as its goal that of leaving the body. So, one can possibly have a 'non-returner' practicing zazen who has never traversed inner planes, and a willful inversion yogi who has gotten to Trikuti, but is only at the first stage of awakening (stream-entry). This topic is complicated, as one can see. Do not struggle with this material if it is not useful. The moral of the story is that we need to be careful in trying to understand all of this, in comparing paths, and in using practitioners of those paths as examples of what must or should happen on those paths. [Note: differences between Buddhist vipassana and concentrative jhanas or absorptions, and the concentrative inversions or samadhis on mystical paths are discussed in Part Two of this book].

   There is also the unpredictable fact that the action of the divine Power will stir up much in the disciple; this relates to the dark night experience, but not entirely. Swami Muktananda described how all of his faults were brought to the surface after experiencing much bliss at the feet of his Guru:

   "Where had my rapture, my ecstasy gone? My pride and elation had been taken away, and I was suddenly the same poor, miserable wretch that I had been before meeting Nityananda.. My mind was filled with remorse. Where was my earlier intoxication? Alas, what had happened?..My peace of mind had been destroyed, and all my thoughts were leading me into a deep melancholy...My body was sore all over, and my head was hot with anger, fear, and worry that danced around inside me..I cannot write the horrible thoughts that filled my mind, but - it's true - I had them. I was obsessed with impure, hateful, and sinful thoughts...I was assailed by all sorts of perverse and defiling emotions...The whole universe was on fire. A burning ocean had burst open and swallowed up the whole earth. An army of ghosts and demons surrounded me...At the time, I had not heard nor read about such a state. I had only heard pompous talk about Vedanta and explanations of its verses...My Guru worship and the mantra Guru Om, Guru Om disappeared. Instead, in their place came a powerful sexual desire. Who knows where it had been hiding all this time? It completely possessed me. ..I could think of nothing but sex! My whole body boiled with lust, and I cannot describe the agony..I tried to explain it to myself in some way, but I couldn't...I felt frightened, ashamed, discontented. It started to affect my brain. I brooded, and my anxiety grew. I thought, "This disaster is the result of some terrible sin"...I sat there in deep depression. I began to be afraid of all women. My courage had waned. I was afraid I might indulge in wanton behavior. I kept thinking of all the sadhakas of former times who had fallen from yoga, deviated from the path, and destroyed all their good karma. I remembered the stories of Ajamila, Surdas, and even saint Tulsidas, and wept. The overwhelming power of Kamaraja, the king of lust, terrified me." (10a)

   Kind of hard to fit this into the diary! This is included here solely to make one aware of its possibility. And there is one more thing: in the schools of tantra, a principle is noted called Yoga Bhoga Yathae, i.e., that sometimes one can not get rid of an obsession without indulging it. Traditional yogis say such an approach is akin to pouring fuel on a raging fire, and in many cases this is true. But with grace at other times it may not be so, but rather, invoke a trust in the wisdom of embracing the shadow side of oneself. Enough said for now.

   A note on perfecting oneself

   What exactly does that mean? However one may imagine it, it is probably not the genuine thing. For another perspective, one hindered by a spiritual blindness which seeks perpetually to ascend into light, with little or no self-undermining snags along the way, we turn to the words of spiritual director Jean-Pierre deCaussade, who wrote:

   "You cannot follow the path of perfection in reality except through losses, abnegation, despoilment, death to all things, complete annihilation, and unreserved abandonment. We need not be astonished when we experience affliction, when even our reason totters, that poor reason so blind in the ways of faith; for it is a strange blindness which leads us to aspire after perfection by the way of illumination, of spiritual joy and consolation, the infallible result of which would be to revive even more and more our self-love and to enable it to spoil everything."

   And more:

   "To feel no surprise at ones miseries is a good beginning for a humility founded on self-knowledge; but to feel no trouble at the keen and habitual recollection of them is a very great grace, and the source of a complete distrust of self, and of a true and perfect confidence in God."

   In short, this itself is a very good of progress. What progress? Progress from a personal to an impersonal point of view. St. John of the Cross, in The Dark Night of the Soul, tells us that

   "Some of these beginners, too, make little of their faults, and at other times become over-sad when they see themselves fall into them, thinking themselves to have been saints already; and thus they become angry and impatient with themselves, which is another imperfection. Often they beseech God, with great yearnings, that He will take from them their imperfections and faults, but they do this that they may find themselves at peace, and may not be troubled by them, rather than for God's sake; not realizing that, if He should take their imperfections from them, they would probably become prouder and more presumptuous still."

   In this light our perfection may be found more and more in the increasing sense of distrust of self, and its attendant humility, which, so to speak, come from 'trying and failing'. According to Lao Tzu, that itself is success, or progress. We do not like to hear this, but perhaps older initiates will sense its truth.

   There is another thing to ponder. Besides the categories of truthfulness, love for all, non-violence, chastity, and selfless service, there are quite a few other qualities or tendencies that may be specifically important for any one person to become conscious of. These include: sloth, gluttony, pride, envy, jealousy, worry, negative fear (as opposed to 'holy fear'), courage, vigilance, patience, worry, self-doubt, self-love, hesitancy, and even more individual characteristics. One could try to squeeze all of these into the current diary form, but it probably doesn't work very well. Nor does ignoring them, for beginners. Many of these may go under what Gurdjieff called the 'chief feature' - uninspected or unconscious determinants that govern our behavior and which must become conscious. Merely trying to be 'good' and neglecting the 'shadow' side of the personality will not result in substantial progress, but rather crystalization around a squeaky clean identity that is its own form of bondage.

   Then there is the question of balance of one's character. This may seem to stray far afield from the subject of the diary, but, at least for those starting out in life with many years ahead, it bears mentioning. Paul Brunton talks a lot about developing and then achieving a balance among the qualities of feeling, thinking, and willing, or essentially, the heart, the mind, and the will. Some mystics, for instance, have an overdeveloped feeling nature, but little discrimination, or even less ability to get things done. Much of the history of mysticism that comes down to us seems to sometimes even reinforce this as a desirable trait. So it would seem to be useful to spend some time finding out one's weaknesses in these areas. This is not so much a matter of sinning or doing wrong, but of understanding what needs working on in ones development as a human being. Brunton even goes so far as to argue that the full maturation and balancing of these qualities in a spiritual aspirant leads to a fusion of them into what he calls 'insight,' or the awakened spiritual state:

   "If it is to be a continuous light that stays with him and not a fitful flash, he will first, to cast out all negative tendencies, thoughts, and feelings; second, to make good the deficiencies in his development; third, to achieve a state of balance among his faculties." [Notebooks]

   This could be seen as coming under the heading of 'sins of omission' that Sant Kirpal mentioned in the diary, but which was perhaps not explained or articulated fully to our understanding at the time. For instance, it would be pretty hard to see not doing, or not being capable of adequately doing, something necessary to the situation, if one did not have some insight into his character development.


   The Self You Didn’t Want To Realize

   Or the little-mentioned but extremely important issue of psycho-physical purification. The cleansing of the vessel so new wine can be poured in, so the hidden splendor can begin to shine. Sant Darshan Singh referred it as “scrubbing.” As did Sri Nisargadatta - “scrubbing.” The Athonite Fathers referred to the Church as a hospital for sick souls. Indeed, at one time the University of Athens placed ‘religion’ in the school of medicine, not philosophy. When I was at Sawan Ashram Sant Kirpal Singh in fact said that I was in a hospital. So what are these great men talking about?

   As mentioned, Sant Kirpal Singh said many times that the "subconscious reservoir of feelings and thoughts must be completely drained out in order for one to be filled with love for the Lord/Master."

   I wonder how many of us have any idea what that would entail? That we are not only suffering the results of a fundamental ignorance [which some paths say is our only real problem], but we generally and in varying degrees are egoically adapted in a spider’s web of myriad of dimensions: in how we think, how we feel, and how we act. Thinking, feeling, and willing need to reshaped to serve the purposes of the soul, which implies a major ordeal. On the one hand, the subconscious reservoir can not be entirely ‘drained’ out - the metaphor may not be perfect - and certainly not by the disciple under his own power. But to the degree required this is a Herculean task, undertaken largely by the Master or Master-Power. The disciple him or herself will never do it on his or her own. On the other hand, the major unconscious karmic hindrances, asanas or samskaras, will themselves serve to prevent their own exposure. It is only well onto the path, in many cases - after a certain amount of initial love and light and awakening, perhaps, has been infused into the disciple - that such deeper purification will and can take place, and often at the apparent loss of ones ‘spirituality’. The loss is only temporary, however, as a deeper purification takes its place. After this whirlwind - of "many crucifying spiritual operations and a spiritual death that follows," says deCaussade - one will become filled with the true love for the Master - which is the love OF the master.

   Again, deCaussade echoes Kirpal in saying:

   "The extent to which the soul is purified in its most secret recesses is the measure of its union with the God of all holiness."

   This is, what you say, 'talking turkey.' sufficient purgation or purification, and nothing less than that, will take place for the soul's purposes and the divine destiny of each individual. The job will get done. The individual cannot do it, he can only get so far; only the Master-Power or grace can accomplish such an immense task, of course with the soul’s cooperation. For one thing, on our own we would eventually run out of time! Second, there are not exactly a finite number of faults to be 'weeded out'. They are legion (which is why sages like Ramana Maharshi speak so much about striking at the root and not the branches) - but, importantly, there are habitual reactive states held in place by core beliefs and deep wounds and their subsequent habitual actions and reactions, creating a chronic sense of insufficiency, of being not good enough, of superiority or inferiority, that govern many of our responses to life, whether that be either puffed-up pride or, equally, shame/fearful timidity/false humility - and these must be seen. I think most seasoned questors have realized by now that simply seeing one's faults, and certainly looking at them judgmentally as faults or failures, is not always the most efficient method of dealing with them. Perhaps this is why Buddhism has made such large strides in recent years.

   But the eradication of the vasanas is a major part of the spiritual process. It is not, moreover, a neat and clean, linear process; it can be very messy, to say the least! One can seemingly weed out all failures in all categories of a diary form, and still not know oneself! For the simple mind is no match for the cunning of the ego, which might be said to be about two million years old and knows all the tricks in the book for keeping itself alive. Obedience, however, will lead to the Lord 'putting His own hand to the work,' Grace will intervene and get the job done. For an in-depth, sober assessment of all this, please see "The Deeper Meanings of the Dark Night of the Soul" at www.mountainrunnerdoc.com to see what many great souls have said on this subject. We will have no right to complain when such is the answer to our prayers for grace. For it is often the Divine Way. St. John explains:

   "It would indeed be very unjust to complain of this God of infinite mercy, Who alone knows how to purify your soul, a thing you would never have been able to do yourself. Your very complaints prove that you would never have had the courage to put an end to your self-love which alone impedes the reign of divine love in your heart. Bless our Lord for sparing you the trouble, and because He only asks you to allow Him a free hand to accomplish this work in you."

   Brunton further writes:

   "The ego does not give itself up without undergoing extreme pain and extreme suffering. It is placed upon a cross whence it conniver be resurrected again, if it is truly to be merged in the Overself. Inner crucifixion is therefore a terrible and tremendous actuality in the life of every attained mystic. His destiny may not call for outer martyrdom but it cannot prevent his inner martyrdom."

   But also:

   "He will come to the point where he will give upon the burden of always trying to do something for his spiritual development, the burden of believing that it rests entirely upon his own shoulders. When a man loses faith in his own goodness, to the point of despairing hopelessness, he is really ready to pray properly and practice utter dependence upon the Higher Power's grace. When he realizes that the evil in himself and in other men is so deep and so strong that there is nothing below the surface of things he can do, he is forced to turn to this power. When he abandons further trust in his own nature and clings to no more personal hopes, he really lets go of the ego. This gives him the possibility of being open to grace."

   Kirpal's point, then, is that a real transformation must take place. This can not be done simply by sitting down and thinking over the surface layer thoughts one has had throughout the day, while the real binding tendencies remain hidden. The divine grace must intervene. So means must be created to reveal all this. It is basically done by satsang, the company of the realizer, and bringing the light of awareness into the mind, in place of ignoring, indulging, or struggling against one's egoic deformities. And living life with as much courage, patience and perseverance as one can in the man-body and the world, said to be the true 'womb of the buddhas'. In other words, in relationship with the demands of life one will grow in self-introspective insight and character. We thus meet and consume our shadow material over time, without wallowing in it. It is a fire, no doubt, and a very individualized education we are getting. Some will need to 'take a bite out of life', stand for themselves, be brave, while for others the challenge is more to be quiet, humble and contemplative. Additional key questions to ask may be, "what am I afraid of ?", and, a really big one for many is, "how often do I automatically say, 'no'?" - No to life, no to taking a chance, no to a new idea, whatever. This is not one of the 'five faults,' per se, but can still major block to finding out about oneself. How can one find the new and 'unexpected' if he is always expecting the 'expected'? This is really an essential quality to cultivate.

   In any case, "education comes by negotiating difficulties, not by running away from them in the name of surrender," says Brunton.

   "There is not actual surrender, but only self-deception, if it is made before reason, will, and self-reliance have been exhausted. There is no such easy escape out of the difficulties, financial or otherwise, as mere verbal assertion of surrender."

   True surrender, it seems, will only be able to be made when one is mature enough. So there is something in all of this for everybody, at every stage of practice and on every path.

   But there is another thing which is hardly talked about in spiritual teachings. It happens not to everyone, but it happens. St. John summarized this process of purification with a metaphor of a log of burning wood (www.ccel.org/ccel/john_cross/dark_night.viii.x.html); it takes a long while before the wood stops hissing and crackling and giving off foul odors and only then burns cleanly with bright flame, filling all around with warmth and light. Furthermore, St. John speaks more in The Living Flame of Love on the hardness and aridity one feels inside as this process proceeds:

   “This flame of itself is extremely loving, and the will of itself is excessively dry and hard. When the flame tenderly and lovingly assails the will, hardness is felt beside the tenderness, and dryness beside the love. The will does not feel the love and tenderness of the flame since, because of its contrary hardness and dryness, it is unprepared for this until the love and tenderness of God expel the dryness and hardness and reign within it. Accordingly, this flame was oppressive to the will, making it feel and suffer its own hardness and dryness.” (Kavanough/Rodriguez, trans, The Collected Works of St. John of the Cross: LFL, 1.23)

   And he herein recapitulates what he says in The Dark Night about this purgation:

   “Spiritual writers call this activity the purgative way. In it a person suffers great deprivation and feels heavy afflictions in the spirit that ordinarily overflow into the senses, for this flame is extremely oppressive...Neither is the flame refreshing and peaceful, but it is consuming and contentious, making a person faint and suffer with self-knowledge. For it is not glorious for the soul, but rather makes it feel wretched and distressed in the spiritual light of self-knowledge that it bestows. As Jeremiah declares, God sends fire into its bones and instructs it [Lam. 1:13]; and as David also asserts, he tries it with fire [Ps. 17:3]. At this stage persons suffer from sharp trials in the intellect, severe dryness and distress in the will, and from the burdensome knowledge of their own miseries in the memory, for their spiritual eye gives them a very clear picture of themselves. In the substance of the soul they suffer abandonment, poverty, dryness, cold, and sometimes heat. They find relief in nothing, nor does any thought console them, nor can they even raise the heart to God, so oppressed are they by this flame. This purgation resembles what Job said God did to him: You have changed to being cruel toward me [Job. 30:21]. For when the soul suffers all these things jointly, it truly seems that God has become displeased with it and cruel. A person’s sufferings at this time cannot be exaggerated; they are but little less than the sufferings of purgatory...Since in this fashion God mediates and heals the soul of its many infirmities, bringing it to health, it must necessarily suffer from this purge and cure according to its sickness.” (LFL, 1.19-20)

   "It is clear that God grants the soul in this state the favor of purging it and healing it with this strong lye of bitter purgation, according to its spiritual and sensual part, of all the imperfect habits and affections which it had within itself with respect to temporal things and to natural, sensual and spiritual things, its inward faculties being darkened, and voided of all these, its spiritual and sensual affections being constrained and dried up, and its natural energies being attenuated and weakened with respect to all this (a condition which it could never attain of itself, as we shall shortly say). In this way God makes it to die to all that is not naturally God, so that, once it is stripped and denuded of its former self, he may clothe it anew. And thus its youth is renewed like the eagle's and it is clothed with the new man, which, as the Apostle says, is created according to God...in the newness of sense." (E. Allison Peers, trans. The Dark Night of the Soul (Garden City, New York: Image/Doubleday, 1959), p. 145-146, 97)

   “In the newness of sense,” suggests more than just a spiritual, but even a bodily transformation. Sri Nisargadatta also gives a hint:

   “When the mind has been put to rest and disturbs no longer the inner space (chidakash), the body acquires a new meaning and its transformation becomes both necessary and possible.” (I AM THAT, p. 497)

   So this sort of thing happens and is almost to be expected at some point. And it happens in Sant Mat, too. In remarkably similar fashion to St. John, Babuji Maharaj of the Radha Soami Satsang, Agra, offers the following, somewhat unique in the literature of this tradition, where such inner secrets have only been revealed in private:

   “It is usual that the awakened Saint or Gurumukh (beloved disciple of the Guru) must go through a period of great physical depression and weakness. This is because the entire constitution of the body has to be transformed in order that it may be in harmony with the spirit in its awakened condition and be fitted to perform the work before it. This period of depression may continue over a number of years, but it is usually followed by a high degree of bodily health.”

   “This physical change is absolutely essential for making appreciable spiritual progress. The capacity of the body to undergo it constitutes the limit of usefulness of the body. There have been exceptional jivas (individual souls) endowed with bodies capable of enduring in one life the whole requisite transformation without breaking. But in (such) cases the immediate physical effect of the transformation was a low and depleted bodily condition which continued for quite a number of years. After the changes have been effected, complete physical vigour usually comes back, though with a body very different in its constitution. One of its acquired characteristics is its softness and freshness like that of a babe.” (Babuji Maharaj , Notes of Discourses, Radha Soami Satsang, Agra, 1947), p. 80, 117)

   Sri Aurobindo offered a yogic explanation for what appears to be a phenomenon similar to the dramatic externalization or embodiment aspect of the dark night experience; for him, too, it is a natural progression, and not just a corrective remedy for a wrong or ignorant approach. The end result, nevertheless, is not only ascent of consciousness to the Light, or freeing of the soul, but the descent of Light transforming the lower nature. This is in line with various emerging teachings:

   “Most sadhaks of the old type are satisfied with rising into the spiritual or psychic realms and leave this part [the bodily or descended nature] to itself - but by that it remains unchanged, even if mostly quiescent, and no complete transformation is possible.”
   “Hitherto your soul has expressed itself through the mind and its ideals and admirations or through the vital and its higher joys and aspirations; but that is not sufficient to conquer the physical difficulty and enlighten and transform Matter. It is your soul in itself, your psychic being that must come in front, awaken entirely and make the fundamental change.”
   “These are things which come about almost inevitably in one degree or another at a certain critical stage through which almost everyone has to pass and which usually lasts for an uncomfortably long time, but which need not be at all conclusive or definitive. Usually, if one persists, it is a period of darkest night before the dawn which comes to every or almost every spiritual aspirant. It is due to a plunge one has to take into the sheer physical consciousness unsupported by any true mental light or by any vital joy in life, for these usually withdraw behind the veil, though they are not, as they seem to be, permanently lost. It is a period when doubt, denial, dryness, grayness and all kindred things come up with a great force and often reign completely for a time. It is after this stage has been successfully crossed that the true light begins to come, the light which is not of the mind but of the spirit. The spiritual light, no doubt, comes to some to a certain extent and to a few to a considerable extent, in the earlier stages, though that is not the case with all - for some have to wait till they can clear out the obstructing stuff in the mind, vital, and physical consciousness, and until then get only a touch here and there. But even at best this earlier spiritual light is never complete until the darkness of the physical consciousness has been faced and overcome. It is not by one’s own fault that one has fallen into this state, it can come when one is trying one’s best to advance. It does not really indicate any radical disability in the nature but certainly it is a hard ordeal and one has to stick very firmly to pass through it. It is difficult to explain these things because the psychological necessity is difficult for the ordinary human reason to understand or to accept.”

   “It is always the effect of the physical consciousness being uppermost (so long as it is not entirely changed) that one feels like this - like an ordinary man or worse, altogether in the outer consciousness, the inner consciousness veiled, the action of the yoga power apparently suspended. This happens in the earlier stages also, but it is not quite complete usually then because something of the mind and vital is active in the physical still, or even if the interruption of sadhana is complete, it does not last long and so one does not so much notice it. But when from the mental and vital stage of the yoga one comes down into the physical, this condition which is native to the physical consciousness fully manifests and is persistent for long periods. It happens because one has to come down and deal with this part directly by entering it, - for if that is not done, there can be no complete change in the nature. What has to be done is to understand that it is a stage and to persist in the faith that it will be overcome. If this is done, then it will be easier for the Force, working behind the veil at first, then in front to bring out the yoga consciousness into this outer physical shell and make it luminous and responsive.” (Sri Aurobindo, Letters on Yoga, Volume II (Pondicherry: Sri Aurobindo Ashram, 1983), p. 1423-1427)

   Few would voluntarily submit to this; the Guru or God must do it. Come down into the body? It seems the opposite of what this path teaches. But, in fact, it is not, if it is necessary. And it seems in a sense that it is God who makes the choice.


   An Astrological Model of Transformation

   A good depiction of the ego sacrifice involved for the completion of such a “dark night” process is given brilliantly by renown astrologer Dane Rudhyar. He calls it “The Uranus Station,” wherein the aspirant moves beyond the ‘Ring-Pass-Not’ of Saturn, which astrologically rules the limits of the ego-structure.

   “The Transfiguration of Jesus.. has been interpreted as the record of one of Jesus' "Initiations"; and it may well have been the culminating moment when Jesus, Son of Man, became fully identified or integrated with Christ, Son of God. But, as we seek to understand here as clearly as possible a spiritual process potentially experienceable by every individual having passed through a particular crisis of total reorientation, it is more significant to consider, not only what happened to Jesus, but the entire scene ”on the “Mount" and all the participants in this mystical event.

   The key to its interpretation is provided by what the Synoptic Gospels record as previous to the Transfiguration. Jesus had asked of his disciples: "Whom say ye that I am?" and Peter had come forth impetuously with the answer: “Thou art the Christ, the Son of the living God" (Matthew 16:16). But when Jesus soon after spoke of his coming tribulations, the same Peter protested that this should not happen; and Jesus rebuked him in extremely strong language implying that Peter had, in this protest, been the very tool of the Tempter.

   This interplay of forces between Peter and Jesus is most significant, because Peter here represents the typical "disciple" with an intense urge toward the spiritual life, yet with a still strong mental dependence upon ordinary earthly values. And, in every individual following the Illumined Road there is a Peter as well as a Jesus. Peter, here, is the symbol of the ego-consciousness suddenly able to recognize at its innermost core the reality of the God-seed, but as yet unwilling to change the frame of reference within which this seed is to unfold its power. Peter is thus the aspirant at the Saturn stage of the Road -- Peter, the Rock. He is the first to utter the new "Name", to proclaim the new fact of the incorporation of God as Christ in the individual man, Jesus. Yet he can only visualize and interpret this new fact with reference to the old kind of ego-structured consciousness. Yes, God has come among us; but God should behave as a man. "He is I", this disciple admits; but "I", to his mind, is still conditioning the ways of "Him".

   Jesus' answer to Peter, "Get thee behind me, Satan", suggests that Jesus himself may have been tempted to evade the destiny implied in the very fact of his being the Christ; but he rejects this fourth temptation, as strongly as he had rejected the three temptations in the desert following his Baptism. He accepts fully his Christhood, and with it the Crucifixion. The plant which bears the seed within the protective envelope of the fruit realizes that, once the seed is fully mature, the plant itself must disintegrate according to the seasonal rhythm. The seed, indeed, actually "kills" the ephemeral plant that bears it. Christ 's Ascension is predicated upon Jesus’ Crucifixion. Likewise, one stretch of the Illumined Road must be experienced as the Path to Golgotha.

   To realize this fully and to accept it irrevocably is the meaning of the transition from the Saturn to the Uranus stages of the journey Starward. He who makes this transition successfully passes symbolically from the Peter to the Jesus state of consciousness. He is then ready for the Transfiguration, which seals, at the same time, the glorious destiny of the God-seed (the Christ within) and the final surrender (Crucifixion) of the ego; a surrender necessary to the development, out of the God-seed, of the new organism of spirit, the immortal vehicle of the celestial Self, the "Risen Body of Christ"...

   This is the great mystery, or spiritual paradox, at the core of Uranus' activity. To ordinary egocentric man, Uranus is the revolutionist, the arouser, the peace-shattering power that destroys the attitude of unquestioned reliance upon the seemingly secure past. Then, Uranus appears to the freer mind as the inspirer, the revealer, the spiritual fecundator, the transfigurer. Finally one more function needs to be accomplished, Uranus must evoke the Adversary of the individual he has transfigured.

   There are always elements in any personality which cannot become transfigured, which resist metamorphosis until the very last crisis. Even the "Peter" aspect of the individual's consciousness seeks forever to materialize and to organize what is of the spirit; even Peter will thrice deny his Master when to say "Yes" to his divinity menaces his personal security; and he will flee from persecution, in later days in Rome, until the vision of Christ shames him into returning to meet his own crucifixion.

   At the Saturn stage of the journey toward the Star, there often arises within the traveler's consciousness a sense of spiritual satisfaction with himself. Has not God been found to dwell like a seed of light within his soul? Has he not recognized the divine Presence, and given up many things to "follow" this Christ within? It is this sense of spiritual achievement and self-complacency which Uranus will shake and destroy - and this is the work of the Adversary, whom Uranus evokes.

   To all Peters seemingly secure in their fervent discipleship to Christ must come the shattering of hope, the sense that they have devoted their all to one who has failed, the tragedy of denial of the most cherished Ideal. Their Saturnian inertia must once more be broken; now at the seemingly spiritual level. The power of the God within must overcome the fear and insecurity of whatever is left of the old ego dismayed at the prospect of seeing the structures of personality which it built crucified.

   Jesus says: "Nevertheless thy will be done, not mine!'. But Peter takes his puny physical sword (his ego will) and, even after the experience on the Mount of Transfiguration, he fails to understand, and he fights against the inevitability of the Crucifixion. He has still to learn how to rely totally upon the power of the spirit - how impossible it is for the immortal spiritual organism to be free to function, unless the body of earth-substance is completely purified and re-made of spirit substance. Peter might have understood, had he had the power not to fear on the Mount of Transfiguration. But his fear and his materialistic attitude of traditional worship forced the entire Mount to be enveloped in a cloud; just as, in the Garden of Olives, his mortal weariness made him unable to stand, awake, by his divine Master, while Jesus made his ultimate prayer to the Father.” (Dane Rudhyar, Triptych (Netherlands: Servire-Wassenarr, 1968)


   There will likely be further dimensions of transcendence as symbolized by outer planets Neptune and Pluto, but this one is the most crucial and difficult and the rock upon which any further stages are built.


   The Promised Land and the Desert to be crossed on the way are both Within Us

   ”In the black core of the heart, God created the eternal light of love.” - Rumi, Mathnawi

   It is not always easy being under the wings of a true Guru. Sufi teacher Irena Tweedie, author of , expressed her bewilderment with the trials and contradictions in the path chosen for her by her Master, Bhai Sahib:

[Footnote: “The unique style of the Naqshbandi Sufi Order is to give spiritual transmission (Tasawwuf) at the centre of the heart. Also, they used to adopt different methods to suit different disciples. For example, Raghubar Dayal ji (Bhai Sahib's father and Lalaji's brother) thought that some of his disciples should cry as a spiritual practice. Then people came to Lalaji and complained about what kind of spiritual practices he was giving to his disciples. It is not a spiritual practice, they said. When Lalaji took up this matter with his brother, his brother said, "These people have hearts of stone, before I can give them any real spiritual practice, they must first learn to melt their hearts. That's why I gave them this practice of crying.” So the saints have their own reasons for giving certain practices to help a person develop, but the ultimate practice for the advanced disciples of Lalaji was Surat Shbad Yoga. By the way, the Guru of Bhai Sahib was Maulana Abdul Gani Khan Sahab (who was a spiritual brother of Lalaji). The Master of both Lalaji and Maulana Abdul Gani Khan Sahab was Ahmad Ali Khan. Ahmad Ali Khan authorized Lalaji in 1896 and in 1897 he also authorized Maulana Abdul Gani Khan Sahab. They were the only two disciples who received full authorization from Ahmad Ali Khan. The Sant Mat influence seems to have come only from Lalaji's side and not from Maulana Abdul Gani Khan Sahab who was the Master of both Bhai Sahib and Brij Mohan Lal (the brother of Bhai Sahib). This is probably the reason why Bhai Sahib did not teach Surat Shabd Yoga, but gave spiritual transmission to the heart centre of his disciples (to the five sub-centres of the heart). The five sub-centres of the heart is only mentioned by the Naqshbandi Sufi Order.]

   “Somewhere there is happiness...Somewhere there is laughter, and Golden happiness. But for me there will be unbelievable suffering, much of it, and goodness knows for how long. I did not see light since I have been with him, and it is years now. I seem to have forgotten what laughter was...They all have something - bliss, Dhyana, Samadhi, wonderful states. They all look at him with the eyes of unearthly longing. I don’t think I ever looked at him like this. His son-in-law, too, seated here this afternoon - his eyes red, deep, just looking and looking. They all have this look - one can see it during the Bandhara - the look of supreme wonder...And I? Have nothing, not one good thing...And I am sure that I am being unjust, for I too got much. Only it is always obliterated by so much suffering and longing. Something in me KNOWS. But proofs I have none.” (Daughter of Fire (Inverness, California: The Golden Sufi Center, 1996):

   Brunton warns the seeker:

   “He is sometimes taken at his word and made to undergo what Light on the Path refers to as the keenest anguish, which is brought to bear upon the disciple in order to lift him or her finally above the oscillations of experience. The path is no joke. It is as terrible as it is beautiful at other times.” (The Notebooks of Paul Brunton, reference misplaced)

   In fact, one will likely feel at times that he is going backwards, when in truth he is advancing forward. Dr. Craig Isaacs describes that Dante and his guide, Virgil, after passage through a gate above which was inscribed, “Abandon all hope, you who enter here,” begin

   descending through various levels of hell (the Inferno) encountering the numerous attitudes and activities which populate the self-centered, ego-oriented, passion-indulging - yet unfulfilling - life. They encounter lust, murder, envy, power-hungry avarice, and betrayal. Finally, Dante and Virgil come to meet the Satan-like figure of Dis, a demonic monster trapped at the waist in a frozen sea...It is not the literal Satan that is met but a representation of destruction and dissolution...Here is the energy of division and death, the very opposite of the move toward union and life. Dis does not reign over a realm of passionate fire, but an abode of cold barrenness... But to Dante’s surprise, what appears at the very depth of despair and hopelessness is actually the gateway to life. In order to get to paradise, instead of the seeming logic of turning around, ascending back up the levels of hell traversed so as to start over, the travelers now climb deeper, down the torso of Dis, heading beneath the frozen lake, toward his feet.”

   “As they begin their descent, they are startled, and possibly a little disoriented, to suddenly find themselves climbing not down but up. It is then that they realize that Dis himself was upside down in this frozen lake and that their descent into hell was actually an ascending toward paradise. They begin to realize that the world that they thought was up, is really upside down...The ego-centered experience which has dominated life to this point begins to diminish. With this, the divine Comedy transitions and the reader enters the second section of the work, Purgatorio.” (John’s Apocalypse (Eugene, Oregon: Cascade Books, 2016), p. 82-83)

   Darshan Singh, too, spoke about this less-often spoken of aspect of purification on the mystic path:

   "To be purified, gold has to pass through fire before it is free from dross. It is only by passing through various fires that we too become purified. These are the fires of longing for the Beloved, of yearning and pining for the Beloved, even to the point of death. In a state like this how can you be happy? What will be your condition? You will be physically with the Master for short periods, but the periods of separation will seem longer and longer. You will feel that the path you are treading is one of eternal struggle, of endless tears, of pearls flowing from your eyes."

   Mentioned before, he then speaks seriously about a stage of "cold sighs" in the lover:

   "Your very life is sustained by the warmth produced by the love of the Beloved. But when you start feeling that your Beloved has severed all connections with you, when you feel this warmth is gone, then your sighs become cold."

   "This first sign is the greatest test because the heart of the lover is likely to flutter. [the word 'flutter' is likely a poetic understatement, based on what we have read on this subject so far] The lover is caught in the tresses of the Beloved, and this stage of cold sighs is sometimes apt to lead the lover to a state of despair and despondency. And in that semi-lunatic state the bird of the heart flutters in its cage of trials and tribulations. Once caught, this bird of the heart cannot become free again. In spite of its fluttering and crying, once captive, it is captive for all times. The Lover needs all the sympathy, all the pity for his helpless state. He now feels hopeless and abandoned because there is no one to care for him. [Note: St. John states: “The soul is deserving of great pity because of the immense tribulation and the suffering of extreme uncertainty about a remedy.”] The lyrical glances and the love that emanate from the Beloved are no longer felt. The lover is in a pitiable state of cold sighs. In Christian mysticism this period is referred to as "The dark night of the soul."

   "Master has many an arrow of love in his quiver. He can enrapture you with a single glance. He can put you in a state of ecstasy, and then rob you of your heart when you are under a spell. If you can escape one arrow, he has another arrow. He has so many arrows in his quiver. And a poor victim, once caught, is always caught."

   "These are the hard facts of life. I can express them in platitudes. I can say that the moment you come to a Master you get intoxicated with his eyes, and that intoxication increases every moment until you attain communion with the Lord. If you would like I can describe the path of love in these words but in doing so I would neither be fair to myself nor to you. What I have been explaining is the truth of the mystic path that you do not find in books. Had they written about this in the books with such great clarity, then people would have shunned this path. But this is the naked truth and the only truth. It is a fact that you ultimately enjoy lasting bliss, lasting ecstasy, lasting salvation. Nobody can deny that. But I have explained in detail all the stages which are full of pain, anguish and yearning so that you should not be afraid of facing these moments on the path. Kabir, Guru Nanak, and all the great mystics have spoken of these moments. Our Beloved Master Sant Kirpal Singh Ji used to say that this is a path of tears; this is a path of dampness. He would say, "When love dances on the heart, it pains. But that pain is coated with honey. Who is there who would give up that pain?" People have been referring to this aspect of the path since the dawn of eternity, but we have not heeded their words. For those on the path of love, the pain and the suffering may be intense, but as Ghalib, the great Urdu poet has said, "When your grief transcends all bounds, it becomes its own cure."

   "In order to make something of great value and beauty in the lovers, the Beloved sometimes shakes up their hearts. Not all lovers can withstand it. Many hearts become crushed or broken in this process. But those who are able to submit to the Beloved's shake-up, and who surrender to it, are not broken - instead they come out whole and give forth the sweetest taste. Such lovers who have surrendered to the Beloved's treatment, be it gentle or vigorous, are the most fortunate."

   "Your faith must never be shaken. Once we have come to a Master, where is the question of losing faith? Remember, he has taken a vow never to leave or forsake us until he takes us to our eternal Home. But we should also realize that we must go through the stage when we feel abandoned, when we feel that the Master has deserted us. [compare Brunton: "It is not only by the experience of feeling at times the presence of God that an aspirant may develop inwardly: it may also happen by the equivalent non-experience, by feeling quite deserted by God, quite left alone! This - the "dark night of the soul" - is just as essential."] This is one of the features of the path of mystic love. We must go through this stage without a grumble on our lips, for this stage is in reality a gift from the Master himself to help us grow. Ultimately, it is for our own benefit, for our own salvation. There is a divine purpose behind everything the Master does. We may have to spend a lifetime of tears to get his love. We cannot demand the gift supreme from our Beloved. This gift descends at the appointed hour. Patience and perseverance should be the keynotes of the life of a seeker after truth. Acting in divine wisdom, the Master grants us the object of our longing, the object of our pining, when the appropriate hour arrives." (Spiritual Awakening (Bowling Green, VA: Sawan Kirpal Publications, 1982), p. 191-192, 221-222, 231-232, 234, 307)

   Brunton echoes Darshan Singh:

   “When a spiritual teacher is asked to accept a student, he tries to discourage the seeker, because he knows by personal experience what a long and painful road it is…The essence of this path is the giving up of the “I,” the ego, which means that in a crisis the heart must weep tears of blood. Deep wounds are made, which only time can heal. They will be healed some day and when the storm of hurt feelings goes completely, a great peace arises.” (Notebook, Vol. 16, Part 1, 5.160)

   Sant Kirpal Singh also wrote potently of this delicate, trying, and inevitable stage. In a recently compiled on-line collection of long-lost unpublished spiritual poetry, entitled Divine Melodies (in which only 147 out of his 2000 written verses remain), we find:

   “It can’t be concealed when comes the calamity.
   It is a sort of doom that does come ultimately.
   What a great misery love is! It shows its feats at last.
   Who save Thee will come to me in the dark night
   To make my miserable house bright with light.”


   Madame Guyon counsels understanding on these difficulties of the path:

   “You must understand that the way of the cross - this way of allowing yourself to be completely emptied - is one that will be full of dryness for you. There is difficulty, there is pain and there is weariness. The beginning of your spiritual journey is glorious, beautiful and rich. Do not confuse the beginning with the end or the middle. They so often have little in common and bear no similarity to one another. There are parts of the journey that are spiritual, but they can also be so difficult and so dry that the word “spiritual” seems to not even apply. How fortunate, how blessed is the believer who can find someone along the way who will help him understand these things and show him that “spiritual” includes the dry, the desolate, and even the sense of being forsaken.” (Spiritual Torrents (The SeedSowers, Christian Books Publishing House, 1990), p. 92)


   Non-Dual Awakening does not bypass purification but makes it possible

       And, lest one think this is only found in the annals of mysticism, even paths unlike Sant Mat such as Advaita are not immune to this process! Even after a true ‘awakening’ such as many are claiming these days, to one degree or another, the fullest fruition of that course will still entail purification. Contemporary teacher, Ramaji, writes:

   “Non-dual awakening does not mean that every twisted knot of the subconscious has been burned through and resolved. It does not mean that terrible traumas from past lives and this life have been handled. One of the gifts of awakening is that now you are in a position to dig up [or allow grace to dig up] and resolve submerged conflicts that the empirical ego, when it ran the show, would not let rise to the surface.”

   “The journey goes on in the form of mental and emotional purification until the person reaches the level of total dedication to service. The mature sage regards all as his Self.” (Ramaji, 1000, 2014, p. 55, 39)

   If one’s ideal in the beginning is escape and not service, the need for this form of transformation may not be felt and may even be avoided so as not to disturb whatever inner peace one has found. One may bask in an initial realization and go no further, although God may have other plans. The general idea is that there is a progressive ongoing refinement that goes on even after such awakening in a manner and to a degree that may not be possible beforehand. In higher, more impersonal stages of the process, moreover, extremely harrowing experiences have been historically recorded, i.e., ‘sweating blood’ or ‘feeling like one’s bones are breaking’ (!) - but a key to making it through even where, although unlikely, the sacrifice of a Buddha or Christ may be called for, is perhaps to remember “it’s not just about me.”

   No doubt this is difficult for a beginner to see, but it needs to be said. Thus it must be kept in mind by modern seekers awakened, say, to a first experience of ‘no-self’, or alternatively, to some kind of meditative samadhi or trance state, that - according to many traditional ‘maps of consciousness’, be it in Zen, Vedanta, Sufism, and esoteric Christianity - the fruition of the Path is far ahead and has many depths before completion, and one must not let either pride or lack of understanding bring ones forward progression to a halt. Despite one’s ‘enlightenment,’ for instance, one may not yet have become fully or truly human. For sample, Zen Master Boshan warned his students centuries ago to “finish up dying and come to life,” and “beware of remaining in their little hole stinking up the place thinking they are the biggest ‘no-self’ around!” And of course we have been told many times that “humility is the adornment of the Saints.”

   So there it is. The path has ups and downs and there is simply no formulaic expression that all must follow, expect, or undergo. It rarely works quite that way. And this needs to be well understood up front. Even so, there will likely be many surprises and stunning paradoxes. This is not a ‘cookie-cutter’ process! And, furthermore, to come to the non-dual stage spoken of by Guru Nanak, wherein “truth is above all, but higher still is true living,” and where, as Ishwar Puri said, one comes to realize that “everything that has happened has happened in Sach Khand,” we must endure a process that leads to such integrated realization. As Brunton wrote

   "It is not enough to recognize the Real in its own homeland alone; he must be trained to recognize it under all conditions, even when it is hidden under thick illusion, even in the lowest ebb of the soul’s dark night.” (Paul Brunton, The Notebooks of Paul Brunton (Burdett, N.Y.: Larson Publications, 1988), Vol. 15, Part One, 3.59)


   “You are already there, you just don’t know it,” said Kirpal Singh. That means the Real or Sach Khand is also NOW. Just like all the bodies (astral, causal, supra causal) are co-existent with the physical body right now. This is ‘Sant Mat advaita.’ So how do we solve what is then essentially a ‘problem of knowledge’, and not only one of experience? By the above-mentioned endurance, and also by gradually changing our perception and viewpoints when out of meditation and immersed in daily living. By thus ‘closing the gap’ between the absolute and the relative. This is an active practice and means not merely ‘minimally functioning’ with our attention fixed inside our heads in between meditation sessions.

   If it is true that “In Him we live, move, and have our being,” we begin by assuming that that is true, and act “as if” it is. This is a form of “fake it until you make it” - except here, faking it IS making it - because it is true, and only needs to be made natural. This is using the mind to go beyond the mind, or, more accurately, to see and use it as an aspect of the Self, which it is, instead of an alien thing or an enemy. We thus seed the undoing of the hypnotic ‘samsaric’ state we are under. We are already ‘entranced’, and actually do not need another, bigger, trance state to be free. This is the hidden teaching of some of these Masters. If we wait or assume we have to wait until we reach Sach Khand in meditation to realize It here, we may have a long wait. In the meantime we might in this way follow the lead of some of the direct path teachings and thereby shorten our course. Even while continuing and deepening in Sant Mat.

   Kirpal once said “the time will come when you will say, “who is living in this body? Am I?” You will see the Master in there. When you fold your hands, they will be the Master’s hands, not yours.”. What can this mean other than the body is not ours, but is, so to speak, a manifestation of God within our consciousness? This is Sant Mat Advaita! Again, to quote Brunton, who more philosophically is saying much the same thing:

   ““The ego to which he is so attached turns out on enquiry to be none other than the presence of the World-Mind [God] within his own heart. If identification is then shifted by constant practice from one to the other, he has achieved the purpose of life.” (Notebooks)

   This recognition is a gradual process. We are getting there, I think. Of course Grace must lend a hand, and is in fact the prime Mover in this ordeal, which leads to


   ”SCRUBBING”

   The great Huang Po is credited with saying, “If you have not endured through the bone-chilling winter, how can you expect to enjoy the scent of plum blossoms?” We generally do not like to hear things like that, but purification is an essential and unavoidable part of the path, if it is actually to be lived, or even truly understood.


   “I continue to thank God daily for having thus struck me in His mercy by making me pass through this spiritual cleansing.” - deCaussade


   “God proves the devotee by means of severe ordeals. A washerman beats the cloth on a slab, not to tear it, but only to remove the dirt.” - Namah Shivaya


   “The innermost light, shining peacefully and timelessly in the heart, is the real Guru. All others merely show the way…The inner Guru bides his chance. Obtuseness and wrong pursuits bring about a crisis and the disciple wakes up to his own plight. Wise is he who does not wait for a shock, which can be quite rude…The inner Guru is not committed to non-violence. He can be quite violent at times, to the point of destroying the obtuse or perverted personality. Suffering and death, as life and happiness, are his tools of work…The self means well. But it must be taken seriously. It calls for attention and obedience; when it is not listened to, it turns from persuasion to compulsion, for while it can wait, it shall not be denied.” - Sri Nisargadatta


   “He who is not tempted, what does he know? And he who is not tried, what are the things he knows?” [Ecclus. 34:9-10]


   “You have chastised me, Lord, and I was instructed.” [Jer. 31:18]


   “For whom the Lord loveth, he chaseneth, and scourgeth every son whom He receiveth.” (Heb. 12:6)


   “Real teachers smelt and refine their students hundreds and thousands of times.” - Yuanwu (1063-1135)


   “The soul, as it were, is undergoing a cure to regain its health, which is God himself.” (Kavanaugh/Rodriguez, trans., St.John of the Cross, The Dark Night of the Soul, Bk 2, Ch 16, 10)

   “There are many who desire to advance and persistently beseech God to bring them to this state of perfection. Yet when God wills to conduct them through the initial trials and mortifications, as is necessary, they are unwilling to suffer them and shun them, flee from the narrow road of life [Mt. 7:14] and seek the broad road of their own consolation, which is that of their own perdition [Mt. 7:13]; thus they do not allow God to begin to grant their petition. They are like useless containers, for although they desire to reach the state of the perfect they do not want to be guided by the path of trials that leads to it...God finds few vessels that will endure so lofty and sublime a work.” - Kavanaugh/Rodriguez, trans., St. John of the Cross (The Living Flame of Love, Stanza 2, 27)


   This can get intense at times, for one is dealing with The Master:

   “Since this divine contemplation assails them somewhat forcefully in order to subdue and strengthen their soul, they suffer so much in their weakness that they almost die...In order for the rust of the affections which are within the soul to be purified, it is needful that, in a certain manner, the soul should be annihilated and destroyed, the poisons and imperfections have become so natural to it.”

   “Wherefore, because the soul is purified in thus forge like gold in the crucible, as the Wise man says [Wis. 3:6], it feels both this terrible undoing in its very substance and extreme poverty as though it were approaching its end.” (A. Peers, trans., The Dark Night of the Soul, Book Two, Chapter 5, Verse 6; Chapter 6, Verse 6)

   “The world is a furnace in whose fires the soul is purified.” - Baba Sawan Singh (The Dawn of Light)

   Sant Darshan Singh spoke quite a lot about this “shaking-up” or “scrubbing” process for the soul:

   "...in order to make something of great value and beauty in the lovers, the Beloved sometimes shakes up their hearts. Not all lovers can withstand it. Some hearts become crushed or broken in this process. But those who are able to submit to the Beloved's shake-up, and who surrender to it, are not broken - instead they come out whole and give forth the sweetest taste. Such lovers who have surrendered to the Beloved's treatment, be it gentle or vigorous, are the most fortunate.” (1)


   It is this aspect of the path which makes the Eastern Orthodox Fathers consider spirituality to be a branch of medicine - not philosophy. And in my case, for Sant Kirpal Singh to use the metaphor of an ashram as a “hospital” (for sick souls).

   A friend of mine wrote: "as we drove in on a bus to Sawan Ashram and entered through the gate, Sant Darshan said, “This is where souls were made into men and women.“ Kirpal Singh often said, “To become God is easy, to become a man is difficult.”


   St. Paissos: My God, I do not know what You will do, but I surrender myself to You completely so that You will make me into a human being.”


   Shri Atmananda: ”Become a man and nothing more. Then you are free.”-


   St. John of the Cross, further, spoke of some of the more advanced stages of this cleansing process:

   “The habitual imperfections are the imperfect habits and affections which have remained all the time in the spirit, and are like roots, to which the purgation of sense has been unable to penetrate. The difference between the purgation of these and that of this other kind is the difference between the root and branch, or between the removing of a stain which is fresh and one which is old and of long standing. For, as we said, the purgation of sense is only the entrance and beginning of infused contemplation leading to the purgation of the spirit, which, as we have likewise said, serves rather to accommodate sense to spirit than to unite spirit with God. But there still remain in the spirit the stains of the old man [i.e., “blemishes”, according to Darshan Singh, the Sants, various Tibetan gurus, and others],  although the spirit thinks not that this is so, neither can it perceive them; if these stains be not removed with the soap and strong lye of the purgation of this night, the spirit will be unable to come to the purity of Divine Union...It is clear that God grants the soul in this state the favour of purging it and healing it with this strong lye of bitter purgation, according to its spiritual and sensual part, of all the imperfect habits and affections which it had within itself with respect to temporal things and to natural, sensual and spiritual things, it’s inward faculties being darkened, and voided of all these, its spiritual and sensual affections being constrained and dried up, and its natural energies being attenuated and weakened with respect to all this (a condition which it could never attain of itself, as we shall shortly say). In this way God makes it to die to all that is not naturally God, so that once it is stripped and denuded of its former skin, He may clothe it anew. And thus its youth is renewed like the eagle’s and it is clothed with the new man, which, as the Apostle says, is created according to God.” (The Dark Night of the Soul)


   David sayeth: ”He sent fire into my bones, and has taught me.” (Lamentations, i, 13)


   In the Rig Veda IX.83 we read:

   "Wide spread out for thee is the sieve of thy purifying, O Master of the soul; becoming in the creature thou pervadest his members all through. He tastes not that delight who is unripe and whose body has not suffered in the heat of the fire; they alone are able to bear that and enjoy it who have been prepared by the flame."


   Sri Aurobindo wrote:

   "But it is not every human system that can hold, sustain and enjoy the potent and often violent ecstasy of that divine delight. Ataptatanur na tad amo asnute, he who is raw and his body not heated does not taste or enjoy that; srtasa id vahantas tat smasata, only those who have been baked in the fire bear and entirely enjoy that. The wine of the divine Life poured into the system is a strong, overflooding and violent ecstasy; it cannot be held in the system unprepared for it by strong endurance of the utmost fires of life and suffering and experience. The raw earthen vessel not baked to consistency in the fire of the kiln cannot hold the Soma-wine; it breaks and spills the precious liquid. So the physical system of the man who drinks this strong wine of Ananda must by suffering and conquering all the torturing heats of life have been prepared for the secret and fiery heats of the Soma; otherwise his conscious being will not be able to hold it; it will spill and lose it as soon as or even before it is tasted or it will break down mentally and physically under the touch." (1a)


   anadi likewise explains why this purificatory process is necessary:

   “We need to understand that enlightenment is not a mere shift in perception and consciousness. It is an existential metamorphosis on all levels that radically transforms the frequency of our energy system and the delicate balance of our brain and subtle bodies. A sudden and complete enlightenment that bypassed all intermediate stages of awakening would undoubtedly result in a mental and emotional breakdown, or even physical death. The body and mind require time to adjust to the dramatic change in our energy and sense of identity that the radical transfiguration of enlightenment engenders.”(1b)


   Paul Brunton is forthright in saying that one could not even recognize the highest truth if it presented itself to him without such preparation:

   “Even if the highest truth were to appear in all its glorious fullness before his mind, he would be unable to recognize it for what it is - much less understand it - if there had been no preparation or purification for it. He would not even be free to look at it if the ego held him tight in its encircling network.” (1c)

   Not only fixed habits of emotion and will must be undone, but age-old mental habits as well, for a complete and balanced illumination to manifest. This can only be achieved in the waking state of earth-life, and without it one will be entirely unable to comprehend the inner void, much less the mystical states along the way. For the ego will distort everything. This bears repeating, since it is rarely mentioned in spiritual literature. Anthony Damiani stated it this way:

   “In Nirvikalpa [the Void] there is no thought. There's nothing to understand. Without the fullness of the understanding that comes from penetrating into the World-Idea - in other words, the full development of the faculty of understanding which comes to a soul through the World-Idea - in the trance state one would be utterly unprepared to understand the mysterious Void...Or we can put it this way: It will take all the teaching that the World-Mind [Brunton’s term for God manifesting the universe as the expression of its own Intelligence or World-Idea] can bring to bear upon the soul, in order for the soul to understand its origins, its own priors...That’s what is necessary to become the sort of philosopher that not only understands the nature of the soul but also something about the prior principles that are, let's say, eternally generating it." (Living Wisdom (Burdett, New York: Larson Publications, 1996), p. 69)

   Even mystic states of Savikalpa Samadhi are problematic, without this prior understanding gained through inquiry in the waking state, because if one is not very dispassionate and does not have at least a rudimentary self-knowledge he will be so overwhelmed by the visions that he will not grasp their significance and will not therefore be freed from the ordinary way of understanding. Non-duality is out of reach. Another reason is that the ordinary yogi will easily be so overwhelmed by the superlative effulgence of the mystical state that he will be stopped from advancing further because of his belief that the goal to be attained is the stabilization of ecstasy. Whereas peace lies beyond, and often after a purificatory struggle in limitation.

   Brunton emphasizes the need for prayer, with a cautionary note:

   “Beware what you pray for. Do not ask for the truth unless you know what it means and all that it implies and nevertheless are still willing to accept it. For if it is granted to you, it will not only purge the evil out of you but later purify the egotism from your mind. Will you be able to endure this loss, which is unlikely to be a painless one?”(Notebooks, )

   Madame Guyon also urges prayer, in recognition of ones helpless condition:

   “Pour out your heart to Him as a little child pours out his heart to his father. Never doubt your Lord’s deep love for you. As you come to Him, come as a weak child, one who is all soiled and badly bruised - a child that has been hurt from falling again and again. Come to the Lord as one who has no strength of his own; come to Him as one who has no power to cleanse himself. Humbly lay your pitiful condition before your Father’s gaze.” (ref. misplaced)


   deCaussade succinctly describes the relationship of inner purification and spiritual growth:

   ”The extent to which the soul is purified in its most secret recesses, is the measure of its union with the God of all holiness.” (2)

   He further elaborates on the process, using metaphors common in mystic literature:

   “If you throw green wood on the fire the flames does not affect it except for a moment, and the heat of the fire acting on the green wood makes it exude moisture and emit sighing sounds, and twists and turns it in a hundred different ways with great noise, until it has been made dry enough for the fire to take hold of it; then the flame spreads and consumes it without any effort or noise, but quietly. This is an image of the action of divine love on souls that are still full of imperfections and the evil inclinations of self-love. These must be purified, refined, and cleared away and this cannot be achieved without trouble and suffering. Look upon yourself then, as this green wood acted on by divine love before it is able to kindle it, and to consume it with its flames. Or else as a statue under the hands of a sculptor, or like a stone which is chipped and cut with the chisel and hammer to make it the right shape to take its place in a beautiful building. If this stone could feel, and if, while it suffered it asked you what it should do in so much pain, you would, without doubt, reply, “Keep perfectly quiet in the hands of the workman and let him proceed with his work, otherwise you will always remain a rough common piece of stone.” Take this advice yourself, have patience and let God do the work because there is really nothing else for you to do, only say, “I adore and submit. Fiat!” (Ibid)

   Fenelon further explains:

   “While any self-love remains, we are afraid of its being revealed, but so long as the least symptom of it lurks in the most secret recesses of the heart, God pursues it, and by some infinitely merciful blow, forces it into the light…Our own hand can effect nothing but superficial reforms; we do not know ourselves, and cannot tell where to strike; we should never light upon the spot that the hand of God so readily finds. Self-love arrests our hand and spares itself; it has not courage to wound itself to the quick. And besides, the choice of the spot and the preparation for the blow, deaden its force. But the hand of God strikes in unexpected places, it finds the very joint of the harness, and leaves nothing unscathed. Self-love then becomes the patient; let it cry out, but see to it that it does not stir under the hand of God, lest it interfere with the success of the operation. It must remain motionless beneath the knife; all that is required is fidelity in not refusing a single stroke.” (source misplaced)

   “God will eventually test you in all areas of your life, but He will not let your trials become greater than you can bear. Let God use trials to help you grow. Do not try to measure your progress, your strength, or what God is doing. His work is not less efficient because what He is doing is invisible. Much of God’s work is done in secret because you would not die to yourself if He always visibly stretched out His hand to save you. God does not transform you on a bed of light, life, and grace. His transformation is done on the cross in darkness, poverty, and death.” (The Seeking Heart, Christian Book Publishing House, 1992, p. 11)


   Brunton:

   “What is the purpose of all this Long Path work upon himself? It is to clear a way for the inflow of grace, even to the most hidden parts of his character.” (Notebooks, Vol. 15, Part 1, 4.46)


   Madame Guyon comments:

   “The reason many of those who follow the Lord do not advance very far is because back in the beginning they had not allowed themselves to be stripped. Or, just as wrong, they had tried to accomplish this stripping by themselves. You cannot strip yourself. As much as you wish to follow the Lord, and as much as you wish to be stripped, your own efforts to do so will only make you religious and hard or extremely confused. God will come and He will strip you.”

   “You can be sure, dear reader, that you will never be motivated enough to allow this purging process to happen to you! Man, by his nature, is very reluctant to submit to such a transformation. All of us are greatly enamoured with self and very fearful of its destruction. You can be very sure you would never consent if it were not that God takes it upon Himself to act upon you. It is He who comes with power and authority. God must take responsibility for bringing man into union with Himself. (2a) But is this possible? Will God act upon man without man’s consent? Is this a break with divine principles, an imposition of God upon the free will of man? Well, let us return to that hour of your conversion. At that time you made an unreserved surrender of your being to God. Not only that, you surrendered yourself to all that God wills for you. It was at that very time that you gave your total consent to whatever God might wish to require of you. Oh, it is true that when your Lord actually began burning, destroying, and purifying, you did not recognize that it was the hand of the Lord in your life. You certainly did not recognize the operation as something good. You had the very opposite impression! Instead, you saw all that beautiful gold in you turning black in the fire rather than becoming bright as you had expected. You stood looking at the circumstances around you that were producing all that tragedy in your life. You thought that all the purity in your life was being lost. If at that moment, the Lord had come and asked you for your active consent, at best you would hardly have been able to give it. It is more likely that you would not have been able to give consent at all. There is something you can do at times like those, however. You can remain firm in a passive consent, enduring as patiently as you can all that God has introduced into your life.” (2b)

   Mariana Caplan speaks to this granting of consent in relationship to a true Master:

   "What is not understood is that a real teacher will never threaten the free will of a human being because they know that it is a gift from God...Before the master tests a human being, he or she has to give permission to be tested. He or she has to say, "Yes," Because certain things can't be done to a human being, spiritually, without the human being saying, "Yes, do with me as thou wilt"...The human being has to be turned inside out, has to be burnt to ashes, and a master can't do that to a human being unless they say, "Yes." They don't have the right to. Because everybody is free. The disciple, at each place along the way, is given a choice: do you want to continue, do you not want to continue? The teacher is there to open your heart, to tear you apart and feed you to the lions of love. But not everybody wants that."

   "There are some souls who come into this world already surrendered to God. There is a desire to be with God that overrules any human desire. But those people are rare. Most people say they want, but they don't want. This is the whole struggle with the spiritual path - do they want to surrender, or do they not want to surrender?"

   "It is said that even until the last initiation, the teacher does not know what choice the disciple will make. The disciple can say yes, or the disciple can say no. It has to be like that." (2bb)

   Zen master Nanquan (749-835) said:

   “Even though you may claim to have been awakened, I would still give you thirty blows. How many more would those who have not awakened receive?”

   Anthony Damiani, on the purgation involved, says it is not that a teacher necessarily personally goes inside the disciple and starts “shoveling around” (except as he may be used as a channel for the divine), but that proximity to his company, and the gradual maturation of the quest, naturally brings hidden tendencies to the surface:

   "In the presence of a sage, a past habit which is still alive in you is brought up to the surface and now you have to overcome it once and for all...These parts of ourselves that can’t serve the higher purpose have to be taken up, brought up into the daylight, into your consciousness. They have to be understood for what they are and then they must be disowned, discarded, or completely dissolved. So very often when a person is neurotic, if he starts meditating, things are going to get worse, not better. Because these problems start coming out into the open. Those of us who have been at it a few years begin to recognize that. You know, “Why is everything going wrong? What’s going on?” But that’s exactly what to expect and it’s good, because if these things are not brought out they will always stay in what the psychologists call the unconscious, the subconscious. And when the right opportunity comes, they’ll spring out and you’ll find out, “I am not at all the way I thought I was. I’m really a grub, something horrible.” But all the time we thought we were 99% gold. So these things happen, very naturally. It’s to be expected.” (3)


   Rangan, a disciple of Ramana Maharshi once asked:

   “How is it that the egos of some of your devotees, instead of becoming less and less, seem to grow more and more by their contact with you?”

   Bhagavan replied:

   “If the ego is to go away, it has to come out first from its hiding place. When water is put on the stove to be boiled, it must get heated, overflow and then evaporate.” (Godman, David, ed., The Power of the Presence, Part One, 2000, p. 24)


   Robert S. deRopp states:

   “This seeing is the essence of the alchemical process called nigredo, “the blackening.” It involves confronting those forces in oneself that are mainly responsible for one’s inner slavery, forces referred to [by Gurdjieff] as the chief feature. One who has seen his chief feature and learned to separate from it is on the way to real liberty (the whitening or albedo).

   “But this work of discovering the chief feature can be as rough on the teacher as it is on the pupil. The teacher has to maintain a role that may be unpleasant and difficult. He must put up with abuse from the person he is trying to help. For few come easily to the meeting with their chief features. It is a real showdown, at which Dr. Jekyll meets Dr. Hyde, at which all the rotting monsters in one’s personal cesspool come crawling out into the light of day.” (3a)

   Sri Ramakrishna called this “lancing the boil.”

   Fenelon said:

   “Self-love finds hidden strength and secret hiding places because of your natural strength and ingenuity for survival…God will force your old nature to cry out loud and come out in the open…The more God loves you, the less He spares you.”


   American master Vitvan wrote concerning this matter, couched in terms of what he calls the initiation into the “Third Degree” (in his system there were Ten Degrees). This quote seems to portray a “deep scrubbing” occurring, in this case, after a fair degree of progress has been made, either on ones own or under a master:

   "Prior to reaching this state in the initiatory process one seldom, if ever, has any realization that a purificatory process is necessary. Not until he begins to comprehend that Mind level state does it dawn upon him how unclean, how impure he is...If someone belongs to the race mind and the crowd, there is no need or requirement to undergo a process of purification..Do not ever tell him that there is a purificatory process ahead of him because he is not concerned with it and he should not attempt it. If he did, he would be attempting something that is beyond his state, and he could not live up to it if he wanted to. If he tried he would have to put in a tremendous amount of mental effort to repress the animal propensities...There are many who get mentally self-righteous or spiritually ambitious and say, "No, I am not going to live like an animal." They repress their animal propensities and develop all sorts of neurotic outlets and substituted and compensatory forms of expression. They may have nervous or mental breakdowns, whereas they should be good animals. See that? If you are a dog, be a good dog. But one who has reached the third degree in the evolutionary process, who has gradually expanded and developed out of that, is faced with something that is inescapable. He must purify the vehicles. He must purify the temple in preparation for the coming of the Christ, the coming of the Light. That Greater That, that Greater Power, that Fire (because that is the Fire), cannot come into unpurified vehicles - the higher psyche, the lower psyche, and the [energy] configuration. It would be disastrous to awaken that fire and bring it in when the vehicles have not been sufficiently purified."

   "There are several divisions of the work of purification of the vehicles. First the higher psychic level must be purified. By what is the higher psyche characterized? Love, over and above all else...That love demands self-surrender, a giving up, a dying. The personality begins to die when you begin to love...Kindness, sympathy, and helpfulness also characterize the higher psyche. All that we value in human relationship - warm, true friendship...That is the higher psyche."

   "Then how and why does that need purification for the coming of the Christ? You may be doing all of that with the consciousness that you are doing it - not that you are going to get something out of it, but that you are doing it - egoic satisfaction in the doing, personalization of all those activities that we call the higher psyche. You might even be a little proud, have some vainglory and some selfishness about it. There is where the need for purification comes. You must realize that the motivating force of that love is not something that originates in yourself...You are becoming an channel, an instrument, through which that higher influence can work. In that recognition the higher psyche becomes free from the little, personal self. It becomes free and clear, very lovely and beautiful."

   "Not until that loveliness, that beauty of the higher psyche, has been established does the Brother of the Third degree realize what a job has to be done on his lower psyche. In that beauty and loveliness of the purification of the higher psyche two things happen. On the one side, he reaches above and makes contact with those on the lowest of Light's Regions, the Mind level, the power and influence of the Christ state. On the other is the purification of the lower psyche."

   "There is purpose in this, because the Brother of the Third Degree cannot muster the strength to cope with the influence of the lower psyche by himself...It is extremely necessary to cultivate the practice of looking to a higher level for power, for strength, because when one is up against the conflict between higher and lower psyche, he has to call upon all the strength that he can obtain. He needs lots of it."

   The gist:

   "You can do all the AUM chanting and your meditation work, you can listen to the sound currents until they roar like a Niagara, and at the same time that you are in all that loveliness and beauty on the higher psyche the devils of the lower psyche are raising old Ned with you. They are kicking up everything to prevent your getting more light and more fire. They are pulling you down, trying to dissuade you from higher development...You can lift your forces into the higher psyche and beyond, but you have not purified the temple of those entities that have occupied it and are still occupying it."

   "When the battle has gone on pretty well...the third phase in the purificatory process begins...The flesh must be re-metamorphosed because so long as the quality of animal propensities remains in the flesh, the body cannot entertain the higher Fire, the higher Light of the Christ. It has to undergo purification." (3b)

   Scrubbing takes time because, as PB wrote:

   "The depth to be penetrated from the surface to the deepest layers of the human psyche is too great to be reached quickly without acute sacrifice and intense anguish...He has brought over from earlier births a number of subconscious memories, tendencies and complexes, unfulfilled desires and unexpressed aspirations. These have to be dealt with, either by increasing eradication or by diminishing satisfaction, so that they no longer interrupt the calm tenor of the mind.” (Notebooks)

   Sri Nisargadatta said:

   “There is destiny to consider. The unconscious is in the grip of destiny; it is destiny, in fact. One may have to wait. But however heavy may be the hand of destiny, it can be lifted by patience and self-control. Integrity and purity remove the obstacles, and the vision of reality appears in the mind.” (I AM THAT, p. 399)

   Sant Kirpal Singh echoes this and the earlier remark of deCaussade (regarding “purification of the innermost recesses of the heart being the measure of ones union with the God of all holiness”) by saying:

   “The subconscious reservoir of the mind  must be thoroughly drained out before it can be filled with the love of the Lord/Master.” (3c - also see note for Kabir comment)

   This basically means the bringing up to consciousness the hidden blind spots - “stuff” - that previously and, as mentioned in the previous section, even ones initial work on mind-stilling and ethical living, detachment, spiritual experiences, and even non-dual awakenings have not brought you to see, hear, touch, feel or access, because the ego was too afraid, ashamed, guilty, in control, or preoccupied with ones own progress! A great housecleaning must take place one way or another at this point for one to make a further advance. This is well and good, but too often the paths do not fully advise students about this, and the very spiritual methods and techniques can prevent this from happening. That is what this section is for.

   “It is during this probationary period that the soul will feel some discomfort. It has become so besmeared with the dirt of the senses that it has lost its original purity of heart and is not fit to be raised out of the prison house of the body."

   We do not fully agree with the old-style language used here, about the body being a prison, or the goal to be one of exclusively transcending it, although we do agree with the spirit in which it is made. The main point is that a great purification must take place. Nor is this only something that takes place in a “probationary period.” That form of man-making has got the disciple this far, hopefully, and now progressively deeper levels of “scrubbing” can then be allowed to happen.

   "Even though the door has been opened, it is so attached to the things of the outside world that it does not wish to be free. It is only when the soul begins to regain its original purity of heart and mind that it can at last want to be free of the desires of the flesh and outward attachments. The loving Master tries to avoid all possible discomforts to the child disciple by explaining what are the vices to be avoided and the virtues to be developed in order to regain this purity."

   "Unfortunately, more often than not the words of the Master do not sink in and little or no action is taken by the disciple to amend his ways. Therefore, the Master Power must take firmer measures to bring home to the disciple the importance of the truths that have been explained in words. Hence the discomfort that is sometimes felt by the dear ones in their day-to-day living...If a child gets itself so dirty that the only way the mother can wash it clean is by using a scrubbing brush, can it be said that the child will feel comfortable during the scrubbing process? It will only feel comfortable after the scrubbing has ceased and it is shining clean and pure."

   "Help and protection is always extended by the Master to his followers. He looks after their comforts in every way, both outer and inner. Even the effects of the reactions of the past - from the gallows to an ordinary pin prick - so much concession is given. As the mother sacrifices everything for the sake of the child, even so does the Master sacrifice everything for the sake of his children. The follower does not dream of what the Master does for him. He fills his followers with his own thought, with his own life impulses. When we remember him, he remembers us with all his heart and soul." (4)

   "The Guru may give happiness or misery, for he has to make a beautiful form from a rough piece of stone and therefore has to wind up all the karmas; but a true follower will never complain, no matter what condition he has to face in life - no matter what hardships the Guru allows." (5)

   “Masters are commissioned to take all to Sach Khand. He will not if you are not clean. Make my job easier. I must clean you. Masters always test their followers, each in his own methods. These tests are for advanced disciples - those who have advanced by the Master’s grace - and usually they are not aware of what is happening.” (6)


   Michael Molinos, in The Spiritual Guide (1675), wrote of this process of spiritual initiation followed by purgation:

   “At the time of your conversion [or initiation], your Lord came to dwell within you...in the spirit...the inmost part of your being. Now for that celestial King to make even your soul His habitation, it is necessary that changes be wrought in your soul. The Lord purifies our soul as gold is purified in a terrible furnace of fire...Your Lord desires to purify your soul, and He can use a very rough file. Yes, He may even assault the purer and nobler things of your life! These assaults serve as a revelation to awaken the human soul...for the soul to truly discover, to truly know, just how miserable is its natural state.”

   “Deeply within you is a place of internal peace and if you are to come through these periods and if you are not to lose that peace, it is necessary for you to believe. You must believe in the fineness of Divine mercy...even when that mercy humbles, afflicts and tries you.”

   “It is a certainty that the soul never really loves and believes more than at those times when it is afflicted. Whether you believe it or not (and whether you consent to it or not), those doubtings and fears and tribulations that beset you...are nothing else but the refinements of His love.”(6a)


   Bhai Sahib, guru of Irena Tweedie:

   “When the pain increases and becomes unbearable, it goes forever. This is the law. But you yourself interrupted it. So it was not to be...”

   “Faith and obedience are only possible if there is great love. Very subtly the Master puts you against him, before testing...Sometimes the test is impossible, too difficult to fulfill. But if one thinks: what can happen - I cannot more than die - and accepts it, then the test has been passed and one is ready for the high stage.” (7)


   Pere La Combe, spiritual director of Madame Guyon, wrote:

   “The soul that is destined to have no other support but God himself, must pass through the strangest trials. How much agony and how many deaths must it suffer before losing the life of self! It will encounter no purgatory in the other world, but it will feel a terrible hell in this.”


   Scrubbing....An initiate on the path can hardly imagine what he has signed up for.


   Sri Nisargadatta:

   Q: Why is my faith weak?
   M: Desires and fears have dulled your mind. It needs scrubbing. (8)


   His master, Sri Siddharameshwar Maharaj, speaking of an even higher stage and of things somewhat beyond the scope of this section, but also included under the nature of ‘scrubbing,’ wrote of building a 'platform' through investigation and deduction of the four major bodies: Gross, Subtle, Causal, and Great-Causal, before the "Truth of the Self" can be invoked and established:

   "The procedure for making something is quite different from the procedure of scrubbing and cleaning thereby making it absolutely smooth and appealing. Unless it has been manufactured in that finished condition, it will not be considered finished, nor will it return a fair price. Therefore, before becoming a Siddha, we must be aspirants for some time, persistently polishing the "Pure Knowledge" of the Great Causal Body. It must be made completely clean." (9)

   We discuss his model of stages in Parts One and Four, but what he means here is that even after Self-Knowledge is realized after transcending the physical, subtle, and causal bodies, the Knowledge must be made firm by "polishing" it, that is, abiding in it long enough until even the sense of liberation from ignorance is also forgotten, resulting in the Pure state of the Self or Absolute. Needless to say, this will be difficult if the ignorance of the lower bodies continue to call for attention and pull the soul down.


   Master Weishan (771-853):

   “Though the practitioner may get a moment of sudden awakening to the inherent truth from causal circumstances, he still has the flowing consciousness of manifold karma without beginning. The Dharma will cleanse that.” (10)


   Narada Bhakti Sutras:

   “Bhakti is our mother. She does not expect her infant child, embroiled in mud, to first clean itself and then climb into her lap. Rather, she picks up the child, bathes and wipes him clean, beautifies him and then offers him to the father’s (god’s) lap.”


   A friend writes:

   “One of my favorite stories in that book which you recommended to me, The Flowering of Grace (stories by devotees of Sant Rajinder Singh), is #97 in which Fannie is shown, during a Near Death Experience as a result of a cerebral stroke, the blemishes on her soul that would prevent her advancing spiritually. I especially like the story because it portrays the Lords of Karma (or, as she called them, Karmic Judges), as concerned with her growth and with providing her with opportunities, rather than as just cold, heartless meanies - even though she was to return to life paralyzed. Then Sant Rajinder Singh steps in and negotiates a compromise, “No, not paralyzed! No, no!”, promising to take responsibility for her growth. Great story.”


   A similar example of purification of such blemishes, or “harmful traces,” while out of the body is given by Tulku Thondop:

   “[Do Khyentse Yeshe Dorje (1800-1866)] got sick with small pox, which in those days was fatal. As a result, he expired and remained dead for fifteen days. Since he had exhibited unusual mystical power from his childhood, his followers didn’t touch his body, hoping that he would return to life. Do Khyentse felt that he was accompanied by his sister Dakini Losal Drolma, who was also a great adept, and two other women and a yogi. They traveled to many parts of the world, from the hell realms to the celestial realms.”

   “Crossing many continents, they went toward the Glorious Copper-Colored Mountain, the pure land of Guru Rinpoche [Padmasambhava]. On the way, they met various beings at different places. Although he couldn’t understand their languages, he was able to communicate with them all through the power of intrinsic awareness of his mind.”

   “At the beginning of a enormous bridge, his party was met by ten wrathful deities. The deities performed a rite of dispelling harmful traces from their human habits, even though they were realized masters who had been separated from their bodies.”

   “After going through the outer and inner gates, they were met by a great adept holding a vase filled with nectar. The adept purified them by washing their impurities with the stream of nectar from the vase.”

   “Then they entered a palace with inconceivable manifestations of prosperity. Inside, they saw Guru Rinpoche in wrathful form with such overwhelming power that Do Khyentse fainted away in great fear for a while. [ ~ “His countenance was as the sun shineth in his strength, and when I saw him, I fell at his feet like one dead, and he laid his right hand on me saying unto me: ‘fear not, I am the first and the last...And I counsel thee to buy of me gold tried in the fire that thou mayest be rich.’ ” (Rev.) ]

   “When he regained consciousness he witnessed all the deities enjoying a human body as a feast. It seemed to him that the body they were enjoying was his own...Generally, resistance against giving up or losing our physical body, born of our habits of attachment, is strong. To get rid of that habit of attachment is a powerful spiritual feat.”

   “Then they climbed up a great crystal stairway. Do Khyentse felt as if they were floating up like pieces of paper in the wind, not having gross bodies anymore, since those bodies had been devoured by the deities on the way. They entered an astonishingly beautiful and crystal palace...At the center of the palace, Guru Rinpoche was sitting on a precious throne, radiating rays of light in all directions...Then a dikini with a white complexion holding a skull in her hand approached Do Khyentse. She explained: “Guru Rinpoche is the embodiment of all the Buddha’s of the three times. His manifestations appear in every realm of the universe, like one moon with reflections in numerous vessels of water. Like a reflection in a mirror, you too are manifested by Guru Rinpoche and delegated to Tibet to serve human and nonhuman beings and to discover and preserve the mystical hidden teachings. Since you were obscured by womb defilement of your illusory body, your body was consumed by the deities as a feast. Now you have the body of light with the essence of wisdom...” (11)


   anadi writes:

   “It is essential to understand that even with inner awakening, expansion beyond the mind, it is not sufficient to reach complete emancipation. Until the mind has become pure and the heart healed, the burdens of the past will not allow the soul to achieve true freedom. We cannot realize the state of surrender without undergoing a deep purification that enables our human nature to fuse with the soul.” (12)


   Paul Brunton explains how a disciple’s aspiration and intention influence this scrubbing process:

   “The forces set in operation by his determined attempt to approach the Overself in every phase of his living habits eventually produce a vigorous effort on the part of his subconscious mind to cleanse itself of ancient accumulations of negative animalistic and egoistic tendencies. Although the process produces disagreeable and evil symptoms, it is not to be regarded as other than a self-purifying one, a natural way of vomiting debris from the depths, removing and expelling it. The more earnestly he takes to this quest, the more will his latent evil qualities be stirred up and then make their appearances in his character or conduct...Ordinarily they are suppressed in self-defense by the conscious mind, and their existence hidden because it has quite enough to deal with. But the candidate for illumination has flung out a challenge to vigorous war....If the higher forces were to descend upon them while they are purified only in parts and developed only in some faculties, these forces would prove harmful instead of helpful. Consequently, these parts are brought up by events to the surface of his life in order that they may be dealt with...He challenges the gods who takes to the Quest so seriously and, let him be warned, it will ferret out his weakest spot and expose it for his ultimate benefit.” (12a)


   Fenelon writes at length on some of the subtleties of this scrubbing by the divine:

   “As long as the least bit of self-love remains in the secret parts of your heart, God will hunt it down, and, by some infinitely merciful blow, force your selfishness and jealousy out of hiding: The poison then becomes the cure. Self-love, exposed to the light, sees itself in horror. The flattering lifelong illusions you have held of yourself are forced to die. God lets you see who you really worship: yourself. You cannot help but see yourself. And you can no longer hide your true self from others, either.”

   “The death that God brings you will pierce deep within. Soul and spirit will be divided. He sees in you all that you cannot see. He knows exactly where the fatal blows should fall. He heads straight for that which you are most reluctant to give up. Pain is only felt where there is life. And in this situation life is precisely the place where death is needed. Your Father wastes no time by cutting into that which is already dead. If He wanted to let you remain as you are, He would certainly do so. He seeks to destroy your old nature. He can only accomplish this by cutting into that which is alive. Do not expect Him to attack only those obviously wicked desires which you renounced forever when you gave yourself to Him. Rather, He may test you by taking away the wonderful sense of freedom you feel, or by taking from you all that now brings you spiritual comfort. Will you resist? No! Allow everything! Volunteer for your own death, for God will only accomplish His work to the extent that you let Him. Do not push away the progress that God wants to make in your life.”

   “In the long run, the pain of resisting the cross is harder to live with than the cross itself...Submit yourself peacefully and simply to the will of God, and bear your sufferings without struggle. Nothing so shortens and soothes your pain as the spirit of non-resistance to your Lord.”

   “As wonderful as this sounds, it still may not stop you from bargaining with God. The hardest thing about suffering is not knowing how great it will be or how long it will last. You will be tempted to want to impose some limits to your suffering. No doubt you will want to control the intensity of your pain. Do you see the stubborn and hidden hold you have over your life? This control makes the cross necessary in the first place. Do not reject the full work that the power of the cross could accomplish in you. Unfortunately, you will be forced to go over the same ground again and again. Worse yet, you will suffer much, but your suffering will be for no purpose. May the Lord deliver you from falling into an inner state in which the cross is not at work on you! God loves a cheerful giver. (II Corinthians 9:7) Imagine how much He must love those who abandon themselves to His will cheerfully and completely - even if it results in their crucifixion!”

   “So to strip self-love of its mask is the most humiliating punishment that can be inflicted. You see that you are no longer as wise, patient, polite, self-possessed, and courageous in sacrificing yourself for others as you had imagined. You are no longer fed by the belief that you need nothing. You no longer think that your “greatness” and “generosity” deserve a better name than “self-love.” Now you see your selfishness like that of a silly child, screaming at the loss of an apple. You are further tormented because you also weep in rage that you have cried at all!”

   “Nothing can comfort you because your poisonous character has been discovered. You see all your foolish rudeness and condescension. Look at your own frightening reflection. Say with Job, “For the thing which I greatly feared is come upon me.”(Job 3:25) Good! What your old nature fears the most is necessary for its destruction...All you have to do is to be quietly willing to see yourself as you are. The minute you do, you will begin to change.”

   “There is no remedy for all this except hoping in God, who is as good and powerful as you are weak and bad. Yet he will probably let you grovel on at length without uprooting your natural disposition and your long-formed habits. That is because it is far better for you to be crushed by your own weakness and frailty and by the proof of your inability to escape from it, than to enjoy a sudden advance toward perfection.”

   “You ask for a remedy, that you may get well. You do not need to be cured, but to be slain; seek not impatiently for a remedy, but let death come...Seek no consolation for self-love, and do not conceal the disease...But this is not to be accomplished by any exertion of strength. Weakness is become your only possession; all strength is out of place; it only serves to render the agony longer and more distressing. If you expire from exhaustion, you will die so much the quicker and less violently. A dying life must of necessity be painful. Cordials are a cruelty to the sufferer on the wheel, he only longs for the fatal blow, not food, not sustenance. If it were possible to weaken him and hasten his death, we should abridge his sufferings; but we can do nothing; the hand alone that tied him to his torture can deliver him from the remains of suffering life.” (13)


   deCaussade, an admirer of Fenelon, also delves deep into the nature of this process as it advances:

   “I know how much suffering this operation entails. The poor soul feels as if it would become utterly annihilated, but for all that, it is only nearer the true life. In fact the more we realize our nothingness the nearer we are to truth, since we were made from nothing, and drawn out of it by the pure goodness of our Lord. We ought therefore to remember this continually, in order to render by our voluntary annihilation a continual homage to the greatness and infinity of our Creator. Nothing is more pleasing to God than this homage, nothing could make us more certain of His friendship, while at the same time nothing so much wounds our self-love. It is a holocaust in which it is completely consumed by the fire of divine love. You must not then be surprised at the violent resistance it offers, especially when the soul experiences mortal anguish in receiving the death-blow to his self-love. The suffering one feels than is like that of a person in agony, and it is only through this painful agony and by the spiritual death which follows it that one can arrive at the fulness of divine life and an intimate union with God. What else can be done when this painful but blessed hour arrives, but imitate Jesus Christ on the Cross; commend one’s soul to God, abandoning oneself more and more utterly to all that this sovereign Master pleases to do to His poor creature, and to endure this agony for as long as He pleases.”

   “This and a hundred other miseries...are permitted for two reasons. First, to humble you in an extraordinary degree, to make you realize what a heap of misery, what an abyss of corruption is yours, in allowing you to see what would become of you without the great mercy of God. Secondly, in order that by the interior supervention of fresh operations all these germs of death, hitherto hidden in your own soul, can be uprooted like noxious weeds, which only appear above ground that they may be more easily taken up by the skilled hand of the gardener. It is only after having completely cleared the ground that he can cultivate wholesome plants, sweet smelling flowers, and choice fruits. Let Him do this, give up to Him entirely the task of cultivating this rough ground, which left to itself could bring forth nothing but thistles and thorns. Do not be anxious. Be content to feel yourself greatly humbled and much confounded, remain profoundly abased in this heap of mire, like Job on his dung-hill; it is your right place; wait for God to draw you out of it, and meanwhile allow yourself to be purified by Him. What does it signify so long as you are pleasing to Him?”

   “When this storm is past you will...not know how, sufficiently, to thank God for having been so good as to put His own hand to the work, and to operate within your soul in a few months, what with the help of ordinary grace would have taken you, perhaps, twenty years to accomplish, namely, to get rid of a hidden self-love, and of a pride all the more dangerous in being more subtle and more imperceptible. From this poisonous root grows an infinite number of imperfections of which you are scarcely conscious...You would have run a great risk of remaining for a long time subject to these defects, filled, almost without suspecting it, with vanity and self-confidence without either power or will to sound the profound abyss of perversity and natural corruption that you had within your soul...The. Heavenly physician has therefore treated you with the greatest kindness in applying an energetic remedy to your malady, and in opening your eyes to the festering sores which were gradually consuming you, in order that the sight of the matter which ran from them would inspire you with horror. No defect caused by self-love or pride could survive a sight so afflicting and humiliating. I conclude from my knowledge of this merciful design that you ought nether the desire nor to hope for the cessation of the treatment to which you are being subjected until a compete cure has been effected. At present you must brace yourself to receive many cuts with the lancet, to swallow many bitter pills, but go on bravely, and excite yourself to. filial confidence in the fatherly love which administers these remedies.”

   “When you find yourself in such utter dejection that you cannot make a single act of any virtue whatever, beware of tormenting yourself by violent efforts but keep simply in the presence of God in a great silence of utter misery, but with respect, humility and submission like a criminal before his judge who sentences him to a chastisement he has well merited: and understand that the inferior silence of respect, humility and submission are worth more and purify better than all the acts that you, uselessly, force yourself to make, and which only serve to increase the trouble of the soul.”

   “It would be very unjust to complain of this God of infinite mercy, Who alone knows how to purify your soul, a thing you would never have been able to do yourself. Your very complaints prove that you would never have had the courage to put an end to your self-love which alone impedes the reign of divine love in your heart. Bless our Lord then for sparing you the trouble, and because He only asks you to allow Him a free hand to accomplish this work in you.””(13a)

   “For without me ye can do nothing,” said Christ.


   Scrubbing....what does it take for someone to want this?


   In Fifty Verses of Guru Devotion we read:

   "Marpa scolded and even beat Je-tzun Mi-la re-pa many times. This was not because he personally disliked him, but because out of compassion he saw the needs for skillfull means that were forceful. Thus if your Guru is wrathful to you, try to see this as a method he is using to tame your mind and lead you to Enlightenment. As a Buddha, how could he possibly hate you?" (14)

   Marpa put Milarepa through many harsh tests - such as building nine houses only to be told to tear them down one by one. Even so he lamented that if he had been able to plunge his spiritual son Milarepa into utter despair one more time he would have saved him years of suffering to eradicate all of his impurities, and that he would have become an even greater master than he eventually did. The Milarepa story (15) has become one of the archetypal examples of the fierce purification that may come to the chosen - and willing - devotee.

   Marpa’s predecessor, Naropa, also went through severe trials almost to the point that of death. This story apparently has several variations. According to Patrul Rinpoche (1808-1887), Naropa underwent twenty-four trials (twelve major and twelve minor) at the hands of Tilopa, including jumping off a nine-story tower and suffering great pain and physical damage, remaining he said, "like a corpse," after which Tilopa restored him to health; being beaten to within an inch of his life by angry mobs after Tilopa ordered him to steal; and also having red-hot bamboo splinters shoved under the nails of his fingers and toes by his guru, leaving him for several days with blood and pus spilling out of his wounds before being blessed by him once again. Finally one day Tilopa hit Naropa on the forehead with a sandle and the latter received all the qualities of his master's wisdom mind. The point of such stories lies in the recognition that guru yoga, or implicit faith and endurance of a true master's ways can in itself produce realization on the ripe disciple. Rinpoche writes:

   "As the twenty-four trials undergone by the great pandita Naropa were, in fact, his teacher's instructions, they became the skilful means by which his obscurations were eliminated. They appear to be pointless hardships that nobody would think of as Dharma. Indeed, the teacher had not uttered a word of teaching, and the disciple had not done a moment of practice, not even a single prostration. However, once Naropa had met an accomplished siddha, he had obeyed his every command regardless of all difficulties, and in so doing achieved the purification of his obscurations so that realization had awakened in him." (16)


   Shri Upasani Baba also spoke on this necessary purification:

   "When God becomes very impatient to have somebody, he at once throws in his way all sorts of insurmountable difficulties, one after another, in quick succession; the person simply gets tired and disgusted with everything. In fact it is God who meets him first in the form of all the ailments and difficulties. Ailments and difficulties are very essential for a person who is sincerely desirous of attaining Godhead. Even a Satpurusha cannot take you to God. From my personal experience I can tell you that the greatest pain and difficulty - physical and mental - alone are able to take anybody straight to God." (The Talks of Sadguru Upasani Baba Maharaj, Vol. 1, Part II, p. 92-93)


   Such things are sometimes thought not to occur anymore, but, perhaps in another, unexpected form, who are we to say what is possible or necessary for a soul serious about liberation?


   Another classic tale is the story of Kabir and the king of Bokhara, summarized from Tales of the Mystic East and other sources:

   Saint Kabir's wife Mai Loi asks him why he should not give the king of Bokhara spiritual initiation. Kabir told her that he wasn't ready (in the old days Masters tested their disciples for a long time before giving them inner experience). She said he certainly looked like he was ready. Kabir said, let's see, and the king goes to work in their household for six long years, doing menial work without a word of complaint. Mai Loi said to Kabir, "the king is certainly ready now." But Kabir replied, "as far as I can see, his mind is not yet crystal clear." Then Kabir asks her to go to the roof and throw the entire sweepings of the house on the king's head when he passed by. The king gets upset and said if only they were in Bokhara she would not dare do that to him. So another six years pass. Finally, one day Kabir said to his wife, "now he is ready to receive the Nectar." His wife saw no change in the king, whereupon Kabir then told her go to the roof and pour the "night waste" [i.e., contents of the chamber pot] on the king's head. The king's reaction this time, however, was, "Oh Lord, I am even worse than that!" And, "as Kabir Sahib gazed on the king, the king's soul swiftly ascended, traversed the upper realms and ultimately merged in the Supreme Being. After this, Kabir Sahib said to the king, "Your devotion has been completed. Now, return to your kingdom."


   The bottom line was exemplified in the story of Job:

   “Job was not prepared for converse with God by means of those delights and glories that he says he was accustomed to experience in his God. But the preparation for this converse embodied nakedness on a dunghill, abandonment and even persecution by his friends, the fullness of anguish and bitterness, and the sight of the earth round about him covered with worms [Jb. 2.8; 3:17-18]. Yet the most high God, he who raises the poor from the dunghill [Ps. 2:7], was then pleased to descend and speak face to face with him and reveal the deep mysteries of his wisdom, which he never did before in the time of Job’s prosperity [Jb. 38-41].” - St. John of the Cross (16a)


   "Whatever purifies you, is the correct road. I will try not to define it." - Rumi


   “Remember that God loves you and therefore He does not spare you.” - Fenelon.


   Bhai Sahib gives his view of the significance of a divinely-appointed Master in this regard:

   “There is only one Teacher, only one Spiritual Guide in the whole world, for each of us. For only he alone is allowed to subject a free human being to sufferings and conditions - only he and nobody else.”

   “On the physical plane, or the worldly platform, as Guruji likes to put it, the Sufi training is chiefly a test of endurance. How much one can endure for the sake of love. How much and how long one can tolerate.”

   “It works this way: if one comes to the saint and the saint is pleased, he will clean your room. What is your room? Your heart. And the cleaning means that the samskaras are being pushed. This will cause great suffering. People will then say: he is punishing her. But in reality it is not so.” Bhai Sahib explained that this was the shakti or divine energy purifying the karmas of the body-mind: "Ancient karmas form part and parcel of the blood. It was in you. It would have dragged you back again and again into the womb, but from now on it will burn itself out. From time to time this fire will burn in your body. This is purifying fire, this suffering, and you will need a lot more…On our Line such suffering is given that there are no words for it…”

   “It is BECAUSE you love deeply that it happens…And the fact that the pain is sharper and deeper each time is a good sign. Pray that you should love more and more…”

   “There are two Roads: the Road of Dhyana [meditation], the slow one, and the Road of Tyaga, of complete Renunciation, of Surrender: this is the Direct Road, the Path of Fire, the Path of Love. If one chooses the Way of the System, if it is done according to the System, then it takes a long time. If one chooses the Way of Love, it does not take long, relatively. But it is difficult. Life becomes very sad. No joy. Thorns everywhere. This has to be crossed. Then all of a sudden there will be flowers and sunshine. But the road has to be crossed first. There is nothing which can be done about it. People will hear one day that you have been turned out; and not only that, but other things too. And it is not the disciple who chooses which road to take; it is the Teacher who decides...If there is love, there is great uneasiness. The greater the love, the more the uneasiness. Love is not the same all the time. It cannot be. Love at times is intense suffering...The Path of Love creates a great psychological upheaval; not everyone can be subjected to this pressure.” (17)

   Quite similar to what Sant Darshan Singh said at the outset. And not surprising for, a Sikh by birth, Darshan was also a renown Persian poet, while Bhai Sahib was a Sufi Master and a relative of Sant Mat guru Lalaji. Also recall the quote from Fenelon above: ”the hand alone that tied him to his torture can deliver him from the remains of suffering life.”

   Perhaps the following bizarre tale could be considered as an example of “extreme” scrubbing. Bhai Sahib relates:

   “I was present then, when it happened. I was there, and my Rev. Guru was there, and others too. The boy was the son of a disciple and the whole family were disciples of his: father, mother, uncles, all of them. They were all sitting there, and also the Master, the Teacher of the boy. The boy had a natural smiling face; he seemed always to smile, like my Rev. Father....He also had this expression. The Master looked at the boy and said: ‘Why are you smiling?’ And the boy kept smiling. At that time everybody used to have a stick. I still have mine today; you never see me go out without a stick. So, with the stick in his hand he began to beat the boy till the stick was broken. The boy kept the smile on his face. When the stick broke, he grabbed the heavy piece of wood with which wrestlers practice, and he continued to beat and beat till the head entered the shoulders and the shoulders into the body. One could not recognize who it was - nothing was there, just a mass of broken bones....flesh and blood were everywhere. Then he stopped and said to the relatives of the boy: ‘What is this? Am I not at liberty to do as I like?’
   “‘Yes,’ they said, ‘we belong to you for life or death; you can do with us what you like.’ ‘Yes,’ he said, ‘I can do what I like,’ and he went inside. Some say he was sitting and chewing betel nut. Then he came out. ‘What is this?’ he asked. ‘Who is lying there?’ And, pointing to the mass of broken flesh which once was a human being, he said in commanding voice: ‘Get up!’ And the boy got up and was whole, and not a scar was seen on him. And he was told by his Teacher that from now on he was a Wali. He was a Wali all his life....”
   I said that it seems pointless to kill a man and then to make him a Saint. Why commit such action?
   “Oh no,” he said....”You see, to make a Wali, it takes thirty or forty years. The physical body, the heart, the mind, is subjected to great suffering to clear out all the evils which are in the human being. And here the work was done in half an hour. How many evils were cleared away through such a terrible suffering. The boy loved him so much, always was sitting and looking at him. Never spoke before him. And was killed. Of course he was ready to be a Wali. Things are done in different ways according to the time and the people of the time.” (18)

   Someone dear to me whom I shared this story with was shocked and simply replied, “disgusting” ! Which led me to thinking, what is the likelihood that this story was literally true? Is it even physically possible as described? And that the boy was smiling throughout the whole event? But if it is taken as an allegorical, albeit outrageous, tale told by a rather at times cryptic Satguru, about the pressurized process of grace that is activated in the company of a Saint for ripe souls, then perhaps it is not so far in its significance from what Sant Darshan Singh said about his own Master, that ”Hazur (Baba Sawan Singh Ji) used to say that once a saint has taken a soul under his wing, he is keen to compress the progress of twenty births into a single one. And if we desire to pack the accomplishments of twenty lives into a single one, we must pay for it."

   Mark, who helped me with this work and whom I deeply respect, felt it was a true story, albeit an example of “crazy wisdom”; he compared it with an anecdote Paramhansa Yogananda told about Babaji burning a devotee with a stick to alter his destiny which was for him to die. One might also compare it with the stories of Milarepa and Naropa given above.

   But, truly speaking, how many want this degree of intense scrubbing? Perhaps only by degrees can one be made to want it. Or even, to want to want it...But the saints in all ages have spoken highly of it, and indeed, have begged it from God.


   “Let me be, or at least seem to be, hard, unfeeling, indifferent, without pity, annoyed, and scornful. God knows how far it is from the truth, but He permits it all to appear this way. I shall be of much more use to you by this false and imaginary character than through my affection and real assistance. The point is not to know how you are to be kept alive, but how you are to lose everything and die.” - Fenelon (19)


   “Babuji loves you too much,” said Satendra to me yesterday. “He does not, he treats me badly.” “But this is a sign of love,” said he. “I know the System. If he treats you badly, he has much love for you.” (20)

   Ah, those Sufis, always pointing to the heart. Rumi wrote:

   "I am amazed at the seeker of purity who when it's time to be polished complains of rough handling. Love is like a lawsuit: to suffer harsh treatment is the evidence. When you have no evidence the lawsuit is lost. Don't grieve when the Judge demands your evidence...That harshness isn't towards you, but towards the harmful qualities in you." (21)


(1) Darshan Singh, Spiritual Awakening (Bowling Green, VA: Sawan Kirpal Publications, 1982), p. 234
(1a) Sri Aurobindo, The Secret of the Veda (Pondicherry, India: Sri Aurobindo Ashram Trust, 1956, 1998), p. 94-95
(1b) anadi, book of enlightenment (www.anadi teaching.org, 2011), p. 94-95
(1c) Paul Brunton, The Notebooks of Paul Brunton, Vol. 6, Part 1, 4.87
(2) deCaussade, Spiritual Counsels
(2a) Jeanne Guyon, Experiencing the Depths of Jesus Christ (Sargent, Georgia: SeedSowers, 1975), p. 125:

“Meditation will not bring divine union, neither will love, nor worship, nor your devotion, nor your sacrifice. Nor does it matter how much light the Lord gives you. Eventually it will take an act of God to make union a reality. In the Old Testament the Scripture says, “No man shall see God and live.” (Exodus 33:20). If your prayer still contains your own life, that prayer cannot see God. Your life will not know the experience of union with His life. All that is of your doing, all that comes from your life - even your most exalted prayer - must first be destroyed before union can come about.”

(2b) Ibid, p. 91, 130-131
(2bb) Mariana Caplan, The Guru Question (Boulder, Colorado: Sounds True, Inc., 2011), p. 312-313
(3) Anthony Damiani, Looking Into Mind (Burdett,New York: Larson Publications, 1990), p. 134-135)
(3a) Robert S. deRopp, Warrior’s Way (New York: Dell Publishing Company, 1970), p. 236-237
(3b) Vitvan, The Seven Initiations (Baker, Nevada: The School of the Natural Order, 2011), p. 66-75
(3c) Kirpal Singh, Morning Talks, 1982 ed., p. 95:

   “If you want your devotion, your love of God to bear forth fruit, then be wholly and solely devoted to One. Think of Him, see Him, hear about Him and know Him...Kabir says, “What is the criterion of a man ho is devoted wholly and solely to God? If in a deep sleep state, the word of God or the Master comes out of his mouth, then such a man is wholly and solely devoted to Him. What would I offer to such a man? I would offer my flesh, my skin to make shoes for his feet.”

   Further along these lines, Brunton writes:

   “It is a teaching of the mystical order of Turkish Sufis that the progress of a disciple is partially to be measured by his teacher by the progressive purification attained in the character of his dream life.” (Notebooks, Vol. 13, Part 1, 3.61)

No (4) "The Cage of the Soul", Sat Sandesh, September 1976, p. 25-26
(5) "Joyfully I Surrender", Sat Sandesh, Feb. 1972, p. 9
(6) Sat Sandesh, Sept. 1973
(6a) Michael Molinos, The Spiritual Guide (Auburn, Maine: The SeedSowers, 1982), p. 35, 33, 34
(7) Irena Tweedie, Daughter of Fire, p. 633, 475
(8) Sri a was Nisargadatta Maharaj, I Am That
(9) Shri Sadguru Siddharameshwar MaharaI, Master of Self- Realization, p. 75
(10) reference misplaced
(11) Tulku Thondop, Peaceful Death, Joyful Rebirth, p. 163-165
(12) anadi, book of enlightenment, (www.anaditeaching.com, 2010), p.
(12a) Brunton, op. cit., Vol. 3, Part One, 3.118, 120, 132
(13) The Complete Fenelon
(13a) deCaussade, op. cit.
(14) Asvaghosa, Fifty Verses of Guru Devotion (Dharamsala: Library of Tibetan Works and Archives, 1976), p. 29
(15) Step by Step to the Temple of Total Ruin: Lessons from Milarepa
(16) Patrul Rinpoche, Words of My Perfect Teacher (Boston: Shambhala, 1998), p. 157-159
(16a) Kavanaugh/Rodriguez, trans., The Collected Works of St. John of the Cross (Washington, DC: ICS Publications, 1991), p.386-387 (The Dark Night of the Soul, Book One, Chapter 12:3)
(17) Tweedie, op. cit., p. 144, 558, 576, 237, 137, 484
(18) Ibid, p. 551-552
(19) Fenelon, The Seeking Heart (Christian Books Publishing House, 1992), p. 42-43
(20) Tweedie, op. cit, p. 445
(21) Mathnawi, from The Pocket Rumi Reader, trans. Kabir Helminski (Boston: Shambhala, 2004)


   ”Zen illness”

   In the Zen tradition there is something known as “Zen sickness” or “the disease of Zen.” Here they are primarily talking about those who stop upon attaining an illuminative state and mistaking it for Liberation. What in some other paths might be considered a rather high attainment, in Zen they pull no punches and call it a “disease”! Moreover, once having had a genuine, mature satori or breakthrough, they still insist on one doing the “practice after satori” before returning to the market place and presuming to teach others. That, of course, is a potential problem on all paths. But there is another use of the term, sometimes called “Zen illness.” This refers to an ungrounded, diseased condition of the body-mind as a result of too much meditation, in which the heart energy rises upwards instead of tending the ‘elixir field’ or tanden located below the navel.

   This is a potential problem also with paths stressing a concentration on the ‘third eye’ center without a teaching of balanced psycho-physical integration. Bodily depletion and in extreme cases even insanity or schizophrenia can result. Depressions and even suicides have occured. In relation to Sant Mat practice, however, the latter risk is not just a technical one. A danger is present when one mentally interprets the path in a fundamentalistic fashion - seeking escape from a dangerous and frightening world, conceived as the source of ones suffering and pain - rather than as one of releasing and embodying the hidden splendor of ones own Heart here and now. Unfortunately much of the traditional teachings tend to encourage this by their manner of contextualization of the means and the goal. This is changing slowly, and is one of the primary reasons for our attempt in whatever small way to remedy this in this book by presenting a non-dual view within Sant Mat.

   One , of course, can certainly overdo things. The great Hakuin, even after many satoris and much enlightenment, suffered from this ailment, which happens when the inner and outer life are not in harmony. The cure is to allow the heart’s vital energy to fill the lower body. The Buddha said the cure of many illnesses lay in ‘putting the heart down into the soles of the feet.’ (See: Norman Waddell, trans., Wild Ivy (Boston: Shambhala, 1999), p. 75-97)


   THE NUTS AND BOLTS OF THE NON-DUAL VIEW FROM THE HEART'S GAZE

   "The difference between knowledge and love is that knowledge always tries to banish duality but love retains it as a precious treasure and itself remains without duality...The heart is given away and it makes its center in the Beloved and remains fixed there. This is true knowledge. Knowledge does not mean merely to understand or to know. It actually means to become that which we really are, i.e., to know ourselves." - Kirpal Singh (The Philosophy of the Masters, Series Two)

   So wrote Kirpal SIngh when tasked by his Master, Baba Sawan Singh, to pen The Philosophy of the Masters series or Gurmat Siddhant. This seems as close to Advaita as Sant Mat can come. Of course, inner growth will reveal further refinements of both love and understanding. So we suggest a line from Sri Nisargadatta, a sage, for comparison. He said (my paraphrase):

   “If you change your orientation from getting to giving, it will eventually dissolve the external world and leave only love in its place.”

   This implies that the ‘world’ is not ‘out there’, but within you. Or, in another way of looking at it, it is projected through you, or, even, ‘is you’. But however one may view things, the mature sage is not content with a personal liberation. A contemporary non-dual student may have a genuine awakening of ‘no-self’, for instance, but until he sees the ‘other’ in himself he is half-baked. Similarly, the inner meditator is half-baked if he feels he needs to go inside to feel free or avoid ‘contamination’ by the ‘other’. Fear remains as a primary motivation even if it is unconscious. Here is what a great Vedantin, V. S. Iyer, in strong words said about this. Iyer was court philosopher of the Maharaja of Mysore for many years, Vedanta teacher of Paul Brunton in the 1930’s, and also teacher of Ramakrishna monks Nikhilinanda and Siddeswarananda:

   “There is no such thing as personal salvation. It is selfishness of the worst kind. No gnani can attain it unless all other people attain it too. Those who talk of finding moksha for themselves are dualists who harbor the false notion that the individual ego is real and who are deceiving themselves.”

   “The gnani of the highest order will always adapt himself to the needs of others who are suffering; he will limit himself outwardly and come down to their level. Thus if only yoga is their highest understanding, he will teach them yoga and nothing more. He will not refuse to help them because they cannot understand Vedanta, and thus leave them in their sufferings.”

   “When a man says that he has seen his internal self, he is still a yogi, but when he says that he has seen the Universe in himself, he has become a knower of Truth - a sage - a gnani...The removal of the I is not enough to realize Brahman. It happens in sleep, for instance. There must also be the knowledge that everything is yourself. The mystic may make some claim. So a test is to be applied. The test is, is he doing anything for others?” (Commentaries)

   I think Kirpal said that “a true man is one who lives for others.”

   Zen Master Yuanwu (1063-1135) said much the same thing

   “Don’t be a brittle pillar or a feeble lamp. Don’t bat around your little clean ball of inner mystical experience. You may have understood for yourself, but what good does it do?” (Zen Letters (J. C. Cleary and Thomas Cleary, trans. (Boston: Shambhala, 1994), p. 28)

   Further, contemporary Korean Master, Susan Sunim (1901-1983), tells us that

   “To be motivated by compassion for others produces a much stronger determination to practice than the single wish to obtain your own liberation from birth and death.” (The Way of Korean Zen (Boston: Weatherhill/Shambhala, 1985), p. 118)

   And

   “It has been said that in the abode of the Buddhas there are no enlightened beings who transgress their precepts, and behind the doors of Bodhidharma, there are no patriarchs who freely indulge in unwholesome deeds. To behave in an unwholesome manner is simply behave like an ordinary sentient being. Thus, a person with such conduct would never win the respect of sentient beings. Even though he may have had a great enlightenment experience, without being respected he would be unable to be of any benefit to others. Therefore, it is important to keep your precepts pure and understand how to maintain your moral integrity. Such a person is truly practicing meditation.” (Ibid, p. 99-100)

   Finally, Sri Siddharameshwar writes:

   “After knowing the Self intellectually, the best way of studying it and realizing it fully, is to try to make everyone happy. It is with this practice alone that the Self is seen to be pervading everything. The whole world is only “Knowledge.” Since everything is the Self, by making everyone happy, the Self is pleased.” (Amrut Laya, The Stateless State (Sadguru Publishing, 2011), p. )

   So there it is, a tall order, a big job, no doubt. [“Big job? Big revelation!” - Kirpal Singh, Heart To Heart Talks] But the heart of a non-dual view.

   Zen Master Tozan:

   “Everywhere I am able to see Him;
   He is me now;
   I am not Him.
   When we understand this
   We are instantaneously with the Truth.”


  ?


   So How Is This Done?

   Good question. We will try to answer first by laying out some broad perspectives of understanding.

   Relativity is very vast, complex and multi-faceted. So people, in their path to awakening, will experience many different 'stories' of what is happening. All of them are right, and also wrong. They are relative! Two aspects to awakening - a more universal aspect that transcends individual differences, and a more relative aspect that is, ultimately, unique to each individual at one level, and at other levels, is still relative but in ways that can be grouped together with other ways (inversion/samadhi/inner journey paths, outer journey paths, kundalini stories, pure insight stories, initiatory stages, growth in service ability stories, returning to God stories, non-story stories, etc.). Both aspects - universal and relative - are inescapable aspects of our experience of spirituality. And so, at the story/relative level, there will be differences that reflect different relative truths about the nature of reality. Chakras, planes, bodies, qualities, insights - all can be arranged in an order and process. The whole or integral truth is realized through seeing the relative truths in each story, but also its limitations. Gradually they all come together into an comprehensive perspective from which the relative and universal truth of awakening can be appreciated in any path or individual description of the way.

      There is no best way. Each person is exactly where they are at in a relative story of awakening - and can only really grow by growing in Self-knowledge (call it intuition, wisdom, realization, insight), right now, right here, from where they are, about what is happening right in front of them, reflected in their experience of their life, their body, their feelings and thoughts. This is their inner and outer environment, and it is always a perfect mirror of their state of presence - the current level of their realization here and now. And they can only grow from here in terms of their own growth of realization, here and now, about what is 'going on', who they are, what is so. That is it. There is only that. Everything else is different relative stories of how experiences can unfold as an expression of their experience of that process. This includes viewing the mind or the body as a 'disease', as Ramana and Nisargadatta said on many occasions. We need not buy that old-school teaching, no matter how great they were otherwise. So the most 'direct' path is one that understands that and embraces that process right here and now, and rejects any belief that there is a need to go anywhere to realize that. That does not mean going somewhere is wrong. It is a process that reflects a profound relative truth about an aspect of what does go on as our realization expands. But it is a lop-sided story. It over-emphasizes the ascending aspect, where realization extends out to include all the inner planes that are also aspects of our relative nature and so will be 'included' in our comprehensive experience of reality as nondual realization grows in us. But we do not need to 'travel' there to get this balancing out. It is okay if we do. But then we must 'integrate' it. Because final non-dual realization integrates everything from a center that is nowhere and everywhere. So for some, this journey inward can be very balancing as a way of expressing non-dual unfoldment by honoring and experiencing other aspects of reality and truth, but it is incomplete if not finally held in a radical non-dual embrace that does not focus on journeying there as the goal. Still, it can be a very powerful thing to do. And one can find out that there is 'no one' before such an expansion, or at the end - or many times in between.

      A more direct path is to cultivate the state of presence (to whatever degree that is possible for each of us at our stage), in our current life situation, with the insight that what we perceive as 'around us' is not an obstacle, a problem, a hindrance, or anything else. The state of the world (as we perceive it), the condition of our life, our body, our psyche, are all reflecting back to us our own state of presence, and our 'goal' is to be with all of that, trusting that through cultivating the qualities of presence - awareness, equanimity, surrender, patience, trust, peace, and so on - and that intuitive insight naturally grows, which is the essence of all these qualities, so they continue to deepen, and every question will be illuminated, every emotional issue resolved, every disease will be cured, every paradox illuminated. Every place where there is suffering is showing us a place where our own intuitive realization is 'destined' to grow, as it is present in our experience as a reflection of our own dharma to untangle that 'koan'. So why would one want to journey away from that? Our dharma is here with us now staring us in the face as our own experience of life and myself. Everything we need to grow is right here, now. We need only realize this and face it and the rest takes care of itself. We must stop (a hard task!) rebelling against the curriculum that reality has dealt us (which is our total karmic situation) and face it with truth, surrender, courage and equanimity - and that will be our fastest way 'out'. Because to truly achieve Self-realization is to face ourselves in the mirror - and everything we perceive in our life and mind right now is that mirror. What do we realize is the nature of everything that we see? We see our own state of realization! Because everything in our body/mind and world around us is infinitely subject to levels of reinterpretation. That is the nature of reality! So we just look at it as best we can, seeking to open to deeper understanding. Then the whole knot of our own delusion gradually unravels, revealing deeper and deeper truth, which resolves every issue. So any suffering that is there in our experience is just more realization to harvest. And by being with it in this way, it will be harvested more 'efficiently', and our own personal experience of suffering as an apparently separate being will come to an end simultaneously with all our personal suffering coming to an end. They are one and the same. This means that wisdom will come to fruition and karma will come to resolution simultaneously.

      Obviously, in this view, there is nowhere to go and nothing to get rid of, fix, heal, transform, per se - just be with what is there, be 'educated' by it, and awaken. And in this context, we learn what the lesson is at hand, not what someone else tells us is the truth that we should know. Down the road new realizations will come. Fine. What are we needing to realize right now? What is the next insight? That unfolds very naturally by surrendering to the curriculum as it arises right in front of us as our life right now. Most of us don't often realize that we are right where we are supposed to be, learning the lessons we are meant to, in a way that is absolutely right for us, according to a path of unfoldment that is, at one level, deeply unique to us. We are the path. All external teachings are various ways to try to lead a person to that realization. But eventually we realize that, although there is tremendous support for each of us on the path (we are up to our eyes in grace), we still have to realize it ourselves. That itself is now in our point of view. That is in our realization. And that is not something on some other plane. It is 'who we are' in our essential understanding right now. Surrendering means 'getting this'. Which means facing ourselves and our lives and being educated. The nature of awareness is that awareness notices things. Awareness, by its nature, has perspectives. And the process is cumulative. Awareness grows in insight all the time. A stage arises where awareness realizes that this is what is going on, and figures out ways to 'cooperate' with the process. This spirit of conscious cooperation with the curriculum we call the spiritual path. It is not forced on us. It is not about measuring up to something outside of ourselves, or pleasing someone like a guru or Deity. It is just what awareness does, and always has been doing! Then it reaches a stage where it realizes that this is what is happening and decides to expedite it. 

      This wisdom to realize what is happening, and to cooperate, is a great, multi-faced wisdom that does not come all at once. It comes in stages and aspects. So it can get stronger and clearer. If there is great suffering, then that means there is a great clarification going on. And this 'is' purification. Nobody is doing it to us. In on perspective, we can be said to be doing it to ourselves. We (and the whole world-process, as PB liked to say), bring into our lives exactly what mirrors our own process of growth of insight. The state of our presence, our awareness, our realization is perfectly mirrored by the 'outer' situation (which is both our life and our body/mind). They fit together perfectly. So if the 'outer' is a crisis, then the 'inner' is changing rapidly and learning some turning point realizations.


       A note on the ego and intelligence

      This leads up to the tendency on advaita to posit either the egoic consciousness or the absolute, and nothing in between. And to place a very negative spin on the ego. An example is seen in a quotation from a very fine teacher, Mooji, in which he says, paraphrased from memory, "the ego can't be seen but it has a smell; only he who is free of egoic concern can tell what is useful for spiritual awakening and what is not." Now, there is nothing wrong with this statement, but we feel it is somewhat incomplete. First, one needn't be 'free of egoic concern to be able to 'smell the ego' - one only needs to be reasonably sick and tired of one's game in order to recognize it when it arises. If one is really free of egoic concern one is enlightened! Of course, there are degrees of this. One teacher of mine said it would be good enough if one got rid of 70% of his egoism. Second, and more importantly, however, this reflects the advaita tendency to negate manifestation, or all that is not the state of presence. It paints a picture of ego that does not recognize it as a tool of the Soul, which in fact is a dynamic center of intelligence that guides our path to enlightenment, and helps us check on our state before and after enlightenment as well. Advaita would have the state of presence, or attention aware of attention, consciousness, as the only thing of worth. Subsequently, the active persona, the intelligence that can think consciously and intently, as contrasted with only being a passive witness to thoughts coming in from the subconscious, is essentially dismissed as either unimportant, unreal, or nonexistent ("the ego is a myth" - Colin Drake). But this is not a wholistic position. The self-reflexive movement of consciousness that is ego is an evolutionary advance, says anadi, and while we can certainly get stuck in it, it is necessary for our growth. Let him explain:

      "Who we are, in the mind, is composed of two centers. One, is the static centre of the State of Presence which does not change. Second, is the dynamic centre of our intelligence. This dynamic centre is always in movement, and it relates to both: to the State of Presence and to the gross level of spontaneous thinking coming from the subconscious mind. This intuitive intelligence is very important for it allows us to grow and to understand the process of awakening...A longtime ago, in India, a concept was created that one is not a doer, that one is purely a Witness. This concept is coming from the awakening to the centre of Consciousness. When the State of Presence is awakened, the mind becomes witnessed from behind and moves to the periphery. The movement of thoughts is no longer in the centre. In the centre is this non-dual Awareness which is, so to speak, witnessing the mind. This concept, however, is not completely correct. This concept implies that one identifies oneself fully with the State of Presence and refuses to see the self-conscious movement of intelligence as being an integral part of Me. In this what we perceive the mind and its intelligence a something just happening on the screen of Consciousness, and not being Me. However, much more accurate is to say that they both constitute the reality of Me. You are the witness and you are the intuitive intelligence as well...and, in truth, it is only because you are this intelligence that you can discover the State of Presence and are able to relate to it. You, as the intelligence, relate to the State of Presence...The traditional teachings, which have been created a few thousand years ago, did not discover how the Inner State and the movement of intelligence relate to each other." (Ibid, p. 156-158)

      So what he seems to be saying is that the State of Presence and the active intelligence are both parts of the I Am, the whole Me, or Soul. This relates to what PB wrote above that "the spiritual evolution which requires him to abandon his ego runs parallel to the mental evolution that requires him to perfect it." This allows a realistic, dynamic non-duality to unfold.

      This, then, is one depiction of the path, from our perspective. Obviously, there are infinite perspectives because the I AM is infinite with infinite angles of perspective and no one being can lay claim to them all, nor should he. When followed to completion, however, one achieves non-dual realization and the state of presence and the environment collapse into a state of radical non-dual transcendence (nirvikalpa), in which we are reborn into a new octave of spiritual development in which we re-emerge in a state of permanent sahaja, but with a new pattern of phenomena arising which reflects not a story of coming to our own liberation or non-dual realization, but our integration of that state of non-dual presence with planetary karma/story/evolution. The realization in our state of presence continues to grow in richness, never to lose again the perfect balance in sahaja of seeing it all arising in the state of non-dual presence. Are we then Soul, Oversoul, the One, Consciousness only? It is a mystery. Individuality then continues to exist, but not as the experience of a separate selfhood (which never existed anyway), but as a self that is an integral part of a total Presence. This Presence does not favor universality or individuality, but realizes then as interdependent parts of a Global Realization Beingness that each individuality is an aspect of. There is no need to negate individuality to enter this state of realization. But knowing that this is what we all realize in liberation (whether our relative wisdom understands it exactly this way or not), does not mean that we should strive to experience that right now. That realization comes quite naturally when it is ripe. We just need to be present with what is right in front of us in our experience now, surrender to that curriculum, and have beginner's mind, letting the insights that arise be the learning of the moment. If it doesn't seem like insight is happening, then it is suggested we look back over a period of greater time like a month or a year and ask ourselves - have I grown in understanding? But we must not set up an idea of what that understanding must be - like do I 'get' non-dual awakening, have I realized there is 'no person', or have I gone to Sat Lok? If we set up that kind of preconceived idea of what learning looks like, we will usually decide nothing has happened, and will feel disappointed, discouraged, and despairing - which is its own form of learning. But if we learn to appreciate the subtle, gradual expressions of wisdom and intuition as they unfold day by day, week by week, then we gradually come to realize that growth is happening all the time in ways we never noticed.

      One can say we practice in one form or no-form essentially to enable or allow grace to work in us and on us and as us. PB writes:

      “Once he has touched this stillness briefly, learned the way to it, and comprehended its nature, his next task is to develop it. This takes time and practice and knowledge. Or, rather, the work is done on him, not by him. He has to let be.” (39)

      Note the understatement in his phrasing: once he has "learned the way to it, and comprehended its nature" - this speaks volumes. Its scope is the entire path.

      At one stage, then, effort and grace, as well as karma and grace, are seen as mutually-invoking. At a further stage, they are seen as inseparable. Grace, moreover, need not be seen as something just ‘always there, one need only open to it’, or solely ‘the Overself’s benign and loving presence’, for there is a third component: the ecclesiastical body of saints and liberated masters, who, one with the Nirvanic condition, act as conduits of grace, and may, within certain laws, alter karmic patterns favorably to one’s spiritual benefit, as well as activate forces within one, be they ‘shakti or siva’ oriented (i.e., energetic or conscious in nature - which are ultimately the same), that may in some cases be almost said to create a unique path for each so blessed aspirant (such as ‘the Path of Fire’ mentioned by Irena Tweedie’s master). In which case any stages may be compacted to the maximum extent possible - and asked for. For remember, PB has warned us:

       “Beware what you pray for. Do not ask for the truth unless you know what it means and all that it implies and nevertheless are still willing to accept it. For if it is granted to you, it will not only purge the evil out of you but later purify the egoism from your mind. Will you be able to endure this loss, which is unlikely to be a painless one?”(Notebooks, Vol. )

      Or as deCaussade wrote:

      "When this storm is past you will understand..so keenly and distinctly that you will not know how, sufficiently, to thank God for having put His hand to the work, and to operate within your soul in a few months, what with the help of ordinary grace would have taken you, perhaps, twenty years to accomplish, namely, to get rid of a hidden self-love, and of a pride all the more dangerous in being subtle and more imperceptible." (40)

      This much we can certainly expect to be true: a true humility first and last remains one's sheet-anchor:

      “Here [in the Void] they have naught to gain or get, no glorious spiritual rapture to add to their memories, no great power to increase their sense of being a co-worker with God. Here their very life-blood is to be squeezed out as the price of entry; here they must become the feeblest of creatures...Others may believe that he stands in the great Light, but he himself has no particular or ponderous self-importance." (41)

      Of course, this is also how the Sant Satgurus speak. They say that one does becomes a 'conscious co-worker of the divine plan', because, while recognizing one's nothingness, one sees that He is doing it. And for this one’s life-blood is squeezed out, even before the depths of the Void, as one ‘dies’ at each plane quit by the soul. And PB did acknowledge this paradox of being a co-worker elsewhere, saying that one will learn to co-operate as much with the Higher Will as he once refused to do earlier. From another perspective the notion of 'two' wills must ultimately be transcended.

   Paradox is inevitable.

   39. Ibid, Vol. 15, Part 2, 4.75 40. Jean-Pierre deCaussade, Abandonment to Divine Providence (10th Complete French Edition by E.J. Strickland, (England: Sydney Lee, Limited, 1921) p. 264 41. Brunton, op. cit., Vol. 15, Part 1, 8.59; ref. misplaced

   Okay. Let’s continue. One develops a sixth sense on when to surrender to the movement of grace within and when ones own efforts - even if they be the effort to make no effort - are required. Only now, at a later stage, is one capable of 'non-doing', which does not mean 'non-vigilance', only that it is a very delicate kind of work that is needed, not the gross effort made at the outset of the quest. The intuition has a much greater role to play. The danger of offering or explaining  this second-stage teaching to the beginner is that he will make the mistake of assuming that 'no-effort' is a way or the way. And then he may just stagnate, trying to believe that he is 'already realized', when the depths of his being remain unplumbed. To realize the Soul is not just a matter of 'getting it’ as some advaitists may claim.

   A great furnace of metanoia takes place between the Long and Short Path. One becomes a new creature, through a deep cleansing. It cannot be done in isolation, but usually takes the whole world or cosmos to do it. Which is why they call this place 'the womb of the Buddhas'. The result is a deep humility, sense of responsibility, and faith in God. An example will suffice. In a book called Inner River, by Kyriakos Markides, in which the author recounts his time spent among Fathers and saints of the Eastern Orthodox Church, a very interesting story is told. A certain priest was approached by monks who were very upset about the behavior of another monk who was making a nuisance of himself and being very disruptive. The Father said, "the next time I see him he will get a lesson in humility that he will never forget!" The monks were happy and felt that the young monk was to get a real thrashing. When the monk came to see the Father, however, the Elder immediately prostrated himself before the monk and begged for his forgiveness. The monk, understandably, broke down and wept. Some days later, another Father said, "what happened at your monastery the other night? I had a vision that an angel came down and placed a golden wreath around the neck of your Father."  Just imagine.

   mKas Grub dge legs dpal bzang (1385-1438) , disciple of the great Tsong kha pa, spoke of the lack of appreciation for the depths of the quest in the practitioners of his day:

   "When the wise begin to analyze what the state of greatest fulfillment for themselves and others is, they will not be satisfied with methods that eliminate suffering and bring about a form of happiness that lasts only the length of this life. The gateway for those who especially seek higher states from the next life on is but one: the teachings, a banner waving over the three worlds, of the one renowned as the Lord Buddha, the great impartial friend of the world."

   "The ultimate goal toward which every Mahayanist strives is the unity of the dharmakaya and the physical body. To obtain them, one must rely on the inseparability of methods that accumulate the two masses of merit and gnosis into a combined whole. Accumulating these two masses into a combined whole in this way depends on finding certainty as to the non-erroneous way in which the two truths are brought together into a combined whole under the exposition of the basic view. Moreover, unless one has truly found certainty in regards to the working of dependent arising, whereby individual causes give rise in an orderly way to their individual effects, the accumulations of one's mass of merit will not be accomplished faithfully and from the heart, as profound certainty that the mass of merit will give rise to the desired effect will not have arisen."

   "There is no way to find peace
   Outside of the Arya Nagarjuna's path.
   Those who fall outside of the two truths, the conventional and reality,
   Having fallen outside of the two truths, are not liberated."

   In another treatise he lists some of the views he has criticized, among them being "relaxing without feigning anything," "thinking about the consciousness present now," "noticing whatever conceptual thought happens to arise," "meditation on the ineffable object," "seeking who you are," and "looking for the mind." Any of these sound familiar? History repeats itself! He continues:

   "All of these great dialecticians who argue on a variety of topics, such as the emptiness of self and the emptiness of other, and on whether reality truly exists, do not differ in the least when it comes to practicing the meaning of the profound emptiness. Whether they believe that they are practicing the idiot's meditation of not training in anything whatsoever, the practice of the Great Master of the Tripitaka, or that they are practicing the profound completion stage of the anuttarayoga tantra, they all concur on this one point: they posit that no mental object should be established, that the mind should apprehend nothing. This will be seen to be a great den of iniquity when looked upon by those of sharp faculties."

   "Although one can make some slight distinctions between the variety of tenets of these so-called sages, come time to set forth their views concerning emptiness they do not meditate in accordance with these distinctions  that they have made...Therefore, they hold to the doctrine that to create nothing within the mind is to meditate on reality, and thus they err in so far as they end up not being able to meditate on selflessness. They repudiate the practice of the path that is the counteractive measure against the way in which we grasp at a self, the root of cyclic existence. They exert themselves in a kind of practice that does not the slightest harm to the way we grasp at the self. Hence, one should be aware of the fact that although many of our own Tibetan practitioners pride themselves on having meditated assiduously on reality for the whole of their lives, that they have not managed to put even the slightest dent in their grasping as a self is a valid effectual reason proving that their practice is faulty.  Although they may have attained some level of expertise concerning the proofs and refutations involved in setting forth the view of emptiness at the time of study, when it comes to practicing the profound meaning, they teach a kind of idiot's meditation saying, "create nothing at all in your mind...See for yourself, is there anything to be identified?" As soon as they find some belief of the sort, "this alone is the reality of the mind," they immediately abandon analysis in the logical sphere."

   "Because they believe that when it comes down to meditating on reality one ought not to create anything in the mind, they must of necessity believe that when they set forth they ought not to set forth even in terms of selflessness. In the same way, they must accept that one ought not to put forth even a theory of reality...By holding to such a view there arises a nihilistic attitude in regard to all of the aspects of method. For example, there arises the view that  because charity and moral conduct, prostration and offerings, all require conceptualization, they are things to be abandoned...Nowadays there are idiots who understand nothing al all of the view of emptiness and yet who understand the perfect method of meditation in terms of the teaching that one should remain lucid and clear without creating anything in the mind [a reference to Dzogchen]. Such meditative practices which claim that one should not apprehend either the existence or the nonexistence of a self and that one should abandon whatever is apprehended are in no way different from the meditation of the asamjna (samapatti). There is no being whatsoever who has not generated this trance state in his or her mental continuum at some past time [i.e., in some past life, and it has not freed him from cyclic existence]. So please distinguish carefully between not meditating on a self and meditating on selflessness!" (16)

   Strong words, and they sound so familiar!

   Garma C.C. Chang brings to our awareness the recognized distinction made in Zen and Ch’an Buddhism between the awakening to prajna-truth (or the immediate awakening to transcendental wisdom, emptiness, or no-self) and Cheng-teng-cheuh (sabyaksambodhi), which is the final, perfect,  complete enlightenment of buddhahood:

   "A great deal of work is needed to cultivate this vast and bottomless Prajna-mind before it will blossom fully. It takes a long time, before perfection is reached, to remove the dualistic, selfish, and deeply rooted habitual thoughts arising from the passions. This is very clearly shown in many Zen stories, and in the following Zen proverb, for example: “The truth should be understood through sudden Enlightenment, but the fact (the complete realization) must be cultivated step by step.” (17)

   Psychotherapist and spiritual teacher Michael Hall (http://www.waybeyondpsychotherapy.com/), like Ed Muzika above, summarizes the essence of this consideration in an essay called "The Curse of Awakening":

   "The great Japanese Zen master Hakuin once noted that he had 17 great awakenings and thousands of minor ones. He was continuing to practice assiduously as he made the comment. Hakuin was practicing in a culture and a spiritual tradition in which there was a profound respect for the infinite varieties and degrees of awakening and its embodiment by a human being. In the West we love to simplify, ignore nuance, and cut to the chase. What are we to make of Hakuin’s statement, when so many current teachers claim that they woke up at a particular moment in time, and then are done? What would Hakuin think if he wandered into today’s spiritual marketplace free for all?"

   "Even so, how could spiritual awakening be a curse? Isn’t awakening to your true nature the most important experience available to a human being? Well, yes and no. Much has been written about the obvious importance of self-realization, and does not need to be repeated here. What are the downsides? We will only address one potential downside here, and that is the tendency to believe the erroneous assumption that in a genuine awakening you wake up once and for all, and you are finished. Nothing could be further from the truth."

   "There are two major aspects to spiritual awakening. The first aspect is the non-dual realization itself. All major spiritual traditions (Zen and Tibetan Buddhism, traditional Advaita Vedanta) which have incorporated awakening as a central aspect of their teaching recognize that there are many “levels” of awakening. Direct awareness itself does not have levels, or any other qualities that can be described. However, the manifestation and embodiment of this awareness by a human being living at a particular time, in a particular culture, and in a particular body-mind with its own unique history and lineage is subject to infinite degrees of realization. This distinction between pure awareness and its embodied manifestation, which seems so obvious and elementary, has eluded many current commentators, especially those from the neo-advaita perspective. From the perspective of the absolute (non-dual) there are no levels or degrees of anything. Simultaneously and equally true is the perspective of the relative (dual), in which discrimination and progressive development are real and important. Ordinary ways of thinking and perceiving deny the truth of the absolute, which is without degrees and is unchanging-the birthless and deathless. Much current teaching on awakening only acknowledges the absolute while completely ignoring the equal value and importance of the relative. Of course the ultimate realization completely transcends the dual and the non-dual while denying neither. This unfettered, fully embodied awareness moves freely in the world without concern for such matters. This freedom in motion knows neither before nor after, yet shows up for appointments on time."

   "Our concern here is with the denial of the relative once the absolute is realized. The enduring, experiential realization of the absolute is not the end of the path. In many ways, it is the beginning. This realization must be embodied and manifest in this body and mind in this time and in this place. The embodiment of non-dual awareness can be seen as having three major components or aspects, representing the mind, the body, and the emotions. There could also be other major aspects, such as the energetic, but these three are our focus now. What does someone look like who has truly embodied this awareness fully? How do they act, talk, and think? We may have fixed ideas about how we believe they should act, but how do they, in fact?"

   "Even with a deep and enduring non-dual realization, which is still quite rare, it is mistaken to assume that all psychological and biological problems disappear. Deeply realized beings do not become omniscient. Nor do they suddenly become skilled and knowledgeable psychologists who can ably assist with any personal problem. Yet, the questions asked of almost any teacher in any context are nearly exclusively psychological in nature. Why do we assume that a deeply realized spiritual teacher would be able to comment on profound personal problems in a helpful manner? A few years ago I attended two 5-day silent retreats with a well-known spiritual teacher for whom I have enormous respect. Virtually every single question asked was psychological in nature. The questions were about loss, addictions, codependency, grieving, anger, dysfunctional relationships with lovers, children, or parents, terror of intimacy, chronic physical or emotional pain, and so forth. I do not remember a single question about awakening or spiritual practice, but I assume there must have been a few. Doesn’t that seem somehow odd?"

   "While some conditioned and automatic programming may weaken or largely disappear in the flash of deep self-realization, plenty is left over. How do we understand and address these ‘leftover’ issues? It is true that many of these leftover issues may gradually dissipate somewhat over time through the normal processes of living. That is one reason why major spiritual traditions caution against purporting to teach or even discusses self-realization until it has been thoroughly embodied. This process is open-ended but can easily take 5-10 years or more for it to thoroughly marinate and stabilize in a given individual. It is understood that during this ‘deepening’ process an active effort is being made to see through remaining blocks that obstruct direct awareness from operating freely through the body-mind.”

   While we agree with the gist of this encapsulation, we question the assumption behind the time frame given, or that in fact any kind of 'absolute' non-dual realization is first attained prior to the integrating stages. This seems to be the logic behind the Buddha's four stage/life-model, where non-dual realization, 'sahaj samadhi', and 'timelessness', is touched upon in each stage, and several lives, while one is yet within the realm of relativity. Thus, in this view true and complete non-dual realization is quite rare.

   PB summarizes much of this line of consideration:

   "All classifications and systemizations of the mystical ascent are in a certain sense artificial and arbitrary. They exist to satisfy the intellect's requirements but by themselves they cannot satisfy the Oversell's requirements. Aspiration, faith, determination, sacrifice, or service may, if carried to extreme intensity, upset all such schemes and quickly win its Grace. The aspirant will pass through a succession of levels of spiritual awareness, each higher than the one before. Between the first step on the mystical path and the gaining of its glorious prize, an existence of ups and downs, of terrible darknesses and exhilarating enlightenments, of shameful weakness and satisfying endeavor, awaits him."

   "Owing to the presence of such unknown factors as Grace and emotional stability, a fixed period cannot be assigned for development and it is not possible to make correct, generalized statements about the time required for its various stages. This is entirely a matter of the individual's situation, character, and the developments he has brought over from former births. Also it would be wrong to suppose that during the ascent, these stages always and necessarily follow each other in the prescribed order. This would have to be the case if we were climbing a physical mountain like the Matterhorn or if we were mastering an intellectual profession like law. But here there is, first, an X-factor involved - Grace - and, second, delayed action tendencies or acquirements from former earth lives. Therefore, the different stages may sometimes exist side by side." (17a)

   16. Jose Ignacio Cabezon, trans., A Dose of Emptiness: An Annotated Translation of the sTong thun chen mo of mKhas grub dge legs dpal bzang (Shakti Nagar, India: Sri Satguru Publications, 1993), p. 24, 96-96, 112-113, 400
17. Garma C.C. Chang, The Practise of Zen (New York: Harper & Row, Publishers, Inc., 1959 (1970), p. 162-163
17a. Brunton, op. cit., Vol. 3, Part 1, 2:101
18. anadi, book of enlightenment (www.anaditeaching.org., 2011), p.  94-95


   Integration of experience and understanding

   An awakening itself is traditionally said to be recognized and understood through both guidance and intelligence - the latter which may actually take much longer to develop than the awakened states themselves. For one without the other won’t do. “Is understanding nothing?” said Damiani. One must understand what one has awakened to. One must also know ‘who’ recognizes that awakening, and not just assume that it is 'awareness' that is aware of 'awareness', or 'experiencing' that experiences 'experiencing,' or any such conclusion.

   Once established, one must make steady and integrate that understanding to create a platform from which he is launched into new depths of realization. It is a process. ‘Awakenings,’  then, are sudden, while ‘enlightenment’ is the fruit of a great evolution. At least, that's the general idea.

   Much of this hinges on what one assumes enlightenment to be. For Edward Salim Michael enlightenment is, for most seekers, only the beginning of an arduous journey to emancipation. That is, for him enlightenment signifies the awakening of luminous presence, or the experience of the void, but in itself it does not immediately transform the lower nature:

   "Something of this unusual and beatific state must start to accompany the seeker when occupied in his daily work as well...Enlightenment does not necessarily mean liberation...The aspirant will have to face the hard fact that he is still an incomplete being, full of hidden undesirable tendencies, lacking in will and inner strength, and as yet unworthy to serve in a befitting manner. Even if at this stage he tries to impart to others whatever higher knowledge he may have gained, the latter risks being mixed up with inaccuracies, spiritual pride, and sometimes salt and peppered with a little fantasy born of the concealed desire to appear important in other people's eyes...If the aspirant cannot muster in himself the  inner courage patiently to face and suffer gain and again the truth of who he is in himself, with all his open or hidden negativities, ill will, conceit, laziness, instability, stupidity, unreliability, and so on, then his sadhana will not have fulfilled its true function for his transformation. It will simply remain a high sounding word in his mouth, empty and unproductive, like a seed fallen on poor soil." (6a)

   Thus, on this view even a non-dual awakening may in fact serve to provide the strength to send one down the rabbit hole of his dark side, which must be uprooted completely for true liberation to become stable and the 'gravitational pull' of terrestrial existence to be removed from center stage for a higher, truer life to be realized. Of course, some teachers disagree with any classification of a 'higher' or 'lower' self, an 'animal' side, or any hint of something negative or needing to be transcended. And we are in many ways in sympathy with such a view, within certain limits.

   PB reminds of perhaps the most important quality to remember and cultivate in our life and practice:

   "So important is this virtue of humility that it may be labelled both first and last. The asserted spirituality which lacks this quality but which makes its own personality occupy a prominent position ought to be regarded with suspicion. That is why upon those who really do aspire to the very highest there descends the dread phenomenon of the dark night of the soul. When later they emerge from this awful experience, they emerge with all vanity ground down to powder and all pride burnt down to ash.." (7)

   Kabir likewise said:

  "So what if you have dropped illusion?
   You didn't drop your pride.
   Pride has fooled the best sages,
   Pride devours all."  - Bijak

   Besides the supreme qualities like sincerity, kindness, patience, determination, humility, and discrimination, which Adyashanti says are heart qualities that help open the door for the absolute to flow,  somehow the ‘seed of enlightenment’ must be planted, by grace or by a master, when one is ready and all things are in alignment for it. As Santideva proclaimed:

   “The thought of Enlightenment has arisen within me I know not how even as a gem might be gotten by a blind man from a dunghill."

   This seed is many things: faith, trust in being,  attention awakening to itself, the thinker awakening to itself, consciousness becoming self-aware. It is an important stage, where one is first free from the confines of the mind - not that one can’t fall out of it, but it has at least been seen. Yet at this stage one is not yet purified of his negative ego, nor has he established a fully expansive ego,  far from it. A long development usually lays ahead, depending on ones background and destiny - which, once again, is an unknown and unpredictable quantity. But, when fully established, this stage  does signal  the end of the dualistic search, or at least, the beginning of the end, or the end of the beginning. From here on the search takes place more and more from the place of surrender, although attention may also be needed to refresh the state of presence-awareness from time to time when it is seen weakening or not so ‘present’!

   The limit of conventional mysticism is that it may propel one into inner but essentially still ‘objective’ states, while the limit of the ‘sudden’ school  lies in the assumption that one unprepared and identified with objectivized phenomenality can all at once permanently awaken to the subjectivity itself, and, also, that even this is the final and only goal. If one meditates, which is, in most cases, necessary - in its time and place - for becoming absorbed into the depths of being [in order, as PB said, to  leave one with the kernel and not only the husk], the now or timeless dimension, a deep state of rest  in 'the womb of the Mother,' one can, however, without the first awakening to consciousness, essentially  go on forever without realizing the subjective element  that makes meditation or contemplation a goal-less activity, one of true non-doing. True meditation, thus, generally needs accompanying inquiry or vichara or some other method or means aimed at finding the subject, the meditator, the one ‘behind the mind,’  even amidst enduring a 'long' traditional route of cultivation of virtue, patience, will, concentration, tranquility, discrimination, and balance - as opposed to singularly isolating some of the newer 'technologies of awakening', such as the ‘awareness watching awareness’ method, or trying to find the observer (which may be difficult), or consciously thinking intensely and trying to recognize the thinker behind the thought. Grace is also needed to awaken this perception, but it is the essential foundation of the rest of the way.

   Those who argue that, “since the goal is ‘no-mind,’ or the ‘non-conceptual’ state, no amount of meditation is useful in attaining that state, and that only direct inquiry has a hope of  helping one reach it,  often do not realize that inquiry will generally only take one so far, namely, to the state of presence or awareness, which, while essential to free one from identification with the  clutches of the collective mind, not only may leave the ego intact and un-purified, but also, without the pull of grace, still unconnected with the deeper dimensions of being. The deeper meditation or contemplation in the domain of being is, it has been said, essentially reserved for one who is already established in the non-dual realization of presence or consciousness, for one cannot truly ‘do’ non-doing until he has become more or less present and awakened to consciousness. And, further, ones ability to surrender is necessarily limited, and grace is necessary to accomplish the task. We are, of course, speaking of a relatively advanced or mature stage of practice. If all of this sounds hopeless, and heart-breaking, consider it more grist for the mill, and - what can one say - "heaven help us all!" Feel lucky to be reduced to such a state.

   So both aspects, inquiry and meditation, are felt as essential, until one is established in the depths of being and the heart, beyond the need for such formal practice. Of course, we repeat ourselves, grace can considerably shorten this process, and even bypass certain elements. This is just a general framework.


   On 'Stories' and Suffering

   The simply 'drop your stories', 'this is it', 'you are already enlightened', type of teachings will always be there, but currently more people can relate to the 'karma teachings', where essentially purification is going on, and so we try to include as many points of view and types of experience as possible, so that everyone feels spoken to and included, and no one is marginalized or directly or inadvertently feels judged. One person I knew essentially had to leave the spiritual community she had a long affiliation with because she entered a fiery dark night  (though it has been rough her whole life), and no one there understood what she was going through, and often judged her for her experiences, and certainly felt she was a downer. 'Just lighten up.. Be positive... drop the stories.... just this, just that'. Not a very compassionate or understanding response. It is heartening to see many non-dual teachers softening and maturing in their delivery and recognizing this.

   From one point of view, what we are basically talking about is suffering. So in considering an idea like the dark night, for instance, we are fundamentally saying that there is a type of suffering with special, spiritual characteristics. Because otherwise, why would it be different from simply reaping bad karma, whether set in motion in the past, or reflecting our current situation? So perhaps we could say there are several types of suffering.

   One of the most basic forms is that a given state of mind, conditioned by particular views and desires, can be said to be inherently uncomfortable or painful. Like anger, which not only can set in motion bad consequences, but also is, in itself, not the most peaceful, harmonious, or otherwise positive feeling. It is stressful, alienating, conflictual and so on. So one type of suffering is simply the suffering inherent in the current  components of our state of mind. This type of suffering would include the pain or suffering within any negative state of mind - jealousy, hatred, longing, unfulfilled desires, aversions, judgments, sadness, grief and so on.

   Another type of suffering is karmic in the traditional sense (the first is really a type of karma too) in that it is the effect of causes we set in motion in the past that we may not even currently identify with, but we still must experience the results of them, the working out of them. This is basically a delayed form of suffering.

   Yet another type of suffering is, not entirely different from the others, is the pain of letting go of our current sentimentalities, illusions, and fantasies. It is the pain of 'growing up' spiritually, or recognizing truths such as the futility of seeking happiness through various dualistic pursuits such as wealth, security, personal love, fame, or respect. It is not as if any of these things is somehow necessarily wrong to want. That is a personal choice. It is just that they are not what they are made out to be. They lack true fulfillment or satisfaction, and are transitory. When we face these truths, there is a kind of pain in gradually becoming disillusioned with it all, and, eventually, hopefully, reorienting towards realizing there is an alternative -spiritual value such as inner peace, contentment, love, and so on - which spiritual qualities and, ultimately, transcendent realization, will bring the fulfillment we ultimately seek, but have been looking in the 'wrong' place for. It is like we have had a love affair with samsara or relativity for who knows how long, and in our spiritual awakening, we come to see the futility in it all, we fall out of love with dualism, but we are going to go through phases where we are heart-broken about it, and angry, and deeply alone, because we have lost one lover, but have not replaced it yet with the Beloved. During this we are cleansed of dualistic desires, aversions and attachments, and suffer great alienation, confusion and despair. Suffering through the first two kinds of pain and karma is basically 'ordinary suffering'. But this last type is really only something that becomes acute during the spiritual path. Many would say that it is unavoidable, though it will probably be more prevalent in some lives than others, and affect people differently to some degree according to what kind of path they are on.

   A final type of suffering is even more basic. It is not necessarily unrelated, again to the others, especially this last one, but is, perhaps,  looking at it from another angle. This is the pain of death and rebirth. It results from our core attachment to our sense of identity, and when we face some deeply existential/spiritual shift in our core self-concept, even at an intuitive level, we are going through a kind of change of state that brings up not only great grief and disorientation and despair at the loss of the old way, but also fear of the unknown, whether or what will emerge. And since much of all this type of stuff happens in our subconscious and even superconscious, we aren't even often sure what the suffering is all about. We just get glimpses of it in different lights. This relates more to the classic dark night experience, the fundamental purpose of which PB wrote:

   "The Dark Night is not the result of any physical suffering or personal misfortune: it comes from a subtler cause. It induces a depression of enormous weight...The sombre loneliness experienced during the Dark Night of the Soul is unique. No other kind of loneliness duplicates it either in nature or acuteness... It creates the feeling of absolute rejection, of being an outcast...A terrible inner numbness, an unbearable emptiness, is a prominent feature of the spiritual dark night...The situation is really paradoxical and beyond correct appraisal by the conscious mind, certainly by the suffering ego. He is being made to learn, by the severest experience, that the divine reality must not be confused with his conscious reactions to it, nor with his mental reactions to it, nor even with his emotional reactions to it, that it belongs to an unknown and unknowable realm that transcends human faculties and defies human perceptions...It is not enough to recognize the Real in its homeland alone; he must be trained to recognize it under all conditions, even when it is hidden under thick illusion, even in the lowest ebb of the soul's dark night." (8)

   This might be said, in general, to be a form of suffering brought on by grace, either from one's soul, the divine, this earth in this universe (the ‘footstool of the gods,’ or ’womb of the Buddhas') or an enlightened master.

   The cases where people seem to have the worst time are when all of these are going on at the same time, and especially if the past karma aspect of their suffering is particularly difficult. The main form of all of these that we can have the most control over is the first one, where we simply try to keep affirming positive qualities as best we can. And then to try to understand and accept the other three aspects, to the extent that they may be relevant to us.

   So there is a difference between these types of suffering, and some of it really is just that we have to face our stuff and suffer our stupidities and missteps. It is a very rare soul who does not have at least some of that work to do. And once the process of energizing deeper soulful realities of virtue and deep awakening have been energized, the process of cleansing, learning and letting go is accelerated, so it can just become rather messy and devastating for a while (sometimes a long while). In the life of the soul, it is not so very long. Our higher individuality is in a very deep state, but it still longs for sahaja, and has been patiently cultivating wisdom and virtue through numerous lives. When it gets to the point when it is down to a life or two more of serious transformation,  a life or even more of deep suffering does not seem to high price to pay for the payoff, which has been anticipated since the moment of individualization countless eons ago (it can't really be spoken of in terms of time). At that stage, for many, it is mostly an endurance test, just hanging in there, holding on, trying ones best to exercise faith.

   There is other aspects of the ‘getting rid of or stop telling ones personal stories’ way of thinking that needs mentioning. One, in some cases, while generally a good practice to follow, it can prevent a deeper sharing of core issues and wounds that is counter-productive. And two, some teachers maintain that the ego is merely the stories it tells of itself. Ramaji explains why this is an error. He first quotes David Carse:

   “The ego is only the story it constantly tells of itself, the experiences and difficulties it has had, the path it has followed, the wounds it carries. The invitation here is precisely to stop telling the story.” (Carse, David, Perfect Brilliant Stillness: Beyond the Individual Self (Shelburne, VT: Paragate Publishing, 2006), p. 11)

   Ramaji then writes:

   “Sounds pretty good, right? Except that it is wrong. Carse is confusing the story with the I-thought. The root I-thought is a contraction deep in the subconscious. Its is not a “story.” It is a knot. Telling or not telling the story will make no difference. Some meditators practice quietism. They think if they can just shut off the mind so that it stops thinking and telling stories, there will get enlightened. It doesn’t work. The I-thought knot lives at a level that is below conscious thinking. If you stop the storytelling, you will feel better, but you won’t uproot the ego.” (Ramaji, 1000 (San Diego: Ramaji Books, 2014), p. 511-512)

   The I-thought, which Ramana said was the root of the mind, the origin of the I-am-the-body thought, and the experience-of-the-world-as-real, is like a repression deep within the subconscious that must be dug out. But first it must be gradually isolated. To get to the point where it is exposed with no place to hide is, in short, the fruit of all the previous stages of practice. It is what the Masters are trying to do as well. The ego knows full well how to hide under a million disguises and strategies. To simply jump into self-enquiry without prior preparation - all that Kirpal Singh, for instance, implied by the term “man-making" - or Brunton by the Long Path of cultivating the virtues as well as developing and balancing the faculties of feeling, thinking, willing - as well as some degree of concentration - and becoming ripe top surrender all of that - would be extremely difficult, and is perhaps why in fact most of even Ramana’s devotees did not do it. Yet, at some point this task must be faced. The question is, where does this take place in Sant Mat? And I think the answer will vary from person to person. For some, they are confronted with this soon in their practice and relationship with their Master. Experiences become secondary to this encounter. For others, perhaps most, it is a gradual and step by step set of inner transitions, ‘deaths,’ and thinning out of the egoic-orientation in daily life, until finally the naked ego can be dealt a “knock-out blow” by Grace. But, sans that, the ego can go very far up, and facing this last step then takes place where - in Sach Khand? In Anami? Or, at any given moment as Grace would have it?

   This I cannot answer. Viewing the two paths side by side - of Sri Ramana and of Sant Mat - is difficult. The path of Ramana, technically considered, views the thousand-petalled lotus [‘one thousand’ not being literal but numerological implying ‘perfection’] in the sahasrar as having its deep “roots” in the causal Heart center (not the heart chakra), wherefrom the “I” if not ‘cauterized’ therein rapidly springs up, rises to the crown and then spreads downwards and manifests as the body and world. Upon or just before realization one may sometimes see a structure called ‘Amrita Nadi’ rising as a spire of light and sound from this Heart to the Crown, and above.

   Sant Mat, in contrast, at least in the literature, sees the roots of the cosmos beginning “up there” and extending downwards to the physical plane. What could seemingly appear more different? Our difficulty is that the causal Heart is little discussed in the traditions, especially the yogic ones. It really implies the center of ones being, and is not just associated with a location in the body. And in fact it is not necessary to feel the “heart on the right” or have the Amrita Nadi experience. Sri Nisargadatta said he agreed with Ramana whole-heartedly, but didn’t know of any of that business! His own Masters spoke of “polishing” the Supracausal Body - the Pure I Am - which may have been their way of eliminating the Primal Illusion of the I-thought. They did it in a Vedantic way and not by either Ramana’s “Who Am I ?” self-enquiry or by ascended meditation like the Sants, but I think they, too, got the job done.

   The Heart simply has infinite depths. Ishwar Puri felt it was just a minor bodily center, but my feeling is that clearly he was mistaken about this. So this is an important place where it would be great to have an adept of each path sit down and find some common ground on this issue and clarify it for us.


   6a. Edward Salim Michael, The Law of Attention (Rochester, Vermont: Inner Traditions, 2010), p. 22-234
7. Brunton, Vol. 15, Part 1, 5.100
8. Ibid, 3.22-24, 3.58, 3.59


   The “Besetting Sin” or “Chief Feature” - a potential roadblock to successful Self-Inquiry and a key finding in successful self-introspection

   It is commonly taught by its advocates that the practice of self-inquiry is a short-cut to self-realization, focussing on cutting the tree at its roots (the “I”-thought) instead of cutting off its branches (i.e., one’s faults) one by one as in more traditional preparatory practices where while meditating one also focusses on moral improvement. However, the fact is that the energy and attention necessary for successful self-inquiry is often sapped by ones faults, which is why “who am I?” practice is difficult for most people. But is this metaphor accurate? deCaussade did write that self is a many-headed hydra which needs its heads to be cut off again and again until grace puts an end to this toil. On the other hand, Guillore wrote of the primacy of what he called “the besetting sin.” This is similar to what the Gurdjieff school termed the “chief feature.” Find and deal with this and the house of cards most likely collapses. Here is what he says. Please bear with the old-fashioned language for the moment and try to grasp the key point:

   “Anyone who will take the trouble to search his heart carefully, will; be sure to find some passion which preponderates over all the rest, which is stronger, more apparent, more pervading, which overrules his other faults, and leads them in its train….Now, in each one of us there is some such dominant fault, which is the root and life of all we do; which rules us with sovereign power, which is the very essence of our individuality, and which moulds us tilt becomes, as the saying is, our second nature. And this is the besetting sin on which a man’s energies must be concentrated, in order to overrule and eradicate it, if he would make any progress in holiness, for it is vain to try and conquer other faults while this is left in possession of the field. yet this is just where, when you come to deal with souls, you will find that so many fail. They blindly spare themselves in that one most essential quarter, fondly flattering themselves with the hope that all is right, because they are not altogether unwatchful over some other failings. But it must be a primary rule for all who aim at spiritual progress that there can be none really without a steadfast effort to subdue the besetting sin…Many people who on the whole seek after that which is good and practice sundry virtues, use this as a kind of cloak to conceal the real evil of their besetting sin…A mans besetting sin is at once powerful and tenacious - powerful from habit, tenacious and ready to break forth on the slightest provocation; and few souls have the courage to grapple with so troublesome a foe. They are ready to resist any other fault, if only this may be spared; but make a point of dealing with their besetting sin, whether it be anger, sensuality, ambition, indolence, want of recollection, censoriousness, or whatever it be, and you will find the the difficulty, the resistance, the shrinking, is almost overwhelming…The truth is, men love their bondage to evil, and hug their chains.”

   “Then, too, of course Satan is perpetually raising difficulties in the way of what is so unwelcome to him. He uses all the means ins power to foster a ruling passion; he is like a general besieging a town, who goes round and round seeking some breach, or at least some weak point wherein to prosecute his assault. St. Peter tells us that “our enemy the devil goeth about as a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.” But he who would make real progress in the spiritual life, will find that without this warfare, this victory over his besetting sin, he is but trifling with holiness; he may be self-denying, he may fast and pray, but no blessing will come upon his labors, so long as he sets up an idol in his heart, even the tyrannical idol of an unresisted besetting sin.”

   Then he gets down to the main point: what is the true nature of this besetting sin?

   “However many other faults and temptations may hinder you, they are less dangerous than this - the habitual, persistent, almost willful character of a besetting sin; its continual insidious ravages cause it to be a pitiless tyrant - greater peril to your salvation than all else combined…No man can die to self while his besetting sin is lively and vigorous, even though he may conquer some evil dispositions…but do cut at the root of the tree of evil, and allies branches wither. A ruling passion overcome is as a corner-stone wrenched out of the building - as the capital of a kingdom, which once taken decides the war - as a general whose death discourages his whole army - as a body from which thread is lopped. All else will be easily done when this is done. What is the good of seeking to dam up the stream, instead of cutting off the source? Learn a lesson from your enemy the devil, who is willing to let you alone in all manner of pious practices and outward good works so long as he can keep you subject to your besetting sin. He knows well enough that its leaven will leaven the whole lump; because its strength lies in the will, which it poisons, and so all good is neutralized…The besetting sin leaves nothing save what is lame and spotted for His service. Do not keep back your cherished ewe lamb. He knows what you prize most; He knows all that it costs you to tear out that ruling passion from your heart; and it is precisely this whichHe requires pf you, rather than all the other offerings you are so much more willing to bring.” (Guillore, op. cit., p. 260-267)

   “What made the Soul leave the Nous?” asked Plotinus; “Audacious self-will.” It might be said that “self-will” is the primary attribute of the “I”-thought, and it is there the culprit lies. Guillore says that the besetting sin - our most habitual, fixed ego tendencies, have their roots in the will. And there lies the maturing of self-introspection and our moral efforts: to isolate this root and slay it, or so that it may be slayed, by grace. Many who try self-inquiry without such moral effort have found they still were in pain, or unhappy, or not complete, and wonder why. And unfortunately they may then be told they were wrong, or not doing it right, or just not ‘getting it’!

   One way of highlighting ones chief feature(s) or “besetting sin (s)”, if only to reinforce the insight one gets through his effort in self-introspection, is through astrology. Natal squares and oppositions, particularly in fixed signs, symbolically reveal these strong, persistent, habitual and/or inherited dispositions. You will know what they are!

   The gist here is that dealing with the “besetting sin” is cutting the tree at its roots. It is not just cutting a branch. The sense of self will be dealt a mortal blow, from which it will not likely recover, without a major rebellion. Either self-inquiry or meditative absorption, will become a relative breeze once this is accomplished.

   Furthermore, there is no need to be overcome with guilt, as the word “sin” often implies in religious teachings. Its real meaning is “to miss the mark.” Here one does not really need to know if the hand he has been drawn from the deck of the distant past is due to any personal wrongdoing, whether from early life experience or previous incarnations, but the karmic continuity and compulsive reactivity is his to deal with now. It may be easier to endure the purificatory process if personal pain is considered ones share of universal pain.


   Some related considerations about the 'I'-thought, the ego, advaita and the Soul

       One final observation. Sometimes the teachings of Ramana Maharshi imply that when the “I”-thought goes back into the Heart it dies forever. This leads to confusion wherein some may wonder how a sage makes his way in the world. It seems that every sage has a sense of self: if you call him by name he will respond, etc.. The answer often given is that for the sage there is no longer a world but only the Self. However, others say the “I”-thought continues to arise, but is no longer seen as other than or apart from the Self. Like the body and the world, the “I”-thought is now okay. it is no longer a knot or deep unconscious repression.

   The mystics, however, appear to speak differently about the “I.”Sri Ramakrishna said:

   “The 'I' cannot be effaced altogether. You may explain it away through reasoning, but the next moment it reappears, nobody knows from where. It is like a goat that bleats faintly and jerks its legs even after its head has been cut off. But the ‘I’ that God retains in His devotee after he has seen Him is called the ‘ripe I’. It is like a sword turned into gold touching the philosopher’s stone; you cannot hurt anybody with it.” (The Gospel of Sri Ramakrishna, p. 1019)

   Whether there is an ultimate difference may be a matter of viewpoint. And perhaps it has reverberations with the millennia-old debate over jivan-mukti versus videha-mukti (complete liberation before or after death) of which there are said to be pros and cons on each side.

   The Heart that Ramana spoke of is realized in its essence as all-pervading, without dimensions of time and space, and not confined to any bodily locus. The ultimate Reality professed by sages like Ramakrishna and the Sants, entered initially through a different doorway, as it were, is also of that nature. Remember that Ramana took Jung to task on this very point for implying that there was anything that Ramakrishna did not know! So who are we to say otherwise?

   The ordeal getting there, however, seems likely to be more or less the same, given human nature as it is.



   It is interesting, and encouraging, however,  to see that many formerly more radical non-dual teachers, such as Jeff Foster, Adyashanti, and others, are coming around to a change of heart, or frame of reference, in which they are essentially acknowledging the need for the cultivation of what are basic soul qualities, such as persistence, sincerity, courage, endurance, and so on. Adyashanti said, "sincerity, one-pointedness [one-pointedness? Most non-dualists don't like this word, preferring  to jump directly to 'no-pointedness', or 'life without a center'], and courage are essential for awakening." One asks, 'Who' is sincere and courageous? - Impersonal consciousness? No, We are. Adyashanti  in fact writes, in The Way of Liberation - a book for which he has taken a little criticism as being too 'dualistic' - that:

   "In a manner of speaking we have lost (or at the very least forgotten) our souls...We remain lost to ourselves, so cut off from what nourishes the soul...The underlying drives of the ego are to feel better and to survive. But inquiry belongs entirely to the realm of the soul, that dimension of being born of stillness and light that seeks Truth for its own sake." (p. xii, 30, 26)

   Anadi affirms this when he argues that traditional inquiry indeed takes us beyond ego, but not beyond the soul, and that the real answer to "Who am I?" is not 'no one' - although that is sometimes the expected answer - but the soul.

    The emphasis above of Adyashanti reflects, in our opinion, a maturing of understanding of the non-dual approach. Similarly, Sri Nisargadatta often said, "endurance and the willingness to try are most needed,"  and that “sadhana is most essential for one’s survival as a spiritual entity.”  What survival?! What entity? - there is supposed to be nothing! Further, ‘who’ endures,  and ‘who' tries? Not something impersonal. That would be meaningless, it seems. Even Fred Davis admits in his book, Beyond Recovery, that he had already done "all of the necessary (personal, practical) work before coming to non-duality", and that "he is actually in favor of practices, as, after all, sages have been doing them for thousands of years, and they were no fools." But he issues what has become a necessary disclaimer among non-dual circles that such practices are only if you want them, or are already doing them (since that is part of 'what is'), but that they do not directly lead to awakening, and they better serve the stabilizing and clearing process after awakening and not before. Well, so what? All right, the various practices are supportive, they indirectly lead to awakening, and guide one afterwards. But we feel it is all not so cut and dried. There are may vicissitudes and oscillations in life, and from life to life. One of the main differences we have with such teachers is where they appear to distinguish the 'preparation' from the 'real, direct path'. From our perspective, this is an artificial distinction: life is the path, all is the path, and everything is important. PB for instance wrote of a period of time for the 'Long Path', a time of the 'Long and Short Paths' practiced concurrently, then a graduation to a 'Short Path', and then a 'real Short Path'. He was offering suggestions, but some like to say only the 'Short Path' is real, and all the rest just a bunch of business. We do not see it so. There is a progressive and also non-linear process of life completing itself. It asks for completion in the inner and outer realms. And it is essentially the soul which is doing so. Anadi writes:

   "The foundation of the spiritual seeker is sincerity. The lack of capacity can be understood and it is nobody's fault, but the lack of pure and sincere intention in the Heart is a law characteristic of the Soul. [Sri Nisargadatta called it “earnestness,” or the “homing instinct” of the soul] If the Heart is sincere the spiritual Light reaches the Soul in this way or another. If one is not able to succeed using one's own effort, Grace brings Transformation. In this case, the Divine does all the work and the Soul is pulled into the Light." [note: by 'spiritual Light' anadi does not mean the visionary light of mystic experience per se but the true subjective Light of divine reality and mystery].

   Further, on the notion of the Soul reaching a 'relative' completion he says:

   "The Soul which dwells in the Heart has to be fulfilled [this is contrary to popular spiritual theory, which only envisions the process as a negative one of denying any desire for fulfillment of the ego - the Me]. That is her blueprint, the goal of evolution. She must reach her fulfillment. When the Soul is fulfilled, she simply transcends this particular dimension evolving further, no longer in the human dimension. The Soul, in order to be fulfilled, has to reach completion inside and completion outside. The Soul reaches completion inside by expanding into the I Am and by growing roots in the inner dimension. The Soul becomes fulfilled outside by realizing herself in her emotional body and by having some important experiences in life [another more positive vision than traditional advaita or Buddhism]. She needs to express her creativity and complete all latent karmic desires [a very wholistic vision]."  (Transmission of Awakening, Delhi: Motilal Banarsidass, 1999, p. 142, 222)

   Brunton expresses a similar point:

   “If the human entity has no other purpose to fulfill on this earth than to return to the place of its origin, then it has no business to leave that sphere. There must be something to be gained by its earthly journey, if the universe has any sense at all.” (The Notebooks of Paul Brunton, Vol. 16, Part 2, 4.248)

   “It is a paradox of the strangest irony that the place where we can find the Overself is not in another world but in this one, that the chance to grow enduringly out of darkness into light is better here. This is the extraordinary paradox of the Quest, that it is a road leading out of bodily life and yet inseparable from daily living itself. This earthly life is the “narrow gate” which opens into the Kingdom…For sincere questers, there is, or should be, an interest in life which grows with time.” (Ibid, Vol. Vol. 9, Part 1, 180-187)

   Two points are brought out here. The first deals  with the tendency in advaita to posit either the egoic consciousness or the Absolute, and nothing in between.  PB felt there was a need for a mediating principle which he called the Overself; anadi seems to agree. And the second relates to the placing of only a negative spin on the ego. An example might be seen in a quotation from a very fine teacher, Mooji, in which he says, paraphrased from memory, "the ego can't be seen but it has a smell; only he who is free of egoic concern can tell what is useful for spiritual awakening and what is not."  Now, there is nothing wrong with the statement, but we feel it is somewhat incomplete. First, one needn't be 'free of egoic concern to be able to 'smell the ego' - one only needs to be reasonably sick and tired of one's game in order to recognize it when it arises. For if one is really 'free of egoic concern' then one must already must be enlightened! Second, and more importantly, this reflects a common advaitic tendency to, perhaps unknowingly, negate manifestation, or all that is not seen or felt as the State of Presence. It paints a picture of ego that does not recognize it as a tool of the Soul, which in fact is a dynamic center of intelligence that with reason and sensitivity [Yes, the maturing ego can have good qualities] guides our path to enlightenment, and helps us check on our state before and after enlightenment as well. Advaita would have the State of Presence, or attention aware of attention, consciousness, as the only thing of worth. This is understandable as this view sees this as the only thing that exists. Subsequently, however, the active persona, the intelligence that can think consciously and intently, as contrasted with only being a passive witness to thoughts coming in from the subconscious, is essentially dismissed as either unimportant, unreal, or nonexistent ("the ego is a myth" - Colin Drake). But this is not a wholistic position. The self-reflexive movement of consciousness that is ego is an evolutionary advance, says anadi, and while we can certainly get stuck in it, it is necessary for our growth. Let him explain:

   "Who we are, in the mind, is composed of two centers. One, is the static centre of the State of Presence which does not change. Second, is the dynamic centre of our intelligence. This dynamic centre is always in movement, and it relates to both: to the State of Presence and to the gross level of spontaneous thinking coming from the subconscious mind. This intuitive intelligence is very important for it allows us to grow and to understand the process of awakening...A longtime ago, in India, a concept was created that one is not a doer, that one is purely a Witness. This concept is coming from the awakening to the centre of Consciousness. When the State of Presence is awakened, the mind becomes witnessed from behind and moves to the periphery. The movement of thoughts is no longer in the centre. In the centre is this non-dual Awareness which is, so to speak, witnessing the mind. This concept, however, is not completely correct. This concept implies that one identifies oneself fully with the State of Presence and refuses to see the self-conscious movement of intelligence as being an integral part of Me. In this what we perceive the mind and its intelligence a something just happening on the screen of Consciousness, and not being Me. However, much more accurate is to say that they both constitute the reality of Me. You are the witness and you are the intuitive intelligence as well...and, in truth, it is only because you are this intelligence that you can discover the State of Presence and are able to relate to it.  You, as the intelligence, relate to the State of Presence...The traditional teachings, which have been created a few thousand years ago, did not discover how the Inner State and the movement of intelligence relate to each other." (Ibid, p. 156-158)

   So what he is saying is that the State of Presence and the active intelligence are both parts of the I Am, the whole Me, or Soul. This relates to what PB wrote above that "the spiritual evolution which requires him to abandon his ego runs parallel to the mental evolution that requires him to perfect it."   This allows a realistic, dynamic non-duality to unfold.

   The advaita tendency for reduction, in our view, is also quite subtly illustrated in the following excerpt from a recent article by Francis Lucille:

   “Simply put, non-dualism is the hypothesis that reality is non-dual, that there is only one single reality which is the substance of all things, of all phenomena, of both mind and matter. If that is true, it follows that the reality of our ordinary consciousness, meaning whatever it is that is really perceiving these words in this moment, must be this non-dual, single, and universal reality. Therefore non-duality implies the universality of consciousness. Concomitantly, it implies that consciousness is the "stuff" everything is made of. This is the fundamental equation of Eastern philosophy: Atman=Brahman, Consciousness=Reality."

   This is true enough, but might it be articulated more precisely? It is a truism and accepted definition of non-duality that reality is ‘not-two’ .  Yet teachers still proceed to reduce this ‘not-two’  to ‘one’! Rather than stay in the mystery of a non-conceptual ‘not-two’, it is maintained that reality is ‘one’ thing, be it one ‘stuff’, one ‘space’, or one ‘consciousness’ - but one already within it implies ‘two’!  So non-duality does not mean one. Can we say reality  is ‘one’ [or even a ‘naught’] ? Our finite logical minds may say we can, but maybe then we need a more sophisticated teaching to better articulate truth. Of course we will not succeed in reaching it, but we might be better served in the attempt than by making simple assumptions of what it is, endlessly repeated as fixed and proven truth. Some teachers, faced with this conundrum, speak of reality as being 'beyond duality and non-duality'. But this only leads us farther afield. 'Non-duality' is good enough as it is, when it is not made synonymous with one, or oneness. Non-separation is fine. It is 'beyond' one or many, sameness or difference. In fact, it has been said that here sameness or 'suchness' IS difference or distinction, and vice versa. We must remember that, as it is depicted in Zen, form first becomes no-form, or sameness, but then one is reborn in true satori 'taking the form which is no-form as form' - this is said to be the Real Person. It is a positive and inconceivable reality; therefore, why call it 'one'? [Here, moreover, we can barely speak of a relationship between individual and universal as being identity, difference  - or even relatedness!  Such words no longer apply]. This is not only theory, but has potential practical consequences. At best saying the non-dual is all one stuff works well for a ripe few; at second-best it can lead to a half-way attainment as a 'One-Eyed Monster' stuck in a hard-to-escape-from sameness; and at worst it may lead to a bypass of nearly the entire path, due to a disregard for the laws of relativity, as well as philosophical preconceptions that prevent the heart being open to various sources of grace.

     Very well, this is one depiction of the path, from our perspective. Obviously, there are infinite perspectives because the I AM is infinite with infinite angles of perspective and no one being can lay claim to them all, nor should he. When followed to completion, however, one achieves non-dual realization and the state of presence and the environment collapse into a state of radical non-dual transcendence, in which we are reborn into a new octave of spiritual development in which we re-emerge in a state of permanent sahaja, but with a new pattern of phenomena arising which reflects not a story of coming to our own liberation or non-dual realization, but our integration of that state of non-dual presence with planetary karma/story/evolution. The realization in our state of presence continues to grow in richness, never to lose again the perfect balance in sahaja of seeing it all arising in the state of non-dual presence. Are we then Soul, Oversoul, the One, Consciousness only? It is a mystery. Even the Sants express as much. Kirpal Singh said:

   "The difference between knowledge and love is that knowledge always tries to banish duality but love retains it as a precious treasure and itself remains without duality...The heart is given away and it makes its center in the Beloved and remains fixed there. This is true knowledge. Knowledge does not mean merely to understand or to know. It actually means to become that which we really are, i.e., to know ourselves." (The Philosophy of the Masters, Series Two)

   PB affirms the limitation for calling for a final realization or attainment:

   "It is the shortest step in humility that we can take to admit that we are all en route, and leave it to others to talk of final attainments. In an infinite realm of nature, the possibilities are also infinite." (Vol. 3, Part 1, 5:40)

   [One is reminded of Sri Nisargadatta's remark to the effect, "the final understanding is that there is no final understanding"].

   Moreover, PB also is in alignment with anadi's depiction of the soul when he writes:

   "Spiritual growth entails meditation practices kept up as regularly as possible, metaphysical study, cultivation of intuition, and a kindling of an ever increasing love for the divine soul, the true "I." It is this soul which is the ray of God reflected in him and it is as near to God as anyone can ever get. God is too great, too infinite, ever to be comprehended; but the Overself, which is God's representative here, can be comprehended...So he must cultivate this heartfelt love towards what is his innermost "me" and must not hesitate to pray for its Grace or even to weep for it. He must surrender inwardly and secretly all the ego's desires to it." (Ibid, 5:61)

    We hope this long and rambling section clarifies at least some of the issues surrounding non-duality relevant to seekers on this and other paths.


   Self-introspection 2.0

   Kirpal’s "don't spare yourself" regarding self-introspection is true for a very strong and mature person; it is in fact a recommendation by many wise teachers in diverse traditions. deCaussade wrote, "With certain souls He allows nothing to escape notice, and about them He has a most fastidious jealousy; and it is a sure truth that souls which are objects of this jealousy, cannot, without infidelity, allow themselves to do what other persons can do without imperfection." But there is a delicate balance act on the path between the foundational disciplines and implicit obedience (without which surrender is said to be impossible), and at a later time, as the author of The Cloud of Unknowing expressed, the need for "a generosity of response and holy indifference to rules and regulations, a call for complete self-forgetting, even to the extent of awareness of self."

   We mentioned Gurdjieff. Sant Mat of course is not the Fourth Way. It is a bhakti path with a strong component of grace as a potent factor. One can not forever avoid real self-knowledge, however, which requires freedom for experimentation, and allowances for differences. The path is not superimposed from without, in a real sense you are the path. There are truths that each person must find out for himself. It is not a cookie-cutter process whereby one merely copies the image of his Ideal. Everyone is unique, and their process is unique, even if they have the Word as a divine intermediary or inner guide. The 'integral' part of this yoga is not so much as 'cleaning up' what is here below, but the 'low' ceasing to be the low. The old-school method of anxiously searching out one's faults must be superseded, or at least balanced, with a hefty dose of self-acceptance, gentle observation, and peaceful abidance in being. For as C.G. Jung wrote:

   "That I feed the beggar, that I forgive an insult, that I love an enemy in the name of Christ - all these are undoubtedly great virtues. But what if I should discover that the least amongst them all, the poorest of beggars, the most impudent of all offenders, yes the very fiend himself - that these are within me, and that I myself am the enemy who must be loved - what then?...Had it been God himself who drew near to us in this most despicable form, we should have denied him a thousand times before a single cock had crowed."

   Part of the problem that must be faced is that the 'modern dispensation' in Sant Mat is to give an experience, and foster inner meditation, prior to the adaptation to the traditional qualifications of character. This is not wrong, but has inherent limitations, such as we have been outlining. In addition, traditional qualifications tended towards favoring those inclined towards the monastic vocation, whereas we all live fairly active lives. But still, one must penetrate the surface layer of mind and reactive emotion, which means a journey into core wounds and layers of mental preconceptions.

   The point being suggested is that the essence of the diary exercise must be made relevant to our times, and to the heart of the devotee. There must be a felt connection. Might not one, then, create one's own diary, something that personally means something to you, that speaks to your heart and and feels useful? "But then you are only relying on the wiles of your own mind and ego and one will not be an obedient devotee," some will say. This can be as true today as it has been for thousands of years. On the other hand, much is changing. And some might say that such timid fear has no place in real devotion. And that of course is a two-edged sword, for it has been written, "Fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom." Especially when one begins to see that Higher Power working, one necessarily develops simultaneously a great love and holy fear, or awe of the higher values and greatness. The sage Plotinus wrote:

   "Such vision is for those only who see with the Soul's sight - and at the vision, they will rejoice, and awe will fall upon them and a trouble deeper than all the rest could ever stir, for now they re moving in the realm of Truth. This is the spirit that beauty must ever induce, wonderment and a delicious trouble, longing and love and a trembling that is all delight. For the unseen all this may be felt as for the seen; and this the Souls feel for it, every Soul in some degree; but those the more deeply that are more truly apt to this higher love - just as all take delight in the beauty of the body but all are not stung as sharply, and those only that feel the keener wound are known as Lovers." (11)

   Yet we are not directly speaking of the revelation of this holy fear, which comes to all who have a glimpse of divine power, but rather, how many years will one nurse a timid human fear before he comes into some spiritual independence and trust in himself, in his own Being? A point may come when he will face his inadequate attempts to 'empty the ocean with a teaspoon', and surrenders in despair of himself. That point remains to be seen in each case, but it is a great moment. One cannot surrender before trying - that would be phony - because you can't kid the soul. But this stage will be reached in due course. The diary as such, in my opinion, was mean to be a tool essentially for beginners to use for a few years, until some insight, repentance, and self-understanding was gained. The heart weeps for older initiates still struggling to fill it out after twenty or thirty or forty years, without a true heartfelt connection to the process. But the grace of the Master is great enough to overcome all of these obstructions and problems.

   Certainly, the manner in which one relates to it is most important. If one truly has an experimental, objective, neutral attitude of simple observation, without guilt or discouragement - or pride in seeing few failures - recognizing that the Master is here and now and not far away, followed by honest prayer and affirmation, then one may derive benefit. It is suggested, however, that if one finds it all too mechanical, which apparently many do, then he find another way for this daily time for remembrance and cultivation of virtue so important for his eventual full surrender. The word virtue comes from the Latin root 'vir' meaning man. So this is one part of a process of man-making, as our Master used to say. And, as one ancient Chinese sage once expressed, "if we do not cultivate virtue, how then are we different from ordinary men?" We are not at all saying, as some neo-advaitins do, that this is not important. Only that it must also be balanced with the wisdom of St. Augustine, who said, "Brethren, if you should think yourselves to be better or even different than other men, I would that you should return to the world."

   We mentioned 'holy fear'. This has been spoken of by Masters, saints, and church Fathers for ages. It is an accompaniment of the experience of bliss and inner joy. This is far beyond the state of fearing a despotic or punishing God. Paradoxically, when one, after metanoia and purification, has an inner awakening, he is overwhelmed by the extent of the divine majesty. Kirpal states:

   When one experiences the inner Nectar, one feels enwrapped or adorned with Truth itself. In this blissful condition, fear enters the heart along with the love - for one becomes fully aware that all one's thoughts and actions are known. These two things both come with adornment of Truth: love and fear...If a person really knows something of that Power, he has an awe-filled awareness. The more he sees, the more awe enters his heart...'When the mouth is read from the pan (betal-leaf)', i.e., Naam, and the heart-strings are pulled, he is filled with a deep fear. He is then neither alive nor dead. He cannot live in such agony, but he cannot die because of the joy. Do you understand a little? This is the disciple's condition." (Sat Sandesh, August 1972, p. 12)

   This is a delicate point but one we felt necessary to mention for the completeness of this discussion. Seems hard to call it fear, but, that's what they call it. Perhaps one day it will reveal itself to everyone.

   For now, one course of action to take in regards to the diary exercise is, like Benjamin Franklin (http://www.artofmanliness.com/2008/06/01/the-virtuous-life-wrap-up/), and recommended by Kirpal, to choose to 'work' on one virtue at a time, and that has in fact sometimes been recommended, and in fact is good advice - recognizing that 'working' on faults has different connotations in varying traditions. From another perspective, however, 'virtue' as a whole isn't really about just following the rules so we won't go to hell. It is about learning what is of value for our growth on the path, what helps lead us out of samsara or illusion, and living up to an ideal. That is one aspect of virtue, or 'accumulating 'merit and wisdom' as the Buddhists say. But the other half is about self-acceptance, self-honesty, self-love, and being willing not to be perfect. And that half is often harder than the first. Yet without our imperfections there would be no growth, no evolution possible. So remorse over a particular action to some extent is natural and good, but guilt over own entire evolutionary situation is a negative judgement.

   Plato's precepts to Aristotle may be useful; 'Do not sleep until you have put three questions to yourself: (1) Have I committed any sin? (2) Have I omitted any duty by accident? (3) Have I left anything undone intentionally?' These lead to further inquiry: 'Why?' - the purpose being to get at ones unconscious tendencies and motivations, rather than just to keep score of faults.

   Crying out to God, confession, heart-felt, even wrenching, regret over past actions, and resolving to do better, for the sake of the enlightenment of all beings, is also part of 'arousing bodhicitta' or compassion. So it has its rightful place. Such confession is best followed by consent to the divine Will, and acceptance of the always present forgiveness. The latter especially keeps us out of the 'pit'. Eventually, or even now - for it is not required that one wait - one will be, in old-fashioned religious language, delivered from his wretchedness, and a spirit of joy will arise in one's heart. A new day will dawn, and one will then proclaim:

   "He put a new song in my heart, a hymn of praise to our God." (Psalm 40:3)

   Or,

   "Little darlin', the smiles returning to their faces....Here comes the sun..."

   Kirpal himself from time to time would make plain that the 'diary' was largely a means to remember the Master at the end of the day:

   "God is within you..The more you come into contact with Him, love will overflow...Outwardly have sweet remembrance. The diary is for that purpose. Every time confession is there: every time you do - "Oh," - you remember. So He is there, your true friend who will never leave you until the end of the world. There should be some excuse to remember, that's all: may be in any way. Perhaps I told you the other day that an old lady at the Ashram, who was unlearned, was also asked to maintain the diary forms, and, every morning, bowed down. She simply offered flowers to the diary form and bowed down [note: more or less a form of puja]. After seven or eight days, I asked, "How do you find?" She replied, "Master is within me, walking with me." So it [the diary] is some excuse for sweet remembrance. May be anything." (12)

   And:

   "The diary form is overhead. The diary form is the master watching you, don't deceive him."

   Yes, but in ignorance and with no blame attached this can be interpreted in a childish way; we say, don't deceive your Self, is the important point. And in a conversation Kirpal let this slip out, too:

   "A diary means that once in a while when you do something important you put it down, that's all...If you are watching yourself fully each moment, then where will your mind go? The mind won't affect you." (12a)

   And this is not necessarily meant to be forever:

   "I would say that's good if you've got nothing. What more do you want? When there is nothing to put down, then it's all right. But still have self-introspection. Later you won't need it. On the way we still need it, now and then something creeps up." (12b)

   “If you really keep the diary, every moment you are confessing, you are remembering your Master. If you have constant remembrance then there is no difference between the Master and yourself. In that case it’s different. Otherwise the diary is a blessing.” (12c)

   Ultimately a desired result from this exercise is the following:

   "So love is the one thing through which you can have the sweet remembrance and the constant remembrance. You'll dream of Him. And when you go into a fast sleep, you will reverberate: without knowing it, the same things will be coming out of your mouth. Christ says, "If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love".....To follow him means to surrender your will to his wishes; not as a slave, mind that, but as a friend....So whenever Masters come, they do not ant to make slaves of you; they address you as friends, so that you may know what they are saying. A slave cannot know a friend; a friend can know a friend better. So Masters do not make slaves of you...They say, "I am a man like you. Here are my words; abide in them, and you abide in me." (13)

   A complement to the diary is the 'aspiring to the higher' part of our practice, the filling oneself with thoughts of purity and of one's ideal, of whom the true Master is hopefully a living embodiment. This way, it is like continuing to pour cream into a coffee cup until the coffee is 'bleached out', instead of just analyzing the coffee grounds, which is rather a much harder method. However, to some extent this is still an 'outside-in' approach. Which is why that, along with this guru-contemplation, attentive awareness itself, to itself and including to all thoughts, words, and actions, is at the heart of many major traditions. Trying to hold only one thought in one's mind is but one way, and generally a temporary stage at that. More on this later.

   One must simply feel what is right in his own particular case. And that may change through the years as he goes along on the path. Certainly, to repeat, there is a liability in just assuming, as is common today, that since the teaching says that soul and God are ultimately One, that there is actually now no doer, and self-introspection in his or her case is therefore not necessary. That would quite likely be self-deception. Living the life and self-understanding go hand in hand. 'Pruning the branches of the tree', so to speak, may not be as fundamental as 'cutting the roots of the ego', as Ramana Maharshi often remarked, but in deference to Ramana, the energy needed for the latter may be sapped by one's uninspected and purified faults. Therefore, at some stage self-improvement is one of the most important things for one to pay attention to. Kirpal definitely was in the 'cutting-the-branches-as-preparation-for-cutting-the-trunk-school'. And actually, contrary to popular opinion, Ramana also stood for that approach at times also. Someone once asked him to be given nirvikalpa samadhi by touch just like Sri Ramakrishna had done to Swami Vivekananda. Ramana asked him, "You are another Vivekananda, I assume?" He added, "It is difficult to appreciate the need for self-analysis and self-criticism. The tendency is to think of oneself as perfect. Though this person was eager to see whether I had the power of Sri Ramakrishna, he was not bothered whether he himself merited comparison with Vivekananda. That is because he assumed that he was perfect. Sri Ramakrishna bestowed that rare state upon Vivekananda alone because he was a person of rare spiritual merit." (13a) U.G. Krishnamurti had boldly asked Ramana to 'give him what he had,' to which Ramana answered, "I can give, but can you take it?" Kirpal also said to people who asked for such grace, "But are you ready to receive?" Most people back down out of justified fear, recognizing under the power of the sage's gaze their lack of preparation for what in fact is 'death'. So to set the matter straight, Ramana did criticize people for their 'wandering and perverted ways', and stressed the need for repentance, prayer, and self-introspection, but not in an excessive degree in place of a primary emphasis on self-inquiry or surrender to the guru].

   But, anyway, at some point, and hopefully before too many precious years go by, through grace the basic impossibility of the task of egoic self-perfection looms larger in one's consciousness and he finds a simple noticing of inner humiliation is all that is required, and one will drop the lower attitude for a higher. Which doesn't mean one will drop morality, only that it, or the self-introspective attitude or discipline will have become internalized and second nature to a large extent, and noticing identification with the ego-self, and then dropping it, becomes more primary. In the beginning one tries to become more and more aware of all the unwanted and unnecessary thoughts that run through the mind, but at another stage one pays less and less attention to all of that and more to the ever-present background of all the thoughts, by whatever name one wishes to call it. In other words, one cares less and less about the thoughts, the faults, the discipline. The simple path of surrender or direct self-enquiry becomes a reality.

   A note on doership. It might be true as it is taught on this path that one will not cease to be the 'doer' until one goes beyond the causal plane - or perhaps that is only one way of looking at it, and there are 'non-inversion' equivalents on other paths. This remains debatable among sages. In advaita, for instance, it is claimed that once the I-thought is traced to the heart and “dies” there, one realizes non-doership.

   There is also truth in the statement that the more you think you are the doer, you are the doer. That was Swami Sivananda's view, a Yogi highly respected by Kirpal Singh. Of course, there is a difference between thinking that one is not a doer, and actually not thinking one is a doer! And even this is not wholly the truth, for it is said that in the highest stage, or from the highest perspective, beyond dualistic conceptions, neither the notion of 'doership' nor 'non-doership' apply.

   But the bottom line is that relative wisdom will continue to be accumulated for quite a while, along with developing insight, and therefore, as Kabir says, one needs always have a healthy fear of pride, "for pride has fooled many sages". Humility first and last is the adornment of the saints.

   Perhaps a general rule may be stated as the Prophet Muhammed once did:

   "That which is lawful is clear, and that which is unlawful likewise, but there are certain doubtful things between the two from which it is well to abstain."

   Or as William Law wrote:

   "He [the aspirant with right intention] does not ask what is allowable and pardonable, but what is commendable and praiseworthy."

   And finally, as renown Buddhist master Honen said:

   "While believing that even the man who is so sinful that he has committed the ten evil deeds and the five deadly sins may be born into the Pure Land, as far as you are concerned, be not guilty even of the smallest sins."

   In sum, while we learn and practice self-acceptance, self-forgetting and being in the Now, we still strive towards the ideal, our soul's image, if not for ourselves then for our useful future capacity for service to others.

   It might be mentioned that a stage or a time may be reached when the following may also be true:

   "Disobedience which engenders humility and a sense of poverty is better than obedience which engenders hauteur and a sense of pride." - Ibn 'Ata'illah

   And:

   "With some people God will transform their disobedience into obedience, so that their actions will not be counted as transgressions before God. With others, their apparent disobedience is in itself obedience, since it is in conformity with the Divine Will, although the Divine Commandment contradicts what the Divine Will demands of them." - Jili

   Oh, this life is not always what it seems! And how well we might profit by the words of Suzuki Roshi:

   "What we're doing is so important we had better not take it too seriously!"

   And similarly:

   "The angels can fly," said C.K. Chesterton, "because they take themselves lightly."


   One more very important point, and for this I like the Buddhist Tripitaka as a model: in essence, moral development, meditation, and metaphysical/philosophical study as three necessary components of a balanced path. Or one could see this as purification, concentration/mindfulness, and enquiry. Not necessarily to be emphasized in equal portions at any given time or even any one life, but in general as encompassing the total human being. The first of these has been discussed at length. The reason why the third is important is because having an experience and understanding it are two separate things. Obviously, having both is superior. Why? Understanding is not nothing. Many mystics have experiences and do not know what they really are or what is actually happening. This is something that occurs all the time, and it can go all the way up. The superlative effulgence of the mystic states can overwhelm the clarity of all but those with a supreme rational consciousness and/or prior deep purification. Furthermore, an experience, such as a vision, will fade and become just a memory after a while, if it does not occur repeatedly, while something really understood, or insight gained, is usually permanent.

   Sant Mat largely lacks the latter component making it all about devotion to God or Master. That’s good when it works and if one can do it. Perhaps that is why there is a high percentage of Indians in the Sangat, but perhaps also at least part of the reason for a high attrition rate among westerners. Many see this factor as something that is often missing. Sooner or later won’t God want us to know Him, as well as ourselves? Yes, Sant Mat pays attention to self-introspection of habits and faults, which is needed at least in the beginning, and that this discovery of the many aspects and disguises of the ego is a form of self-knowledge - in fact, the “first mansion of spirituality” according to St. Teresa of Avila - but self-enquiry, broadly considered, is much more than that. It is really spending time with yourself and getting to know this self, this ego-I at the root, not just its failings.

   And I see Kirpal as having specifically advised this in certain cases. For example, when Judith Lamb-Lion was initiated at Sawan Ashram when I was there in 1973, and confessed in Kirpal’s company and with his permission, as going to a very high plane, she was bedazzled and afterwards privately asked him, “Master, who am I?” He answered, “who is asking?”

   That shows me that even advanced stages are not self-evident, and the final question (which Ramana poses from the beginning), must be faced sooner or later. Something to consider.


   The Value of Contemplation and Study as a Complement to Meditation

   Doing nothing but meditation can become an imbalance, and in fact is not recommended by any great teaching of the past, except for certain periods of time. As an example, in Buddhism they have always had 'three baskets' or Tripitaka - concentration/meditation, contemplation/metaphysical study, and moral discipline/service. Today we must add work and family. If meditation becomes excessive, and excessively goal-driven, it can reinforce the very separate identity one is trying to transcend. Therefore it is only natural for one to embrace contemplation of spiritual truths. It is necessary to stress that this essentially is not a matter of intellectual wrestling, but of random open-minded pondering of the wonder of existence. Topics are unlimited, but might include any aspect of the great Mystery that is Life itself, from the most simple to the most profound (which are not always so different). Some suggestions are as follows, but it must be said that many will not be attracted to what may seem like too much of a 'jnani' emphasis, which is fine, consider only if you are attracted to thee forms of inquiry, but certainly perennial ones have been: The nature of the Soul (Is it One, or many?); Daily life (Is it to be embraced, avoided, or witnessed?; What is the soul? Is it really in a body? In what way? How do we know? Just because we feel it is so? What is 'body'?; Without the idea of I-am-the-body, where is 'in' and 'out'? What is 'matter'? 'Where' is the soul?; What is time/ timelessness?; What 'awakens'?; What is consciousness? - Something we possess, or something we are? If awareness is what we are, and not something we contain or possess, what does this say about the 'prodigality' of our identity as a holder of awareness 'returning' to where Awareness has never departed from? [This is for pondering, we do not suggest with some that there is no path, although it may appear so at the end]; Why do the 'highs' alternate with the 'lows?' Why does aridity often follow upon illumination? And why do the saints say the latter process is normal and all right?; What exactly is meant by 'liberation in life'? Is it different in different traditions?; Why do I react to such and such (person, experience) the way that I do?; What is/are my purpose(s) in life?; How might my beliefs determine how I interpret my experiences, including the inner states? Do I really know what anything is? How often do I judge what is good and what is bad? Do I see others as Kal? What would I be without those thoughts?; If we are truly a child of God, must we wait until the end of the path to enjoy being that - does He not wish for us to play, be free of guilt or judgement, or fear of death, right now? Is something holding us back? If so, what is it?...What was it like being held in your mother's arms? What would it be like to feel at home in the world? [Kirpal said, not only are there "many mansions in the House of the Father", but also, "the world is the Father's house, and the various countries the many rooms therein"]. Do you trust that God who is Perfection is being you right now? (If not, why not? What are the implications of this?); And, why is the sky blue? - How lovely it is!

   Contemplation helps our understanding of the various states, rather than just the having of them; it fosters intuition; inspires and cultivates equanimity and balance. Many matters need to be pondered in order to grow in relative wisdom, without a fear-based approach to life and spirituality. All of this can be gently and profitably included in a total life of practice.

   The need for study should be self-evident: through it we grow in tolerance and understanding, moving beyond provincial and limited preconceptions and attitudes over what is truth or the spiritual path. Many books are the inspired words of saints and sages, and have the capacity, when read sincerely with a desire for wisdom, to activate latent vasanas or 'memory traces' within us and lead to awakenings or spiritual glimpses and intuitions. Thus they may be seen partly as a true form of 'white magic' which only the sage can do. This practice is not necessary unless one feels the urge; one can with confidence tread the path laid out by his God-ordained Master alone, but if we are to be part of the merging global understanding, we would do well, and avoid many pitfalls along the way, by getting as broad an understanding of the practical aspects of the spiritual path as traditional and modern teachers may lead us to. All teachings, contrary to the wishes and assumptions of many, do not say the same thing. They have their own arguments and perspectives on truth. When even realized sages disagree as to the ultimate, how much more may we require comparative study to grow from childhood and adolescence into a stable spiritual maturity? In addition, the study of the lives of saints and great men (Kirpal read three hundred such biographies as a youth) is always good, inspiring, and edifying, informing us of many twists and turns on the path - and much easier on the brain than philosophy.

   All of the above may be incorporated into our approach while still maintaining an attitude of simple faith and trust, like a child in the lap of the mother. The head and the heart are not water-tight compartments.


   Journalling and Self-Introspection: Cultivating Two Sides of Our Nature

   With this section we do not propose to alter the path, or give one more to do than he already may feel overwhelmed with doing (!), but just to highlight two different approaches to self-understanding that may prove helpful. While the diary, with its emphasis on self-introspection of the ego-self - observing and weeding out faults, improving character, and trying to be the best one can be - may help reveal the dark side of the old nature: suspicious, doubting (truth), withholding, assuming separation (through thought and belief) and acting separation (through action not in harmony with Reality), but also a positive side of true discrimination and cultivation of spiritual qualities like truthfulness, integrity, perseverance, etc., a free-form style diary/journal can be used as an exercise to help reveal the hidden bright side of the inner self, re-awakening our often buried childlike identity: innocent, expectant (of the Good), curious, enthusiastic, in peace and tranquility. Key thoughts to contemplate/affirm are: "you are loved and cherished forever"; "you have nothing to fear"; and "there is nothing you can do wrongly." These speak directly to a part of ourselves long hidden. Emphasizing only self-introspection may reinforce a negative way of looking at things, and attempts to justify the proper attitudes one should are often apologetics of an unskillful and rigid teaching. A proper balance is needed. It might be said that a journal is to a diary as 'compassion' is to 'awareness'. It is very difficult to live just trying to be be perfect.

   Even non-judgmentally noticing our anger, for instance, is a more or less hard, dry row to hoe; adding a dose of compassion into the equation allows for a quiet acceptance of us and others just as we are. For while the head knows, the heart cares. Shall we go on trying to be perfect - when the greatest masters have said that only God is perfect - or might we spend at least an equal time 'loving ourselves to wholeness'? We harbor much anger, lust, attachment, and ego, no doubt, but merely saying we are wrong might not be as fruitful as loving and accepting. I know many will be afraid of this approach. Others will know how right it is. How many do not love themselves? "All I beg you to do is to perfect your love for yourself," said Sri Nisargadatta. Not the rotten self we condemn ourselves for being, but the child of God at the core. It is an attitude to cultivate, of course, not an excuse for indulgence. That is understood. We can feel our anger without acting on it or judging ourselves for it, for that only adds insult to injury. But being with it fully may allow the fear, sadness, or loneliness beneath it to surface for resolution and clearance. And then our innate compassion can be released. Similarly, when we feel lust, and cannot seem to avoid feeling it - i.e., if thinking of the Master or repeating simran just does succeed at sublimating it or 'making it go away' - we instead feel it fully, and the longing and great need beneath it becomes known to us. For it is hidden there. And likewise, rather than always struggling only to 'leave' the body, we let ourselves be grounded in it, thereby freeing ourselves from a primary source of reactivity that perpetuates suffering. This is a huge point, and one where one form of Buddhism can make a contribution to Sant Mat. Hakuin wrote, "This is the Lotus Land of Purity; this body, the Buddha." Sach Khand certainly exists in its own right, but it is also, in a very real sense, as far away as we make it to be.

   Such processing, by the way, may indeed go on for years; therefore, much patience with oneself is called for. This general theme is called in tantra, 'by what one falls one rises'. Not by acting out, but being with. It is one stage above just trying to do all the good and avoid all the bad; rather, here one works with the energies without judging. And when we fail, because we are just not capable of dealing with a certain level of pain, 'heat' or tapas, we simply pick ourselves up and keep going, without anxiety over our imperfections (as in 'who do you think you are, bud - God?'), praying for help as we keep moving ahead. "When you fall, fall forward," said Sawan Singh. Something more I have heard going around is, "the Master shakes up the hearts, and not all can take it; we may have to wait a lifetime to be worthy of His love." Initially that sounded beautiful to me, and the first part is no doubt true, but, 'to be worthy of His love'? The love which is supposed to be there always and already, even before we were born? Might it not be better if it were simply said, 'we might have to wait a lifetime to mature to the point where we can fully accept or feel His love'? But for people who on the whole feel deep down basically unworthy to be then told they must work hard to become worthy - what can one say? Isn't there enough of this going around?

   So, after this brief side track, back to the journal. What is a journal, besides any scribbling one can think of? While even that is totally all right, there is in fact a high purpose involved. A journal, first of all, like any other practice or discipline, is not something that must be 'filled out' or even noted in every day, or at a specific time. One of its primary purposes is for when glimpses of a truth, an important insight, feeling or memory may that hold potential meaning for us or for others. Then the exercise of writing it down serves as an inner conversation with a deep part of oneself that wants to express itself into the world, and that is also a connecting link with the higher nature. The important thing is the feeling and the intent, not the accuracy of expression. Such writing may take many forms. It is an active form of contemplation. It is not required, only suggested for consideration. As mentioned, many of the great ones of human history did the same, whether they called it a diary or a journal. And a journal is really what has been traditionally been thought of in general terms as a diary! We are constantly being gifted with little glimpses of truth, little clues that we gloss over as unimportant. Followed up closely, however, they may reveal many secrets needed on our path. This is not just 'talking to the mind'. Like a little child, we may simply call on the higher, or the inner, for guidance, and await a response. Or we may take notice during our day of something that speaks to our heart. Noticing the secret beauty in something or someone can take us past fear and judgement to the basic goodness at life's core. Or things our Master has written or said, to us or to a gathering that meant something directly to us. Or just questions we have and for which we desire answers. Here we include our own particular forms of self-and-world-inquiry. So we can write such moments down, in a phrase or two, to be remembered later. Not only us, but others need these 'clues' or inspirations, and so we write them down, anticipating their being passed on to others in time. We might write down a word or two, or a sentence or paragraph using symbol, analogy, metaphor, illustration or whatever serves to preserve the glimpse, the window to truth in that moment. Writing takes the glimpse or feeling out of the realm of thought and gives it a form. The journal is not shown to others, but may even some day turn into a story or a book. I waited thirty-five years to tell my own story, found in the biography section of this website. It is another way of viewing one's changing perspective and increased understanding over time. It is, once again, a more free-form version of a diary in which something other than the shadow side of oneself may reveal itself. And use it only if it feels beneficial, not out of a sense of obligation. Maybe as combined with or part of a diary. God knows there is enough for all of us to do today. Sant Kirpal once remarked on various traits of great men that had helped him in life, one of whom was John Bunyan, author of Pilgrim's Progress, whose motto was, "write something daily." Some food for thought.

  "And just the moment
   when you are all confused
   leaps forth a voice;
   hold me close
   I'm love and
   I'm always yours."

       ~ Rumi


   Another, and not less important, use of a journal, as mentioned, is to serve as a form of self-inquiry. The latter is not limited to Maharshi's "Who am I?" exercise, but for the penetrating investigation of our beliefs, opinions, positions, and judgements. These, to a large extent, form what we call 'our world'. Not only the jnanis propose this, but even Sant Mat guru Jagat Singh said, "90% of spirituality is correct thinking." So we do a little 'Byron Katie' type of work, asking ourselves, objectively, about any issue or problem: First, "Is this a thought?"; "Is it true?"; "Do I know it is true?"; "How do I know it is true?" (i.e, what are my reasons for assuming so); and finally, "what would I be without this thought?" It may be found more effective, with less wiggle-room for self-justification, to right these down on paper. This tends to make our inquiry more objective. The list of questions we ask, and the reasons, observations, and (usually lame) excuses we put down as we inquire further, may be related to anything from mundane egoic reaction patterns to our most deeply held spiritual views. This in fact will cut quite close to the bone. The more we do this, however, the closer we get to the honest, fundamental truth of naked not-knowing. This 'negative technique' has in fact been the primary historical method at getting at truth: finding out what is not true, or what is not our true nature (neti, neti, "not this, not this" - stripping away the accretions or obstructions to truth, not so much going after it directly). Then what is truth stands revealed on its own. This method has huge implications and benefits for the truth-seeker. It does require a ruthless honesty, however, that is, a willingness for truth to be revealed, whatever the cost. Fred Davis writes:

   "Expecting a Higher Power to override our conscious unwillingness to seek truth, thus allowing us to side-step the uncomfortable work of self-discovery, is probably not going to work for us. While it apparently does happen, it occurs so rarely that it it's not even worth our addressing." (Beyond Recovery: Non-duality and the Twelve Steps, p. 133)


   Affirmations or the ‘As If’ exercise

   This is another complement to the more negative self-introspection exercises. In this one uses the imaginative gazing faculty to place oneself in a situation where one may tend to repeat the habitual reaction pattern leading to the failures noted in the diary, and visualize oneself acting or reacting differently. This can have great power to alter repetitive karmic patterns. It is an active practice distinct from just being remorseful and promising oneself to do better next time. Here one sees oneself actually doing that, using the power of thought to create another reality. This is best done at night before bed, letting the mind ‘sleep on it’. in Eastern Orthodoxy this is called creating new logismos or thought forms.


   On the Subject of Judgmentalness

   Some additional things must be said. First, recognizing our failures presumes we always know what they are. And this makes us the judge and jury. What is a failure in 'chastity', for instance? Feeling desire for another? Looked at more closely, what is wrong with feeling desire - even for 'everyone'? Put into action, in the latter case, obviously a lot! But is feeling human desire 'wrong', and something one should feel at 'fault' for? Without desire there would be no creation, no life, no action, and no accomplishment. There is a Zen story about an old woman who supported a monk and wanted to test his realization. She sent an attractive maiden to embrace him, and then asked him what he felt. His response was "like a withered branch." Now, was that enlightenment? Would it had been wrong for him to feel desire? We suggest that if one gets overly concerned with this he will cut himself off from all life, all passion. Better to just be with the feelings of desire or need, without labelling them good or bad, get right down to their roots, and see how they transform themselves. Beneath strong craving is always need, and likely sorrow and fear. One can try to manipulate attention to bypass that experience, but a big part of one's wholeness and humanity will be lost. Rejecting the self that wants and needs will kill out our tenderness, too. And this - equating spiritual purity with the elimination of desire - would surely be a distortion of the Buddha's true message. Did the Buddha do battle with Mara, the Temptress? Did Christ fiercely resist Satan? Did Milarepa struggle with the demons? No, without aversion or attraction they met them with mindfulness and compassion. Accepting the wanting and needing self in this way, without views and opinions, helps release the old patterns. This requires trust, patience, and a certain commitment. But isn't it more promising than deluding ourselves that 'we' - as the 'old man', or the separate egoic identity - are getting better by keeping score of our failures, which, deep down, are largely habitual reflections of a deep wounding and incompleteness? Some will say, 'well, it is our fault due to karma of the past.' Perhaps, but who can know all of their karma? And karma is only one way of looking at it, that of judging ourselves as at 'fault' - faulty, unworthy, damaged goods, or 'broken'. Sooner or later one feels the necessity of releasing the inner resistance that continues to exert a strangle-hold on the heart. He passes through and beyond the feelings of, "I'll never get better," "No one will ever love me like this," or "Something is wrong with me." Grace no doubt is the deciding factor, for the deeper tendencies mightily resist change. One learns finally what it is to pray, for "true prayer begins when the heart feels like a stone, and prayer has become impossible", as said Thomas Merton. One forgives and accepts oneself without judgement, and surrenders his or her sovereignty over the whole problem.

   "What we've got here is a failure to communicate," the man said in Cool Hand Luke. Eastern teachers came over en masse to the West and were subject to major culture shock, in many areas. An example of this is the Dalai Lama being told by western teachers that self-hatred was a big problem among their students. His Holiness did not understand them. He had no concept of what self-hatred could be. And yet a 'deficiency' syndrome is rampant in the western psyche, and eastern spiritual paths built on discipline and a search for perfection have left a wake of casualties behind them. Students may doubt that they are meditating correctly, feel they are bad meditators, and mistrust if they are progressing spiritually. In Sant Mat they are told to meditate in an accurate way, as previously mentioned, and they will see progress from day to day. That this kind of progress has almost never been the case in the annals of spirituality somehow is forgotten. And in fact, many initiates may actually be meditating properly, but have not gotten sufficient freedom from the lower chakras of the body to make concentration at the ajna door directly possible. And so they engage the inevitable struggle to concentrate, with the extra added guilt that they are failures. In this regard they may be held back by unskillful teaching by their masters - forgive me for suggesting this - who also may not adequately explain the many ways one can in fact notice he is progressing over time: does he have more equanimity and effectiveness in his daily affairs, is he less reactive emotionally, less judgmental, less worried, more kind?

   A key question is, do we really have control over our thoughts, or are there multiple streams of conditioning that give rise to our thinking, desiring, reactive self? One can achieve apparent but not entire control over thoughts through a mantra, even 'doubling down' in times of distraction, but it is unlikely that the success will be lasting without the power of mindful attention burning through layers of conditioning and revealing the ever-present, tender heart beneath it all. There are two schools of thought on this issue. One is that we must simply create new thought habits to replace the old ones, without concern for where they come from, and this difficult process takes time but is the only way to progress. One other school argues that much of the thought stream is due to emotional reactivity that must sometimes be addressed at its own level and not only cognitively.

   Along these lines, what is 'wrong' with even, say, having fantasies? One could say that they prevent us from getting in touch with our actual experience, and the tender presence of the heart's true longing, and also only prolong the endless climb out of chronic thought patterns. Yes, that is so, and as such and in general they must be faced without repetitive indulgence and met with the light of awareness, or simply ignored to be 'made obsolete through non-use', or lack of attention - but does that make them 'wrong' or 'our fault'? Is such an attitude fruitful? Rather than judging one can try to feel the energy behind them, and let it reveal the more underlying feelings beneath the stories, which are generally profound depths of need. In the process one might also notice how in trying to maintain control the body tightens and the mind goes into self-condemnation and/or endless rationalization. Finally, then, we see the need to release all control and sense of responsibility in order to "surrender in the arms of love" - which may feel, prior to actually doing it, like a kind of death. But as it is said, "learn to die so that you shall begin to live." There are many ways to die in addition to the strictly yogic or mystical one.

   And, if we are to overlook the faults of others and see only their basic goodness, is it really possible if we do not take the same compassionate attitude towards ourselves? "Don't spare yourself," has been the most common traditional admonition, but we write as a counterbalance due to the simple fact that, as Westerners certainly, and longtime on the path, we have already had more than enough of that form of self-criticism.

   Are anger, fear, sorrow, depression, lusty thoughts, selfishness, our 'fault' and simply 'wrong'? One side says, "yes that is so, as everything is a result of our karma." Yet another questions, "or are they an invitation, through acceptance and compassionate, friendly attention, to free the energy beneath them, and awaken to our true nature as well?" For instance, take the example of emotional depression. Some argue it is our fault, either through a lack of will power or struggle, or simply because one has not 'got it' yet - i.e., 'got' that there is 'no separate self'. But this is a simplistic and rather uncompassionate view that only perpetuates the sense of separation, of un-belonging, that already feels very real. Beneath the depression may be anger, beneath that shame and hurt, and beneath that fear. Trying to avoid the pain of shame and fear through various strategies, including spiritual ones, builds walls that give the opposite result than is desired. If we feel shame or unworthiness at having what we are told are 'bad' thoughts - 'selfish', lustful, angry, needy, impatient, judgmental thoughts - that very sense of shame is itself a cover for even more intense feelings of being all alone and utterly worthless, as if facing annihilation. This is at the core of most people's feelings of deficiency, when they somehow have allowed themselves to get this vulnerable. And reaching this level is to begin a process of true healing and shedding of old identities. But if the entire process is thwarted by judging these thoughts as 'negative' and implying that one is 'wrong' or 'faulty', then the limit of awakening to your true nature is already drawn in the sand - the loving, open, accepting awareness that is also your true home. Thus, fear of the results of the 'sin of Adam and Eve' is reinforced by a fear that the world is not a friendly place and that something bad will happen if one relaxes control over his upward striving struggle to perfect himself. Further, what do we know of Adam and Eve? Did we sin, or have we just been born? Did we as man 'fall', or were we sent here by God - or are we simply evolving? Many Masters, including Master Kirpal, expressed one or the other of each of these positions - a 'fall', and 'evolution' - from time to time. Were they then purposely being inconsistent? No, rather, Masters know that at the higher levels of explanation what they are saying is not completely true, it can't be given the nature of truth, but only story, an approximation of how it appears to be, and advise specific to a particular individual, to his needs at the time, and to be supplanted by a higher understanding in due course. The Masters are well aware of this, but know that the Grace will work anyway. But one can see that assuming different perspectives also produces different attitudes to the problem at hand, with perhaps different results.

   Sant Mat in general needs to offer a method of dealing with such emotional turmoil, especially in westerners. Thinking of the Master and/or meditating, in the beginning stages of the sacred relationship, often works well, if one is so blessed; but it also may be found, as a complete technique, to temporarily cover one's distress, and only in rare cases be fully successful all of the time. Why? Because the light of awareness must be brought to bear on one's direct, immediate experience to effect lasting change. There must be true self-knowledge and self-acceptance. And, as Carl Rogers said:

   "The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change."

   There is a misconception that to accept oneself or one's situation means resignation, a lack of motivation to change or act, or an acquiescence to forms of self-indulgence. But the miracle of self-acceptance is that it frees one up to appropriate, healthy responses and actions. To condemn oneself because he is 'not loving enough', 'selfish' (having desires), impatient, insecure, craves eggs or cigarettes, is too emotional, jealous, or angry, or - this is always a good one for seekers - 'too caught up on ego', etc, etc., etc., is to seriously miss the boat. With a constant monitor and critic like this, who needs Dharam Raj?! Our negative traits are fuel for enlightenment, and can only be loved into wholeness, not forcefully wiped out. Therefore, the advice to 'weed them out' has a great significance when understood in this light. It is not a work of a few months - and not a work at all in the sense of great effort. Only a committed, intimate friendly attention to them will transform their essence into spiritual energy to fuel our unfoldment. We don't really weed them out - the light or the Master Power is what purifies. And here we mean essentially the light of consciousness that you are, not just the astral light one sees.

   A Comparative Look at Judgement and the Body in Different Paths

   Once again, how can one ever consent to feeling the sensations in the body that lie beneath the conditioned thought stream, thus revealing the roots of suffering and reactivity, if one's sadhana is only about leaving the body? This is really, potentially at least, a great divide between paths like Sant Mat and Buddhism. We say potentially because Sant Mat may be approached in an extreme way, as also may Buddhism. But both may perhaps meet in the middle. We will try to explain this a bit better.

   Buddha is purported to have taught:

   "There is one thing that, when cultivated and regularly practiced, leads to deep spiritual intention, to peace, to mindfulness and clear comprehension, to vision and knowledge, to happy life here and now, and to the culmination of wisdom and awakening. And what is that one thing? it is mindfulness centered on the body." (Satipatthana Sutta)

   This is not all of the Buddhist path (in this case original Buddhism, the theravada or vipassana school), but the first stage of mindfulness, but it is a key to the integral nature of full realization. How is it possible to practice 'mindfulness of the body', a foundational admonition of the Buddha, if one is trying to essentially to forget the body and fly out of this life? How to get in touch with fear, need, sorrow, and anger, and redeem them into the light, if we deal with deep anxiety and powerlessness essentially by numbing them out, and even measuring our success by how well we do so? For instance, mindfulness of the body would address suffering in this way. Whether one sees himself 'a discrete entity' (ego), or 'a vast empty space with intelligence that is conscious of itself' - which is not always accessible while there is suffering - one can try being mindful of the body and its sensations. One notices the tendency  for aversion or dissociation, anything to not feel what one is feeling. He also may notice the mind's tendency to generate constant stories to justify or explain or otherwise make the uncomfortable sensations go away. Finally, he does nothing, except maybe to 'lean into' the sensations to experience them directly. He finds that they eventually change, arise and pass away, as likewise do his thoughts. This is a simple practice, which some Buddhist masters have followed all the way to enlightenment. It is not creating or assuming a 'self', or a 'separate self', or worrying about it one way or the other, nor is it trying to see that there is NOT a self - only an attentiveness to the sensations that appear to constitute the suffering, which usually start in the body. This is addressing the suffering in terms of the sensations that it seems to consist of. Nor is it an effort to try to find out where the sensations came from, only attending or noticing  them without attachment or aversion. Spontaneous insight and knowledge will come out of this. Thus the intent is not trying to find out whether or not there is a sufferer, but only to know and reach the end of suffering itself. And it tackles it where primary roots of reactivity lie - in the body, and not by intellectual grappling, or an attempt at gaining insight from the neck up, based on preconceptions of what should or should not be. Of course, like all things, this may or may not work. Especially with a history of severe trauma, other aids may need to be employed. But this can be powerful. And it is so different, isn't it, than the inversion method of a path like Sant Mat? How can one make sense out of the recommendation to 'inhabit' the body fully, in order to process its karma, its reactivity, one's recoil from life, if one is only trying to get out of it? Seems impossible, doesn't it? Yet that is exactly what many current paths, both psychological and spiritual, are suggesting - that in fact many of us have never truly been born fully, but are in more or less hypnotic states of dissociation. Vipassana master S.N. Goenka, in this regard, tells us not to just pay attention to passing thoughts, because if we do, "deep inside, a part of the mind keeps on reacting. Because with the thought, there's also sensation. You must not miss this root." Teacher Tara Brach, in Radical Acceptance, says that "all of us to some degree disconnect from our bodies, but when we live bound in fear of perceived ever-present danger, finding our way back can be a long and delicate process." (p. 108) So this issue is a real ’koan’ for the yogi, who conceives of his liberation in only one direction.

   What good would it had done me, after getting home from India in 1973, basically an anchorite for four years whose mind had been blown but whose body was bottled up with craving in its very cells for human contact, if, instead of pursuing women with full desire, I had dutifully written down every day 'failures' in chastity? It would have been a disaster (!), a refusal of the grace I had been shown, and a refusal of getting back into life on a firm footing of balanced energy and love. I was forced to incarnate, through trial and error. It was entirely positive, but the mind through its former programming, was tempted to label it as negative. With balanced teaching this would have been unnecessary.

   Zen teacher Charlotte Joko Beck wrote that the secret of spiritual life lies in the capacity to:

   "return to that which we have spent a lifetime hiding from, to rest in the bodily experience of the present moment - even if it is a feeling of being humiliated, of failing, of abandonment, of unfairness."

   And this capacity rests in non-aversion to bodily life, aversion and attraction both being considered fetters to enlightenment. A real question to ask is: is the designation of Sat Mat as a 'positive mysticism' enough to deeply incorporate this 'secret', or is it still interpreted as merely handling one's daily affairs with responsibility, not like an ash-smeared ascetic with matted hair, but still with an utmost detachment and with the goal being ascent out of the entire situation? Now, this may be seen as an unfair comparison of two very different paths, but neither is actually or necessarily confined to this analysis. In other words, there is much more to vipassana as well as Sant Mat. The latter need not be seen as a dissociative path, nor the former only concerned with realization of enlightenment in the body.

   The Buddha, for instance, talked about Four Foundations of Mindfulness, not just one. It was his version of talking about 'planes' or 'bodies' in the practical context of doing vipassana, and with regard to ways one can focus attention. In essence, he said that the ideal state of awareness in vipassana is 'non-selective', momentary concentration that meets each aspect or object of consciousness as it arises, without judgment, without holding onto or avoiding anything that arises in the field of awareness, and without using anything as a focus, especially one that is concentrated on to such an extent as to cause one to be less aware of other aspects of experience. It is pure, choiceless, no-manipulative, equanimous, uniformly present awareness. So when one achieves this state, one moment one is aware of a sensation, the next a thought, then another sensation, then an intuition, then an emotion, then a psychic impression - all tumbling by in a natural flow, not preferring any type of level more than another. Naturally, as this state deepens it blossoms into non-dual realization. No need to contemplate ‘non-dualism' or philosophize about it. It just arises as one state of balanced presence matures.

   But he also recognized that this state must usually be achieved in stages. One aspect of what is inaccessible to most people about this state is that it is pretty much impossible for most of us to be uniformly aware of all levels of experience with strong momentary concentration (the type that greets each arising object with concentrated awareness, but also lets it pass on its own, like the contents of a stream flowing by), at first. First we need basic concentration cultivated on a particular focus, then we can translate that into the practice of momentary concentration, but at first this 'vipassana' style awareness will be easier to cultivate in a more expanded field than just the breath or a mantra or whatever was used to establish basic concentration, but not the total field, because that is harder to do at this stage.

   So the Buddha introduced the idea of the Four Foundations of Mindfulness as a way to talk about (a) the four main areas of experience that one should eventually include in one's global field of awareness, and (b) to provide a framework for choosing where to start. This later idea being that it is best to first practice mindfulness with a primary focus in one of these four foundations, rather than all four at once.

   Instead of using the Four Foundations, an idea similar to this in Sant Mat could be said to be the four bodies:

   (1) physical - which means being mindful of sensations
   (2) astral - being mindful of emotions and desires
   (3) mental - being mindful of thoughts, concepts, inner dialogue ('self-talk')
   (4) intuitions - pure awareness of awareness, presence, equanimity, peace, other virtues, the pure elements, etc..

   The Four Foundations are similar but not identical to these. The point is, the Buddha said that in the practice of vipassana, one should begin by picking one of these, typically the realm of sensations as that is very accessible, and start with the breath, get concentrated, then practice uniform presence to all sensations, not only touch, but sights, smells, etc.. Then when this is stronger, one would gradually become more present to aspects like thoughts, memories, emotions, intuitions and so on.

   He said that actually you can start with any of these four levels, and then expand out from these to include the others eventually. So, for instance, if you are gazing for light as in Sant Mat, this is close to vipassana in the sense that there is no attempt to control what is seen, and it is a valid 'foundation of mindfulness', as long as one does not apply effort to ignore other phenomena. At that point it leans more towards a samadhi practice and less toward vipassana. But it is not a black and white thing. Even if we lean towards samadhi, if it is only 65% and not 95%, then wisdom will develop, mindfulness will grow, and the effects of the practice will gradually expand naturally to include the other foundations. Here is the important point of this discussion: If, as often in Sant Mat, the leaning towards inversion is rather strong, the rate at which it integrates will be slowed. But it still functions to build the state of presence internally, and then this will slowly integrate into increased mindfulness in our daily life too. Just not as efficiently. If we do an inversion practice and also combine it with an aversion to the physical world, and a tendency towards escapism, then not only will it not integrate very well, but it can even reinforce a lack of integration. It can make things worse. To attempt to offset this, Darshan Singh used the phrase 'positive mysticism', and teachers in that lineage taught and embodied the path of integrating inversion meditation with embracing a world-engaged lifestyle and service. However, often this was expressed only in terms of 'settling karmic debts', and not a true integration as in some of the non-dual paths. So we would not categorize Sant Mat as at the extreme opposite of the spectrum from Theravada Buddhism, but it is certainly on a very different part of the spectrum. But they do have some overlap, and are not totally opposite.

   And, if a more Buddhist style practitioner wants to 'Buddhasize' inner light and sound practice, it not only can be done, but it is powerful. For instance, one can work with experiencing the nada or shabd as spread out throughout the whole body, not solely at the 'eye focus'. If one looks up into the ajna, and emphasizes selective/exclusive concentration, then it is more like to 'pull' upward (which is mostly the meditator's attitude) rather than integrate into physical consciousness and energy. But it can be worked with in various ways. In Dzogchen they awaken inner luminosity, integrate it with the state of non-dual presence, and then use it to take the rainbow body. Same can conceivably be done with shabd, although we are now getting beyond the scope of this article. Doing a spiritual practice is like combining a bunch of elements to make a meal. Various ingredients can be combined in various ways and give different results. One needs to learn about 'spiritual chemistry' to be most skillful at this business. Most paths and practitioners think that the ways they are familiar with are the only ways to work with the various ingredients that they know about. It is, as always, more complex than that. But there is an underlying science, as yet little understood on our planet, that will illuminate all this. Such a path does not exist yet here, on this plane of this planet, but some paths are closer than others.

   We have not the intention here to argue Buddhism versus Sant Mat (indeed, especially while teachers within all of the Buddhist schools as well as Sant Mat often argue among themselves as to the best way to enlightenment!), only to make a point about the need to honor the body and bodily life to achieve an integral non-dual realization. We have already shown in Part Two, in a discussion of the jhanas and samadhis, the great and many benefits of inward concentration. Here we make the complementary argument in favor of the practice of mindfulness as necessary for the development of wisdom and the ability to actually live a liberated life in the world. With the moment to moment practice awareness in everyday life one can engage in the absorptive meditation with less tendency towards being lost in spiritual ambition or frustration. Yes, a certain amount of wisdom will come from yogic inversion samadhis, or the concentrative jhanas - when not attained solely by technique - but not necessarily fully, insofar as one's focus while meditating is a narrow one, conferring other benefits, while wisdom is a product of comparative experience with an open mind or global attention. If the fruits of concentration and samadhi are used to further the development of insight, so much the better. Furthermore, in Sant Mat much wisdom may be passively infused by grace, which represents a third, esoteric avenue of growth, unique to this path where a special link is made with the Master-Power. This may in fact occur when all other routes have been blocked for the disciple, when he has been rendered more or less powerless, tied hands and feet as it were, and this also by grace. Thus, there is a 'bhakti equivalent' to Buddhist mindfulness, which is faith and trust, often when all else is rendered impossible. What we are referring to is essentially a 'secret' path.

   Hopefully this discussion does not make matters more complicated for the reader than he feels already! The point is that theoretically and ideally one may practice in such a manner and with such an understanding that he will not stagnate in his growth when certain areas cry out to be addressed, but for which the teaching may not provide a direct means to deal with. Kirpal would sometimes implore us, "how long will you keep this pain within you?" What pain was he speaking about? Ultimately the core, central pain of the human condition, i.e., feeling oneself separate, cut-off, not belonging, but also overlaid with accumulated wounds from birth and childhood. The problem is that very often one does not even realize the hidden pain he carries, and inverted concentrative meditation alone will not bring this out, but can even bury it further. So either the guru or God is faced with the unpleasant task of 'lancing this boil', through various spiritual means, or one tries for years to improve oneself with less than satisfactory results. Or one may experience only clear sailing, in which case this consideration is not needed; we merely attempt to provide for a deficiency as may historically exist in the teachings, keeping a diverse majority of practitioners in mind.

   The sequence of self-condemnation, for example, is as follows: we feel bad and tell ourselves that therefore we must be bad, and try to be good to avoid feeling bad, when within it lies our salvation! Rather than seeing suffering as a gateway to compassion, we re-double our self-denying efforts to 'feel better'. We in fact try spiritually to 'die' in order to avoid the actual existential death that is facing us in every moment! In this respect a 'negative' emotion like anger is 'bad' notably because it hurts others, but because it removes us from feeling old hurt and shame, which in turn is a learned response to primal fear. These cannot truly be repressed, sublimated or escaped, but must be experienced and transformed.

   The orthodox Church Elders may be extreme, but not entirely wrong, in their own context, when they advise monks to hold their anger until 'smoke comes out of their ears' (!); for most of us feeling anger is not wrong or bad in itself. Projecting it outwards or inwards, however, is generally self-defeating, because it has a historical logic that served a purpose in its own time which must now be revealed, which is difficult to do when it is merely dramatized. Observe it, feel it, be it, and let it reveal what it is made of. Then it will release, sooner or later, usually gradually as self-understanding is gained. One is not to be concerned with its release, for that will increase its strength; just observe with awareness and compassion. If one feels no capacity for compassion, then have the intent for compassion. In calmer moments try to see oneself through the eyes of one's teacher, who is certainly non-judgemental and compassionate. Or perhaps, see oneself through the eyes of a loving grandparent, who appreciated your youthful curiosity and exuberance. Especially in those moments when one may face grief or loneliness that seems unending, as deep emotions often feel. Hafiz said:

   "Don't surrender your loneliness so quickly.
   Let it cut more deep.
   Let it ferment and season you
   As few human or even divine ingredients can."

   Yet, only to notice the passions is not enough to change or eradicate them; this is an error of 'awareness' paths. Grace must be invoked and intervene, for only it has the ultimate transforming power. Only it is connected with the heart and the Soul and knows what the Soul needs and wants. Do we really know when anger, fear, impatience, boredom, or desire are wrong? Let's be frank: what is inherently wrong with desire, per se? Yes, the Buddha and most traditional paths advise, 'be desireless'. But is this even possible? The Buddhist and monastic solution was to abandon life, or to reach a state where life was only minimally intrusive. But to be born is to have a desire for life. Life desires life. We would be dead and non-human without desire. And of course, without desire for God one would never realize God. That is a desire of the Soul, and not just false identification of a contracted ego as many paths teach. Now, it may be desirable to want something higher than to be totally at the mercy of so-called lower desires, yes; but even here one runs close to siding with the denial of human nature itself, so discernment is needed.

   Alan Watts spoke of "The Wisdom of Insecurity." When there appears no well-tracked out path before us, we have no choice but to surrender to the Guide who has apparently retreated to take up a position behind instead of in front of us. We may then feel as if we are to fall into an abyss. This is inevitable at some point. One needs to know, therefore, that it is possible to technically fulfill each and every one of the diary requirements and still not achieve self-knowledge or self-acceptance. There needs be no regrets over this, or over whatever one may have done or not done. Confusion may reign. This is really a most hopeful sign. The ego is starting to rot. Indeed, de Caussade wrote:

   "It is indeed a great secret, for by this way and by this way only are pure faith and pure hope established in the soul...Everything one does seems the fruit of chance and natural inclination. Everything that happens humiliates the soul...Others are always admired, but we feel miles below them and put to confusion by their every action....The divine action seems to keep us far from virtue only to plunge the soul into a profound humility. But this humility does not seem to be such to the soul, it thinks it is suffering from the rigours of pure justice."

   "The most remarkable thing about this is that in the eyes of those whom God does not enlighten concerning its path, the soul seems animated by quite contrary feelings such as obstinacy, disobedience, contempt and indignation that cannot be cured, and the more the soul tries to reform these disorders, the worse they become, for they are the most proper means to detach it from itself and fit it for divine union. From this painful trial comes the principal merit of self-abandonment. In the duty of the present moment everything is of a nature to draw the soul away from its path of love and simple obedience. It needs heroic courage and love to stand firm in its simple, active fidelity and sing its part with assurance, while grace sings its own with different melodies and in different keys which do nothing but convince the soul that it is deceived and lost." (14)

   How is it possible for one to make sense of the specified diary at this juncture?! At such a time there remains only the saying of "yes" - "fiat!" - to all of one's life. This is really key. Saying "yes" to all things - events, thoughts, desires, body, mind, impulses, feelings, people - is not mere 'positive thinking', nor is it to approve of everything; rather, it is to accept them with mindfulness and compassion, allowing them to arise and pass away. Saying "yes" is to invite Kal to tea, surrendering unconditionally all resistance: the resistance of a self that doesn't want to die, and even pursues a path of death in an attempt to avoid death! This includes saying "yes" even to "no", when such acceptance is impossible or too much to ask of oneself at the time. One accepts - and forgives - himself 'seventy times seven'. But how? One way is to visualize oneself - or another - as if he were an infant or child, or as someone whom one will never see again. That may soften the heart. There are myriad ways. The important thing is the intent to forgive, to accept, to be compassionate, for 'God hears the unspoken prayer'.

   It might be very useful to include a daily or intermittent 'self-judging' scan as part of a diary exercise. And then offer oneself the same unconditional kindness or friendliness that he would offer to another. This way one will be doing something to affirm his or her inherent goodness, which no imperfection or fault can ever taint. Contemporary teacher Bapuji writes:

   "My beloved child.
   Break your heart no longer.
   Each time you judge yourself you break your own heart.
   You stop feeding on the love which is the wellspring of your vitality.
   The time has come, your time."

   Self-judgement falls away when one recognizes the depths of suffering in samsara. To recognize these depths it is necessary not to run from suffering. Then the re-connection with the heart is made. Hafiz continues:

   "Something missing in my heart tonight.
   Has made my eyes so soft,
   My voice so tender,
   My need for God Absolutely Clear."

   We make the prayer of intention and longing to be tender and kind to all - especially oneself - until compassion awakens of itself. Hafiz concludes:

   "Ask the Friend for love.
   Ask him again.
   For I have learned that every heart will get
   What it prays for Most." (15)

   Saints such as Jaimal and Kirpal Singh were not merely being poetic when they exclaimed that they did not care if they ever reached Sach Khand, but only wanted love and devotion at the Guru's holy feet. Similarly, there really is a stage where a person is no longer concerned with his own 'progress'! For, how else could one ever know 'selflessness'?

   It is really advantageous if not essential that one come to the position of having no fixed views and opinions (http://www.mountainrunnerdoc.com/page/page/5326771.htm) (http://www.mountainrunnerdoc.com/dontexpecttoknow.html) - period. Good teachers, too, usually encourage this disposition.

   "Day and night I guarded the pearl of my soul.
   Now in this ocean of pearling currents, I've lost track of which was mine." (16)

   Here is another thought on the issue of judgement. By now hopefully the reader may get a sense that the Masters are faced with a hard task in proscribing a discipline for everyone at every stage. It is thus no wonder that their advise may seem confusing and even contradictory at times. And this is why we suggested, without intending to make it seem like one has only more things to do than he may already feel burdened with, that study, contemplation, and perhaps something like journalling may be of use. So take from all this whatever suits you. Sant Kirpal once said:

   "Keeping the diary means: if you criticize yourself as you criticize others you will become a saint." (17)

   This essentially is saying 'criticize yourself, but stop criticizing others.' Also, 'criticize yourself for criticizing others'. Yet, there is another option that may be worth pondering: what if you stop criticizing, judging, and condemning others, as well as yourself? What will you then become? - no-thing? or a sage?

   It may be one comes to the latter stage only after spending some time in the former one, but sooner or later it will come.

   "Judge not and ye shall not also be judged; condemn not and ye shall not be condemned."

   Who will then condemn us? The Master (certainly no); Dharam Raj (he barely enters the picture!); ourselves (now THAT may be the big question). What if we stop fault-finding and judgement, worry and concern for our personal affairs, and also plans and calculations for inner peace and spiritual growth? This is not to dismiss or deny the metanoia previously recognized earlier in this essay, or the role of apparent self-effort, but only to highlight a further stage where one finally dares to sacrifice the separate ego that is trying desperately to succeed. It is recognized that such an apparent 'leap of faith' is generally achieved in stages; nevertheless, once the need is recognized, it is a disposition that transcends stages and trumps fear. This advise is to the many who have done way too much self-condemning and self-judging already. It is quite a feat to pull out of that quagmire. One has to face the fear of being wrong - the very thing that self-judging keeps in place. Most seekers have been way to critical and calculating of their every move. It may be necessary in the beginning, but sooner or later a leap of faith must happen or we will end up afraid of our own shadow and never knowing or being our true nature.

   Bottom line, there comes a time when methods suitable for a beginner are naturally put aside as a more intuitive approach begins to flower. No one can tell a person when that time has come. For an excellent summary of this, in terms of what he calls "Long" and "Short" paths, see Category 23, chapters 1-5 of The Notebooks of Paul Brunton (http://paulbrunton.org/notebooks/23/1/), in which distinctions between these two stages are detailed. This material is highly recommended and is extremely relevant to the topic at hand.

   It comes down, then, to a matter of stages of practice and development, and what actually continues to serve one. This is not always clear, and at times some self-trust and experimentation is in order, for how else is one to come to a true spiritual independence, i.e., one's own Atma? Brunton points to the paradox:

   "The Long Path is likely to come first in a man's spiritual career, with the bizarre results that he is required to become much more aware of what is going on within him - his thoughts, feelings and character - and then, with entry on the Short Path, to become much less aware of it, even to the point of ignoring it."

   It is not often easy, and in fact requires courage, to desert what has been a mode of operation for so long, even when it no longer serves one as it initially did. That is, moving from an emphasis on denigration of character to one of acceptance of self, from a personal feeling of urgency to one of faithful trust, is a major shift; may it not be why Kirpal said that "only rarely does even a blessed soul acquire this attitude" ? The truth is that there is no contradiction, that both approaches are complementary and balancing. Paradox is a truth of the path. Most people try the hard way in the beginning and then both simultaneously for a time, before falling helplessly into surrender. There is a gradual transition.


   ”Two Sprites” - Hurry and Worry

   "In every life we have some trouble; when you worry you make it double." - Bobby McFerrin

   "The cessation of all worries is the attainment of the supreme truth." - Ramana Maharishi

   “ To-morrow will take care of itself. He who sustains us today with His invisible hand, will sustain us tomorrow. The manna in the desert was only given from day to day, and whoever, through want of confidence, or a false wisdom, gathered it up for the next day, found it spoilt.” - deCaussade

   "Worrying is praying for failure." - Ishwar Puri

   “If you worry about yourself what necessity has the Guru to worry about you? If a man puts his trust in the Sadguru, it is the Sadguru whose heart suffers even if the man is but slightly hurt, or if but a hair on his head is touched. God will never let down those who have surrendered themselves to Him. Therefore, you should have friendship with God.” - Shri Siddharameshwar Maharaj


   The title of this section was chosen from a favorite statement of Kirpal Singh that “HURRY and WORRY” - the “two sprites” - are often our downfall. The metaphor is appropriate, as a 'sprite' is an elusive elfish creature that can influence human events, to the consternation of those involved.

   Mostly everyone knows inside that he is not the All Mighty, or the Master-Power behind all events, and, therefore, that all the worry in the world is not helpful in achieving what he desires. “Concern is your concession to unconsciousness,” a spiritual brother of mine once said. 'Consideration', not concern in the ego sense, is an appropriate disposition for the enlightened soul. It is true caring. For what is concern but a veiled form of worry, or doubt in the ever-present, ever-fulfilled, ever-achieved and achieving divine goodness and grace? We feel that if we are 'worried' about someone, for instance, we are caring for them, while what we may actually be doing is denying the divine nature.

   Fenelon wrote:

   “Live in peace without worrying about the future. Unnecessary worrying and imagining the worst possible scenario will strangle your faith. God alone knows what will happen to you. You don’t even own the present moment, for even this belongs to God. So live according to His will. Who are you to ask the Lord, “Why are you doing this to me?” He is the Lord - let Him do what seems good to Him…The future is not yet yours - perhaps it never will be. And when tomorrow comes it will probably be different from what you had imagined.”   Yet ever since the plaintive sighs of Job, we still fret and strain over our plight; but is worry a man’s responsibility? What good does it do?! Is it not a primary expression of unenlightenment? ‘Let go and let God’, ‘do your best and let God do the rest,’ ‘man proposes and God disposes,’ are various expressions of such wisdom. Probing a little deeper, however, we also encounter the following aspect.

   Does anyone ever get the feeling they are choking on themself? That ego is literally strangling one in each instant? The etymology of one important word in our language stands out as proof of this:

   ”Worry: (Old English) to strangle, throttle, kill by violence; (Middle English) to seize by the throat and tear or lacerate, e.g., dogs or wolves attacking sheep."    (Oxford English Dictionary)

   Dramatic words, yes; true words, sadly, also yes. At least that is what the traditions have said. At the root of ego, besides fear, or doubt, is worry. Positively, the ego is necessary to get us onto and through the path. Negatively, until it becomes ‘ripe’, well-satiated and saturated with experience, however, it resists its eventual surrender to the Soul or Self, and trips us up every step of the way. It will even, as Paul Brunton (PB) said, ‘welcome a large attrition of its scope’ (1) in order to insure its survival. That means that if it can assume the role of humble spiritual seeker, it will do so, but it won’t give itself up without a knock-down drag-out fight, in most instances. The ego is thus our greatest help and greatest enemy. It rises us up from animals by allowing for self-reflection, but allows us to remain lower than animals by keeping us separate and away from all that is good, holy, and happy. Anthony Damiani once remarked:

   “Think of the Overself constantly manifesting throughout eons of time, and that you came up from the stone, through the plant, through the animal, and into the human species, and that in all this process of manifestation, the ego was concerned with one thing, preserving itself. And then if you conceive of that tendency - which is only a thought but strong enough to strangle us every moment of the day - if you conceive of that tendency, then you tell me that tendency knows the higher Awareness? Of course not. The only thing it knows is that it must preserve intact that tendency to go on being what it is.”

   AH: ”The Buddhists point out that the ego has no permanence, that wherever you look for it, you can’t find it.”

   Anthony: “But it’s strangling you every moment! It doesn’t matter that I can’t find it.” (1a)

   The offered solution, of course, the way out, so to speak, is that the ego must be refined, matured, and dedicated to the quest, in which it will face self-immolation at the end, ‘like a stick being used to stir a fire’ being eventually thrown into the fire itself. Paradoxically, however, in this non-dual world we live in, the ego survives as a function, but without the taint of egoism.

   This form of metaphor of choking or thorn in one’s throat was used long ago by Sankara in his Vivekachudamani:

   “Therefore destroying this egoism, thy enemy - which appears like a thorn sticking in the throat of a man taking his meal - with the great sword of realization, enjoy directly and freely the bliss of thy own empire, the majesty of the atman.”

   Swami Ranaganathananda comments:

   “This egoism is our greatest enemy (ahamkaramimam svasatru). It is like a thorn sticking in the throat of a man taking his meal (bhokturgate kantakavatpratitam). As long as there is this thorn, man is constantly choked.” (2)

   Interestingly, in the field of somatic psychology, David Boadella, Director of the Center for Biosynthesis, argued that there were two primary ‘rings’ of tension, one, at the level of the root of the neck, which, along with the tension in the diaphragm, effectively cuts off feeling at the heart. He called these two areas of tension the ‘linchpins’ of the entire process of bodily armoring. (3)

   So we are truly choking transcendentally, psychologically, and at times even physically. Not a nice way to be. What can we do?

   In our day and age, each personality is more often than not suffering from a permanent inferiority complex. It is that, in fact, which is a direct manifestation of his sense of separation from the whole. One of the most direct manifestations of this condition is negative speech, both spoken and unspoken. We are spiritually suppressed, falsely humble and afraid to assert our true identity, which is the divinity. Instead of readily saying 'YES' to life, and 'I AM,' the most powerful words in existence, we think the negative, the fearful, the safe, the secure, and inwardly dwell on 'poor me,' 'I am not good enough,' or 'I can’t do it.' Isn’t it the truth? In fact, a good case can be made for religious dogma having kept this attitude in place, as well as also having survived because of it. In short, the depressed, suppressed, and repressed 'I am not God' or, even worse, 'I am just a worm' self-statements may even be more defining impediments to true spiritual freedom than the apparently bombastic declarations 'I am God', or 'I am divine.' Thus, what may be counter-intuitive in the face of thousands of years of conventional worldly and spiritual teachings alike may be just what is needed at this time, at least to counter an inertial mass of old dogma and philosophy. They are dualistic assertions, to be sure, but for many may be just what the doctor ordered.

   “Why do you say that you are a sinner? Your trust in God is sufficient to save you from rebirths. Cast all burden onto Him. In the Tiruvachakam it is said: “Though I am worse than a dog, you have graciously undertaken to protect me. This delusion of birth and death is maintained by you. Moreover, am I the person to sift and judge? Am I the Lord here? Oh Maheswara! It is for you to roll me through bodies (by births and deaths) or keep me fixed at your own feet.” Therefore have faith and that will save you.” - Ramana Maharshi (4)

   This false humility (all in good faith, but deluded nevertheless), manifests as a block at the throat center, at times a literal sense of 'choking,' a veritable implosion of the being. When combined with a teaching of exclusive mystical inversion or escape, for instance, it can lead to a very artificial, unnatural, and distorted form of spirituality, yet one which unfortunately also has much precedent behind it. It manifests in many forms of withholding, on the human level specifically as a lack of praise - praise being the cure for the loveless heart - and an inability to take joy in the good fortune and success of others, thereby keeping us feeling separated as well. It puts a clamp on our true nature, divine identity and potential. It kills initiative, and the exercise of bold, decisive and daring soul powers. It keeps us small. Ultimately, it keeps us in a permanent state of stagnation on the path. Worry what others might 'think,' 'say,' or 'do' - or worries what 'God' or 'guru' might think, say, or do, the list goes on and on. One gets the picture. We become small, while secretly thinking we are big, because we never actually see our egoic pretensions clash with reality which would result in a 'natural deflation' or 'equalization' and, simultaneously, a genuine rebirth in consciousness.

   We worry about 'doing it wrong,' 'getting it right,' 'not making a big mistake,' or 'being deluded.' While these may be legitimate, they can also lead to the condition of what C.S. Lewis referred to as “being so afraid of being taken in that one can’t be taken out.”

   So why worry? It is said that when faced with a situation there are two possibilities. Either there is nothing we can do about it, and in that case there is nothing to worry about. Or there is something we can do about it, and in that case there is also nothing to worry about!

   “We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” - Joseph Campbell

   “Man will enjoy his freedom as soon as he ceases to believe that he needs to free himself, as soon as he throws from his shoulders the terrible duty of salvation...[While doing so he understands that] satori represents the end of this distress which is at the centre of one’s whole psychic life and in which one’s joys are only truces; is it intelligent to ask me why I strive [in the right way] to obtain this complete and final relief?...And, if my understanding is right, I am not afraid that death may come, today or tomorrow, to interrupt my efforts before their attainment. Since the problem of my suffering ends with me why should I worry myself because I am unable to resolve it?” - Hubert Benoit (5)

   Ramana Maharishi to Paul Brunton:

   “That is the surest way to handicap oneself, this burdening of one’s mind with the fear of failure and the thought of one’s failings. The greatest error of a man is to think that he is weak by nature....One can and must conquer.” (5a)

   Ishwar Puri in a talk on his life story offers this anecdote regarding surrender of all worry to the Master, a simple path openly offered and available - but not so easy, as it goes against all that we have learned how to do for many, many years:

   "I went to the Great Master [Baba Sawan Singh]. I said, “I heard your discourse today. What about a deal in that marketplace?” He said, “Sure.” I said, “A deal means I give you something; you give me something. It is a transaction. Isn’t that right?” He said, “Exactly.”

   "In a marketplace a business deal is you get something and you pay for it in another way, so you give something and you take something. Great Master agreed that is a deal. So I said, “Master, how about I give you all the pain and suffering and worry that I will get in this world, and you give me all the joy and happiness.” I thought he might laugh at it. He said, “Done.”

   "From that day, He has kept His word and I have kept mine. What a deal! That such a deal was possible I could not imagine. It worked! Now people say, “We want the deal.” I said, “Sure, anybody can get this deal. Anybody can get the deal.” The difficulty is not in getting the deal. The difficulty is getting to do your own share of the deal. The share of the deal was, “I will give my worry and my problems to you.” People don’t do that. They worry themselves, and then the deal breaks. If you are really ready to give your worry and your problems to the Master, He will take care of it!...There is nothing to be guilty about because the deal is open to all. We have to be ready for it. If we are not ready for the deal, we are not willing to give up our worries and problems and do not have enough faith in a Master, how will you get the deal? The deal requires complete, unshakeable faith that the Master will do everything for you, and He will do everything for you. It’s a question of the level of your faith. If you don’t have faith, ... if you say, 'well, I want to give him the problem but I am not sure if He knows really enough how to handle it,' … then there is no deal!”

   PB writes:

   "You will have turned over the matter or problem if certain signs appear: first, no more anxiety or fretting about it; second, no more stress or tension over it; third, no more deliberating and thinking concerning it...If he turns his problem over to the Overself in unreserved trust, he must admit no thoughts thereafter of doubt or fear.If they still knock at his door he must respond by remembering his surrender." (5aa)

   Shri Sadguru Siddharameshawar Maharaj, the guru of Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj, spoke very emphatically about the need to surrender worry. He said in fact that if one already worries about oneself, then what necessity is there for the Guru to worry about you?

   "No matter what you say or do, only that which is destined to happen will happen. So why should we worry?...Let whatever happens happen, and don't be anxious about anything. Have steadfast conviction that you are the Self. One who worries will never be happy..."

   In the chapter "The Ghost of Worry", from Master of Self-Realization, he writes:

   "One whose mind is depressed is never free of anxiety as he is suffering from the false notion of being an individual. One whose mind does not utilize discrimination never asks why he should not worry. All people are taking on the veil of anxiety and dying of worry, but they never think why they should not even worry at all. You allow the dog of worry to enter and reach the "shrine Room," the inner sanctum of your own home. Worry is not helpful for anything.The question is, "What should the formless Self worry about?"...The "Bliss of Brahman" is very delicate, very subtle. However, that great Bliss is not possible because of worry."

   "The tiger is definitely going to kill you and eat you, no matter what name you may give to it. Then why should you not kill the anxiety that is needlessly created by the name? Destiny is going to play out as it will. Why worry about what will happen in the future?"

   "Worry is such that it does not go without your dropping it. Even if you are given great prosperity, still you go on worrying. What can God do about it? What can God do for you if you do not let go of all worry? As you have lost the quality of discrimination, worry is always troubling you. The individual thinks that it is he who does everything, and suffers accordingly."

   "The Illusion creates fear for the one who is constantly worrying about what will happen, and how it will happen. Those who worry are going to die anyway. As soon as you project an image of what will happen, worry starts. You start worrying about a thing that is not even existing. Why do you let yourself become unhappy by being anxious about future things? Because you have lost the power of discrimination...All things are possible without feeling the need to worry."

   "Only one who releases himself from the clutches of anxiety is fit to possess this "Knowledge of Brahman." It is only he, who can gain this Knowledge...One who completely lets go of worry is the brave man who rides the tiger...However, there you (the individual) are, at the feet of the perishable thing that is worry, and she is burning you without any reason...Let go of anxiety and be happy. Anxiety is poison. Why have that bitter taste in your mouth?..Our own imagination becomes our enemy. You imagine that there is a ghost, and it is demanding everything from you, and then the worry becomes a daily affair. It possesses you, and there it controls you totally. You must let go of Illusion. Never imagine about sorrow. The anxiety has snuck into your mind. Discard it by quiet discrimination, recognizing that it is unnecessary and unessential. Then you are surely happy." (5b)

   And

   "If a man puts his trust in the Sadguru, it is the Sadguru whose heart suffers even if the man is slightly hurt, or even if a hair on his head is touched...He will never quit before giving you the highest place, which is total Self-bliss which is solid and impenetrable...God will never let down those who have surrendered themselves to Him. Therefore, you should have friendship with God."

   Ramana Maharshi beautifully said:

   “What is meant by liberation? Do the heavenly worlds and heavenly bliss exist somewhere else in the sky? Are they to be experienced in some other world and some other body after leaving this world and this body? The Heart alone is the supreme world. Tranquility, in the form of supreme silence, is alone the supreme bliss or the happiness of liberation. The cessation of all worries is the attainment of the supreme truth. By the state of inner consciousness the great life of supreme bliss can be attained at all times in this very world and in this very body.” (The Power of the Presence, Part One, p. 133)

   So we are in good hands. As a practical consideration, beyond the obvious polarities, God might be said to be the ultimate Positive, for which there is no negative. In Tibetan Buddhism, Samantabhadra, the sky-blue Buddha representing the Dharmakaya or Ultimate Reality is defined as the "all good," or "good in all circumstances." If such were our personal attitude it would be grand indeed. Watch how many times we say “no,’ and then simply say “YES!” Or "Fiat!", "Thy will be done.” Such was the advice of St. Francis de Sales. It is still good.


   And the other sprite - “HURRY”? While the human birth remains precious, and ‘time and tide wait for no man,' are no doubt true assertions, they are only half-truth. Swami Satchidananda makes an important point:

   “When I began to learn the English language, I noticed that everything related to time was tense: ’Past - tense...future - tense...present - tense.’ It made me wonder if I wanted to be on time - it seems that every time in your culture is tense!” (6)

   "HURRY: 16th c. - commotion or agitation, physical, social, or political; disturbance, tumult; a confused crowd, a mob." (Oxford English Dictionary)

   To hurry, as opposed to 'make haste from a basis of thoughtful deliberation', is to take on the above confused qualities. The 'two sprites' might be seen as the opposite of the practices of calm-abidance (samatha) and insight (vipassana). When we worry, we lose access to insight; when we hurry, we are not calm-abiding.

   This is not meant as a heavy moral imperative. We will do it as long as we do it. There is no guilt or shame. It is human nature. But it bears pointing out, as it is symptomatic of our sense of bondage, the tension that is ‘choking us to death’.

   The world is simply too much with us. G.K. Chesterton is famous for saying, "the angels can fly because they take themselves lightly.” Here are a few things some others have had to say on this subject:

   “When you're in a hurry, take the long way around.” - Japanese proverb

   "Hasten slowly and you will soon arrive." - Milarepa

   “Only those who take leisurely what the people of the world are busy about can be busy about what the people of the world take leisurely.” - Chang Chao

   "Time is love." - anonymous

   "Compassion is the real essence of religion..I myself feel and also tell other Buddhists that the question of nirvana will come later. There is not much hurry. But if in day to day life you lead a good life, honestly with love, with compassion, with little selfishness: then automatically it will lead to nirvana." - H.H. the XIVth Dalai Lama (7)

   All paths as well as Masters seem to have essentially two stages and/or messages. One, time is precious, and we have work to do, and, two, that very disposition is a stumbling block to realization. One has to try hard in the beginning, but then stop seeking for liberation. It is an inevitable paradox, given our human condition. Yet, even when in the ‘striving’ mode, one can still not ‘hurry’ or ‘worry’; it is possible and necessary to have peace while yet on the road to perfection.

   This is one way of saying it is necessary to love oneself, in order to love others. This, too, of course, is a paradox. The aspect of 'trying' in either case will fail, which in itself will lead to success! Nevertheless, the application of such self-love is not negative ego, but a negation of negative ego, which likes to hide behind a wall of denial and inferiority. Perhaps for those in the West, this is more important than the great battle or struggle with ego that the traditions are always talking about. I say, let it live, let it achieve, don’t harm it too much. Let it come out of hiding. Become unique. This is not to be naive, but rather, to be the divine expression. You are anyway. Know the fallible human person to be Atman as well. It’ll make things easier in the long run. Alan Cohen writes:

   "The universe does not reward us before we act. Life can teach us only when we are bold enough to venture into uncharted territory. healing always occurs outside the "safe" zone. Real learning comes when we try something we have never done before. You cannot know the result until you do it. Our ego wants guarantees, warranties, and promises of success before we even step onto the stage of life. But few great actors have been assured of acclaim for any role before they played it." (8)

   And:

   "There is a divine form of pretense that God just loves. It is to pretend that you are great. To act as if you are worthy of all of your good. To claim the authority of one who is born of royalty. To honor your passions and deeds as if you love yourself. To forge ahead with the confidence that nothing is impossible...Step beyond the gate of fear and you will hear a comforting bell echo in the temple of your heart. It is said that "the Spirit within us loves to hear the truth about itself." To behold our life through the eyes of God is to see ourselves as we are."

   But:

   "Be careful of the role you take on, because you may become what you lead other people to believe you are" [for better or worse]. (9)

   This is simple but powerful, practical advice which, when taken imaginatively and not through the lens of an exacting metaphysics, can work wonders.

   PB writes similarly on one of the central messages of the philosophic quest:

   ”Its practical application is: act as the Long Path requires by working on and improving the self, but think as the Short Path enjoins by holding the attitude, "There is nothing to be attained. Realization is already here and now!" (10)

   [For background on the “Long and Short Paths”, mentioned earlier, also see http://www.mountainrunnerdoc.com/page/page/5333996.htm].

   He further adds:

   “On the Short Path he becomes aware of the fact of forgiveness. He leaves out the constant self-criticism and self-belittling, the painstaking self-improvement practices, of the other Path, and begins to take full note of this saving fact.”

   “There is no wish on the Short Path to be better than he is, no desire to improve his character or purify his mind, no sense of being obligated to rectify the distortions brought about by the ego in both thought and feeling.”

   “You are in the Overself’s hands even now and if the fundamental aspiration is present, your development will go on without your having to be anxious about it. Let the burden go. Do not become a victim of too much suggestion got from reading too much spiritual literature creating an artificial conception of enlightenment.”

   “Once we become conscious of this truth the scales fall from our eyes. We give up our bondage to the erroneous belief in limitation. We refuse to entertain the false thought that there is some lofty conclusion to be attained in the far future. We are resolute that the Self shall recognize itself now.”

   “It was said in Palestine that those who seek shall find. But it was also said in India that those who do not seek shall find.”

   “The sense of time’s pressure which spurs the Long Path follower disappears from the Short Path follower. He becomes carefree of time and squanders it shamelessly, as if he has INFINITE LEISURE.” (11)

   This is the ideal, of course. Too much struggle only keeps us back. Love speed is no speed. The Masters do the same. They work tirelessly in constant motion, yet as if without a care in the world. Dedication, striving, commitment, yes; worry, hurry, no.

   "Don’t worry, be happy” (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yHFDa9efCQU) …Sounds too simple? They’ll be time enough for tears - oceans of them - the advice is: don’t worry about that either. Let it be.


   1. Paul Brunton, The Notebooks of Paul Brunton (Burdett, New York: Larson Publications, 1988), Vol. 6, 8:4.167
1a. Anthony Damiani, Standing In Your Own Way (Burdett, New York: Larson Publications, 1993), p. 14-15
2. Swami Ranganatahananda, The Message of Vivekachudamani (Kolkata, India: Advaita Ashram, 2008), p. 320-321
3. David Boadella, Lifestreams: An Introduction to Biosynthesis, (New York: Routledge & Kegan Paul, 1987), p. 166
4. Hubert Benoit, Zen and the Psychology of Transformation (Rochester, Vermont: Inner Traditions International, 1990), p. 17
5. Talks with Ramana Maharshi
5a. Brunton, op. cit., Vol. 2, 5.44
5aa. Ibid, Vol 12, Part Two, 4.98,4.104
5b. Shri Sadguru Siddharameshwar Maharaj, Master of Self-Realization (Sadguru Publishing, 2009), p. 149, 353-357
6. Alan Cohen, Dare To Be Yourself (New York: Ballantine Books, 1991), p. 106
7. Tenzin Gyatso, Kindness, Clarity, and Light
8. Cohen, op. cit., p. 192-193
9. Ibid, p. 327, 301
10. Paul Brunton, The Notebooks of Paul Brunton (Burdett, New York: Larson Publications, 1988), Vol. 16, Part 1, 5.154
11. Ibid, Vol. 16, Part 1, 5



   Cultic Speech, Behavior, and Mind-Set: An Essential Consideration for Any Spiritual Path

   This is a bold title, but by way of a preliminary, it is suggested that any spiritual organization might consider instituting an introductory course in cultic mind-set and behavior if it is to be conducive to a spirit of tolerance between other schools and itself. Our dear friend Richard Handel who died in a head-on collision with a truck and whom Master Rajinder said was in Sach Khand now, himself matter-of-factly said “Sant Mat is a cult. But a good cult." He wasn’t shy of saying things as he saw them. Our Master Kirpal liked that attitude. So often things are repeatedly uttered that come not from a person's direct experience, but from an ingrained belief system. "Our master is Perfect" (how do you know?), or "our path is the highest" (again, from where comes this knowledge - do you fully understand the other path such that you can say that?). It may be true, and at some point the observant and sincere disciple will be graced to see in many ways how their Master is in fact all that they hope that He is and more. But we should not go around saying such high things if we have not realized them for ourselves, and even then in a circumspect manner. I saw a video on Eastern religious movements by a Christian evangelical movement some years back. In one scene I was surprised to see Master Darshan Singh walking around for a few minutes. The film crew zoomed in on a disciple who looked like one in charge, and he said into the camera, "I don't know what you people realize, but you've just seen God." That kind of thing gives me an uneasy feeling. While it is true that beholding a realized Master in his full inner glory may be as close as a person gets to seeing God, but the person who made that statement didn't know that, and we should only speak of what we know, when appropriate. Furthermore, his statement was no doubt full of misconceptions and exaggerations about what a Master is or is not. This situation, fortunately, is not entirely inevitable. The recommendation for the above-mentioned study would help in this direction. And while being an example of a rather simplistic cult, far removed from a path such as Sant Mat, the movie "Ticket to Heaven” (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UoavV7D74BU) is interesting viewing for the long-time member of any spiritual group, in light of the psychology it portrays.

   Too often the following are true:

   "The religio-mystical mind easily falls into cults or personality idealization and worship. The philosophic mind rises to a higher level and emphasizes the importance of Principles. For persons are ephemeral whereas principles are enduring. The cultists attribute to the worshipped one all sorts of godlike qualities, especially omniscience and omnipotence.”

   “To become a disciple is to become an enthusiast, one who exaggerates, distorts, or overlooks the real facts. He will grossly misrepresent the true state of affairs because his guide is no longer reason but emotion.”

   "Just as they shamefully caricature the true Infinite Being by their personified and symbolized idea of It, so they shamefully falsify the true characteristics of a Master by their exaggerated and sentimentalized idea of him.”

   “Just as the Renaissance brought forward brilliant minds and talents in scattered places, so we see today spiritual geniuses rising here and there. The followers of some lose their balance, get swollen with pride, and talk proudly that the avatar is here, each claiming his own leader as the avatar. Let us not be taken in by such sectarianism.” (Brunton, op. cit., Vol. 11, Chapter 6, 3, 13, 15, 28)

   Try as one may, he cannot ignore the simple fact that many silly things are often repeated, and which the path would do just fine, and much better, without. Many different traditions face this problem, whereby some adept wrote or said something at one point which became incorporated in the doctrine and then gets, with all good intentions, repeated forever as if it were the eternal truth. Even when the Masters, deep within their being and higher understanding, know some parts of the teaching are not really or entirely true, but give out provisional teachings for expediency, or simply have not yet articulated or re-articulated the teaching in keeping with the times. One safeguard of the student is a mature appreciation of what the guru is, his function, and the nature of a mature relationship between student and teacher. Sant Mat is not immune to the charge of cultism that affects almost all large groups. In some cases the teacher plays into this weakness, not from bad intentions, but out of catering to unreasonable expectations of disciples, which unfortunately have accompanied the path for scores of years. A true Guru-disciple relationship, when authentic and established, can be a beautiful thing, but, prior to its maturity, childish, fawning adulation of and attention to a Master, working one into a self-hypnotic state of awe, runs a fine line between being perhaps somewhat inevitable and excusable, and being unnecessary, ungenuine, and having little to do with truth. We simply must be ourselves, be honest, and recognize what we know and what we do not know. A proper attitude towards the Master is one of respect, and reverence - when it naturally arises from assurance born in the heart - but not one of servile dependency.

   The same goes for placing a guru on a pedestal of ultimate authority by abandoning full self-responsibility for one's reactions, beliefs and understanding, a set-up for a fall into disappointment and disillusionment. Have basic respect, and prove the teachings for yourself. And there is no way one can do this in a few short weeks or months before he is initiated, as mentioned above, for a number of reasons, the key one being that one is immature, and must be seasoned, with his intelligence developed over much time. This is where contemplation of truth and broad study comes into play. While doubts that are not the outcome of a proper investigation are unhealthy, doubts that arise in the course of such an investigation are healthy, arising to be cleared and lead to further knowledge.

   We suggest, speak not what you think you are supposed to say, but what is your own truth - whatever it is. Cultivate an open mind. Learn to communicate with your true self within, and then express it outwardly. Demand truth, from yourself and the Teacher, and it shall be forthcoming. Yes, we are trying to say, gingerly, that the path must adapt to an emerging current of spirituality. Some one must say this openly. Many are already doing so in private. Is this not so? A few more salient points.

   Anyone reading a book, or studying a spiritual or philosophical teaching, should question it fully and then put it to the test in their life. This is not a 'one-shot' affair, but an ongoing clarifying of one's consciousness as new insights, points of view, and perspectives arise in due course. This may seem a simple matter, but the truth is that many try to make their life and being fit into a structured teaching, and interpret any new understanding in the pre-fabricated mold of expectancy created by that teaching. This is really a denial of the divine in you. And the plain fact is that one is not mature enough or intelligent enough, to anticipate all of the questions and doubts that may appear as one goes on in his life of practice or development. Major shifts and accompanying questions. A teaching must be big enough to embrace and welcome these, as should the teacher or Guru.

   Keeping in mind all the above, the following often-repeated statements might well be contemplated from the perspective of the three levels of self-understanding according to Dzogchen as mentioned by Norbu at the beginning of this section. Many more could have been chosen, some perhaps not as relatively harmless as these, but then even these can lead to confusion and misunderstanding. Clear articulation and precision words is very important, as ultimately it affects our cultivation, realization, and expression of truth.


   "Spirituality is a Science."

   Is this true? This is always a first question. The great mystics, Eastern and Western, have always said it is, but let us then consider how and in what manner it is so. The way this is received may depend on one's perspective. We are not saying that it is wrong to say this, but it is important to try to make clear what it does mean, because many may misunderstand or have preconceived notions of what “science” is or means in this context and get disappointed otherwise. As suggested, this metaphor has been used by mystics, such as of the Orthodox Christian tradition, for centuries. As in empirical science, where one makes observations and experiments that repeatedly prove its axioms, here, too, one makes experiments which have been duplicated and verified by other mystics time and again. One also tries many things and finds out what works and is true. Not necessarily in every moment, but over time. And also not merely in terms of getting inner experiences, but, more importantly, in the basic transformation of the person. Which includes the healing of his estrangement and opposition to the Divine. This, in fact, is why the Orthodox Church defines spirituality as not philosophy or religion, but as really closer to medicine. And the gurus of India often speak of their disciples being in a 'hospital' (at least, mine did, and Ramakrishna and others have also). So inasmuch as medicine is a science, so is spirituality a science. The problem comes when one assumes, based on what he may have been told, that this is a linear 'cookie-cutter' process, and when one expects proof to suit ones preconceptions. There are many moments of confirmation, and there are, in truth (which is a spiritual axiom or article of faith) no accidents, no miracles, no mistakes, but rather a gradual, natural unfoldment. However, the variables are as unlimited as the number of individuals pursuing the result. Moreover, there is increasingly a strong component of 'not-knowing' as one progresses deeper into the heart of the Mystery. The path is as wonderful as it is terrible at times. The uncertainty principle is alive and well in the land of effort and grace as much as it is in quantum physics. The end-result is clear, but the exact timing is not. Nor are even the intervening stages. So let us discuss a few points to broaden the appreciation of this 'science'.

   In a science, ideally (when the inertia of ignorance or the incentive for economic advantage is not there), there is a constant adjustment to new knowledge and wisdom. Important questions are welcomed and pursued in a spirit of free inquiry, and not dismissed or discouraged as an 'illusion' or distraction of the mind. Carl Sagan wrote:

   "Science is generated by and devoted to free inquiry: the idea that any hypothesis, no matter how strange, deserves to be considered on its merits. The suppression of uncomfortable ideas may be common in religion and politics, but it is not the path to knowledge; it has no place in the endeavor of science." (18)

   J. Robert Oppenheimer said:

   “There is no place for dogma in science. The scientist is free, and must be free to ask any question, to doubt any assertion, to seek for any evidence, to correct any errors."

   PB similarly wrote:

   "A school should exist not only to teach but also to investigate, not to formulate prematurely a finalized system but to remain creative, to go on testing theories by applying them and validating ideas by experience." (18a)

   Thomas Kuhn, in The Structure of Scientific Revolutions, said that

   “The price of significant scientific advance is a commitment that runs the risk of being wrong.”

   and:

   “…breakthroughs often come from outsiders or newcomers rather than practitioners of a scientific discipline, because the very act of accepting and assimilating the dominant model that defined that discipline constrains the ability to see the limitations of the model and increases the risk that practitioners will force the data to fit the model.” (p.101, 108)

   At least, something to think about. Another researcher has described science as consisting of ”unbiased observations and systematic experimentation." It has been said, moreover, that in all of nature the fields that are plowed and fenced are fertile only for a brief time - without new enrichment. This may well pertain to spiritual dharmas as well.The essential verities may be everlasting, but the expressions and practical considerations undergo change in line with the parallel mental evolution of humanity. Masters will make room to adapt their teachings for the variations among their students’ understanding and levels of development.

   On the seeker's side, he generally wants a set of rules to follow that lead to illumination, but is this not, in a sense, a confession that God is not God, Reality is not real, the Absolute is not absolute, the Infinite is not infinite, with infinite possibilities, universal, free and unbound? Are we separate from the Truth? Certainly, one may not realize that yet, but is there a standardized 'scientific' way to assure one the result of a successful climb? We, unlike some, grant that there is a climb, even while the mountain is only apparent - the climb is perhaps more aptly described as an unfoldment of Truth than a climb - but is there a guaranteed road to travel by, with every step marked out ahead in advance? Sant Mat sometimes appears to teach there is, that all the planes are objective and experienced the same way by all seekers, but is this true? If in truth, ultimately you are the path, or not separate from the path, and not merely the one walking it, is there an objective 'science' in all that? This is possibly a potential misconception, sometimes conveyed with good intentions, no doubt, by teachers of Sant Mat, whether marketed as Science of the Soul, or Science of Spirituality. It is not wrong. But we may have to take a 'quantum' view of science to make it fit. Or at least one of experimentation with many apparent failures until one succeeds or discovers a new or deeper aspect of truth. Yes, there are well-delineated meditation stages, more or less, and yes, the grace of the Master makes up for much of the difficulties and unpredictability of forward progress on the path. But in the 'quantum' view, for instance, there is not only the relative unpredictability of its results (i.e., the goal has been said by some to be fixed, but the time frame is not), but also the need to consider the influence of the participant, i.e., the experiencer, or consciousness, in the 'experiment'. This makes for infinite variety of sequential results. And as one loses himself (that is, his fixed ego identity) by degrees the more he finds the true Self, the paradoxes of progress is inevitable. Can one really speak of 'my attainment' in the so-called higher stages? Further, even given an initial experience of opening of the 'third eye' - which is not universally the case, or even promised, in every branch of Sant Mat (18b) - there are many twists and turns, ups and downs, and karmic vicissitudes along the way through which the student must wade with much patience and endurance. This is not always made clear to the novitiate, up front. Perhaps it can't be. [As we have seen earlier, however, in quotations from Sant Darshan Singh, it is not as if it is entirely hidden from the serious student either].

   A not often appreciated point of fact in Sant Mat is that, as Sawan Singh said

   " after due initiation, the redemption of the devotee is assured. No failure or back sliding is possible. He is first put through a course of experiences which enables him to realize his own helplessness. When he realizes this he will also feel the assurance of salvation."

   That is to say, the process of eradicating or winding up his karmas has begun. And this can be a very unpredictable and bewildering process, where the disciple may in fact have a hard time appreciating the notion of the path as a "science" with verifiable results! But this is only due to his limited understanding of what constitutes real progress. Soamiji shouts:

   "O Guru! Now shower Your grace and vouchsafe Your help and succor to me. I am afflicted with physical ailments and mental agonies. I have been through terrible suffering. I am Now utterly helpless. All my efforts have failed."

   One may well ask, where in all this does a poor disciple find himself? Especially if there may also be years when mostly the dark side of his unpurified character comes up for release. If one is then enchained to the diary in a certain way, for instance, he may suffer thinking that something is wrong, when in fact it may be very right. This is a situation, therefore, where some study and understanding may be critical for survival.

   There is one particular exception to this depiction of a rather circumscribed scope of what a 'science' may be. And here one will see, after all, that in the end we are in agreement with the Masters. For the use of this term is not a new one. In the annals of mysticism there is mention of a 'pure science', or an 'upper school', for those who are passing or who have passed beyond a linear conception of the path into that of a 'predictable unpredictability': i.e., the dimension of the soul, and not that of the finite human ego with its ambitious hopes and dreams, and a set of rules and procedures promising to lead it to its Perfection. Without proper understanding - and unfortunately or not, for many, even with such understanding - a 'dark night' period my be needed to intervene to produce the required recognition and surrender. So perhaps we must not fault the path so much as request a more complete explanation, where possible, of its actual processes. And the 'uncertainty' within such an experimental subjective science is, in fact, rectified by the ultimate certainty of the factor of grace.

   Michael Molinos, who wrote The Spiritual Guide in 1675, said:

   "But there is also a science of the saints. This science is known only to those who heartily love and who seek the end of their self-nature."

   deCaussade also spoke of a science:

   “The doctrine concerning pure love can only be taught by the action of God, and not by any effect of the mind. God teaches the soul by pains and obstacles, not by ideas. This science is a practical knowledge by which God is enjoyed as the only good. In order to master this science it is necessary to be detached from all personal possessions, to gain this detachment, to be really deprived of them. Therefore, it is only by constant crosses, and by a long succession of all kinds of mortifications, trials, and deprivations, that pure love becomes established in the soul.”

   “[There are] numerous texts of holy Scripture in which the Holy Spirit makes us understand the necessity of temptation, and the good fruit derived from it by souls who do not allow themselves to become disheartened. Do you not know that it has been compared to a furnace in which clay acquired hardness, and gold is made brilliant; that it has been put before us as a subject of rejoicing, and a sign of the friendship of God, an indispensable lesson for the acquirement of the science of the saints.”

   St. John of the Cross, in The Dark Night of the Soul, also made mention of a science when speaking of what he called infused contemplation, in which God teaches the soul without its doing anything at all:

   “But, speaking more substantially and properly of this ladder of secret contemplation, we shall observe that the principle characteristic of contemplation, on account of which it is here called a ladder, is that it is the science of love. This, as we have said, is an infused and loving knowledge of God, which enlightens the soul and at the same time enkindles of with love, until it is raised up set by step, even unto God its Creator.”

   St. John also points out that “this ladder of love is so secret that God alone is He that measures and weighs it.” It is not only secret to the soul but at times even hides the soul within itself wherein it knows not. So much, then, for the disciple, especially a beginning disciple, trying to gauge his own progress as if it was some kind of neat and clean cookie-cutter affair. ”Do you perchance know the paths of the great clouds or the perfect sciences?” (Job 37:16)

   So perhaps here is the understanding to settle the legitimacy over the use of the word 'science.' All of the ups and downs and paradoxes involved in such a quest are to be considered included in such a science. Are we interested in that? Is here really a choice? It remains what it is. However, this definition would preclude any exclusivity.


   In the Autobiography of St. Therese of Lisieux mention is also made of this science:

   “Our Lord has no need of books or teachers to instruct our souls. He, the Teacher of Teachers, instructs us without any noise of words. I have never heard Him speak, yet I know He is within me. He is there, always guiding and inspiring me; and just when I need them, lights, hitherto unseen, break in. This is not as a rule during my prayers, but in the midst of my daily duties. Sometimes, however, as this evening, at the close of a meditation spent in utter dryness, a word of comfort is given to me: “Here is the Master I give thee, He will teach thee all that thou should do. I wish thee to read in the Book of Life in which is contained the science of love…” The Science of Love! How sweetly do these words echo in my soul! That science alone do I desire. Having given all my substance for it, like the Spouse in the Canticles, “I think that I have given nothing.” (Song of Solomon 8:7). After so many graces, may I not sing with the Psalmist that “the Lord is good, that His Mercy endures for ever” ? (cf. Psalms 106:1).

   Finally, Rumi gives his view on this:

   “This, this is the essence of all sciences - that you should know who you are when the Day of Reckoning arrives.” (Mathnawi)



   One possible negative implication in calling an organization a 'Science', without the aforementioned clarifications, is the tendency for members to think that other schools are not a science, and therefore inferior. Whereas, truly, most of us have no idea whatsoever if that is the case. How much better might it be to simply affirm, for instance, with Faqir Chand, "This may not be the only genuine path, but it is a real path, an ancient path which many have found helpful."

   An effective teaching like a science can be expanded, changed, corrected, and improved. Why so if absolute truth never changes? Precisely because conditions in relativity do change. Communication and dissemination of knowledge changes.The intellectual and psychological maturity of humanity changes, as it progresses from lower to higher stages of understanding. Therefore what works in one epoch does not suit another. For example, in primitive times truth was communicated, and was easiest understood, through parables, myths, allegories, and personifications; in our times straightforward statements and scientific precision are needed to convey the same truth. Kal, Dharam Raj, etc., might be examples where a new explanation might be warranted as better serving truth.

   What are some other characteristics of a science, or rather, the scientific method per se? Here are a few: observe, analyze, inquire, test, verify, revise. Are facts reported communicable and verifiable? Are they non-contradictory and in fact, non-contradictable? And are they universal, or true for all time?

   "'Never look at facts.' This is characteristic equally of the insane as of the religious. Every awkward inconvenient fact hostile to his belief will be regarded by the devotee as a test of his faith or his devotion and dismissed. Therefore the scientific approach based on solid facts is the sole and essential way...If religious faith and mystic yoga alone are to be practiced then God wants you to be a fool. Why then did he give you intelligence?" - V.S. Iyer

   Or, as Chester A Riley (actor William Bendix in the 1950's TV show, The Life of Riley) once said,

   "My mind is made up - don't confuse me with the facts!"


   “Not just a science”

   Sant Kirpal Singh may in fact have anticipated some of these problems when he referred to the path not only as a science, but as "the science and art of spirituality."

   "In order to derive full benefit from Para Vidya, it is absolutely necessary to have the guidance of a living Master, or an adept both in the science and art of spirituality." (Godman, p. 113

   Sant Darshan Singh also said this:

   “Whereas spirituality on the one hand can be called a perfect science, paradoxically enough, on the other hand, it can be called the most perfect art. It is the art of igniting the divine fire within…” (Spiritual Awakening, p. 180)

   That helps to dispose of certain misconceptions among those may have been led to expect rapid, unreasonable, or even predictable results. An art takes time to develop and is also not a linear or "cookie-cutter" process. One might then perhaps more accurately describe the path as "the artful application of an experimental or experiential science."

   In my field of chiropractic, we expand this to speak of a "science, art, and philosophy." For in philosophy lies the particular logical proofs accepted in a system, which may be different from those of other systems. And here we then introduce the concept of jnana or understanding, particularly of the inherent mysteries and paradoxes on the path which often baffle the beginner and advanced disciple as well - yet are not always articulated adequately (although of course not perfectly) on devotional paths such as this one.

   Here are a few more slogans which, while in a highest perspective are true enough, are often repeated and accepted uncritically or in a dogmatic fashion. The point in all of this is that we need to understand many things from different points of view to represent the teachings in an approachable and balanced way, otherwise people may not only be turned away [I prefer this to saying they “weren't ready” or “weren't called”], but also suffer unnecessary disappointment and disillusionment as the years pass.

   "The Master gives you the diary."

   Is this true? In the most general sense, in the lineage that uses a diary, and where “the diary form is overhead," as Kirpal once said, and the Master's regard is upon it, in that sense, yes, it can be looked at by the devotee as a gift in the form of grace. We do not mean to be unnecessarily cynical. Otherwise, however, the Master does not personally 'give you the diary'. The diary form is a sheet of paper that has been zeroxed and now photocopied for fifty years, and anyone can hand it out and tell you how, using negative marking, to check off the categories and turn it in once a year for review by the Master. But the latter is impossible and impractical to do anymore, and is not asked for, the Master simply has too much to do, so the disciple is more or less on his or her own in extracting the benefit of its use or not and must generate self-understanding much on their own. Why not say, "here is something that has worked in the past, you can try and see if it works for you, and if not, sincerely devise and stick to your own honest self-introspection process?” Surely that is more meaningful as far as leading one to a reliable spiritual self-independence, for any specific practical aid such as a diary with fixed columns to check off ones ethical failures is stage-specific and eventually, sooner or later, will be superseded once the self-introspective attitude is matured. It is not meant to be done the same way for decades. This is not a matter of being ones own guru. At some point the attitude of a beginner is moved beyond, and it may simply not serve one anymore. This is something one must discern and decide for himself. This important topic has been discriminatively examined in great depth earlier. The point here is only to highlight the languaging used.

   "The Master gives you seva."

   This, too, needs some elaboration. Seva has been traditionally been considered a great form of special grace, that is, the call to work directly for a Master's cause. And it still can be. Unless one is led to think that the only route to heaven is to be involved with missionary work for a cause, however, which often puts the cart before the horse if one has not really proven to his or her satisfaction that the path is indeed the highest, or that one is worthy of or called to such service, then it should be acknowledged that seva or service comes in variegated forms, as numerous as the number of disciples. No one should be persuaded that his own unique life is separate from the Master's cause, or that he should feel obligated to work for the latter directly, from the outset of his personal sadhana. Even in the teaching it is said that “only from rare karma is one blessed to directly serve the master's work.” Yet many no doubt feel their capacity is therefore rather limited. This is not so, for everyone's unique dharma is their form of service. And most especially, but often overlooked, is that a primary form of service to the world is simply to wish it well, to send out prayers for its good. One can always pray for the hurting, the needy, the unfortunate, and of course help physically when one can. Expressing gratitude is also major seva, yet how often do we do it? In the subjective world we live in this has omnipresent implications and results. "Be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you." (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)

   My Master, Sant Kirpal Singh, near the end of his life, ailing, was once asked by some of his devotees if they were bothering Him and if it were better if they left him alone. He replied, “No, you are my solace.”. Just imagine, the gratitude to feel worthy of being able to offer any service to another.

   “The Master does not give you seva and, further, there is no karmic benefit whatsoever from doing seva.”

   One teacher has said this and it is even more silly than the previous statement!”

   "Meditation is effortless effort."

   This is true when it is so accomplished or mastered. It is really the fruit of years of effort! Until then the double-bind of trying to be effortless is lost on too many disciples who try and fail and are disheartened. Similarly, the expression, "have regular, accurate meditations" is important, but contains its own double-bind. It seems to imply that Perfection can be attained by a technique. Yet even if this were so, it is acknowledged that sweet loving remembrance is the basis of real success and effortlessness. And that is a beautiful thing, and traditionally the very heart of a path of bhakti (http://kirpalsingh.org/Booklets/Always_on_My_Mind.pdf). Further, the Masters say, "with a little thought of His, you will weep like anything." He loves us first. But what of those who try for years, and do not have such sweet remembrance, or lack the total confidence in and love of their Master that would make simran or japa natural? They may have not been able to fall in love with the Master yet, and then what else can one do but simply pray. No doubt, honest effort will call forth a response from God, in case one has not had the personal time to develop such a relationship with his initiating Master, but many do suffer this lack. Again, there is no easy answer here. Concentration takes effort. The annals of spirituality are filled with accounts of aspirants “sweating” in the initial stages. Being told that they are just not trying hard enough, or that it takes a lifetime to win or be worthy of such love, or that they are doing something wrong, as many disciples and even some masters have said, may in cases be true, but is not of much help - especially when, in some cases, that may not only be untrue, but the very opposite may be the case. Perhaps one is trying too hard! How many can walk around day after day concentrating on a thought or picture in their mind while fulfilling with love their daily tasks - especially in the beginning - how many can do that? It is traditionally a fruit of practice, which leads to effortless effort. So it takes time to develop. Contemplation or dhyana is effortless, but the concentration which precedes it is not effortless - (“There is no high road to concentration,” said Kirpal Singh) - excepting for the X factor, Grace. So putting down in the diary only the time one is actually in contact with the light and sound within - which in the past was an instruction on the diary form - and then being frustrated or in despair because one does not see 2 1/2 hours entered therein - or perhaps even nothing at all - maybe for years - seems a futile exercise. Perhaps this issue has been clarified in recent years; if not, it needs clarification.

   Another real possibility is that one may be knowingly or unknowingly going through a form of a 'dark night of the soul', as mentioned, making the performance of any inner exercise impossible - such is a real test of faith, a very real possibility, and a demand for a different way of relating to the Spirit. What if one really can not remember Him, in a clear way, or even come to a stage where he wonders what that means anymore, in the face of the equal commandment to see Him everywhere? In such a state one begins to see, through bitter herbs, that one is not in control of his mind or anything, really. Scripture is all in agreement, however, that the very desire to remember, to be faithful, true, devoted, righteous, is equal to the same. An unspoken prayer in the depths of the heart is the same as a prayer made manifest. This has in fact been said to be a true prayer.

   There in fact may be many reasons why one may not apparently succeed at one-pointed, continuous simran or japa. Many in fact try for years and years and do not make recognizable progress this way. Many cannot 'forget the body below,’ or the breathing, for instance. Yet they may feel blamed for not doing the exercise correctly, as if their shortcoming is due to a failure on their part that is easily rectified. Personally I have almost always had this problem, even when not meditating. Yet I still love Kirpal dearly. "A few minutes of the Master's grace" and there are no problems,” he used to say. But may there not be other reasons than simply one's failures, as to why he is more ‘incarnated’ than desired, perhaps, for easy success at this type of meditation? Perhaps it shouldn’t be said, but many simply cannot concentrate at the third eye. Initiation is supposed to fix this problem, but does it? - in all cases? This is an important topic. The very attraction of Sant Mat was supposed to lie in the power of a Master in dragging the soul to the inner door, without having to struggle to get there by oneself, so one could then meditate accurately. Many report this happening. In many other reported instances - too many - this has not happened, and people get disappointed. Whereas if this were not promised in the way it is, the expectations and understanding might be different and assimilable. This is not to disparage the promise given on this Path, only to call for a balanced presentation. One additional point. One-pointedness, or having but one dominant thought in the mind, is a traditional stage of practice. Not the end, but a stage. But the shortest way to make this a reality is sometimes not to struggle with thoughts, but, if it were but possible, to surrender the mind, and shift one's identification from being a little thinker of thoughts, to being the thought of the Thinker. This way even if thoughts continue one is not bound by them. "There is room [in the Self] even when it is crowded," said Ramana. Let the thoughts come. Pay them no heed. If one has been able to accomplish this turnabout he has accomplished much of the purpose of life. One is reminded of the often-told story of a saint, who said that spirituality is easy - it is 'just like plucking up a plant here and planting over there.' This is sometimes explained as the removal of one's attention from the world and placing it on the third-eye center, but here we take a broader view. One sacrifices the attention and shifts it from self to Self; the thoughts become God's responsibility. But as Kirpal said, "very rarely even a blessed soul may acquire this attitude." The beginner usually can't understand this; that is, he is ready for the idea of self-improvement, but not that of being unconcerned with self, i.e., self-abandonment or the unreality of the self. How to 'do' this? (The ego wants to know how to do this. It is a problem!) We are the effortful doer all day long, and then expect, using effortless-effort, to be the non-doer in meditation. How to 'learn to 'be still', i.e., create the inner vacuum which allows the higher self to enter and work in and through us? One way is to gradually create a disposition in which we unlearn all that we know, all that we have acquired through thinking, remembrance, measurement, comparison, and judgement. This is a practice that leads us towards being our true self as well as a condition conducive to true meditation and contemplation. And where are we ultimately heading? "You are already there, you just don't know it," said Kirpal. It must be realized as much in life as in meditation. "Effortless effort" can not be compartmentalized.

   If any of this discussion helps, good. Otherwise, remember it is only a reflection of the author’s experience and opinion. After all, who am I to raise any of these questions? I am well aware of my lack of qualifications or authority. Some, depending on their experience and chosen lineage, feel that I am being too critical, while others feel, to the contrary, that I have been much too lenient! I am but a beggar at the feet of the Masters, all of whom are great, all of whom have been kind to me, but, also, one who has suffered and seen others suffer, and only seeks clarification leading to greater understanding and enhanced aspiration for all.

   "Don't look into the eyes of others."

   This was said by my own beloved Kirpal, and not without a glint in his own eye, but is it absolutely true and adaptable in our modern society? One might possibly grant it some benefit to a beginner building a hedge between himself and the world - a hedge that will only have to be torn down sooner or later - but how can one see the Real in every being this way? Should one really only look into the eye's of the Master - for fear of contamination by 'Kal' - and not that of ordinary humanity, and even the beggar? How much 'oneness' can one realize that way, and how long might it take?! Indeed, how can one receive from, and bless, others, in this fashion? How is one to learn there is only one reality shining through all eyes? One must learn to look Kal, the Archangel of testing and beloved of God, in the face - how much more one's brothers and sisters! Moreover, the opposite of this advice is now an important part of many emerging paths of spirituality, as well as therapy, and I can vouch that it is a powerful practice. Is one not to gaze into the loved one's eyes? Is not the Master everywhere? "What you see is you," said Kirpal. "The inside is the outside, and the outside confirms the inside." Are we not to make this real, searching out and confirming the soul in all? What are we protecting? The most extreme version of this advice was exemplified by one acclaimed but then defamed successor to Kirpal Singh who once recommended that "children up to the age of five should be blind-folded, to avoid the worldly impressions." If there was a sure way to make children psychotic, this would be it. Children need many and rich experiences, to grow and blossom. And we are all in that category! How can one learn to see the Real behind the image if he cannot see any of the images? Impossible. It appears that I am not the only one who has thought in this way. One initiate wrote upon his return from India:

   "He showed [me] that there is nothing in this vast creation but the Master and the disciple. That's all there is! This place is a training ground where He teaches the lesson of how to see only Him. So what's there to be afraid of? What to avoid?...Master teaches at all levels simultaneously. In his physical presence, for example, he speaks some words to a group; some hear one thing, some hear other things, some hear little at all, and some are given inner awakening that could not have come from the words he spoke. So when he says to protect yourself - "Don't look into the eyes of others," "Don't touch others"...these rules are according to the law, "as you sow so shall you reap." This is true of course...but the highest law is love, and "Love knows no law." If we are living, well, we cannot even see the bad radiation or karma. Love knows nothing of these things; it only knows and sees Him. love knows giving and receiving. How can we see and love God in all others if we're afraid of the bad, unspiritual radiation? How can we serve and love the God in all others if we're always thinking about our own selves?" (19)

   So here is another are where intelligence is needed. Yes, the novitiate is in danger of taking on the negative qualities of those involved in a downward worldly trajectory, and may rightly guard himself to a degree from such radiation - particularly from psychotics and sociopaths. But how often is that the case? Kirpal said:

   "So if you look into the eyes of others who are imbued with worldly things, then you'll have that radiation. So it is always safer not to look into the eyes of others - not a whole lot - unless you can have darshan of someone of whom you are convinced that he is much better than you are, developed in a spiritual way.".

   'Not a whole lot'. Does not that say it all? We do not associate with unsavory, angry, untruthful, or lustful characters on an ongoing basis - service occupations excepted. A man is known - overall - by the company he keeps. But otherwise, in everyday life, to judge whether or not one should avoid looking in the eyes of another, one must first be certain of the spiritual status of that other - a difficult task under any circumstances. It requires making a judgement. And a huge lack of trust. Second, one must be aware of not withholding the chance for an other person or being, less fortunate perhaps, in receiving a higher loving radiation from you. Third, one has of course to determine what is meant by 'worldly things'. Are we excluding all ordinary pursuits other than what we may narrowly judge to be spiritual? Or only not looking at the wino in the gutter? And even then, who is so proud of himself to refuse to be willing to do that, and seeing God there? How soon do we forget, ""there but for the grace of God go I." And "oft one entertains an angel unawares."

   All is One is not a slogan, it is the Truth. Our hearts must not be suppressed with old-school, fear-based teachings - those days are finished. My friend Judith was right, in my opinion, when she said that Kirpal often ‘spoke with forked-tongue’ and truly ended an age. But few noticed. The path is a natural one and not one of hypervigilance in avoiding Kal! Integral teacher of embodied awakening, Saniel Bonder, affirms “the power of simple gazing with someone we trust can strengthen our spirits and even activate and enhance our whole-being intuition of the one great Heart.”

   Not so easy an admonition to fulfill, then, as it may at first have seemed, is it? Yet I still see Satsangis not really looking at me when we are together, and I can feel the heart contract. One can try to apologize and rationalize such a teaching, but I am sorry, this is not healthy.


   "Don't tell any of your (inner) experiences to others."

   This is a big one, with a real danger of stagnation on the path. Not merely by the telling, but also, in some cases, from the not telling. As this is likely to be extremely controversial, perhaps the most controversial topic in this article, let us explain. If it were just applied to inner, subtle mystical experiences, and/or inner messages from the Master, this is the traditional and generally useful piece of advise for a beginner who remains in the stage of evaluating status or progress solely in terms of the kind of personal visions or mystic transports he has, or who is apt to be swept up, or sweep others up, in ego, envy, or judgement of self and others. And one is a beginner if he holds this viewpoint, no matter how high his experiences appear to be; in this case discretion is the better part of valor - and also humility. This is to remain in the 'objective' standpoint, whereas if one has truly transitioned more to the 'subjective' viewpoint (seeing all in oneself, or the Self, or at least recognizing that such is the true nature of things, for which one takes no credit, and grants the perspective that having inner visionary experiences does not necessarily make one special, more advanced, or even better), these events no longer matter so much, and the talking or not talking about them is not so relevant to oneself and subject largely to the criterium of their value to others. However, before further making our point, this is not to devalue such experiences altogether. Even one such as Ramana Maharshi - the last person one might suspect of saying as much - said, "visions are better than no visions because they are a sign of concentration and that one is nearer an experience of the Self." Everything is important, and such sweets or graces are also a sign of the protection and constant presence of one's Master; they especially come in the beginning to bolster faith, and anytime thereafter when that strengthening is needed. As such they are private confidences and in most case will and generally ought to remain so. Guillore writers:

   “God’s extraordinary gifts are like a fragrant perfume which evaporates when cast upon the breeze; or a secret which ceases to be one when it is known to various people; or a hidden treasure which will soon be rifled if it is exposed to the gaze of the multitude. The special favors with which a soul is graced are a perfume from the Bridegroom to be savored in the depths of the soul. It is a grievous thing to blight these by displaying them to the glare of day; and yet often those to whom they are given do not know how to possess them in thankful stillness…But there is obvious danger in this of fostering a pride which is all the more difficult to deal with that it is very subtle, and often cloaked by a specious humility…God would have the soul He favors unconscious of what He is doing, so that His leadings may be perfectly free; whereas self-consciousness hinders simple obedience.”(T. T. Carter, compiled Spiritual Guidance (The Substance of Two Or Three of Guillore’s Books (London: Rivingtons, 1873), p. 149-150)

   We are not then speaking here of this kind of discretion, nor of dramatic types of cases such as one Parmeshwar (Sat Sandesh, April 1976), who had rapid inner progression of experiences, and went about freely telling everyone what she saw inside, displaying powers attained, acting like a Guru, and not stopping even after repeatedly being told to do so by Kirpal Singh, who, not until even several years later withdrew her inner access completely. Nor are we speaking of boasting of such experiences. And we might as well also mention, on the other side, the parading of certain model devotees' apparent spectacular experiences by the leadership/teacher as examples of how others should carry on their lives, such as 'so and so never watched not TV, went to movies, and only read Master's books', and so on. This is not appropriate either, and can breed disappointment and stressful effort at emulation of others which may not be at all fruitful for any given individual. It is the sign of an adult that the does not need the approval of others (especially his 'parents') to determine his own activity, nor is he afraid of such. The fact that so and so would not even go to the movies unless he asked his father/master if it was okay has no bearing on what any individual should feel free to do. Disciples would do well and good to see if this is the nature of their relationship towards their Master.

   In terms of keeping things secret, what we are talking about is the discrete disclosure of one's experience in the instance when it may be of use in helping to bolster the faith or understanding of both oneself and another, with the realization that such experience is not proof or validity of any elevated status to take credit for, but rather, is a subtle matter of seeing something real that is a key factor, or seed, of the true path. This disclosure or articulation requires maturity, sensitivity, and humility. We also have the historical example of Ramanuja, who 'shouted from the rooftops', caring not if he went to hell for doing so. Of course that is a story for our inspiration, not an explicit guide for behavior. Reason and heart-felt intuition is a more true means for us to rely on. People have always been doing this anyway, both without and apparently with permission, as various stories in this book will confirm - this is only to set a base of balanced understanding for it. The intent and overall situation is important. But here we are not primarily talking about visionary experiences that 'happen' to oneself.

   This is to say, there is another kind of 'experience' that is a glimpse of truth, of the heart - which might be called the secret of the path - the telling or sharing of which is, in our opinion, at specific times a duty of a person graced with them to share. For the books, especially mystic books such as those of Sant Mat, do not clearly speak of them as much as other paths, such as some of the paths, perhaps, of non-duality. If we stick dogmatically to a Sant Mat perspective we will often find ourself forced to simply dismiss these as unreal, irrelevant, or of little value - chiefly because we do not understand them. And if one is preconditioned to demean or dismiss them, he will not be in a condition to recognize them if they happen, and he will also be unable to point them out to others, or share them with those who are bewildered and have begun to question their own experience. Keeping these inside can lead to years of confusion in many cases. These may include experiences where one recognizes in clear but simple (and non-visionary) ways examples or appreciations of the hidden greatness of the Master, their solicitude and care, and so on, but it goes beyond that. We are speaking of insight or true glimpses of the person himself. One could also call them non-experiences in that respect. And so regarding these, where appropriate and useful, our expressed duty might be expressed as "rendering to God what is God's," just as we "render to Caesar what is Caesar's." Such sharing - besides the fact that it (as well as other, lesser kinds) is already going on, and has always gone on - the giving of our personal and meaningful subjective, hard-won yet also graceful insights - of our selves - is really crucial to all of our welfare and progress. Giving of these treasures, when appropriate, helps those in need and increases faith. Therefore we ought to be disposed to share them with those who are given to us by life to share. This means those who are naturally drawn to us or present themselves, not just anybody anytime. We naturally are led to help one another this way. We naturally share our ordinary 'outer' experiences, so why not also those experiences that are neither outer or inner but of Truth, and yet so often missed when one is only expecting big mystical things to happen. But that is the point. Mystical experiences 'happen', while the other is announced, declared, or recognized by, as and of the person. We all have them, and sharing helps 'close the gap' between our relative world and the Absolute. Even writing of these Glimpses - or whispers from eternity - to ourself, opens a door in the tangible world for someone to appear who is in need of our own glimpse for a confirmation of their own truth, or a part of their development. This is not getting in between someone and their Master, or you and your Master; rather, with discretion, it can help in bringing us all closer - in my opinion. But it is not only in non-dual circles that such experience is spoken of. St. John of the Cross mentions it when he speaks of infused contemplation, free not only of the senses and mind, but also of the influence of the devil (or one might say, Kal):

   “The reason the darkness of this contemplation frees and hides the soul from the wiles of the devil is that the contemplation experienced here is infused passively and secretly without the use of the exterior and interior faculties of the sensory part of the soul. The soul’s journey, consequently, is not only hidden and freed from the obstacle these faculties in their natural weakness can occasion, but also from the devil, who without these faculties of the sensory part cannot reach the soul or know what is happening within it. Accordingly, the more spiritual and interior the communication and the more removed it is from the senses, the less the devil understands it.”

   “Not only does the soul fail to understand, but even the devil, since the Master who teaches the soul dwells within it substantially where neither the devil nor the natural senses nor the intellect can reach.” ( Kavanough/Rodriguez, Collected Works of St. John of the Cross, The Dark Night of the Soul, Book Two, Chapters 23,17)

   This is a different kind of experience than those visionary ones in which either Kal or Simran come into play. It is ‘secret’ and only remains so, perhaps, due to ones inability to convey it. But if one can do so, in some way, of course with discretion and humility, there is no restriction on trying. Can we not communicate about matters of the Heart?

   Just so, even here there is a caveat. I don’t know, perhaps here I am carrying on a rear guard. After all, much is changing, people are suffering and need encouragement. One might say, however, that in the beginning when one is newly ‘finding God as his inner self’, so to speak, through the delicate process of intuition, it can be confusing to discuss problems, exchange ideas and ones experience to others. That is to say, oneself or others can be led to doubt such inner-discovery, as it is so subtle. Some caution is in order, but not as a blanket rule: ones own inner intelligence in such matters must be given chance to show itself.

   Such insights or sharing needn't be extraordinary. Again, we aren't especially just talking about, "I saw such and such scene inside, this or that phenomena, or received this or that special personal message," and so on. Although there could be an occasion for that, too. Tact, sensitivity, and common sense is advised. And how can one get to such a place as Kirpal wrote:

   "Please learn to be receptive to His grace and feel His kindly presence riding with you on the buses, chatting with you in the street, sitting with you in the park, by your office desk, accompanying you every morning to the office, slowing down by the lily pond to check the new flowers and walking with you in the evening all the way back by the new moon" (20),

   And what if one is excluding what is already there by limiting his expectations to something spectacular? Consider that the spectacular has already happened, but we just don't notice it! Illumination can happen all of the time, in small ways, that are only to be seen and appreciated. If we only expect to find it at our third eye, we may have a long and dreary wait. Which leads us to:

   "Seeing is above all"

   This saying of Kirpal Singh has been subject to some confusion. I love my Master and would not sow seeds of doubt or confusion over anything he said, but the questions are already there, especially if one has read the world of a safe such as Ramana Maharishi, and must be addressed. In my opinion, the truth of it depends on what the meaning of 'seeing' is. Kirpal often compared seeing to just thinking, feeling, and drawing inferences, which he held as inferior. And if we think of a person being merely an intellectual or a poet, or a pseudo-mystic, this is indeed true. Meditating is superior to merely thinking about meditating, or just believing in or having a feeling or hunch about spiritual matters. Having a visionary experience in meditation is better than not having one and just thinking one has! Even in Sant Mat, however, there is mention of a stage beyond seeing, for the sense faculties of this kind of seeing (both outer and inner senses - or indriyas) only extend so far. They are not supposed to remain after the causal planes (in Sant Mat terminology). So here, we really need a different word than seeing to signify the experience on those planes. The senses resolve into manas, the manas into buddhi, buddhi into Atman. Buddhi, reason or discriminative intelligence, is thus considered higher than seeing. That is to say, what sees (consciousness or awareness) is considered more primary than that which is seen (objects, visions). The main difference between Sant Mat and a school like Vedanta is that the latter asks us to consider and contemplate on this from the beginning, not only at the end. They would say we still need to ask of our visions, "how do I know this is true, or real?" And actually, for Vedanta a basic principle is that whatever is seen is unreal! (i.e., impermanent). It is not to say meditation is just a bunch of business, for deepening concentration and the light which comes from that, up to the penultimate experience of an ocean of light (penultimate, because it is still something seen), is the traditional way to get to the witness consciousness behind it all, or the stage of self-realization in Sant Mat. At this stage the mystic exclamation of "I have seen God" is passed beyond, because there is no longer two things, I and God, to be in relationship with each other.

   Another example to think over might be the claims, for instance, that at Daswan Dwar every soul will see the pool of Manasarovar with eighty-four steps. The question one may ask is,' how do we know that everyone will experience this the same way?' How could you prove it? Even in this world we can't know such things perfectly. Maybe eighty-four, a sacred Hindu number, reflects a cultural bias to the experience, whereas other traditions may experience this level differently. Might not an important question be, 'what is the true nature of this experience?' rather than merely what is seen in ones vision (which in any case one has to pass beyond). Baba Faqir Chand, for instanced, gave more psychological/philosophical interpretations of these stages than those found in the Beas books.

   Of course, it is also recognized in the traditions that this (non-duality, beyond subject-object distinctions) is really true at all stages. And so a problem can be that too rigidly holding to the idea that seeing is above all can put one a position to miss many true moments of insight - 'seeing' the truth of the matter, or 'seeing' in the sense of understanding or recognizing truth. Many times we use the word 'seeing' in this sense. "Ah, I see what you are saying," or "oh, now I see!" It is not meant literally in the sense of seeing an object, either external or internal, but of knowing or understanding. Taking 'seeing is above all' to mean that only mystic visions or light are legitimate experiences may cause one to miss many spiritual opportunities, many moments of grace. We will look only for the fantastic, rather than gentle, subtle and quiet moments that fall as dew from heaven, but are often more enduring and fundamental than experiences of meditative dhyana. But can equally be considered moments of real 'seeing.'

   "What you see is you," said Kirpal Singh. This is really, in my opinion, a non-dual confession of ‘You Are That,’ or ’Atman and Brahman are One.' But it is clear that this would be impossible to fit into the ordinary meaning of 'seeing.'

   And then we have the scripture, "blessed are those who believe who have not seen," an affirmation that faith can be even more important than visions, in terms of spiritual growth - especially for those who have already enjoyed meditative experiences.

   Finally, as mentioned in Part One, the idea of pure subjectivity (antardrishti) is an advance over seeing objectively as in visions (whether inner or outer), but is still a pointer to truth. The truth is beyond both objectivity and subjectivity. It is not seeing light, or even the light of a million suns, or even the natural luminescence of consciousness. “The true seeing,” says Sri Siddharameshwar, “is to ‘see’ oneself as God.” (Master of Self-Realization, p. 345)

   So these are a few things to think over.

   Re-phrasing much of this, it seems to be a kind of spiritual law that a flow must be kept going between oneself and the universe, in spite of its 'illusion'. If so, then whom might we prudently share some of our glimpses with? Those whom our heart reveals that life brings to us. Keeping everything hidden, private, by blanket rule or regulation, can reinforce the very encapsulated separation we are trying to free ourselves from. Some will now reply, 'the teaching says, no, telling experiences only reinforces ego.' And this certainly can happen. But this seems to pertain mostly to 'objective' experiences - of which inner visionary mystical experiences are one variety - and even so only with those who still believe they are of utmost personal significance - thus potentially stimulating egos all around. We are here speaking primarily, however, of sharing glimpses of the true, subjective identity, the very Person himself, the Mystery, God, or the Master's grace, and then only to those receptive to the sharing and who may benefit from such confidences. If we keep our light under a bushel, who will know of it - except indirectly through our 'works'? The Master is not the only one who can do this. We each must do it, or we will 'lose whatever little we may have'. Here is another apparent 360 degree turn from Sant Mat principles, but understood rightly - and we all understand this in our hearts - in our opinion it is a key to further growth. We glorify our 'Father in Heaven', not only by worldly works, but by spiritual giving and receiving. Both are needed. We must speak our truths to the world, however humble they may be, and until we do we are not sharing the light, but repeating the words of outer authorities, which anyone can do. The world wants to hear from you.

   And so we must learn to trust ourselves. Glimpses of truth have a certain flavor: they are simple, childlike, exciting, surprising, inspiring, and expectant. Expectant of what? - the Good, and only the Good. We feel giddy and hopeful, more real and independent. Illuminations enlighten the intelligence, clarify purpose, awaken intuition, and set free creativity. We so often doubt them, they are so quiet, especially if we have been a long time on the path. And we have all been a long time on the path - lifetime after lifetime. If we don't share, our acquaintances will wonder why the truth of the path hasn't work as its spokespeople claim that it does. Truth must be put into our own words if it is to touch and enliven others. Share when the opportunity presents itself. And if one can see no opportunities, renew your conversation with Truth, and they will arise. In addition to all this, sharing validates the truth of a path in comparison to what one hears about other paths. Some things are personal, but too much secrecy creates exclusiveness and separatism.


   A Few Juicy Stories (!) and Comments on the Nature of Visions

   As previously mentioned, in spite of the dictum not to tell others ones inner experiences, it is a plain fact that many have done so, both with and without permission from their Teachers. And here are a few that may serve as a springboard for discussion of questions that arise pertaining to how to view such visionary events.


   Story #1:

   Dear Brothers and Sisters,

   When Master placed us in meditation he told me to look carefully at his form, which began demonstrating the radiation, which supports all of creation; that is streams of light, energy and love poured out of Master intermingling into rays of sustenance maintaining all of existence. The rays encapsulated and sustained each particle of existence as well as the entire physical universe including inner planes.

   Then Master Darshan told me the living Master sustains and loves all of existence from the tiniest particle to its totality. As he spoke, he showed me the smallest possible particle of matter, a squiggle-like note of light, completely surrounded by Master’s radiation and love. There was no way to penetrate this cocoon. The only possible means of reaching physical matter is through the offices of the living Master because if this protecting shell were disturbed, the matter would cease to be.

   Then Master Darshan told me dozens and dozens of times that masters have equal love for all souls no matter what the soul’s current state because each soul contains the Godhead and Master could do nothing but love it. He then showed me one of the Lords of the Planes and told me of Master’s great love for this soul who was due for a human birth and the good fortune of initiation in his next life. He continued that although his love for this soul was great, it was no greater than when the soul was mired in sin and showed me truly horrifying past lives of the soul that was now the Lord of a Plane. I saw him as a man wallowing in the torture and degradation of his fellow man. In one life he even tore apart other men and ate them raw. Then I saw him in a hell where he existed as a bacteria-like creature around the edges of a pool that emitted a steamy atmosphere of vomit and ammonia. Yet even there, Master showed me how the Master’s love was unflagging as he sustained the soul in its punishment.

   Then Master Darshan held out a bug, I believe an ant, toward me and said he loved this creature as much now as before. He showed me this soul when it had, in its turn, inhabited the body of a Lord of a Plane during a previous existence and many subsequent existences which led the soul into its present form. Master said over and over again that he loves every soul, that the living Master always loves every soul and that the world could never be without a living Master. Then he showed me each of the masters in turn from Nanak and Kabir to the present living Master manifesting this power and love. Then Master Darshan’s form changed into that of his son, Raji, and he said that Raji was his successor; that when he left, Raji would be the Master and administer existence with the same love that Master Darshan has shown.

   Next Master Darshan showed me two more areas that the masters control, the distribution of karma and guidance of souls through the inner planes. I saw initiations where Master Darshan approached the bar of justice, which looked like a rough granite block, and physically removed the record of a soul from the care of the Lord of Death, who bowed obsequiously to the Master. Then in some cases, Master Darshan kept the entire record himself, in others he physically gave the rest of it to Raji’s form, and in still others he kept some himself, gave some to Raji, and some to other subsequent masters. As he did so, Master Kirpal and Hazur explained over and over that only the living Master can administer a soul’s karma and that when one master leaves his body, the subsequent one takes over his duties in assisting initiates on the physical plane. Then Hazur and Master Kirpal showed me initiation ceremonies from the time that they were the living Master. Hazur entrusted Master Kirpal with the care of disciples; Master Kirpal entrusted Master Darshan and so forth.

   Then Master Darshan told me that Raji would guide souls across the inner planes just as the other masters had done and he showed me Raji’s Radiant Form transversing plane after plane as the Lords and inhabitants of each region paid him, and the souls he escorted, homage. Finally we came to a throne room which Master Darshan told me to observe carefully and tell him what it was. He confirmed it was the throne room of God where evolved souls are received. He told me to look at God’s throne and tell him whom I saw. I saw Master Kirpal come out and sit in the throne. He told me to watch carefully and turned into Master Darshan, then Raji, then quickly to Hazur and one after the other hundreds and hundreds of masters most of whom I couldn’t identify and finally back to Master Kirpal and then Master Darshan and Raji over and over again.

   Another place the masters repeatedly took me was to the courtyard of the masters where protected souls who leave the earth plane go, and deliberately contrasted it to the judgement place of the Lord of Death. The masters insisted I carefully note the shinning material and beauty of the courtyard where Master Kirpal sat on a throne on a raised platform. The important element in the place was the brimming over love with which the masters inundated the entire area. This light, love and music formed an atmosphere so uplifting and joyous that each arriving soul immediately perceived the masters’ solace and love for it.

   In conjunction with this courtyard, the masters took me to the judgement place ruled over by the Lord of Death. The stark, lifeless stone of his cold area contrasted totally with the love and light of the masters’ courtyard. When the Lord of Death stood behind the Book of Judgement which was on an alter-like slab in front of him, he radiated complete, accurate justice. Master Kirpal and Swami Ji were usually the ones that would point out that the Lord of Death was entirely free of any animus just as surely as he lacked mercy and compassion. The souls judged by him found no comfort. Frequently at this point the masters again showed me what would happen to a soul at the time of initiation. The living Master, Master Darshan, would enter the actual judgment place and approach the Book of Judgment at which point the Lord of Death would step back and relinquish his control over it. The living Master would then remove the records of the initiate from the book. If the initiate’s life on the earth plane was going to extend beyond that of the living Master, the living Master discussed the disposition of his karma with his successors each successor acquiring control of the parts that would occur while he was the living Master. The Master who was explaining to me what was happening would always emphasize that an initiated soul was henceforth free of any dominance by or debt to the Lord of Death. The masters controlled the karma of an initiate and dispensed it with the complete love of the courtyard. Again, I have no words to adequately convey the difference to the soul between the austerity of justice and the love of the masters, nor can I articulate how important and precious this boon is.

   Another area the masters repeatedly took me to was to a beautiful throne that guarded a passageway to Sach Khand. Usually I went there with Hazur, Gurus Nanak or Kabir, or Swami Ji and after saying the names for a while, they directed me to look at the throne where Master Kirpal was sitting. They explained that he was sitting on the throne of God and he would change into Hazur, the living Master and then Raji and then to hundreds of other masters and back to himself. Then one of the masters would explain that the only possible way to traverse the pathway into Sach Khand was under the guidance of the living Master of the time. Without this guidance, no soul could pass Master’s throne into Sach Khand. They were exceptionally emphatic about this.

   Master has repeatedly said that seeing is believing and that we should all see for ourselves. I offer this letter not in an attempt to tell anyone else what to believe, but to share what Master has shown me.” xxxx


   Note: this account appears to be a genuine experience, but not unlikely to a degree influenced by some subjective interpretation by the initiate, which is common if not relatively inevitable in most visions. It gives the impression, for instance, that initiates of an earlier master, such as Kirpal Singh or Darshan Singh, are incapable of reaching Sach Khand without the grace and guidance of the current living master Rajinder Singh. That is to say, if for whatever reason initiates of Kirpal Singh are not active followers of the current living master in this line, and there are many, they are out of luck as far as Sach Khand is concerned. This is not supported in most of Sant Mat literature. One may choose to benefit from the company of a successor master, and it is in fact recommended, but the disciple’s relationship with his initiating master is the main thing of paramount importance. For new initiates on this path, however, the living master is necessary. Further, according to Darshan Singh, if there is to be any alteration of ones pralabh karma it is the living master that can effect that because to do so requires a body. The subjective component in what seems like an ‘objective’ vision may be considered in assessing descriptions of hells and beings therein, conceptions of accessing ‘physical’ matter only with a master’s help because it ‘only exists within a cocoon of the master’s sustaining power’ (a similar conception I had heard of before from a very advanced initiate, that “it is only the Master’s love that keeps the whole world from falling apart.” Here might be a high soul capable of perceiving the Master at the level of Isvara, at least). Nevertheless, this person was on a ‘subtle’ plane making conclusions about seeing ‘physical’ matter, about what physical matter is, and in fact even assuming that so-called matter is an actual ‘thing’ separate from ones perception of it, and other related topics and revelations - all interesting and undoubtedly valuable for the devotee concerned. But the objective or ultimate truth of it all is another matter, because visions almost by definition are received only according to the state of the receiver. Is there actually such a thing as ‘physical’ matter - or is it all mental?, i.e., in consciousness - might be considered a basic metaphysical question which no vision in itself could prove or disprove. Paul Brunton in a somewhat but similar context wrote of what he referred to as even high Glimpses of the Truth or Reality: ”They are the ultimate phenomenon - that is, appearances and experiences before realization. They differ at different times, or with different persons, but that is because they come into being as human reactions, as the self’s final point of view before before its own dissolution.” (Notebooks, Vol. 14, 8.84) One may very well wonder, as a soul approaches closer and closer to the inner, ultimately subjective realization of the Self, he will necessarily see exactly the same conceived-as-objective ‘structures’ on his inward ascent?


   Story # 2

   Another disciple of Sant Kirpal Singh, Richard Handel, wrote of a rare vision he had of saint Kabir:

   “Shortly after Master Kirpal left his body, I had a vision in which a timeless, radiant being looked down on me from a unique staircase, a type I had never seen. I was overwhelmed with the impact of this vision—it was one of the most powerful experiences of my life. I was filled with so much bliss and intoxication looking into his eyes that, after a timeless time, I lost consciousness of anything but this unspeakable love. I thought this must be the new Master and his residence. Keep in mind that this was long before I met Master Darshan and before Kirpal Ashram had been purchased [prior to 1978].

   A number of years later, I was staying in a room at Kirpal Ashram. Master Darshan said the octagonal building (which has since been replaced by the Master's residence) was now available and I should stay in a room there. I was about to climb the stairs to my new room when I looked up and then dropped by belongings in stunned amazement. This was the same staircase I'd seen in my vision years earlier!

   During that stay, Master would say:" Any questions you have, Brother---you can ask me about anything. Any question?" I kept asking question after question. Then one day I described in great detail the experience I'd had and the description of that godly being. However, he didn't answer me and just kept silent. After a week or two went by, I brought the subject up once more. Looking quite pensive and serious, he said, “Brother ,that was Sant Kabir." - R.H.


   Story # 3:

   Another such account of after-death realms, in this case hell, or a hell, is found in this visionary account of Madame Hardevi, a close devotee of Sant Kirpal Singh:

   “As she sat at the great Saint's feet (Baba Sawan Singh), Hardevi asked Him if it was possible to have a glimpse of hell. Sawan must have been somewhat surprised at this request, but He did not laugh. He told her that it was not a happy place and to remember that she was connected to the Positive Power and therefore could not go there. Hardevi's purposeful nature came to the fore and once again she pleaded for her desire. What was in Baba Sawan's mind is not known but He closed the interview saying, "We will see what can be done."

   Several days passed and Hardevi began to think that Sawan was not going to grant her wish; gradually she forgot about it. One day, however, she was sitting in meditation when she felt a strong pull within, almost as if someone had taken control of her, and she felt herself rising out of her body with considerable force. She then looked down and saw a huge hall with many people sitting in rows. Floating down toward them, she found herself standing near a man with a two-colored face, half yellow and half blue, sitting on a golden throne. He looked keenly at Hardevi and with his hand gestured that she should sit down. Hardevi turned to where he indicated and there was a chair which had not been there before. It was also gold and she sat down, gazing around with interest at the strange scene. If this is hell, she thought, then it is not such a bad place. As if he read her thoughts, the two-colored man said, 'I have been told to show you hell.' He called a man to the front and instructed him to guide her. The intrepid Hardevi rose and followed him.

   Her guide first showed her a place where countless souls, once human beings, were chained up. 'They await their punishment,' he told her. Then they came to pits of filth, emitting a malodorous stench of such a strength she could not have born but for her attention being captured by the pitiful, whimpering sounds arising out of the black holes.

   Hardevi's guide spoke again, 'This is one kind of punishment, do you want to see further examples of payments being extorted from the sinners?' She put her hands over her eyes and shook her head. The guide then took her to a courtyard square in shape but appearing to be almost limitless in size, stretching for miles in all four directions. As they moved on into the courtyard, Hardevi became aware that it was bounded by a perimeter of high walls. Approaching one of these walls, Hardevi saw that it was not just plain but sculptured into many different forms. Some were highly detailed and prominently carved - very lifelike to behold; others were indistinct and not very clearly discernible.

   The guide seemed to read her thoughts, for he said,'The forms you see that are clearly defined are of those souls who are nearing the end of their life-span on earth. Those that are not very clear are in the making, and as the soul continues to sin, the clearer the image becomes.'

   Hardevi was fascinated as she gazed at the images, one by one. But a spasm of terror shook her being when she found she was standing before a likeness of her own father! She turned to her guide, desperately seeking some reassuring explanation. 'But he is not dead,' she cried. 'None of them is,' replied the man; 'all are still in their earthly forms. These are places they are reserving for themselves as they go on with their sinful actions.'

   Hardevi continued along the wall. There were other faces she knew; she even recognized the likeness of a dear friend, a lady doctor whom she had always regarded as a very nice person. As she sorrowfully pondered on this, the guide turned to her and said, 'We must now return, your allotted time for this visit is used up.'

   Once again she found herself beside the man with the blue and yellow face, whom she knew to be the Lord of Death. Rising from his throne, he bowed to her. She found herself floating away, away, and suddenly returning to her physical body.

   As she opened her eyes, the full meaning of what she had seen was present in crystal clarity. Hardevi lay down on the floor and wept helplessly, until Raja Ram found her, helped her up and took her into the comfort of their living room.

   She told him all about her experience in hell and begged him to take her to Baba Sawan at once. 'I must plead with Hazur to give my father initiation and save his soul,' she said. She was convinced that this was the only solution, for she knew that once a soul is accepted by the Positiver Power, the Negative Power has no jurisdiction over that soul's fate…” (Eileen Wigg and Devinder Bir Narendra, Love, Light, and Life, p. 113-115)


   Story #4

   I have so far been unsuccessful in retrieving an account that was circulated of one Darshan Singh initiate who reported being carried deep within and transported in the company of his Master over a green valley he saw far below, at which point Darshan told him, "This is your true home - you can take it or leave it!" Aside from "you can take it or leave it" being an odd comment for a Master to make, what can this experience suggest to us regarding the nature of visions? A couple of things come to mind. One, Faqir Chand said that in the first three planes our experience of the Master's form, as well as other visual phenomenon, is highly likely to be colored by our own psyche. He said that the 'true' Master's form is seen higher up. Whether or not that is always true for the Master's Form (as some of the Masters have said that the astral form is "imperishable and eternal"), it is certainly possible, as discussed in Part One in the sections on visions. It may also be likely that the "take it or leave it" comment was partly a product of the initiate's own mind. The love and numinosity in the experience, however, could be said to be an emanation from the person's Soul, whether directly or as mediated through the Master. This must be the most valuable take-away from such an experience, and is a lovely and blessed visitation of grace. The color green is especially intriguing, being a color often associated with heaven and heavenly things, as well as eternal youthfulness, which is a characteristic of the soul. In Islam, "Khidr", the legendary master of Moses, and who is said to show up here and there to the faithful, is known as"the green man" or "the verdant one." In my reading I also found these passages in The Spiritual Canticle, by St. John of the Cross:

   "O green meadow." This verse refers to her [the soul's] reflection on the heavens. She calls them a "green meadow" because the created things in them are as green growing plants that neither die nor fade with time, and in them, as in cool green meadows, the just find their recreation and delight...The Church likewise uses the word "green" to express heavenly things. In praying to God for the souls of the faithful departed, she says, speaking to them: Constitual dos Dominus inter amen virentia, which means: May God set you in delightful green places. And she says that this green meadow is also coated bright, with flowers. By these "flowers" she understands the angels and saintly souls that adorn and beautify that place like a costly enamel on a vase of fine gold." (Stanza four, verses 4-6)

   "How Green Was My Valley," a wonderful classic movie, and "He maketh me to lie down in green pastures... He restoreth my soul" (23rd Psalm) also come to mind. The beauty of such an event is undeniable. The Christian esotericist, Daskalos, spoke of the psycho-noetic plane (i.e., a mental plane), as a place where "things glow by their own inner light." But the True Home, Sach Khand? That has been described by Kirpal a follows: "It is all Light, scintillating Light...very strong. It cannot be compared with the astral or causal Lights. When you enter that place, it is just like fountains of Light gushing out, you see...You can give a poor expression of the astral and causal, to some extent, but the Beyond really cannot be understood - in this language." (Heart To Heart Talks, p. 64-65)

   That said, there are these enigmatic words from Zen Master Dogen, "Unwise persons think that in the world of essence there should be no bloom of flowers." So, what do we know?

   Anthony Damiani, student of Paul Brunton, and whose teachings are mentioned several times in this book, was a philosophic genius, and while universal in his scope of teaching, was more aligned with the intellectual or gyan approach. But in a gentle moment of deep feeling, in a discussion about death, he once said to us, “Don’t you think that God would give you the best thing?”

   St. Paul also reminds us that:

   “Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.” (1 Corinthians 2.9)

   In the Kingdom of Heaven, St. John tells us, there are many degrees of divine union, some lower and some higher, but all will be satisfied. And just as it is here, might it not be so there, if the Master be in ones heart of hearts?


   Story #5

   “During Sant Darshan Singh Ji’s last European tour, I received the most wonderful experience of my life due to his unlimited grace. I had the opportunity to be with the Master for a few days. As my hotel was opposite from the Master’s, less than a minute’s walk, I was able to see him several times a day. One morning at around 10:00 a.m., I went to his hotel room. When I arrived, Master was having breakfast with his wife, dear Mata Ji, and two other initiates were sitting with him at the table. As I started to leave, he called me back and invited me to join him. We enjoyed breakfast and conversation for about half an hour.

   When I returned to my room, I felt a powerful urge to meditate. As soon as I closed my eyes, Hazur Baba Sawan Singh Ji appeared before me and told me, “Today, I’m going to give you the key to a special treasure.” He mentioned the word, “prashana.” Prashana is an Urdu word meaning “treasure.” He said, “Go inside and enjoy.” Saying this, he handed me a key and asked me to open the door using that key. I opened the door and went in. While viewing everything, I discovered another door leading to other wonderfully beautiful rooms.

   As I was proceeding inside, I met Master Darshan, who began escorting me through all the various sights of this region. We were both traveling in our light bodies. As we ascended higher we stopped and I was attracted to an unusual region. I turned around and moved towards this semi-round galaxy. Master also joined me. I began circling around an indescribable galaxy. I asked the Master, “What is this? Can I go in?” Master told me, “This is Brahmand, and you do not need to go in at this moment. Let’s go farther.” I continued to follow Master.

   After meditating for about one hour, it occurred to me that I should attend the afternoon events with Sant Darshan Singh, and I returned to my ordinary state of awareness. I attended the sessions and then went out to eat. Upon returning to my hotel room, I rested briefly, and then again felt a powerful pull to meditate once more before evening satsang. As soon as I closed my eyes, I ascended, and my soul joined Master Darshan exactly at the same place where I had left him earlier. Again, we ascended together. Suddenly we were in the realm known as Limitless Truth. Due to previous visits in this region, I immediately recognized it. Master Darshan was showing me every aspect of this supernal region. I continued following him.

   At one place, I was gazing at something and I wanted to ask Master about it, but when I turned around to talk to him, to my surprise he was not there. He had suddenly disappeared. I waited awhile then looked for him here and there, but when I did not find him I moved farther along alone.

   At one point, I found a door leading to a hallway, so I moved in that direction. What I saw was beyond words. I cannot even begin to describe the divine atmosphere. Melodious sounds were continuously resounding, telling me the name of this region. As I floated around in my light body, I quickly entered a new region, by passing through a door that lead to another entrance. It was a heavenly atmosphere with an unusual thin transparent layer of white light covering the entire region. Again, I heard never-ending enrapturing music echoing the name of this region. It is not given to human expression to describe this region. I was completely inebriated with a divine intoxication yet I was entirely conscious of everything going on around me. I enjoyed the experience enormously. I continued floating in this region until I found an exit. I then entered another region of exquisite beauty.

   In this supernal region, everything was brilliant and perfect in every way. In one corner, a very strong but cool powerful divine light drew my attention. Hidden within the light was a divine Being pouring out crystalline fountains of light. I tried to focus my attention on his feet but could not withstand the intensity and brilliance of the light pouring out of this divine form. I made a great effort to adjust my vision so that I could move closer to perceive his face.

   After considerable effort, I looked up and saw a magnificent divine crown. In the middle of this crown was an enormous diamond radiating extraordinary divine light. After some time, I was able to acclimate my vision to this ineffable light. I wanted to see the face of this divine figure. When our eyes finally met, I was able to see the face—which was none other than that of beloved Master Darshan, appearing in the form of Truth Eternal, Sat Purush. I was exceedingly happy to see him again, and I told him, “So that’s why you suddenly disappeared, Master!” He smiled and said, “Okay, today let me show you my kingdom.”

   He only had to point a finger to show me how all aspects of this region were carried out under his divine command. In his Kingdom, there wasn't the faintest possibility of error or sin. Everything was in perfect harmony and under his perfect control. I was astonished to see all that. Then Master Darshan asked me, “Ask for a boon and it will be granted.” I said, “Master, you have given me everything and I wish for nothing more,” but Master insisted again: “Ask for a boon and it will be granted.”

   I started thinking about what to ask. However, I could not imagine anything else that I needed. Then, I knew what I wanted. I told the Master, “If I could wish for anything, it is you, Master—be with me in this life. And if ever I am to be born again, promise me to be my Master again.”

   Master replied, “So it will be done.” And that was the end of my experience. Gradually I returned to the world and to my normal state of consciousness. When I glanced down at my watch, it was time to go to satsang. Reflecting on the experience that he had granted me, I thanked the Master from the deepest core of my heart. I dressed and left my room to go to the satsang and be again be with the Master in his physical form.”


   Story #6

   “At the time of Master's passing - the evening of the 21st of August - one initiate was sitting in meditation in Delhi. This initiate saw the Master's body in meditation lying down as though it were dead. And he said these powers began coming out of the Master, out the top of His head, and they were in the form of Light. One after the other came out, great powers, each one with different intensity, different luminosity, a different shade coming out of the Master. And he thought that these were the five elements that were leaving the Master's body. But he said that a hundred and twenty powers came out of the Master, and finally He withdrew completely from the body. And on the higher spiritual planes this disciple saw the Master walking towards a great congregation of Saints; and Swami Ji Maharaj, the fourth Master back, came forward to greet the Master and put His hand on His head and said, "What you have done, no one else has accomplished so far. So much work has been achieved through you." And Baba Sawan Singh came from above the Master, and this Great Light was shining out of Sawan Singh, from His feet, from His whole body, and streaming down on to His Beloved Son, Kirpal. Baba Jaimal Singh was there, Guru Nanak was there...all the Saints were there. They had come to greet the Master. Baba Sawan Singh came to Master and He went and touched Master's legs; He said, "You had pain here?" He touched His thighs: "You had pain here?” And He touched His chest and His back and His neck and head: "You had pain here? I gave you so much pain, but you bore it as a gift! You have freed multitudes of souls. So much grace of the Sat Purusha has been achieved through you, as was achieved through none other." And there was a great chorus of acclamation from all the Saints to the Master. And throughout it all Master's Face was very serene and very sober. And all mingled together their rays of Grace and Light in the Master. This was Master's triumphant Homegoing.”


   This was an account of one devotee’s vision, which as a devotee of course I enjoyed reading very much. But for the sake of Truth certain points might be considered. What does a “power” look like? How did he know what he was seeing were powers exiting the Master’s body? It would be nice if someone like Darshan Singh confirmed to him that that was in fact what was happening. No doubt it was a wondrous experience, yet it must be remembered, once again, that visions always or almost always have a subjective component contributed by the recipient’s mind. Secondly, perhaps a side issue, while a sign of great accomplishment siddhis themselves (discussed in Part Four) must never be equated with sagehood, or even of a saint himself. I believe Master Kirpal Singh was very likely not only a SatGuru but also a sage, but the proof is not because of any godlike powers he had. And for this I refer to the following quote from Shri Atmananda:

   “The sage, as he is, is never understood in the phenomenal level. There is an erroneous tendency, found in some yogis who have not reached the highest, to assess the greatness of a Sage only from the extraordinary powers exhibited by him at some time before his death. As a result of this vicious tendency, even Shri Sankara is misrepresented as having bodily ascended to Kailasa and attained sayujya [union] with Shiva. Any sage would protest against such an atrocious scandal. A Jnyanin is one who has transcended both the body and mind. His stand is not merely that he is not the body, but that he never was one, and that he is the absolute Truth itself. As such, it is nothing short of sacrilege to think that a real Sage would choose to demonstrate such physical wonders with a body which was never his and which has never even existed. Much less would he take refuge in Shiva, who was after all nothing but a concept. Such unbaked stories of mere fancy might tickle the ignorant mind. But the learned will only shun them. The bold assertions of Shri Shankara, Shri Vidyarana, Shri Ashtavakra and innumerable other Sages, in their higher works of experience, disprove all such statements.” (Notes on Spiritual Discourses, #185)

   The main point here is that miraculous things do at times happen in and through saints and sages, but are not in themselves, nor do they represent, their highest Truth. Nevertheless, something truly great and mysterious was no doubt manifested through this disciple’s vision. And what else might have been seen leaving the Master’s body. It was almost certainly not demons!]


   Additional Comments

   The reader may query himself on what are to be made of these accounts, based on what was discussed in Part One on the nature of visions, and what was discussed earlier in this section on the nature of progress. He should note that these are personal visions, mediated through each individual’s soul and psyche, and as such not proof of the truth or universality of these experiences, although worth noting and considering, and also likely to be to a degree ‘contaminated’ with the subconscious background, i.e., cultural limitations, metaphysical understanding, emotional expectations, desires, thoughts, beliefs, memories, and so on in any particular case. As Brunton wrote:

   “A mystical interpretation may be shaped to fit almost any scriptural text. Twenty different interpretations may be shaped to fit one and the same text. For the same heightened imaginative faculty which operates during the dream state operates during certain mystical ones. That in the latter case it is conjoined with genuine revelatory insight does not alter the doubtful character of its own contribution…One and the same psychical experience can be interpreted to support ten different religious tenets.” (Paul Brunton, The Notebooks of Paul Brunton (Burdett, New York: Larson Publications, 1987), Vol. 11, Chapter 6.51, 56)

   That is likely one other reason for being discerning and reticent in sharing such stories where the primary filtering nature of individuals is emotion and not reason. They may increase or decrease ones faith as the case may be. But on balance it is probably worth it to have the conversation.

   I will only add two brief experiences that I had shortly after being initiated over fifty years ago to highlight a change in my own perspective. As recounted in the biography in Appendix One, both of these occurred during sleep. In one, I found myself awake inside and sensing as if I was going over a meadow filled with celestial bees. The feeling was warm and loving. A second was the opposite: I awoke inside and felt as if I was about to go down, wherever that was, filled with ghoulish groans and ball and chain sounds and so on. The feeling was dread and fear. Now, obviously the first one I wanted to repeat, the second to avoid. But what did they mean? For a vision fades and becomes a memory, while insight and understanding derived can become relatively lasting. As I see it now, many years later, both experiences were real enough, but the ‘one’ who felt as if ‘he’ was going anywhere was not. "Nobody is born or dies at any time; it is the mind that conceives its birth and death and its migration to other bodies and other worlds,” says the Yoga Vasishta. My interpretation of the experiences was flawed, and even the ability to rightly perceive them was limited, due to spiritual ignorance and immaturity. The point is, having an experience is one thing, seeing it correctly and understanding it is another altogether. My experiences were small ones, but this problem can go all the way up the scale of inner experience.


   A Reminder of Things Of True Importance: from Ryokan and Father Maximos

   “Ryokan [a Zen monk who called himself “Ryokan, the Great Fool”] was one day invited home by his brother. The brother and his wife wanted Ryokan to reprimand their delinquent son. Thus after a long while Ryokan came to see his brother, and stayed there overnight. He, however, did not say a word to reprimand his young nephew, and was about to leave for his mountain the next morning. The nephew was lacing old Ryokan’s straw sandal when he felt a warm wet drop fall on his hand. He looked up in spite of himself, and saw his old uncle Ryokan looking down at hm with tears in his eyes. Ryokan, without uttering a word to his nephew, returned home to his mountain. From that day, however, his nephew changed to being good.” (A Flower Does Not Talk, p. 137-138)


   For over a thousand years the Holy Mountain, as Mt. Athos is known, has been an island center of prayer and meditation for a serious couple of thousand monks living in isolated monasteries and primitive retreats. Rough roads, no cars or phones ensure isolation.

   “Father Maximos told us another story in his usual casual manner:

   “During the first year I was a monk on Mount Athos, there was some kind of a misunderstanding between a young hieromonk and his elder. The young hieromonk was very upset because he heard a rumor that his elder was planning to change his work schedule. Being young and inexperienced he started bad-mouthing his elder. The rest of us, naive and younger than he was, would not waste a moment. We went straight to the elder and reported him. The elder’s reaction was ‘I’ll take care of him during vespers. I will make him feel so much shame he won’t know where to go and hide his face from the rest of us.’ We thought he was really going to reprimand him.”

   “I remember it was Saturday before vespers. The elder walked down the steps from his cell, which was on the second floor, and called for this hieromonk. ‘Come to the sanctuary. I want to talk to you,’ he said to him somberly. ‘Holy Mother of God, the rest of us murmured among ourselves. ‘Alas to him.’ The elder was going to take care of him right inside of the sanctuary. All of us were tense, waiting for the developments. We expected to hear raised voices and reprimands as the elder scolded him. I happened to be inside the sanctuary helping with the service as I had just been made a deacon. And what do you think I witnessed? As they entered the sanctuary, the sixty-five-year-old elder fell on his knees in front of the twenty-five-year-old monk, kissed his feet, and asked for forgiveness. ‘I am sorry, my brother,’ he said to the young monk, ‘I must have done something to cause you grief. Please forgive me.’ The other of course was shattered and began sobbing while asking forgiveness from the elder. By the grace of God, tranquility was restored in the monastery and a valuable lesson was offered to all of us.”

   “Father Maximos paused in reminiscence. “You know there was more to this story. On Monday I visited Elder Ephraim [another charismatic elder and spiritual guide to Father Maximos] at Latounakia. His hermitage was hours away from our monastery. The moment he saw me he became inquisitive. ‘What happened on Saturday night at the monastery?’ he asked me. ‘What do you mean?’ I replied, pretending I had no idea. ‘During my prayers,’ he explained, ‘I saw an angel putting a golden wreath over the head of your elder. Something must have happened.’” (Kyriakos Markides, Streams in the Desert, p. 73-74)


   Moving Towards an Emergent Global Spirituality

   One thing is certain: Masters - and students - can no longer be bound by creeds, dogma, and solidified interpretations of scriptures. Those days are receding fast. The tendency to take ancient books as immutable, eternal law for areas of the human heart that we haven't yet fully understood, and where we need an honest guide, does not meet the needs of modern man. To hold to the words of any man, no matter how holy, as eternally sacrosanct is to limit God's ever-fresh guidance of humanity. And it is often to return ourselves to an ignorance that those words have already delivered us from. They were worthy in their time, and served their purpose. They may still be of value, but the extent value needs to come under scrutiny and not be merely believed. And it is obvious by and large that the gurus have been changing and adapting their advice as the confrontation of East and West follows its natural course. This is but inevitable, for the karmas of westerners have been to some extent quite different than those of easterners. In the West we have signed on for incarnation and self-actualization, while in the East the disposition has been to dismiss or sublimate the self into a greater whole or higher reality. These differences have been significant. Due to globalism in some areas this is changing, and therefore the teachings themselves will not and can not remain exactly the same. The old ways, as is, are thus increasingly not suitable for the mind and psyche of modern man. The 'horizontal' dimensions of soul-growth are also being recognized as legitimate in their own right alongside the 'vertical'. Spirit and Matter (the 'flesh') are seen as not so opposed anymore. Kirpal used to repeat a favorite slogan of his (with a chuckle more often than not), "chastity is live and sexuality is death". My young friends and I believed this when first stepping foot on the path - as far as the pursuit of internal yoga was concerned - but privately joked among ourselves, "sexuality is life and chastity is death!", thus in my opinion not so much flaunting ancient wisdom, but intuitively sensing even back then for the need of a more integrated, less obsessive and more whole-bodily loving angle of vision.

   This was actually the more ancient Vedic view, before religion and yoga divided life into a battleground for the spiritual warrior. Interestingly, one can follow the progression of perspectives on sex and relationships among succeeding gurus. Whereas two Masters back, we heard, "I don't like divorce," "I had my own room you see" (with laughter), "have one or two children and then live as brother and sister," while one Master back the advise was, "try to work it out as best you can," "don't sleep with her before marriage" (!), "have sex once or twice a month," but also finally, "I am old-fashioned." And currently, a Master who has lived most of his adult life in the West, has argued with some awkwardness, in reply to opinions about love-making, "well, these are ancient teachings," but also, "if the relationship is unworkable it is better to separate." Some may see in these statements only a sign of the moral degeneration of the age. More and more, however, we see that people are being left to themselves to come to sane terms and self-understanding in these areas. A rejection of a certain moral rigidness and a recognition of the difficult and creative ordeal that an integral spirituality that values incarnation is seems to have filtered down to Sant Mat at the top levels. And this necessary relativity must be reflected in the self-introspection of the devotees. For instance, I have met many initiates whom I had not seen for twenty, thirty, or even forty years. Among these are some who were the most devoted then, and still are. One even had asked the Master for "love and devotion" - in that most important moment when they were asked by Him what it was that they wanted. Yet they now tell me they have been married three or four times, have five or six kids with different wives, and so on. So, besides being relieved at my own tendency towards 'mea culpa, mea culpa' (!), this tells us not so much that sin has increased, but that the body-mind and personal shadow side has asked for its due respect, and the attempt or disposition to merely fly out of it into the light has invoked its opposite response, calling for real transformation and transmutation. This is another huge topic.

   On the other hand, there was a dear soul who I met several years back, last seen forty years ago. He was a bit rigid then, and now, at eighty-five, the first thing he said to me was,"do you keep a diary? You know, St. Francis of Assisi said everyone must keep diary." - A diary?! What did he know of my long struggles, and how could that information be of any use? Hearing that made my heart bleed for him, to see one so stuck, after decades concerned with purity and correct behavior, and worried about 'getting there', while missing out on the always available grace that is freely given, the awareness that sets us free. Wake up, my friend, accept you are loved and the One who loves you.

   There may be said to be two basic attitudes towards right conduct, with the first divided into three grades. In the first category, one first may be considered a 'slave of God' where he supplicates and obeys the rules and commandments of a Deity or deity-figure out of fear of punishment or damnation; this generally applies to 'scare tactics' traditionally used by religions for the sake of the common people to lead them away from sin; at a higher stage, but still childish, one is an 'employee of God', and obeys in hope or a heavenly reward; finally, the third and higher grade is that of the 'lover of God', who lives the commandments not out of fear or hope of reward, but out of pure reverence and love. The second type of attitude, which could be said to have been introduced and articulated as such by the Buddha - although that also spawned a host of rules and regulations - is to learn and apply in ones own experience that which leads towards freedom from suffering. How, on this more bhakti oriented path, can one love a Master if one is not free to experience in his own body-mind what works and what doesn't work, and, importantly, to find out that one is loved no matter the path one's learning process may take? How can one, furthermore, ever be truly 'self' realized if he is not free enough to test/express his own judgement, understanding, and also creativity? For will real freedom ever happen otherwise?

   What can a Master do? Many things. He can give an initiatory boost to the disciple. He can send his own life-impulses to him from time to time. He can also be an unerring guide and agency of grace for the soul on the inner planes as it moves towards its source. He may also, as Swami Rama would say, 'place a comma in your karmas', i.e., in his mercy altering certain life events in one's favor, taking the results on his own body, and, in this path, the promise is that the entire sanchit reserve karmic account is 'handed over' from Dharam Raj, or the 'Lord of Death' (or Karma) to the Master-Power, for distribution and custody, here and hereafter until one is liberated. A tall order and a great boon - and in dark moments when this very karma is in the process of being compressed and liquidated, often unappreciated, forgotten, or disbelieved. A Master may also be the agent to give liberation to ripe souls.

   What, however, can a Master not do? To a true devotee, perhaps nothing. But perhaps more realistically, this has a direct bearing on one's attitudes and preconceptions about the path and how it works. A true devotee will see nothing that his Master cannot do, being the Lord of the Universe for him, omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipresent, but we may safely say that a Master generally can not instantly make or teach one to become intelligent - although that I have temporarily seen happen, in the case of a retarded boy in Kirpal's company, and there are also historical examples of such instant transformations, such as Russian mystic Theophane the Recluse, who as a child was so dense he could not understand anything, and he prayed to God so as not to disappointment his parents, and in an instant was granted reasoning and discriminatory powers beyond his years and development. But in most cases this does not happen. The Master does not grant us immediate evolution. He can not instantly integrate the disciple's physical consciousness with that of all of the higher planes, or vice versa, the fruit of a process of relative wisdom that even many Masters have not fully achieved. He can help the disciple in this, but not so much by words, unless the entire teaching is modified to reflect a mature bias away from exclusive 'ascent' to that of a more tantric and non-dual transformation, in keeping with the times. Yet few among the multitudes of initiates have signed onto or want this, so any Master is restricted in modifying the teaching, no matter how great he is. Hopefully this will gradually change. But a few words on a sampling of silly statements that the Masters have made that no doubt plague some initiates. Bear in mind that there is no doubt here of the divine grace working in and behind these Masters, but in their human personalities they have said things that have raise some eyebrows on the discerning. This relates to the need for the individual to develop intelligence, dare to question, and not stifle doubts.

   Let it be said that being graced with glimpses of the realization there is nothing to seek, nowhere to go, no separation, and the struggle is over, is the very way that the eternal re-sounding Harmony will manifest with clarion tones, penetrating to the depths of the Soul while alive and present in this very earthly body. Kirpal tried hard to bring us to this point. This is what is meant by the human form being the place where God-realization is to be attained. If that were only achieved by leaving the body, why would we need to come here? We were already out of the body. And, similarly, if this - matter - is considered only an illusion, and all seen subjectively as within us, instead of objectively as 'out there', then why the concern about abandoning it? In this way evolution is fulfilled, for in truth we did not fall, or rather, saying that we are a fallen soul is only one way of looking at it. Some will say that there is no need for a path, because there is only God and we are already there. Yet, the world and the body persist, and there is a purpose behind it all. We say that the key is to view things subjectively, while acting in an objective world. Then we own it, and then we grow. Truth IS here and now, but still we 'climb the mountain - of understanding, through life's ups and downs.

   Kirpal had a very difficult time keeping a straight face with his many old-fashioned 'scare story' comments. For instance, he would quote Kabir as saying, "O man, having gained the man body, this is your last chance or you will fall all the way down." What - is there evolution, or isn't there? If there is, and evolution is so intelligent, bringing one to the point of having a man body, why should one fear falling 'all the way down'? Impossible! The human soul has been man for a long, long time, and is not going all the way down. Theosophy says so, Sri Aurobindo said so, esoteric Christianity says so. And if there was no evolution, for that matter, how could one - as an animal no less - accrue the rare and noble karma necessary to gain a man body? Kirpal also liked to say, with a chuckle and a smile on his face, "we have to make the right use of the man-body, and that is - to get out of it!" Has anybody else ever thought there was something unusual about this kind of statement? Another one, repeated by Sant Darshan Singh, is, "the soul is trapped in the womb where the bones are formed under intense heat and pressure, and it pledges that if it ever gets out of that agony it will remain devoted to God all of its life." But then, said Kirpal, "the soul comes from its prenatal home in heaven, and is sustained in the womb by the holy light and sound, and cries when it is born because it knows it is cut off from it." Which is it then: was the womb-life heaven, or hell? See the problem with blind acceptance? It just can not be honestly done. We are not, to be clear, saying that the Masters often do not have very good reasons for saying what they say at one time or another, only that to ignore that there are contradictions in the spoken or written teachings is to be naive.

   Now we have, for example, a wealth of Life-Between-Life (LBL) and Near-Death Experience (NDE) accounts, as well as extensive prenatal research, that contradict both of these stories. Nor has death been found to be universally painful and agonizing, as the ancient Koranic and Puranic accounts have scared millions with: "Like a thousand scorpions striking all at once," or "like pushing a thorny bush into the rectum and extracting it through the mouth."

   You see, the Master, in his love, and perhaps a smidgeon of lingering doctrinal loyalty, often spoke with 'forked tongue'. he used a double-technique of both scaring us with punishment while attracting us to the joys of following the dharma. He also often answered questions with two messages: one for the mind, often making little sense, thus short-circuiting the mind; and a second message with a deeper meaning specifically for the soul of the recipient. He had a field day with this teaching! How he wanted us to 'let go and let God', but how he also let us 'keep trying', no matter how painful, if we were not yet ready or capable of accepting that. And we bought it all, even if we were still confused. But this is no longer necessary. Those days are gone. The world is waking up, and we must do likewise. Truth is always better. He really did end an age, as many have come to feel. It is time to speak more plainly, so far as that is possible. And this is necessary because never before have all of the world's teaching been readily available to the masses, and their conflicting arguments beg for a resolution. This will happen with time. Just as all true desires must one day be fulfilled, so must true questions be answered. Even if those lie at the end of the mind's tether.

   Yet, "God teaches not by words, but by pains and contradiction," echoes Jean-Pierre deCaussade. Not only in life, but especially in the form of a Master, one is entering a force-field that will work to eradicate all that works to defend and justify itself. We, of course, are talking about the ego, the 'liar from the very beginning' - but which is also part of the divine plan. So a Master will automatically be a vehicle for work that plan, whether or not he is skillful or brilliant in teaching. And this work may happen through odd behavior of the Guru. One may not be able at times to tell if he is really stupid, or just acting so! So this must be understood. Your heart, if it is sincere, will feel the difference. It is often a delicate matter, for the Guru is not a therapist. We want to feel supported? - Support what - that which must be surrendered? Finally one comes to this point. First the courtship, then the fire, is often the process.

   One important consideration is that of new initiates being told to take their time studying the teaching until they are satisfied that this is right before committing themselves. That is all well and good, but, truly speaking, real understanding of the fine points of any teaching, in itself, its comparative relationship to other teachings, as well as its specific personal relevance to you, is not a task of a few weeks or months, but of many, many years - if one actually makes such an investigation. In this day of instant worldwide access to all the spiritual writings of mankind, which previously were provincial and separated, it is becoming clear that in spite of many attempts to conclude that 'all traditions and masters say the same thing', that in fact this is not true, and though there be similarities in some essentials, there are many conflicting arguments and differences of perspective - even regarding the same phenomena. Therefore, it is not surprising, and rather to be expected, that a person's initial understanding will pass through different stages, and subsequent opinions, beliefs and inner needs may change. A true teaching should have room for this process and not insist on blind fidelity to all statutes through an initial decision made in relative ignorance, with the disciple feeling he may lose his place in the fold, or his sacred relationship with his Master, if his innate intelligence develops in this direction. This is not a problem unique to Sant Mat, but it is often overlooked by both teachers and disciples. Yet it should be welcomed, in our opinion, for disciples to freely seek out or explore other teachers, or books, for instruction - many are already doing it anyway - not as change of allegiance from their root-Guru, but to round out their understanding and development. Pythagoras in his Egyptian studies visited every man known for his wisdom. It has long been a practice for Tibetan masters, after a time, to send their disciples to other teachers or masters for just such a purpose. It was recognized that often it took an 'ecclesiastical' assembly of wisdom sources to get the job done. It is no shame for a Master to be fully competent in one dimension of spiritually, but lack a relative skill of teaching, which is not an automatic acquisition of realization, but the fruit of a lengthy cultivation along certain lines. No one need be placed under the stigma of having it said that 'his soul has become an adulterer,' because he has sought out instruction in areas not available to him through his chosen Master. As one friend of mine, now a teacher, has advised, 'dare to grasp the means of your own liberation'. If you have doubts, do not sit on them for years, but seek out answers. Absorb wisdom wherever you can find it. Have faith in yourself. One beloved devotee who went to many teachers for years, including Papaji, and studied advaita, after an accidental death was said by Rajinder Singh to have gone straight to Sach Khand because of his strong attachment to Kirpal.

   Truth, being infinite, is manifest in many forms, channels, places, and times, and to different types and different levels of development of students. A certain amount of independence is needed to become spiritual adults, capable of reconciling many apparently contradictory teachings, and placing them in a mosaic of truth rather than trying to pigeonhole or redact them into fundamentalist Sant Mat, or 'our teaching is higher than yours', before one really knows that. If one is satisfied with his devotional path, that is certainly fine, and perhaps enough for him even for a lifetime, but if he further ventures to preach that his is the only way, he had first better exercise his discriminative mind to the fullest, before making such a claim - if even then.

   Sri Nisargadatta: "you have thought your way into bondage and you have to think your way out of it."

   Jagat Singh: "90% of spirituality is right thinking."

   Ramana Maharshi: "The delusion that has come by wrong thinking will go by correct thinking."

   And further, ”Evil comes from a failure to think,” said Hannah Arendt. Might not we substitute “Kal” for “Evil” here? This would seem to some to be a 180 degree turn from the usual yogic saying that thinking is evil, or unspiritual, or that “the mind is the slayer of the real.” We are not talking about the time in meditation. But, for the rest of the hours of the day, we suggest that “Kal” loves it when people do not use their God-given brains to think and to think penetratingly.As mentioned previously, Swami Nikhilinanda went so far as to say that some men would rather die than think. Those are strong words.

   Must be something to it.

   In sum, the attitude, as seen on a bumper sticker, "Jesus said it; I believe it; that settles it," just will not do for most people anymore. Kirpal himself allowed for this freedom. In a talk in 1955 he said:

   "There should be an awakening all around. We have become just like prisoners, you see, kept in the strongholds of social bodies, never to think the other way, never to see the faces of others. But we say, "Oh, we are all for the Truth." What you get from one is all right, but you are not debarred from going to anybody else. See what he is. If he gives you something more, all right, you go. My Master used to say, "You go there and tell me; I will also go." You see, man must be open to conviction."

   Another fact that should have become obvious years ago: it is far past the time for initiates of any path to casually believe that they or their Masters have a monopoly on Truth. Not only is judgement and cultic opinion between Sant Mat branches unloving and inappropriate, but the holding of an attitude of superiority or even certainty, within Sant Mat in relationship to other legitimate paths, is, not only a display of ignorance, but not reflective of the Unity that is the need and message of the time. And Masters who play into this by using excessive platitudes, cliches, and rigid adherence to quotes from past Masters, instead of speaking from the human heart, with understanding, knowledge, and humility, are doing a disservice to those under their charge. Especially when many fear speaking their truth, for fear of being labelled 'disloyal', or servants of 'Kal'. Are we being too harsh in saying this? Are we risking injuring the faith of many for whom the simple teachings of a master are the food they can assimilate at the moment? That is a possibility duly considered, and no doubt the masters have a tough job - made all the tougher by the current Teacher-student model of this path - but if it were not for the suffering of many souls over what is but unnecessary obfuscation at this late date in human time, we would not be offering suggestions or opinions - thoughts which are already in the minds and hearts of all too great a number of initiates. One honest and outspoken Sant Mat master, who was derided as an 'agent of Kal' by those clinging to their prejudices, decades ago openly said:

   "Many masters are now alive and working to prepare the ground for the spiritual revolution in progress around the world. Master Kirpal said over and over again that a new age was coming and that many masters would be at work to focus light on the earth plane."

   "Not only are there many masters but many unique avenues that souls now travel to gain new spiritual insights, new shifts in conscious experience, that have nothing to do with the masters' path directly as we perceive it. God works with every hand and every conceivable personality type in its own way."

   "We are the generation affected by the collective consciousness of mankind as it evolves towards God's intended awakening potential. It is simply time - Kirpal did not invent the time, God set the time, and Kirpal was one of the important instruments. We move very near the edge of the universal shift in human consciousness. Satsangis do not have any corner on the market of changing consciousness. God awakens whom he pleases, He awakens when and where it pleases him to do so. Look around, he is at work everywhere.”

   And furthermore:

   "Once initiated no one needs to look for the physical master anywhere on the earth. Instead, when living profoundly centered in undemanding love for all the Master will automatically appear in your heart, in your home, in your play, and in your joy without ever asking...We only search again for the physical form to avoid serving Him in the troublesome student, the irritated boss, the tired wife, the crying child, the ugly fat man, the lonely widow, the junky on the corner, and the impolite sales clerk in the store. How long can we avoid serving Him and still vainly hope to find Him?"

   "Masters do not say, "study me" - they say "man know thyself." No master can enlighten you or me - they give the tools to be sure, they give direction to be sure, but we must do the work to be sure. The whole of Reality must be plumbed within ourselves."

   The latter statement has two half-truths in it: one, it is surely good to also 'study the Master', as it is good to study the lives of the saints and sages, so long as one stays balanced and does not aspire to be just a clone or copy of them, instead of being one's unique human and divine Identity. And two, a Master can certainly be an agent of ultimate enlightening grace to the ripe soul, that is, the soul who is ready to receive this great gift.

   In The Night is a Jungle, Kirpal wrote:

   "Unless a student opens his own consciousness, the teacher can impart nothing. He can only direct, counsel and define. But understanding cannot be imparted. That must come from within, and through self-development. Of course, he gives you some experience of how to know yourself, how to analyze yourself from the body. You have to start with that, no doubt. But working that way, in accordance with the guidance and help given by the master, you will one day come to realize that reality is within you." (21)

   And today all sources are proclaiming, within, without, above, below - and as you.

   "My me is God, nor do I know my selfhood except in God," wrote St. Catherine of Genoa. This is the degree of intimacy we eventually must realize, and cease projecting outside in dependency on an 'other'. Yet even as we struggle to understand, "God or Guru never forsakes those who surrender themselves," proclaimed Ramana; "If you remember Him, He remembers you," said Kirpal; and "to those who think of me near, I am near," promised Yogananda. All true Masters concur on this point. Even more, God remembers even if you do not, being the only Faithful and True One there Is.

   A related issue is that some initiates may have or develop more of a bias towards jnana than bhakti, which should not be a stumbling block on the path. Many initiates have and realize a profound connection with Kirpal, but after many years only moderate resonance with the totality of current practices, life conditions, or even philosophical approach of the teaching. That, too, is a problem, and why we boldly tender the suggestion that one be open to think of Kirpal, for instance, as much more than he was in his past incarnation. Because he is, and what was expressed in that life is not all he has done, is doing, or represents spiritually on this planet. And he fully supports an interest in any authentic practice and perspective that helps or works for his initiate. That is our own intuition and belief, which of course all need not share. The key thing is to have faith and trust in Him as supportive of one's essential Being, and faith in one's Self. Believe that it is simple, and already accomplished, although its confirmation in time be complex. The Master dwells in the innermost heart-centre of His devotee, as the devotee dwells in Him.

   Our opinion is that a modern, mature, balanced, integral path (of which there are very few) must include a profound understanding of each individual, and craft the path to match the specific needs of each person. Obviously this is very difficult in a large movement, leaving much responsibility on the individual's plate. In such a path, nevertheless, spiritual practices and qualities are seen as antidotes to imbalances and issues, and need to be applied in a skillful way. For instance, in the case of many people where there is already an imbalance towards excessively critical self-evaluation, then suggesting something like a regimented, simplistic diary form is not only not ideal, but may be counter-productive. It can exaggerate self-judgment. So qualities need to be in balance, and discrimination/judgment/conscience/evaluation need to be balanced with acceptance, patience, understanding and compassion. Balance of these is key, and a path that does not understand this has inherent limitations. There will be those who thrive, those who suffer, and those with mixed results. A path has many facets. The beauty of Sant Mat is that the Grace of the Master is a profound thing, and the essential spiritual practices are powerful for those whom they work for. But the practices, especially auxiliary practices, many are finding not universally accessible - no practices are - so there is an additional although not insurmountable problem there. With all due respect, forgive me for saying this, but I feel I must. Personally I am embarrassed by the extant diary form used in one lineage that has been discussed. The original intention behind it was good, but a lot has changed in human consciousness since then and a one-size-fits-all approach to self-realization does not work. After fifty years, something new is long overdue. It makes me uneasy, like someone in a Catholic school, or perhaps a Moonie selling flowers for a cause, in the sense that, who could I introduce to this path showing them such a piece of paper they must fill out? It seems evident that few serious, discriminating seekers, in the West at least, will buy this sort of thing anymore. Or more to the point, that it will not serve them anymore. So this is a problem, and needs an upgrade, in my humble opinion. But, who am I to say these things? Nobody in particular. Perhaps I have no right, and mean no disrespect for the Masters. I have never felt more love or closer to Kirpal Singh than I do today. If he hadn't called me a 'new man' and told me to 'go tell everyone I was a new man', I would still be sitting in my room and keeping quiet. But I am apparently incapable of doing that, and this is how I feel, nor am I alone. The question is, does any of this resonate with the reader? We sense it does.

   All paths thus have strengths and weaknesses. But the bottom line at some point, it seems, comes down to this:

   “If a man is to remain forever the mere appendage of another man, if his mind is to echo back only that other man's idea, the question arises: When will he come to himself, his Atma? For is this not the final purpose or our life here?" - Paul Brunton

   Something to ponder.


   Optional Considerations Regarding Diet and Ethics

   The following are not recommendations but solely my own feelings and observations, and the reader is free to accept or reject them.

   Once I was taken up to Kirpal Singh's bedroom to see him before my departure to the States. One small thing I noticed, which may be of interest only for those on this particular path, and for whom, after all these years, it may still seem like a big deal. There was a bottle of fish oil on his night stand. Being vegetarians I mentioned that to his longtime friend Gyaniji and he said, "yes, I know, but it is very good for health." I didn't pursue the conversation further. My being allowed to see this was something that I remembered over the years and have pondered over how much intuition I should use on such health matters. It is possible that perhaps someone left it there and Kirpal did not use it. This of course I do not know. He did not seem to be very directive with his disciples, even to the point of permitting a loud, blaring TV to be on in the room next door where he would give morning satsangs. Ramana Maharshi was accused of being like this, too, even to the point of getting sick eating ganja (a variety of cannabis sativa) given to him by a devotee on one occasion. So I did not know the true meaning or significance of what I was allowed to witness there. But Kirpal was a great master, and if he did want to take fish oil, who am I to question it? For some initiates of Sant Mat this tale of the fish oil have seemed incredulous, but to many practitioners on other paths, as well as myself, it is nothing much at all. One satsangi who read this article said he didn't believe this story one bit (!), which, with all due respect, to me reflects an all too prevalent state of cultic paranoia. All I can say is, it was true, but is really not a big deal for anyone but me at the time, nor is it a big deal now. I didn't take it as a sign to become a non-vegetarian, but, at the very least it made me much less righteous in my judgement of those who are. Through the years I have observed the attitude and behavior of other masters on this issue. Sri Ramakrishna ate meat. His disciple Brahmananda loved to fish. Some satsangis say that proves they were agents of Kal. The Dalai Lama, while quoting sutras on the Buddha teaching vegetarianism, didn't become one himself until 1965, when he was already thirty years old. Ishwar Puri took credit for his conversion. May be. In any case, this suggests to me that it is hard to live on vegetables in cold Tibet! Dr. Sharma, successor to Baba Faqir Chand, said he was o.k. with eggs. Many years of study by various authorities whose opinions I respect argue there are some people who need small amounts of animal protein in their diet to be in optimal health. This may depend on many factors, exercise included. Of course, they only speak in regards to physical and mental, not necessarily spiritual health, although the three are not so inseparable as they were considered to be in the past. My personal opinion on this, which is highly subject to error, is that the time for strict rules from 'on high' are over, as in any case it seems that more and more decent people are coming around to a sane and ethical dietary and general moral regimen of their own accord.

   The following is just an observation, and not a recommendation, nor is it an endorsement, or castigation, of any particular guru. But a typical question about diet that sometimes comes up is one that was asked of Kirpal Singh fifty years ago, “Well, what about the Eskimos? They can’t be vegetarians.” His reply, obviously directed to the one he was dealing with, was something like, “What do you care about the Eskimos? Are you their advocate? Take care of yourself, please.” Many will argue (as I was once inclined to do) that any and all pleas of people whose doctors say they need animal products for their health are bogus. And in some cases they have been. But are we always so sure? Much information has come to us in recent years that at the very least casts some doubt on that presumption, while of course there are those equally committed with evidence for the opposite side. At any rate, there is a story in Russell Perkin’s book The Ajaib Years that was meaningful for me. This is not ancient history, and I assume there was something unusual about this case. It appears there was a man who wanted initiation from Ajaib Singh whose doctors insisted that due to certain medical conditions he absolutely could not survive on anything but meat. Russell told him he would have to ask Ajaib about this, as being a vegetarian was a condition for initiation.. After hearing Russell’s account, Ajaib was quiet for a while, and then said, “What can we do? It seems he has to have it. Tell him to come for initiation.” This story struck me, no more and no less, as a reasonable, human, and heartfelt response - a Sant Mat "2.0" attitude. That is to say, whether factually accurate or not, whether the guru "knew everything" or not, to find in this story evidence for labelling someone as being influenced by "Kal" feels at the very least divisive, presumptuous, silly, if not boring.

   I still am inclined emotionally and ethically towards the Sant Mat position of vegetarianism, for several reasons (compassion, karma, health, ecology), but, however, simply no longer feel the right to judge anyone (including myself) for their choices. As Kirpal once remarked, "to hurt someone's feelings because they eat meat is worse than eating meat itself," and, "more important than what goes into your mouth is what comes out of it." This is very similar to Matthew 15:11 in the Gospel:

   "What goes into someone's mouth does not defile them, but what comes out of their mouth, that is what defiles them."

    Bodies are also very different, and I do not harbor as dogmatic of a position as I used to on this part of the teaching. If someone wants to eat eggs, it is not for me to cast blame. It does seem to me that unfertilized eggs, if available, would be less karmic than fertilized, although I know both are still taboo on this path, as well as in traditional yogic teachings of the past where eggs are considered as creating 'heat' in the body, inflaming passions, containing the germ of higher life, and so on. Certainly, paying double for eggs from pasture-raised chickens is a healthier and more humane practice than buying caged and corn-fed eggs. And if we want to carry this further, however, what about buying a leather coat, belt, gloves, or shoes? We can live without leather, can't we? Cowhides are not taken primarily from dead cows off the streets of Calcutta - for which there would be no karma, and perhaps there might even be a blessing - but stripped off still-living cows, after taking a gun-bolt to the head and hung upside-down to be blood-drained kosher style, in a factory-farm slaughter house, before being shipped off directly to a tannery. How much karma is accrued from being complicit in this slaughter by buying such leather goods - not to forget buying an Accord "EX" model with the leather upholstery? Seems to me a lot more than eating a few unfertilized eggs! The only difference one could make is the physical effect on one's cellular structure by putting something into the body. But that is rather slight karma by comparison, isn't it? And what of taking the many required doses of (unproven) vaccines? - most of them are made from diseased animal organs (cows, sheep, monkeys,humans, pigs), so that, too, contradicts the rule against animal products. If one protests and says that this is for medicine so it is O.K., well then, one may well ask, is not taking fish oil pills for health medicine, too? - and without toxic side effects of pharmaceuticals. So where do we draw the line? This turns out to be not so simple a moral issue. My personal feeling is that people need to make up their own minds about these things without too much rigidity or righteousness.

   But this is for the world as a whole. As initiates we are called to uphold values on the frontline of human evolution. Are we to revert to the diet of cavemen or primitive hunter-gatherers, because of the arguments of those who advocate the ‘paleo’ diet as being our truest genetically inheritance? I shudder at what such a modern world would look like! Was our remotest past not more like a Garden of Eden than that of the cave? Some have even scientifically have argued as such, saying that the paleo people do not go back far enough, that in fact the first few million years of our primate evolution had us eating much like that of the great apes, with a diet of fruit, shoots and greens - not meat.

   The following gives an esoteric argument which may settle the fertile-unfertile egg issue for some people. This regards the experiments of Cleve Backster, (excerpted from an article in the East-West Journal, April 1973), the man who first hooked up a plant to a galvanometer and observed that the readings he took corresponded to his own thoughts about the plant:

   "Acting on a whim, he [Backster] hooked up an egg to the polygraph. After an hour recording time, Backster was examining a graph of what seemed to be a heartbeat of an embryo chick, three to four days old, the cycles indicating a 170 beat/minute frequency.

   This egg, though, was non-incubated, unfertilized, fresh from the grocer. Microscopic analysis revealed no physical or circulatory structure which should account for the pulsatlions.

   'Is there,' Backster wonders, 'an "energy form blueprint" providing a rhythm and pattern about which matter coalesces to form organic structures - a force field that [Western] technology hasn’t known to exist? Does the "idea" of an organism precede its material development? Perhaps this is evidence for what the Bible and Plato say:

   In the beginning was the Logos - the structuring principle or thought form of the entity to be.' " (25)

   In spite of this indication of archtypal intelligence for 'chickenness' detectable in unfertile eggs, the issue of killing is still rather mute. There is no conception, so no possibility of any soul there. One may be eating something of denser vibration, with some affect, but no conscious entity is killed. So that should be recognized. The karma is likely negligable. But the question of obedience to the Guru is raised and one each person must answer to in his heart. And the question of eating 'lower vibration' food is also there. But it is surely worth considering whether it might be better supporting these farmers than the unclean and inhumane factory-farm operations, if only as an intermediate step towards the greater good of less cruelty. That is, the ethics of supporting small, family farmers who raise pastured eggs (chickens raised on pasture, not in cramped cages, and eating only grass and what they find there), for instance, may be a practical way for us to stop the much greater evil of corporate commercial egg production. There is, however, no way to get around the fact that commercial egg production at present results in the male chicks being slaughtered, with only the females preserved exclusively to pump out eggs constantly until exhaustion, in much the same manner as dairy cows are used to pump out milk nonstop, with their calves talked from them and the males slaughtered.

   A new piece of information has come to light, however, which is the proposal to do "in-ovo" culling of potential male embryos, rather than letting them grow to maturity and hatch, where there is then much more suffering involved. I asked a leading pastured egg firm, Vital Farms, about this problem and this wads there response. In my opinion in the big picture it is worth supporting:

   "Our farmers don’t raise their own birds, instead they purchase their pullets (teenage hens) from suppliers with the highest standards of animal welfare. But the culling of male chicks is an issue in the egg industry that we are well aware of. We have recently gotten word about a global initiative, led by Unilever, saying that they are committed to funding research that would bring in-ovo sexing to the egg industry, and Vital Farms is doing everything we can to help with this endeavor. Our chief eggsecutive officer recently spoke with the folks at Unilever and told them we were willing to pay twice the price that we currently pay for our chicks, to help fund research. This in-ovo sexing could potentially eliminate the culling of male chicks, and we are very hopeful. We will continue to share on our social media outlets when there are any updates. The truth is that it is not economically viable to breed our own hens, and raise the roosters as well. The feed that we need to provide them is one of the most significant expenses, one which is offset by the revenue from the eggs. Take away that revenue (roosters cannot lay eggs) and it can quickly become very expensive, in addition to all the extra land that our farmers would need to keep these extra chickens on. Bear in mind that most of our producers are small, family-owned farms who make an honest, but not lucrative living from this ethical and humane method of farming. They would simply not be able to do that if they had to raise roosters. I hope that clears things up for you. Please let me know if you have any more questions or concerns regarding our eggs, sincerely, xxxxxxxx"

   Another issue sometimes raised is that, if one conceives the spiritual goal not as one of exclusive yogic ascent to higher planes, but also of the integrating and grounding of those realizations in this plane, then the argument of being exclusively vegetarian for the 'higher vibrations' in such foods comes under scrutiny. It is evident to me after forty years of observations in the therapeutic and healthcare communities that some people have had serious problems with a strict vegetarian diet long-term, in terms of obesity, blood sugar, various diseases and ailments, not the least of which are mood disorders in a highly stressful society, and do better with consumption of small amounts of animal products. It may be argued that many of these people adopted a poor version of a healthy vegetarian diet, and that may be so in some cases. An argument goes that some people may already be too 'light' in vibration, and unbalanced, and thus need such foods, so far as their current physical evolution is concerned; and there may also be a genetic requirement. If so this does not seem to me to be an admission of the legitimizing of animal suffering for our (humans) sake, but rather one of valuing the human body and its health for spiritual purposes. This need not demand a large investment in such foods. A primary practical ethical goal of eliminating large, cruel, factory farming operations by supporting the small family farmers is something to consider as perhaps more viable than holding out for total vegetarian purity, at least for now.

   Some Masters have put forth an additional argument that - while rejecting fertile eggs because of their potential for life - unfertile eggs are lifeless or sterile, barren of fecundity, and even 'putrid matter of no consequence', and on this basis to be avoided. With all due respect to the Masters who spoke like this a century or more ago, this is contradicted not only by the above reference to galvanometric studies, but also current health research. What is the benefit of invoking a category of 'sterility'? A head of uncooked broccoli placed in the ground will not grow, rather it will decompose; therefore, it is sterile. [It does have live enzymes in it, as do all raw foods, but it is definitely sterile]. Cooked grains will not grow, so they, too, are sterile. Pasteurized milk is dead and denatured, a health hazard and a far cry from raw milk which has health benefits, especially in cultured form such as yogurt of cheese. Technically, however, it is sterile. Eggs may be sterile but they do have life, are not a waste product, and contain valuable nutrients. Some health experts in fact consider it the perfect food. The cholesterol scare is mostly just a complete hype, like so much other junk 'science', funded by industry, but it is too large an issue to get into here.

   The argument often raised about eggs, etc., raising passions, is, of course,  the standard old yogic message about creating 'heat' in the body. No doubt it has an effect, particularly in those who eat grossly, i.e.,  egg-McMuffins, bacon and eggs for breakfast, burger for lunch, steak for dinner, and so on, who are toxic, and perhaps also especially toxic from repetitive lustful thoughts and entertainment. But, once again, a few pasture-raised egg will not do much to make a spiritually inclined person lustful. Maybe it is the quantity of food pressing on the lower bodily organs which stimulates those drives! And perhaps more for young people. Older questers  have by and large had lust burnt out of them by now, if any kind of real sadhana has been done at all. And, with all of our limitations, keeping body and mind sound is more important at this stage than living up to a standard of righteousness to the 'nth' degree, again in my opinion. Some people for the sake of their mental and physical well-being and overall equanimity may need a diet with currently unacceptable items.

     But, we also have to remember that the yogis put garlic and onions in that unsattvic category, too. And personally, I have never found a few onions in my salad to stimulate one lusty thought. Now, for a traditional yogi renunciate doing contemplation 24 hours a day, eating scantily, maybe they did have an influence. For most people, however, onions are blood-purifiers, and garlic are anti-bacterial/anti-viral. Perhaps that, too, is not so necessary if one is on a mostly raw diet.

    'The standard India 'sattvic' diet, imo also,  can be very rajasic and especially tamasic. Anyone who has eaten a lunch buffet at an Indian restaurant knows they want a 2-hour nap after eating that oily, fried concoction of permissable 'sattvic' foods! And even Sant Rajinder Singh confessed to living on many 'grilled cheese sandwiches' for some years to stay within the dietary guidelines when he was making his way in the United States as a student and engineer. Me, too! With all due respect, and I am sure he would agree, that is not particularly sattvic food.

   So certainly a major criteria for 'sattvic-ness' is eating small quantities of such cooked foods. And the concept of what is sattvic in its effect is one requiring serious thought.

   Obeying one's guru one hundred percent has always been a cardinal principle of spirituality. Yet today one can not get away from the need to develop and use his or her own innate intelligence. Commandments as such are relative and subject to change. For example, they have been considering making veganism a rule in Naperville (center for Sant Rajinder Singh). The reasoning, which I am in sympathy with, is because in major industrial countries, the dairy industry, like the meat and poultry business, is cruel and inhumane. Cows must be kept pregnant perpetually in order to give milk, and their calves are taken away and sold for slaughter. So unless one gets his milk from the small-time farmer next door, as many do in India (and where, traditionally, the male cows are allowed to roam freely - instead of being slaughtered as in the western milk industry), one is complicit in this killing. Personally, I have a problem with this whenever I think of eating some yogurt our cheese. In addition, in many industrial operations blood and other substances are actually fed directly to cows! (checkout the animated feature, The Meatrix, and be prepared to be grossed out). Pasteurization [i.e., killing germs by heating, not to be confused with raising animals in fields of grass] and homogenization are also unhealthy practices that denature and make milk unhealthy for a number of reasons, and should be considered by an inquiring person.

   However, many people worldwide are just not adapted to veganism at this stage of their development, and this proposed condition will probably not be required for initiation.


   The topic of fish oil and its importance needs much attention. The push for omega-3 oils has largely been because of the over-proportion of omega-6 oil to omega-3 in the SAD (Standard American Diet of processed and cooked foods, with an overemphasis on carbohydrates, especially grains). Anywhere up to 16:1 in favor of omega-6, instead of an optimum and traditional 2:1 or even 1:1. Even a standard vegetarian diet of cooked food is still imbalanced in this respect. Omega-6 is found in great amounts in processed foods, chips, breads, grains, vegetable oils, cooked grains, and are pro-inflammatory. They are necessary to the body, but not in that amount. Therefore, for anyone eating the SAD or even conventional vegetarian, wild salmon,  grass-fed meat, pasture-raised eggs, grass-fed butter, and fish oils have health benefits (forgetting the issue of karma for now). Omega-3's are basically anti-inflammatory, anti-clotting, etc., so they balance the omega-6's.

    One of the chief arguments often given for the need for omega-3 supplementation from fish is that vegetable sources of omega-3's  (nuts, seeds, many vegetables), are basically in the form of ALA, which are inefficiently converted to the readily usable DHA and EPA, which occur  in fish and krill. However, if one eats  enough raw food (easy to do with a breakfast shake or fresh vegetable juice, and a big salad as one of the daily meals) with the rest a majority of complex carbohydrates, mostly from vegetables and legumes, andplenty of greens, then the balance of omega-6 to omega-3 is much smaller, and the theoretical need for fish oil decreases dramatically. Plus, some have argued that the ALA conversion to DHA and EPA, on an as-needed basis, is sufficient for humans eating in such a way.

   However (there is always a 'however'), some research argues that the bodily conversion of ALA not only steadily decreases with age, and is not efficient enough to satisfy a current species-level deficiency of omega-3's in many people. We today know (or think we know) more about human biology and genetics than previous generations. Many studies have shown that omega-3 oils EPA and DHA are of major importance to the health of the brain and nervous system (30-50% of their fat composition), significantly decrease depression and other mental disorders, anger, aggression, heart disease and cancer. So one may ask, for those in severe imbalance who need it, is it worth the 'karma' of ingesting such a nutrient, perhaps only for a limited period of time, if it dramatically increases the health and equanimity of the precious human form, lessening anger (one of the categories, in fact, of the self-introspection diary) and negative moods, not merely personally but culture-wide, thus increasing the quality not only of life but of spiritual practice? Again, if only for a finite period of time, for rebalancing and healing purposes? This is something to give serious time thinking over. Kirpal may or may not have used the fish oil, but if he did, it does not follow, in my opinion, that we must rationalize that he was a special case, and we may not make that choice also, out of altruistic purposes and not mere appetite. Perhaps he did take it but could not openly recommend out of concern for disturbing the faith of long-time initiates. Think hard and research this matter - without threat of hell or damnation, for such is a childish approach to life.

   If one is living an entirely ascended, yogic life, then perhaps the 'Genesis 1' diet may be more easily taken on. But, on the other hand, if one is on a more integral, incarnational, non-dual path, embracing the descended life also, then additional health factors may need attention, taking into consideration the evolutionary, genetic stage of the human body-mind. This a matter for reason, not puritanical or idealistic concern, but this is solely my opinion.

   Another major nutrient always is B12. Most sources maintain it can only be gotten from animal sources. We can, however, get B12 from nutritional yeast, which works great added to a morning shake, or some algae. Some Japanese monks have reported synthesizing B12 in their gut, even when only eating brown rice and miso. But to be on the safe side a supplement can be taken. Most of the B vitamins in pills come from yeast anyway.

   I now try to eat a moderate amount of plant-based fatty foods (mono-saturated fats from avocados, walnuts, olives. Omega-9's are often overlooked, but, among other things, are important 'mood' nutrients. They are high in cashews. Almonds have more protein, walnuts more omega-3 oil. Saturated fat has been demonized ever since one Ancel Keys declared it so in the 1950's, making everyone switch to margarine and the 'food pyramid' to change to four servings of grains per day as the most important nutrient for man, but as of the 1990's even he declared his finding to be totally false and with no basis whatsoever. Yet the medical establishment ignores the truth and keeps promoting the tired line about how bad fat is for you. So in addition I also eat some raw cheese and grass-fed butter. But not a lot, and one can live well it out it.The truth is that sugar from excess carbohydrates (including especially, since the 1980's, high fructose corn syrup - due to the efforts of the corn lobby) cause obesity, systemic inflammation, and increased risk of almost every major disease. Whole grains and beans/nuts/legumes/seeds are fine in moderate portions, especially if one exercises. Almost anything works if one exercises and eats a bit less! In this way insulin resistance will not develop.

   Many people desiring to go towards more raw will have to slowly adapt from a standard vegetarian diet. Go easy, take responsibility for freedom, and experiment with your own body, for that is how we learn what it needs.


   Some people simply cannot do this regimen, but many can. Try and see. You are the expert. In times of illness or upset cooked food may be more tolerable and require less work for the digestive system than raw. At almost all times, however, simply eating smaller portions of quality food, no matter what the particular form of diet, has perhaps the greatest effect, with the least effort and concern, on one's overall health and energy level. And, in fact, Sant Kirpal wrote about it long ago, and apparently Prophet Mohammed before him:

   "The stomach should remain partly empty. Let half of the stomach be full with food, one fourth with water and let one fourth remain vacant, so that digestion will not be difficult. ..Eat when you really feel hungry, not every time putting in something. Two meals a day are enough, though you may have a little breakfast in the morning. Sometimes the Masters say that those who would like to progress more should have only one meal a day. Let the stomach remain partly empty. If you put more food in it than can be digested, naturally the things which are not digested will create disease. Eat as much as you can digest. Give some rest to your poor stomach. It takes at least four or five hours to digest anything. If you each too much too often, your stomach will revolt...The servant who is engaged to work 24 hours will revolt...If you take food at 8 am, then 12 am, then 4 pm, then 8 pm, your stomach will have no time to rest...If you eat more than be digested the result is that you cannot sit, you cannot think clearly, you cannot devote time, you feel lazy. So simple living, simple diet and high thinking is what is wanted. You should eat only what is really a necessity. Do not over feed...Once it so happened that Prophet Mohammed had forty followers. One doctor attached himself to them, so that if anyone fell sick, he would give him some medicine. For six months the doctor remained with them but nobody fell ill. Then he came to the Prophet and said, "Well, nobody has fallen sick, so there is no use in my being here." Prophet Mohammed told him, "Well look here, so long as they follow my behests, they will not be ill. I tell them to take one morsel less than they really feel like,not to have a full diet, to eat a little less,so that when they leave the table, they are still a little hungry. I tell them to eat twice a day and during the day they should work hard. They should also do their meditations. if they follow these behests, nobody will fall sick." (Morning Talks, p. 21-22)

   Some health advocates suggest that for maximum fat-burning and other metabolic benefits, one should limit their eating to seven to eight hour period a day. This might be from 11 am to 6 pm. Eating late at night will not only make for sluggish digestion, but, especially if it is a carbohydrate meal - even a carbohydrate snack - will stop the normal fat-burning process which kicks in six hours or so after eating, and also prevent the important rejuvenating release of growth hormone which occurs during sleep. Not eating from 6 or 7 pm until late morning the next day will give the body a full 16 hours 'daily fast' during which maximum fat-burning will continue. We repeat this because it is not just a weight gain issue but relates to many healthy metabolic processes. And it is not complicated, but one simple suggestion backed up by research.

   But sometimes, let's face it, no matter what we do we may get sick, and can only surmise that karma is a factor.

   While we are on the subject, as long as we have covered self-introspection, sex, and diet, the same change of attitude goes for drinking alcohol. The main proscription on this path is against intoxication or even dulling ones consciousness, but if a few sips of wine are said to be good for the heart, and, as some initiates have confessed to me, also relaxes them enough to benefit their meditation - as also appears to be so regarding sex for certain body-mind types, who over the years have chipped away at my puritanical righteousness and preconceived notions of what is the best way to live for all - I say, who will cast the first stone? The great Ibn 'al Arabi had four wives. Two of the highest initiates I know have six and seven kids, and most of the masters have had several. I seriously doubt these people made love only six or seven - or three - times, and for procreation only! What about love and delight? Is incarnation in itself so bad? Or only carnation?! One can make the case against dissipation of subtle life energies (for the male, ojas), but that is a highly individual thing, and also needing adjustment in the interests of domestic harmony among those at different levels. Love must be the prevailing factor.

   Further, again, while it is not my way, in fact I just can't handle it, but are we to condemn or look down upon millions of moderate wine-consuming Frenchmen? Or the respected Swami Chinmayananda, who would have an occasional scotch?! I certainly will not. These are just my personal observations, and, in order to cover myself (!), not a recommendation for anyone else. It is part of everyone's learning, discrimination, and fearless investigation to find out what works and is true for them. After all, who is getting realized? Somebody else? The development of discriminative intelligence is one of the most, if perhaps not the most, important aspect of spiritual maturity. Obedience and devotion is a good start, and can take one far, but that very devotion will eventually demand understanding. What one loves also wants to be known. Fools do not generally get enlightened, and the masters are not fools, but by and large the flower of human intelligence.

   And speaking of food, many of us would-be ascetics at Sawan Ashram found our desire to spend long hours in meditations interrupted by frequent calls to the Master's veranda for parties and food - lots of sweets and goodies, much more than our stomachs desired. As Shivas Irons said in Michael Murphy's book, Golf in the Kingdom, "crazy for God my Master might have been, but a dry and lonely one he never was." In retrospect it was as if in his last year on earth Kirpal was opening the floodgates of grace and freedom for his chelas, if they would but accept his offer.

   In summary, our humble opinion is that it is one's intention that is the most important factor in all discipline. What is the intention behind eating/not eating eggs? In doing/not doing/or modifying the diary? In study? In service? And, even, in meditating? It is said, "All things work to the good for those who love God", but also "To thine own self be true." Let us have a little faith in ourselves, and also trust that God is on our side, supporting that faith. A little less rules and regulations laid down by the gurus the better, perhaps, with a little more confidence in the basic intelligence of the people deciding, if need be, through experimentation what is best. This is not going to the extreme of “being one's own guru,” so much as a suggestion to counter-balance some of the more austere approaches of times past.

Part Four

1. Namkhai Norbu, Dzogchen: the Self Perfected State
1a. Hieromonk Isaac, Elder Paissos of Mount Athos (Chalkidiki, Greece: The Holy Monastery "Saint Arsenios the Cappadocian", 2004/2010), p. 375
1b. Paul Brunton, The Notebooks of Paul Brunton (Burdett, New York: Larson Publications, 1987), Vol. 9, Part One, 1.206
1c. Ibid, Vol. 6, Part 2, 2.43
2. from Sayings of Ramakrishna
3. Paul Brunton, The Wisdom of the Overself
3a. St. John of the Cross, Ascent of Mount Carmel, trans, E. Allison Peers, 1958, p. 96-97
3b. Ibid, p. 99
4. Abbot Zenkei Shibayama, A Flower Does Not Talk
4a. Shaikh Hakim Moinuddin Chisti, The Book of Sufi Healing (Rochester, Vermont: Inner Traditions International, 1991), p. 37
4b. Kyriacos Markides, Gifts of the Desert (New York: Doubleday, 2005), p. 143
5. Aldous Huxley, The Perennial Philosophy (London: Chatto & Windus, 1950), p. 25, 13-14
6. Kirpal Singh, Spiritual Elixer, p. 27
7. Talks with Ramana Maharshi
7a. Darshan Singh, Streams of Nectar (Naperville, Illinois: SK Publications, 193), p. 153, 171-172
7b. Ram Alexander, Death Must Die, p. 519
8. Kirpal Singh, Godman, p. 156
9. Hubert Benoit, The Supreme Doctrine
9a. The Notebooks of Paul Brunton, op. cit., Vol. 2, Part One, 3.199
10. Kirpal Singh, Sat Sandesh, August, 1975
10a. Play of Consciousness, SYDA Foundation, 1978, p. 72-94
11. Stephen MacKenna, trans., Enneads, 6.4
12. Kirpal Singh, Sat Sandesh, Feb. 1976
12a. Kirpal Singh, Heart to Heart Talks, Part One, p. 130
12b. Ibid, p. 248-249
12c. Ibid, p. 170
13. Sat Sandesh, Dec. 1975, p. 13
13a. Professor Laxmi Narain, ed., Face to Face with Sri Ramana Maharshi (Hyderabad: Sri Ramana Kendram, 2007), p. 291
14. Jean-Pierre deCaussade, Self-Abandonment to Divine Providence (Glascow, England: Collins, 1974
15. Daniel Ladinsky, The Subject Tonight Is Love, 1996
16. Coleman Barks, The Essential Rumi, 1995
17. Kirpal Singh, Sat Sandesh,
18. Carl Sagan, Cosmos
18a. Brunton, op. cit., 4.111
18b. In the line descending from Sant Kirpal Singh this has always been said to be one of the major criteria for distinguishing the genuineness of a Master - that he could take responsibility for one's storehouse (sanchit) karmas and also give a contact or initial experience of inner light and sound; in other lineages within Sant Mat this promise is not always given:

   "If some competent person does not take pity on us and unload some of our karmic burden and pull us out of the senses by giving a boost to rise up, then how will we get started on the true path? One Master puts it this way: What attributes has the Guru of the world, if he removes not the karmas? Why take a lion's protection if the jackals continue to threaten? Through the Guru's mercy one rises above the body and sees that one's true self is not the body but is the controller of the body. Only then is one on the way to God-realization." (Kirpal Singh, Sat Sandesh, October 1972)

   So it is argued that one can not concentrate if he doesn't have something to concentrate on, viz., Light and Sound:

   "You see, concentration can be done only when you have something to concentrate upon. When you close your eyes, if you have nothing to see - nothing to stand on - you've got darkness before you. So there you will stay, like a child in a dark room with the door closed...But if he sees something attractive, enchanting, then he will not cry. So there must be something to stand on." (Heart to Heart Talks, Part One, p. 41-42).

   This message is often confusing, with the aspirant expecting the granting of a permanent boost to being establishment at the ajna chakra, rather than the temporary boost at initiation to show that there is something to strive for. This must be clear, or there is disappointment. Until one is so concentrated, however, he can only repeat simran or the mantra until such time as he does see the light, which he then can concentrate on. Similarly with sound - if there is no sound one cannot yet, technically speaking, do surat shabd yoga! And in some branches of Sant Mat it is plainly stated that one first does simran until he gets dhyan/light, and only subsequently the sound. But in the Kirpal lineage both light and sound are promised at initiation, and usually, the initiate does hear some sound thereafter. And, there is also the issue of karmic liquidation to consider. The Master's of Sant Mat speak frequently on this topic. It is part of their job description to 'wind up' one's karmas in the way they feel best. This may even entail years of little inner experience, with much going on beneath the surface. It all depends. But one may take heart that even Sant Darshan Singh's beloved wife, near her time of death, remarked that she was once again hearing the same sound of bells that Kirpal had revealed to her sixty years ago privately while in a garden. So one must wonder what her day to day experience was for all those long years, as far as the sound was concerned. She was certainly no stranger to inner vision. In regards to the sound, Kirpal spoke, commenting on some verses of Guru Amar Das:

   "That upside-down well in the void [interesting use of the term 'void', unless he means the first shoonya, or Sunn, at the back of the head at the level of the ajna chakra] contains a lighted lamp, which burns with neither wick nor oil; through its flame the Sound vibrates and issues forth; he hears, whoever enters the samadhi of true knowledge, and none other." Those who go into samadhi or very deep meditation hear the true Sound." (Sat Sandesh, June 1974)

   And then there is also the ‘Wordless State’’, which like everything else from an integrated non-dual perspective can possibly be realized both in and without meditation, that is, beyond all the planes or as the essence of any plane. As Anami, or as the Stateless State.

19. Kirpal Singh, Sat Sandesh, April, 1974
20. Kirpal Singh, Spiritual Elixer, p. 309
21. Kirpal Singh, The Night is a Jungle, p. 33